Merlin awoke to find himself sitting in a small, dimly lit room. It looked familiar, though until his eyesight focused, he wouldn't be able to place it exactly. His feet were tied to the legs of the chair he currently occupied, hands bound in front of him. He was about to use magic to untie the ropes, when someone spoke.

"So you're finally awake," said a slightly lilted, all-too-familiar voice.

"Morgana," snarled Merlin, as her form stepped forward from the shadows. He recognized they were in her hut woods. Had they been outside, he would've conjured a broken tree branch to fall upon her head, knocking her out and allowing him to escape. But inside, any flying pots, broken rafters, or falling shelves would clearly be a sign of magic. A sign that he had magic, and then his I'm-merely-a-lowly-manservant cover would be blown.

"Your powers of deduction are amazing, Merlin. No wonder Arthur keeps you around."

"Cut the small talk. What do you want this time? You've already kidnapped me once and attempted to control me, it obviously didn't work out so well."

"That's not-"

"If you plan to torture information out of me, go ahead! I'll never talk. No amount of pain would make me betray the king. Because unlike yours, Arthur's men are actually loyal to him," continued Merlin.

"I'm not-"

"I don't know why you keep trying these I'm-gonna-take-over-the-throne schemes. In case you haven't noticed, you always fail. In the end anyway, there was that one time you had it for like five secon-" he ranted, much to Morgana's aggravation.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed.

Merlin shut up.

"Thank you," Morgana said, tone even again, as if her outburst hadn't happened. She took a breath. "I didn't bring you here to torture you or deceive you or whatever else you're probably imaginin-"

Now Merlin was thoroughly confused. "Then why-?"

"WELL IF YOU'D STOP INTERRUPTING I'LL TELL YOU!" She raised her hands in frustration. Merlin was ashamed to admit he had flinched. Luckily for him, Morgana was too busy complaining to notice. "For goodness sake how the hell does Arthur put up with you?"

Merlin was about to reply with a witty comment, but thought against it.

"Anyway, I brought you here to... well to offer... because I thought maybe..." Morgana turned away, but not before Merlin caught the barest hint of a blush. Morgana? Blushing? She must be possessed or something, he thought.

"Um... if you need time to think about what you want to say, can I go?" asked Merlin weakly. "Kidnap me back later..." It was worth a try.

She glared at him over her shoulder. "I know perfectly well what I want to say." Morgana fully faced him again, squared her shoulders, and said, "Merlin, I'd like to hook up with you."

Silence.

"Come again?"

"I said I'd like to hook up with you." When his blank stare continued, she elaborated. "You know, get a little intimate, kiss, touch, however far it go-"

"I know what hooking up is! I just don't understand why you want to do it with me! Or why you think I'd ever do it with you," spat Merlin.

"Oh don't be such a baby about it. I know you want to as much as I."

At that Merlin ceased to be able to make eye contact and Morgana smirked, realizing she was right. But she'd have to go at this from another angle. Delicately, seductively, she sat herself down on Merlin's lap, acting quite casual about it. Merlin tried not to show that this effected him (but it did, he suddenly found the rest of the room much more interesting to look at and tried to ignore the sudden warmth enveloping his body, whether from their closeness or something else, he wasn't sure).

"Please Merlin, don't say you didn't have a little crush on me back at the castle."

"All right, I didn't have a crush on you back at the castle." Morgana gave him a disapproving look, but otherwise waved off the comment and continued.

"Besides the obvious sexual tension we had. Have," correcting herself, "you know, the whole class system saying it was wrong to make anything of it, there are plenty of other reasons doing this would be beneficial for the both of us." Morgana said this in such a way as if her idea was perfectly appropriate, like when an adult tries to reason with a child and the logic just won't get through.

"Oh please, Morgana, like what? I see zero benefits on my side of the situation," Merlin said as he looked up to meet her eye, got startled by their proximity, and looked away again.

"So you're considering it then?" Morgana said, pleased. His reaction did not go unnoticed.

"No! Never! That's not how I meant it!" Merlin cried, repeating his previous eye movements.

"Oh come on, Merlin, you know you want to! Think about it. It's the fifth and final season of this show, and what action have any of us had? Uther has gotten more than me for goodness sake!" Morgana said, exasperated.

Merlin's face twisted in disgust. "If you call kissing a troll 'action,' then find one of them to make out with and leave me alone."

"Ok, true… but he obviously enjoyed it." Merlin couldn't argue with that.

Morgana continued. "Not a single, lousy kiss. I mean, with you it makes sense, but me? I'm evil, not ugly," she said, gesturing to her physique.

Merlin smirked, finally feeling he had the upper hand. "I've kissed someone. Two someones in fact." Ha, take that, Morgana, he thought.

"Your mother doesn't count. Nor Giaus," Morgana said, unfazed.

"I had a girlfriend!" Merlin countered, disappointed that the previous information hadn't offended her. He was desperate to prove himself, though he didn't know against what exactly.

