FACEPALM SPRINGS

AN: My last story was kind of intense, so I wanted to write a fluffy chaser. I just love putting Walter in awkward situations, poor guy. In the series we see Paige constantly interacting with geniuses. I wanted to see how Walter would do when surrounded by her crowd for a change.

OXOXOXOXOXO

"Okay listen up, everyone! This next 'get reacquainted' game is so cool. Write down whatever comes to your mind. It's called free association writing. One minute. Ready? Go."

'This is stupid.

That's the sum total of what is on my mind at the moment.

And it's a total waste of time as well. Painfully unproductive.

I hate being unproductive.

Bore bores boring bored

Not to mention a complete waste of resources. Landfills are full of unrecyclable paper while the rainforests keep diminishing. This utter nonsense is contributing to the problem.

Paige wants me to do this. I love Paige.

Conclusion? I'm doing this.

Pi R2

No, pie are round.

Joke jokes joking joked

Paige told me she likes it when I make jokes.

I told that joke at dinner last night. No one laughed. In fact, they all looked at me like I was speaking in Cantonese. Or I'd sprouted a second head.

I'm stuck in high school all over again.

I'm surrounded by males with thick necks to hold up their solid concrete heads who only discuss sports and beer and the relative size of body parts. Either theirs or women's other than their wives'. Needless to say, I have nothing to contribute to the conversation.

In total contrast, their wives and girlfriends' heads are bubbles filled with helium. Helium is even lighter than air. They chatter and shriek and giggle and gossip the gas constantly escaping.

How are they refilling so their empty skulls don't collapse? Must have a tank hidden somewhere. Worth investigation? Might prove to be the most interesting thing to do here.

Not fair.

These are Paige's college friends. Her sorority sisters and their significant others. They invited us to this 'Spark the Memories' weekend.

I think I'd prefer being lit on fire.

We're at a spa.

Spa is two letters shy of spasm. Which is what I'm about to have. I'm convinced I will expire of either irritation or boredom before this weekend is over. At this point the odds are 50/50.

Be nice.

I'm incapable.

Try harder.

I know time is a construct of human perception, but this is the longest weekend I've ever endured.

Conclusion? Being human sometimes sucks.'

"Times up! Pens down. Now exchange papers with your partner."

What?!

Oh, hell.

OXOXOXOXOXO - Three Weeks Before - OXOXOXOXOXO

Walter should have known something was up.

Paige had made arrangements for Ralph to spend the night with Sylvester. Then she made all his favorites for dinner. And for dessert, she wore a brand new mouth-watering negligee and did all his favorite things in bed. Right down the line.

When they were both replete and sated and satisfied in every way possible, relaxed and happy, she sprung it on him.

Snap! Just like a mousetrap.

He knew one of Paige's sorority sisters from college had gotten back in contact with her recently. The two of them got together for lunch a few times when he and Ralph had other plans on some Saturday afternoons.

He'd even met Amber on one occasion when he came to pick Ralph up. She seemed nice enough if a little vacuous.

Well apparently, Amber heard about this 'amazing place' in Palm Springs and decided it would be 'fabulous' if everyone from their old crowd could come together for a reunion weekend. The more people they could get to sign up, the bigger the discount. So, even though Paige dropped out of college when she had Ralph and she'd lost touch with a lot of her old friends, Amber asked if Paige would like to come along. Since everyone else was bringing spouses or significant others and Paige was a little nervous to see everyone again after so long, she really wanted Walter to attend with her.

Paige assured him it would be 'Fun!' And she said it would be nice to get away together for a weekend. She also said it would be good for them to make 'couple friends'.

Walter didn't understand why Cabe and Allie and Toby and Happy weren't considered enough in the 'couple friends' category. When he expressed his confusion, Paige patiently explained to him he still needed to make more normal friends outside of the garage.

Well Allie was a normal and also outside the garage, wasn't she? That thought sounded rather petulant in his head, so he chose not to voice it. He didn't want to start an argument.

Plus, he considered Paige the ultimate authority on his emotional growth and development, so with what turned out to be an inadequate amount of trepidation, he agreed to go.

OXOXOXOXOXO - One Day Before - OXOXOXOXOXO

It didn't start off so bad. Largely because the two of them made the short two and a half hour journey to Palm Springs on their own after dropping Ralph off at the sitter's house. Paige was so excited. She talked animatedly during the whole drive and Walter was glad they were doing something that made his girlfriend so happy. He'd already had a lot of fits and starts as a boyfriend, but there was no one on Planet Earth who wanted to succeed in a relationship as much as Walter O'Brien. He wasn't much looking forward to the particulars of the weekend himself, but if Paige was happy, he was more than glad to endure it for her sake.

When the GPS directed them into the gates of resort, Paige turned to him and breathed, "Isn't it gorgeous?"

The view he was admiring had nothing to do with the palm tree lined drive or the blinding white stucco villas with turquoise trim or the desert mountain vista in the background, but instead he was captivated by the stunning woman beside him. "Spectacular," Walter grinned at her obvious enthusiasm remembering her reaction to the fancy hotel suite in Vegas years before. This time he would indulge her every possible whim and not begrudge her the fancy umbrella drinks or fussy, gourmet treats just so he could see that specific pleased and slightly awestruck look on her beautiful face.

As they were pulling into the circle by reception, she looked at him and answered his grin with a wide smile of her own. "Walter, I love you for doing this. Well, I love you all the time. But seriously, I know this isn't your thing and I appreciate you doing it for me." Then she pressed a kiss to his cheek and leaned her head on his shoulder.

That was the high note of the trip.

It started to go sour the minute they entered the lobby and were greeted by the high pitched squealing of one of Paige's friends running to meet her. It was not unlike the shrill whistle of a boiling teakettle.

As Walter winced, he wondered if he should have packed his earplugs.