Title: Dante and the Day of Plagiarism
Pairing: DanteNero
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Unfortunately…no. If I did, Nero wouldn't have ended up with Kyrie at the end of DMC4.
Summary: DanteNero. HPXover. It was a very odd spectacle seeing two men argue about their sex life in front of a wizard who didn't take to being ignored very well.
A/N: I couldn't resist a Harry Potter crossover. XP This is what mixing Belgium chocolates, Jasmine tea and Insomnia will do to a person's psyche.
Anywho, hope y'all enjoy this oneshot since you enjoyed Bet!
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"That's a pretty solid performance for an old fart like you."
-- Dante, DMC4
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DANTE AND THE DAY OF PLAGIARISM
Nero was confused.
Dante was having the time of his life.
Nero was still, and will be for the next few minutes, confused.
"Did he just say…'Aveda Kedava?" The younger Devil Hunter queried, eyeing the floundering masked individual with a look normally associated with one who is confronted with a rabid squirrel. "Or 'Abra Kedabra'?"
Dante, who was grinning like a deranged psychopath (probably because he is a deranged psychopath that no mental asylum would dare attempt to cure), poked the masked, crazy guy with the tip of Rebellion; giggling (yes, giggling) when the masked, crazy guy erupted into a bout of violent cursing.
"You will fall before the Dark Lord!"
Nero (still confused, poor thing) crossed his arms thoughtfully as Dante resumed his childish game of 'poking the crazy man'. "Who's this 'Dark Lord' guy? He sounds like a noob."
"He is the Lord and Master over everything! You Muggles will die by his hands!"
"Muggle?" Dante stopped his poking to favour the younger Devil Hunter with a slightly giddy look. "That is such a cool word! Muggle! Hahaha! You are a Muggly Muggle who has been Muggled!"
Nero slapped the older male across the head using the flat side of Red Queen. "Shut up, idiot."
"Ow!" Dante recoiled, rubbing his head with a hurt expression. "You meanie! How could you abuse your boyfriend like that!?"
Nero made a strangled noise. "Will you stop shouting that everywhere we go!?" Blue Rose was brandished wildly, the masked crazy man momentarily forgotten. "I'm not your boyfriend, fuck-buddy or lover! We're…people who…do stuff together!"
Dante laughed, waving the threat of getting shot in the head by an irate ex-Order member away in a blasé manner. "Oh really, kid? How about that time in bed last week? What was it you said? Hmmm…oh it was three little words…'I' was the first…'you' was the third…now what was the second one?"
Nero's face had taken on a brilliant hue normally seen on a sunburnt tomato that had stumbled upon a gerbil orgy. "Shut up! There are things you're supposed to say in public, and things you're not! This is not one of them!"
Dante frowned in thought. "Wait…did you mean that for the first or second part of your sentence?"
The masked crazy man got tired of being ignored and pointed a polished stick at the red clad Devil's direction. "CRUCIO!"
Dante absently side stepped the red beam of light, not once looking at the fuming masked crazy guy.
"Just shut up, Dante. Just…shut up." Nero turned to the masked crazy guy, raising Devil Bringer up lazily. Before MCG could do anything, Nero reached out, the phantom duplicate of Devil Bringer snatching the stick out of MCG's hand and snapping it easily in two. "You shouldn't butt into other people's conversations."
Dante turned to stare at the shocked MCG in mild surprise. "Oh. I forgot about you. Anyway," The red clad Devil turned back to Nero, sly smirk in place. "I think I remember what the second word is now!"
"That was my wand…" MCG whimpered piteously.
"Shut up Dante before I shoot you." Nero warned flatly, pivoting on his heel whilst dropping the broken fragments of the polished stick carelessly.
"It was 'love'! That's what it was! You said, 'I love you'! Awww, it was sooo cute 'cause when you're embarrassed, you blush adorably an-"
"Gah! Dante! Shut up!" Nero whirled round to point Blue Rose between Dante's eyes. The older male didn't seem at all concerned.
"What? Ooooh, you don't want anyone to realise that you're the submissive one, what with your rep and all…" Dante hummed, tapping his chin as MCG sneaked past him. "We're only in the middle of a crowded street with a crazy guy babbling 'bout some noob 'Dark Lord'. Who will hear us?"
Nero was beginning to think that he and Lady had shot one too many bullets into the Son of Sparda's brain. "…Whatever." He holstered Blue Rose and kicked MCG who was attempting to stealthily grab the remnants of his polished stick. "I'm going to kill some demons. Alone." With that, he stormed off, the surrounding crowd parting for him in a parody of Moses and the Red Sea (now on DVD at Blockbusters near you).
"Oh, c'mon, babe! Don't be like that!" Dante started after the younger male, stepping on MCG's back and off again. "I promise I won't embarrass you in public again! Okay? Kid? Kid!? Nero!? Come back, babe!"
As the surrounding spectators wondered amongst themselves of what happened, passing popcorn around on the makeshift bleachers they built whilst the argument had been going on, MCG sniffled, holding up his broken wand mournfully. "My wand…Philip……why? WHY!?"
Then poor MCG broke down into Hollywood style sobs, throwing his arms up in the air and ripping off Star Wars. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
He was sued two months later for plagiarism and for appearing in the wrong fandom.
Philip the wand would never spell again (literally and magically).
Dante had to sleep on the couch as punishment for trying to embarrass Nero in public.
The authoress was bricked for writing such a travesty and having the audacity of posting it on Fanfiction where it proceeded to kill off the readers' brain cells due to its sheer stupidity.
It was a sad day for all.
Aside from Bob, who made ten grand for selling popcorn.
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A/N: Don't ask…just don't ask…
This is what Insomnia does to people! Mixed with caffeine and gross amounts of chocolate.
Muggle is a funny word though…heheh…Muggle….heheh…
Anyway, time to actually write smut instead of implying it…hmm…more humour or just smuff? Hmmmm…
Hope y'all enjoyed!