Disclaimer: If you haven't already guessed that I am impersonating a famous authoress living in Scotland...well, I'm not. I just happen to be feeding homeless orphaned children with Typhus.

Additional Disclaimer: I am not a charitable person. Orphans with Typhus mean the same to me as little siblings with squirt guns.

It was frustrating really.

In all these years he didn't think he'd won a single bet with Minerva and it certainly wasn't any different this time.

She had walked up to him on the last day of classes two years before and had instigated another wager. This time, about the famous (or infamous- it depended on which of the two you asked) Hermione Granger.

"She will return to Hogwarts to teach."

"When? What are the conditions this time Minerva?" He was curious, he'd have to admit that. This was the strangest wager he'd seen Minerva- well, maybe not the strangest. There was a year that the crazy Scots-woman dared to bet him that someone would turn his hair different colours from a botched potions assignment. This of course, was cheating. It just so happened to be Year 1 for Fred and George Weasley.

"That will not be a condition. Whether she returns next fall or next decade, as long as she returns, you will remember at that time that you owe me a pretty penny."

"You say this with no prior knowledge?" Minerva was too crafty...she ALWAYS had prior knowledge, whatever the subject was. He was still certain she had bribed those impudent dunderheads to do her dirty work...

"None." She said. He raised an eyebrow. "None that would make it an unfair advantage to you."

He was ever mistrusting, as always. "And it will not be-" He trailed off and glared at her pointedly.

"I do not cheat!" The Potions Master frowned at that. He wasn't so sure. The remembrance of that green and purple and- ugh- orange being scrubbed off his scalp was still too much.

"I want a witness."

"Peeves." Oh yes, she was up to something.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Argus Filch."

"I trust him less than the Slytherins I send him to discipline."

"Sybil."

"Don't mention that busy-body of a woman around me."

"...Remus?"

He stared at her for a long while, thinking of both the witness in question's character and the likelihood of fraud or deceit from either of them. Miniscule...from the werewolf, that is.

"Why do I still hesitate to do this, Minerva?" he asked her sceptically. "Do you think you will win so badly as this?"

She gave a knowing smile (prior knowledge!). "Perhaps..."

"No persuasion!"

She balked at that. "Why not?"

"Here you are, you have cheated again."

"It was just a guess!"

"I'd wager not. Does Vector or Flitwick plan to retire? My wager is that she is a replacement."

"Perhaps..."

"I'll not make the bet."

"I didn't think you would. Then I'd be right."

"What the damn are you getting at woman? You've had a bit too much Scotch for this time in the morning!"

"Perhaps..." Minerva left Severus in utter confusion as she walked away down the hall, thinking about why Hermione Granger would NOT be returning to Hogwarts to teach, but perhaps...

...for something completely different.

Minerva had tried to get the better of him once again, but it hadn't worked. She was trying ruthlessly to send him to an insane asylum and having a pretty good time of it in the meanwhile. Hermione Granger did indeed return to Hogwarts, not to teach, but to assist. She wished to become a Potions Mistress and had spent her two years after the war to travel to Dublin's Tirnanog University and effortlessly become immersed fully into the apprentice stage, needing only the year of study under a Master to become one herself.

And lucky for him, she had gotten homesick.

Homesick for the mother country, for Hogwarts.

For Harry and Ron and Neville and Luna and Ginny and her parents and Remus and Tonks and Bill and Charlie and, come to mention it, all the other Weasley's that were floating around.

For Hagrid and Crookshanks and that weird Durmstrang character that she might be over now...and Parvati and Lavender and Hannah and the rest of the Hufflepuffs and every Griffindor that has ever lived, including Minerva. Despicable, coniving, decietful, derisive, terrible, hateful, and somehow well-loved Minerva.

As you may have guessed, this is not how Hermione compiled the list of people she missed in her head, but how it was compiled for her by Professor Snape, now in a very bad mood (so he was doing quite normally, actually) because Minerva had agreed for him to take on an apprentice without asking his consent, so he was now silently throwing daggers at anyone who ever thought a single good thing about Minerva McGonagall. This list consisted of people who had thought that Minerva McGonagall was the best Headmistress (never Headmaster) that Hogwarts had ever seen to people that had greeted her with a "Happy Christmas" last holiday. It was much better than grading Gryffindors' summer assignments, which lacked good sentence structure and (as is the opinion of most muggle grammer teachers) were not worth to use as shoe rags.

"Hello? Professor Snape?"

Numero uno on this glaring Slytherin's hit list had just arrived. As a well known suck up and know-it-all, Hermione Granger certainly fit the bill of giving the despised (for the moment) Minerva McGonagall all together too much affection.

"Enter- I don't believe I heard you knock, Miss Granger."

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry sir. Professor McGonagall told me I could come right in."

He glared inwardly, though he was already glaring outwardly. Another reason to murder the headmistress over dinner tonight.

He delved right in. "I assume that you have been taught Potions Theory, as well as the chemistry involved in potion-making?"

At her nod, he continued. "You have also learned the history behind many-"

"I missed much of the in-class learning, but I have found the information in my own time."

"Very well. You did take Accidental Results and Theories?"

She nodded again.

"I will leave you to complete the two Wolfsbane potions on your own then. Take them out of stasis and check that they are stirred properly before adding the final ingredients. The moon will rise in exactly one hour. After these are done, deliver them to Mr. Lupin and Mr. Weasley." He began to leave when he heard her speak.

"Sir? Could we- could we drop the formalities? I'll be here for a year and apprentice status is barely less than a colleague."

"Your office is across the hall from mine Miss Granger. The formalities are necessary, because apprentice status, while 'barely less' than colleagial, is still less."

At that, he swept away down the long, dark dungeon corridor, hoping to stumble across Minerva, perhaps accidentally, and hex her mercilessly.

END CHAPTER 1

This is the first chapter. I apologize for being terrible at updating quickly in the past, but I swear that I have changed my ways!!!

If you forgive me, please review. If you don't care, please review. If you hate this chapter, please review. If you hate me, please review. If you have a grudge against my grandmother's cat, please review. If you are finding my pathetic pleading pointless, funny, disturbing, annoying, or just plain Minerva-like, please review.