AN: Thanks, as always, to my beta Captain Crunk, who's clearly much, much more awesome than The Captain. ;)
condoms
soundproofing
Schmidt $$$
The first thing Nick does after Jess goes to her room is leave the apartment and go to the store. Clearly, he needs to replenish his condom supply. Maybe someday he'll look back on today and laugh – really, the Captain, and Schmidt taking a week's worth of birth control, and being put in the position where he has to talk about his feelings and having them come out like some kind of word vomit? What kind of bizarro-world was he living in? But now he's just pissed, for all of the above reasons, and because even though sex with Jess is always amazing – it's sex, after all, and with Jess – he's also irritated because it's not often that they get all intense and emotional about it, and he wanted that. With her. Because God knows it's been hard enough to express himself with words. He prefers to do it physically, because it's easier, and, well, also the sex. He puts the economy pack of condoms in his basket (thank goodness he has enough cash on him – he'd just had a payday) to stick it to Schmidt, because he sure as hell isn't going to swallow the cost himself on his salary, and because the way things are going these days, he's pretty sure he and Jess will end up using all of them before they expire anyway. After a moment's consideration, he adds a second box. He supposes he could simply ask Schmidt for the same number of condoms he'd cut up as compensation, but the thought of using any of Schmidt's prophylactics disturbs him more than Schmidt's insertion of himself between Nick and Jess. Possibly. It's a toss-up, but not one he wants to dwell on.
He pays for the condoms and walks past a bakery. The smell of baked delicacies saturates the air outside it, and his stomach rumbles. He goes inside and buys a couple of cookies – one for him, one for Jess (Schmidt isn't getting any this time) – and it occurs to him that he ought to ask them if they have any extra egg cartons. The bakery manager directs him to the alley out back where the cartons are stacked for recycling. He grabs them all, feeling as if he'd just scored a touchdown. He continues home and hits the jackpot when he sees a bunch of pillows and other upholstered items sitting on an old couch on the curb. Between these, the egg cartons, and the duct tape he always keeps handy, he's got everything he needs to soundproof his room. He decides he'll worry about Jess's room later, if it's even necessary.
It takes him a couple of trips to bring everything up to the loft. He leaves Jess's cookie on a napkin on her desk and goes to work in his room. Once he's done he finds the crumpled store receipt in his pocket, tears off a square of duct tape, and secures the receipt to Schmidt's door.
He turns around when he's done and comes face to face with Jess. She's holding a piece of paper and a small piece of cello tape.
"I guess we had the same idea," she smiles.
"I guess so," he smiles back. She attaches her receipt to the door as well.
"Hey," he says. "Turn around and cover your eyes. I have a surprise for you."
She smiles again and does as he asks.