Written for the Word of the Week challenge on HPFC.
By the way, any misspelling of Lucius as Luscious is intentional.
In all honesty, I don't really even know what this is.
For a whole year of his life, Lucius had dealt with inedible food, itchy clothing, bad hygiene, and dementors in Azkaban, the place that made detention with Umbridge look like a fun party. And it would take him years to get his hair back. No matter what, he always looked as though he had been standing in the rain and tried to dry off by taking a shower.
The morning after leaving that miserable abyss, Lucius woke up and decided he needed to start his life as a free man with a new name.
At breakfast, he made it known to his family. When Draco said, "Father, the Dark Lord wishes for me to inform you that he requests your presence at noon." Lucius replied with, "Son, don't call me that. Call me by my name."
"Okay then...Lucius," Draco said nervously.
"No, no, not that either," Lucius said excitedly. "My new name."
"What might that be?"
"It's not Lucius. It's Luscious!"
Draco was taken more than slightly aback. After all, how often does your father announce his shift to a random word as his name?
At noon, Luscious realized Draco had omitted where the Dark Lord wanted to meet him, so he Apparated to a random parlor and found the Dark Lord, as well as his son, wife, and sister-in-law. Luscious resisted the urge to blow straw paper at Bellatrix.
"Lucius. How kind of you to join us. Now, as I was saying, I plan on staying-"
"That's not my name." Luscious interrupted.
"You have changed it?" the Dark Lord said, almost amused. "To what, may I ask?"
"My father is now convinced his name is Luscious." said Draco.
Narcissa gave him an unfathomable look. The Dark Lord looked absolutely expressionless. Bellatrix was trying so hard not to laugh that she was beginning to turn red.
"Really? I'm afraid, Lucius, that it is easier for me to simply refer to you as Lucius. I hope you are okay with this." said the Dark Lord, in a tone that suggested he was just chatting about the weather.
"My Lord, it would mean everything to me if you would please call me Luscious." Ordinarily, Luscious would not argue with the Dark Lord or beg him for things, but his new name meant everything to him.
"Begging, are we, Lucius?" Behind the Dark Lord, Bellatrix had gone an even deeper shade of red from holding in her laughter, and Narcissa asked a house-elf to get her some water. "As I was saying, I plan on staying here while I work out how to best kill Harry Potter."
"It's Luscious."
The Dark Lord kept going on about where he would be staying and other things that Luscious simply tuned out. An hour had passed before the Dark Lord was standing up and saying, "I thank you for your time. Bellatrix, go kill a Mudblood or something. Everyone else, I will see you later. Lucius, you look pale."
"IT'S LUSCIOUS!" he shouted.
The effects were instant. Draco backed away. Narcissa gasped. Bellatrix burst into laughter and the Dark Lord ordered a house-elf to remove her from the room. It was unable to pick her up, so the elf settled for dragging her out of the room by her ankles.
"I apologize, my Lord." Narcissa apologized for him. "He should not have been at a meeting in his condition."
"My condition? My condition?" Luscious shouted. "What does that mean?"
"You're only just out of Azkaban," she explained. "I think you should go lie down for a while."
She took him by the arm and led him out of the room as though he were a child. When they got to their bedroom, Luscious demanded, "Why did you do that?"
"Luscious," At least she knew not to call him Lucius. "I know you need some rest after the dementors, but you still yelled at the Dark Lord."
"And?" Luscious said, even though he knew Narcissa would say something he would have no argument against.
"He could have killed you," said Narcissa. "He could have killed me or Draco. He could have killed all of us."
Luscious pictured what would happen if he and his family were killed. He pictured Bellatrix going through his valuables and taking everything she could possibly want. He pictured what the Dark Lord would do with their bodies.
"I need to behave myself around him, don't I?" asked Luscious. His wife nodded.
He put his arm around Narcissa. It would have been a peaceful moment between the couple if it had not involved Draco bursting in and saying, "Mother, Father, I plan to move out. Father, please never contact me again. I'll visit for holidays, and if we must speak it will be then."
Eventually Luscious began going by Lucius again in public. But he made Narcissa call him Luscious until two years later when she brought up the idea of him seeing a good therapist.
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