At the moment Spock stepped in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection, two thoughts emerged from his mind. The first being that he hardly recognized himself and, to be honest, looked like a complete moron; and the second that he maybe had come too far in his engagement in Starfleet to accept taking part in such… inanities. But, he had to admit, taking aside the ridiculous ginger hair-dye, fuzzy haircut and false beard, it was probably a good idea. Probably the only way to truly know what was going on, or rather what was going wrong, with the Enterprise and its crew theses days. For once, he wanted to go check for himself, be where all the action was, instead of handling problems from afar, in big offices with many glass panels. He liked to think he hadn't give up the career of a scholar to be yet another jumping jack of logic, organization and common sense, but because he strived for a life that was more fresh, unpredictable and unsettled.
He was interrupted in his thoughts by a muffled laugh coming from the other side of the room, and turned his head with his signature suspicious look. Of course it was Dox, or as Spock called him in his mind "bloody Bolian fuckboy". Of course he was here to see him looking stupid. Though they constantly fought and mocked each other ever since they had been affected to the same service at Spock's arrival in Starfleet headquarters, they both had developed at the same time a strange fondness for one another. Spock hated his incomprehensible sense of humor so much that his liking for him often felt like the weird relief following the slight pain of scab-picking.
"Looking great…" he read something on his PADD "...David Walding" he laughed "They literally gave you the most stupid name ever in addition to the most stupid haircut ever."
"Actually, it is quite an average Human name and haircut, they have been statistically calculated so that I don't appear suspicious and…"
"They didn't give you instructions on human humor apparently though. Be careful, that could definitely be suspicious." he walked towards him and added, hardly serious "Just laugh when they say something in a high-pitched voice, that's when they're trying to be funny. Statistically."
Spock, knowing Dox's fascination and extended practical knowledge of the human species, took the advice very seriously, though it was not meant to, and thanked him with a slight head nod, turning away from the mirror. He did not really plan to play pretend, and just figured that saying nothing and staying in the background was enough to get a good observation of the problems within the vessel. He was to report about them everyday to Dox, who would report to higher authorities that would address the issues. Spock didn't yet realize that keeping quiet and not acting on anything was going to be the hardest part of the mission for him. No, actually, that he realized fourty-two minutes and fifty seconds later that day, when, after embarking and looking around for a bit, he first encountered the man which he was to keep the closest watch on : James Kirk. He couldn't find a better adjective than wanton to describe the sight of his tangled light-brown hair and rather smelly breath both leaning over two crew ladies with very telling red cheeks. Every inch of Spock's body was, at this moment, almost shivering with irritation for the man which seemed to have gorged on all the possible depravity of mankind. He had stopped in the middle of the hallway, staring deadly at Kirk, who did not see him until a mysterious force, probably the sentiment of being watched, made him turn his eyes towards the red-headed man.
"Are you the new tech guy ? David, right ?" he said, so casually that it irritated Spock even more so, if that was even possible, and he made a real effort to nod calmly and avoid saying anything.
He flirtatiously and unashamedly sent away the two women, muttering to them things that Spock found so ridiculous and shady he would've rather have his ears cut off than hear them ever again. He tried hard not to cough to call an end to this… joke. It was at this moment Spock knew it was going to be very difficult to remain for three entire months the quiet audience of the ridiculous show this man was pulling off. Probably an impossible job. At last - finally - they walked away and Kirk turned to Spock with an annoying grin on his face.
"Well, I guess I can show you around the ship, if that's alright with you ?"
Spock nodded and kept silent. He knew the map of the ship by heart though, who did he take him for exactly ? But at least he could have an overview of how well the maintenance was made and what areas of the vessel were the most… problematic ones.
"We should start by the the lounge rooms, you look like you need some fun and relaxing, no offense." Kirk said, in a high-pitched voice that automatically made Spock force a laugh just like Dox advised him.
He had the weirdest way of laughing, so forced and unnatural it was almost surreal. After all, laughing was a surreal thing for someone of his nature. Apparently surprised, Kirk smiled and raised an eyebrow at him, then shrugged and kept walking. Spock thought he really had to work on the awkwardness of his interactions with humans if he wanted them to believe he was one of them for several weeks.