I've got the DragonFable itch back and what better way to celebrate than with ANGST, since Book Three is apparently the Book of "Let's Torture The Hero". I've had this idea floating around for a while, perhaps working up to an AU in which Everything Is Okay, we'll see.
This takes place during the Gathering Shadows arc shortly after the corruption of the Hero's dragon.
My hero Karin is featured in my other work: s/9388225/1/DragonFable-The-Ravenloss-Saga
Also on AO3: /works/10998345
There were times when the tattered threads of Tomix's soul, floating aimlessly through the emptiness of the Void Core, came together just enough for awareness to come bleeding back. Though it brought back memories of blood and battle and his name being screamed as he tipped over the edge, it was the only time when he could see that his sacrifice hadn't been for nothing.
The Void existed everywhere, at every time, spread across all of reality like a thin fog. Through the mist the world of substance could be seen, hazy and always just out of reach. In the moments when his mind was his own rather than just another particle in the cloud, he always looked for Karin. She was never hard to find; so much of what happened in the world seemed to trace back to her, a single brilliant blazing star in the ever-encroaching darkness. Recently her light had been growing dimmer.
Awakened once again from the depths of his Void-sleep, Tomix put every ounce of will into clawing his way through the dense and cloying fog to find her. Gradually the haze thinned, dissolving into a room of wood plank walls and floors. It took an infuriating moment for Tomix to wrangle his scattered memories to recognize the room in Serenity's Inn that Karin usually took for herself whenever she stayed in town. Sure enough, there she was, sitting up in bed, half dressed with the sheets tangled about her legs. The sight of her was a hot, agonizing brand against his shredded soul.
Karin was wilting. Her dark, deeply circled eyes were flat, staring unseeing at the wall from a face that had grown thin. She'd let her hair grow longer, lying limply across shoulders that slumped beneath the weight of some deep sorrow. Bruises, scars, and still-healing cuts peppered the skin that could be seen, with no telling how many more hid under the worn fabric of her night shirt. Her despair was palpable, bleeding through the veil of the Void to pierce him to his core. Oh, how he longed for a body, so that he could gather her into his arms, kiss the frown lines from her face and breath in the smell of her hair. The need was an ache that transcended flesh, and Tomix felt himself tremble. His soul burning with helplessness, he could only watch unseen as Karin suffered in silence, sitting like a broken empty doll. What had happened to cause the light of his life to wither so?
She didn't so much as twitched as a soft knock on the door broke the quiet. "Miss Karin?" a small, high-pitched voice called from outside. "Um, Mr. Ashe is waiting for you outside," it said, hesitantly as though afraid of saying the wrong thing. "I, um, made you some breakfast? If you wanted to eat anything before you leave?"
Finally Karin blinked, seemingly bringing herself out of her miserable stupor. She took a deep, slightly shaky breath. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute," she said at last. Her voice was hoarse and reedy, probably from shouting war cries and orders. It was quiet beyond the door before soft, furry footprints retreated back down the hall to give her time.
Karin didn't move for another long moment. When she finally did it was slowly, unfolding herself gingerly from her nest of blankets. Tomix could see from the carefulness of her movements that she was sore, tired, battle worn. She gathered the pieces of her armor from where they'd been haphazardly strewn about the floor. With each piece she strapped into place it was like she was forcing her sadness down beneath it, hiding her vulnerability beneath the plates of rigid steel. The hollowness in her eyes was smothered under brightening glints of anger, and while the weariness didn't drop entirely from her shoulders it was tempered by her pride. She stood straight, her armor scratched and dented but still gleaming, and looked every inch the battle hardened general he knew she could but should never have had to be. With her pain locked tight behind an impenetrable wall rage and righteousness, she snatched her blade from beside the door and marched back into war.
Tomix couldn't bring himself to follow her. His own despair was swallowing him. His light was burning herself up and there was nothing he could do. He'd left her to bear the weight of the world by herself, staying strong because that's what was expected of her, what was demanded of her, simply because people called her 'hero'. She'd hide her suffering from everyone, because if she didn't they'd all lose hope.
It wasn't fair, and Tomix knew that it wasn't fair, but he also knew with grim certainty that it didn't matter. Karin would continue to give all of herself if it meant that everyone else could live happily. That was just the kind of person she was. And it was why Tomix loved her with every fiber of his being.
He let himself unravel back into the cold embrace of the Void even as he hung on to the aching memory of her. It became a tiny star that he held close to his soul, let it burn him with its melancholy. He wrapped what remained of himself around it and it kept the enticing sleep of the Void at bay. He dared to allow himself to hope, that perhaps one day he would be by her side once more.