TITLE: THE NATURE OF LESSONS LEARNED PART 1: MIDDLE
AUTHOR: SEARINGIDOLATRY
FEEDBACK: YES PLEASE! SEARINGIDOLATRY@BOLT.COM
SPOILERS: SEASON 6, EPISODE 16 (X/A WEDDING EPISODE)
COMMENTS: FROM XANDERS PERSPECTIVE - BASED ON RUMOURS/SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 16
Have you ever walked down the street, maybe its drizzling softly or the sun could be shining down on your back, and out the corner of your eye you see an old friend, a compadre from long ago. Then…BAMMM! Before you can speak, before the words are fully formed in your mind or pursed on you lips, something makes you stop from calling out to them, that little voice at the back of our mind that tells you "don't do it. You'll make an ass out of yourself. Don't you dare say a word". And you look again, squinting your eyes, skin wrinkling at the corners, and you *know* then its not them, just a stranger with a familiar face. Ghosts from the past forcing themselves to the front of your memory, playing with you as if you were some exquisite toy.
This is how I always felt about Spike.
I didn't really know him, no one did that I had met, maybe someone in his extended 'life' had. Possibly even Dru, but I doubted it. She barely knew what day it was from what I'd seen of her. And yet here was, week in, week out. I couldn't consider him a friend…that would suggest we were friendly. And everyone knows I don't keep demons as friends. Before you say anything, Anya doesn't count - EX demon. Those two little letters, so vital, so important. Yet alone they're not even a word.
The pattern had been established long since, offhand insults, muttered curses and a general philosophy of 'laise faire' - leave well alone. So you can imagine how low I had to be feeling, so beyond despair and engulfed by depression that I would choose to confide in him. Spike, demon, vampire, most definite non-friend and general all round bad-guy - even if it was a bad guy on a leash. Next time I'd write to a magazine…"Dear Jenny, Agony Aunt to troubled teens and twenty-something….".
If only it were so simple.