"The Fan-Fic Writer in Chief"
by Nikki Little
The U.S. presidential election in 2016 was one of those affairs when lots of people looked at what the two major parties had barfed up and did a little barfing of their own in the voting booth. They wrote in ridiculous candidates. Nobody ever considered what to do if one of the ridiculous candidates won. I guess it all happened because of that shitty Disney movie. Yeah, that second Alice in Wonderland movie that Tim Burton made. Lots of people must have been thinking of that movie in the voting booth. Lots of them wrote in "Alice of Wonderland." Lots and lots and lots of them. "Alice of Wonderland" won the election.
The electoral officials were in a quandary. They had to determine "the intent of the voters" when they cast such a vote. In the end, I think, they were just desperate. I can imagine what they must have said to each other.
"What about that crazy fanfiction writer who thinks she's Alice of Wonderland? That one who turned Alice of Wonderland into a modern-day revolutionary?"
"Pfft! Why not? She'll do. Can't be any crazier than Trump. He'd wreck the country before his term was up. A crazy fanfiction writer might spend her entire term scribbling useless twaddle that nobody reads. A do-nothing president would be infinitely better than Adolf Trump or Napleon Clinton! Let's have the NSA grab her!"
"Agreed! Done deal!"
So they grabbed me. Right in the middle of the night. Kicked in my front door, surprised me in bed, rammed a black bag down over my head, and carried me out to a waiting fake ambulance. Sirens on and off we went to Wonderland.
End of Chapter 1