"Just because you are Arthur's manservant, a.k.a. bitch, and spend practically every single minute with him, does not put you two in a relationship. Though I can see why you'd consider him the girl. Honesty, he cares about his hair more than I do."

"Obviously...," Merlin muttered, eyeing the bird nest Morgana called her hair. Then her words dawned on him. "That's not who I meant!" Merlin was horrified to realize his voice had squeaked on that last part.

"Whatever. The point is Merlin, I'm horny. You're horny. Let's help each other out."

"I don't fraternize with the enemy. That's treason, a concept you should know well," Merlin said bitterly. "Get one of your lackeys to do this. I'm sure this whole bondage/dominatrix set up is their kind of thing anyway."

Morgana gave melodramatic sigh, accompanied with an equally (if not more) melodramatic eye roll.

"Silly Merlin, you can't fool around with the minions, they'll lose respect for you. They'll stop fearing you. And fear is power. If you knew that you'd be giving the orders instead of taking them. Besides, I like your stubbornness." She leaned into Merlin and whispered in his ear, "It turns me on." Her breath was hot, yet it sent a shiver down his spine.

"Well the feeling's not mutual," Merlin replied, stiffly (in both senses of the word). He gulped and hoped she hadn't noticed. He'd said it firmly. At least he hoped he had.

Morgana frowned. She'd hoped to have broken him by now. A while ago, actually. There had been more talk than she'd anticipated. Seeing that her sound persuading (in her opinion, anyway) wasn't working, Morgana went to Plan B. She stood off Merlin, only to readjust herself into a straddle, and arched her back against him. She could feel his heartbeat speed up through her chest and see the blush rush to his ears. Her left hand came to rest on his shoulder while her right snaked to the base of his neck and drew him closer.

Merlin's breath hitched. This shouldn't be turning him on, so why was it? This was Morgana, evil and untrustworthy, the one who killed Uther, the one who attempted to kill Arthur and himself on numerous occasions, the one who plotted against Camelot each and every day, the one who... But the closer their bodies got, the more trouble Merlin was having remembering exactly why Morgana was so evil, and why (now that his bonds had magically disappeared) he shouldn't be touching her as she was touching him, and why they shouldn't be kissing, and why he shouldn't like it so much...

Fifteen minutes later, the warlock emerged from the shabby hut, looking slightly shabby himself (for a servant's standards anyway). Merlin's neckerchief was loose and askew, his hair ruffled and sticking out everywhere, but he couldn't fix any of those details at the moment because he was too busy tying up his pants.

Morgana came out a few seconds behind him and stopped to lean tiredly against the doorway. Her usually pale face was flushed, and her hair was an even bigger tangled mess than usual (which was saying something). She patted down her dress where it had rose during their previous... activity.

"Um... well that was..." Merlin started.

"Good. That was good," Morgana finished. Both were staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything, still breathing heavily, still dazed and trying to process what had just happened.

"But it'll never happen again," Merlin said (though it was more a question than a statement), his eye meeting Morgana's for confirmation.

"Oh, of course. We'll forget it ever happened."

"Right."

"Yes."

"Good."

"Fine."

"I'll, ugh... just be on my way then," Merlin said, lamely motioning to the general direction of the castle. He gave an awkward wave goodbye and turned to go, still slightly unbalanced by everything that had occurred. What would he tell Arthur? It was one thing to lie about magic, but treason? Though, his devil side countered, is it still treason when neither parties were hurt? Nothing political had come up (though other things had. Pun intended). Or had it?

Merlin was confused and unable to think at the moment. He had only gone a few steps when he heard, "Accio, Merlin!" and he was dragged back and turned and stuck onto Morgana's mouth faster than he could question what the hell kind of spell was Accio.

They made out for a while, their hands messing up each other's appearances even more, before Morgana stopped the kiss as suddenly as she'd started it.

"Same time next week?"

"Yeah. Sure. Yeah."

He was still too stupefied to fully process what he'd agreed to.

"Great. Cheers," She said simply and stepped back inside and closed the door sharply, as if he had been a door-to-door merchant advertising the miracle of hairbrushes.

Merlin, now more stunned than ever, spun on the axis of his foot and started for Camelot. At least he didn't have to worry about Arthur disbelieving his newly thought up excuse: he'd been in the tavern. Merlin's expression, along with his hair and flush and disheveled dress certainly proved it.

A/N: This is the first time I've tried to write about sexual feelings/reactions/experiences (basically anything sexual) so constructive criticism is VERY welcome. Just wanna say that I don't have much personal experience to base it off of (surprise, surprise), which is why I fear I didn't write it well or insert enough/accurate physical responses.

Also, I'm very aware that a lot of the terms and phrases used in here are from modern day, but I figured it would add to the comedic effect (if it even had any. *Fail*).

Lastly, I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes, as I wrote this at 2 am (this is what happens when all your friends have left for college already), so please point them out if you find any. Hope you liked it anyway, and thanks for reading this far. Like I'm actually impressed. You go, Glen Coco.