Disclaimer: don't own the venture brothers, please don't sue...
A/n: I was watching Life Aquatic this morning and I realized Zissou reminds me a lot of Dr. Venture ("I'm going to blow up the shark that killed my best friend" "and what is the scientific purpose of this?" "Revenge"). The part with Zissou and Ned after they rescue Hennessey pretty much hits home too ("Ned , I'm sorry I ignored your existence for half your life. It'll never happen again."). And then those poor interns being kidnapped by pirates... It made we wonder what old Rusty would be like with an intern and then this sort of formed into this other idea that's some what similar...Yes, that concludes my thought pattern. Anyway this is the first fic I've written in a very long time so please be gentle...
"The Life Insanity with Thaddeus S. Venture."
Chapter one: "Orpheus' request."
It wasn't quite amoral. I mean, it was just an orphan and orphans really don't have much hope in life anyway, right? Thought Venture as he began tweaking an invention that had recently been gathering dust in the corner. The thing hadn't been used in ages, not since Brock and the boys had been trapped inside. But this time would be different: it would work. Venture would finally out shine his brother and live up to the family name. But more importantly he'd make money. Lots of it. Because, let's face it, reality blows and who wouldn't want to live out their deepest desire for the small price of a few orphan pancreas?
"Doc," came Brock's voice from the doorway, "Hey, Doc, H.e.l.p.eR has breakfast ready!"
"Fine, I'll be there in a -- ." as Venture tried to lift up he banged his head against a metal beam, "Fuck, stupid orphans."
"Dean, come on!" yelled Hank as the two brothers sped down the hallway towards the kitchen.
"Slow down, Hank, I can't run that fast! Haaank!" whined Dean a few yards behind.
Hank stopped suddenly in the kitchen causing his brother to slam into him and fall to the ground.
"Haaaank, why'd you shove me?" Dean moaned.
"Ah, knock it off captain wussy pants."
"Hank, don't call your brother wussy pants, it's not nice." Brock had already made it to the table and sat smoking his fifth cigarette for the morning. As of last week he handed the job of cooking breakfast over to H.E.L.P.eR who was more than pleased to be back in the kitchen. He had won the chore back from Brock after a cooking competition the two had one night after Hank bet H.E.L.P.eR could make a cheese omelet faster; by god he was right and Brock was a little jealous. Sure humans can feel love and what not, but damn it, robots just made better waffles. It was a brutal defeat for Brock Samson and just made it that much harder to swallow his orange juice in the morning.
Hank took a seat at the table and finally noticed something out of the corner of his eye, "Hey, Dr. O." he greeted.
"Good morning Brothers Venture," Orpheus returned the greeting and sipped his tea H.E.L.P.eR had specially made for him.
"Gee, Dr. O, what are you doing here so early?" asked Dean.
"I have business to discuss with your father," Orpheus took another sip of tea, "It seems my niece has been seduced by science. She was wondering if I could get her an internship with Dr. Venture. She seemed ecstatic that I rented my apartment from him."
"Are you sure she didn't mean--?" Brock began, but was cut off by Hank.
"Your niece?"
"Is she like Triana?" asked Dean
"Does she have super cool goggles like that one chick?"
"Is she a necrophiliac too?"
"Does she like batman?"
"Um, yes, I suppose, I'm not sure, it's necromancer, Dean, and possibly." answered Orpheus impressively, "She's studying Marine Biology."
"Doc, doesn't really work in --."
"Ah, Orpheus, you know rent isn't due until next week." Venture had just walked into the room with a large bump on his head, "decided to bring it by early I hope?" he smiled and nudged Orpheus.
"No." Orpheus answered simply.
Venture slouched as his smile faded and his eyes narrowed, "Then what do you want?"
"My niece is looking for an internship and I promised her I could get her one with you."
"Intern?"
"Well.."
"No!" Venture sat down next to Dean, "I don't need some know-it-all college neo-hippie clouding my space and interfering with my work. Besides female interns only want one thing."
"I doubt you'll have trouble with that one, doc."
"Oh, come on! What intern wouldn't want a piece of old Rusty, boy adventurer?"
"I am still sitting here, you do realize that?" interjected Orpheus.
"Well, either way, the answer is still no," Venture crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.
"Ah, come on, pop!" protested Dean and then he stated dreamily, "She's like Triana!"
"And she could possibly like batman!" added Hank.
Venture sighed heavily, "Dean, this girl is going to be far too old for you and Hank, liking batman really doesn't qualify you for anything."
"It does if your batman." mumbled Hank his arms folded and his lips pouty.
"Listen, Doc, it couldn't be that bad, I mean it is free labor we're talkin' here." said Brock.
Venture scratched his chin and twirled his goatee around his index finger, "free labor, hmm? Well, that kind of changes things..."
"So she can come?" asked Hank excitedly.
"Well, suppose I could use an extra pair of hands around the lab." smiled Venture
"I hope you aren't implying anything sexual it that comment." beamed Orpheus.
"No! God, is that all you people think about?" yelled Venture.
"Well, fine, it's settled, then. I shall drop her off at seven!"
"Better make it nine." said Venture.
"Righty-o! Farewell, Venture family!" Orpheus began to glide out of the kitchen and towards the back door, "Oh, and thank you, H.E.L.P.eR, the tea was divine."
H.E.L.P.eR beeped a few thanks yous as Orpheus made his way back to his section of the compound.
As soon as Orpheus was out of sight Venture stared back at Brock his glasses on the tip of his nose, "You have to admit, super science does attract the ladies."
Brock sighed as he stood up from the table a cigarette still in his mouth, "Whatever you say, doc."
"Come on, admit it!" cried Venture. He looked towards his sons, "Science is cool, right?"
"Sure as gravy!"
"You betcha, pop!
Venture looked back at his bodyguard, "See?"
"Yeah, that's coming from kids in a kerchief and sweater vest, doc."
Venture exhaled. He turned in his chair and peered over at the robot cleaning up the dishes, "H.E.L.P.eR, old buddy, you think I'm still hip, right?
Helper beeped and bopped a few times and shrugged.
"oww..." Venture sunk in his seat and stared down at his soggy waffles.