Author's notes: This is set in season 2. It is a collection of missing scenes. I take liberties with the backstory because that's what you do in fanfic sometimes but stay within visible canon if that makes any sense.

1. Nothing

"Don't be dead or asleep or awake. Don't be anything. What you most want, what you travel around wishing to find, lose yourself as lovers lose themselves, and you'll be that." - Unknown, translated by Coleman Barks

There was a time when Lauren would return home after a long day working in the Light's lab and try to remember how to breathe, how to expand her mind beyond the chains that bound her free will. Bo was her reason for waking up these days-when she'd seen too much or felt like she had not done enough, Bo was always there, egging her on. Steam rose up from the bath, bath salts fizzing from beneath the surface, and Lauren sighed. Red wine stained her lips, her fingers tracing the rim of the crystal glass as she thought about Bo. The shrill ringing of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts and she answered coolly, with a head full of noise.

"Hey Lauren," Bo said, her voice syrupy sweet. "Are you busy?"

Lauren ran a hand through the water and smiled. "Not terribly."

"Do you mind if I stop by? I've got a situation of sorts developing."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Lauren could hear the smile on her face. "So, can I?"

"Absolutely."

She exhaled. "Lauren…thanks."

A knock sounded at her door. "Can you hold on for a second?" She didn't wait for a reply and clambered out of the tub. She wrapped herself in a thick terry cloth robe and descended the stairs. "Bo, I'm gonna have to call you back." She ended the call and opened door to find Bo standing in front of her looking at her phone. She smiled. "How long have you been here?"

"Awhile."

"You didn't have to call."

"I was raised to never show up unannounced." A coy smile, and Lauren followed Bo's eyes as they traced the lines of her robe.

"Come in, come in." She stepped aside to let Bo pass. "What brings you here?" Lauren tucked a foot beneath her as she sat on the couch.

"You-I mean, I need your expertise on something."

"Sure." She nodded.

Bo reached into her pocket and sat across from Lauren. "I took this sample from the kidnapping scene."

"You're thinking it's Fae?"

Bo held up a plastic bag with a gooey substance inside. "If it's Human, they probably should seek medical attention."

Lauren made a face and took the sample from Bo. "I see what you mean."

There was a lull then. A hopeless, endless spiral into silence. Lauren was becoming more and more aware of her underdressed state, catching Bo's eyes stealing glances at her bared skin. She stood abruptly and carried the sample to her desk. They have had sex and they had made love and as much as she still wanted her and despite knowing how Bo would touch her, Lauren was nervous. Things were tied up and Lauren was tied down by the demands of the Light. Bo had crashed into her life where everything was upside down and now chaos was the voice of reason in her ear.

"I should get going…" Bo stood and let her arms flop against her sides awkwardly.

She wanted to ask her to stay for dinner and the night but something kept her locked down. She had let Bo closer than anyone since Nadia but there was still so much uncertainty. She had the potential to be the most powerful Fae Lauren had ever studied-or loved for that matter. She couldn't avoid it. She loved her. The kind of love that made her throat scratchy and her eyes glassy. And she lived for it.

She nodded forlornly. "Sure. I'll text you when I know more about your sample."

She smiled. "Thanks." Bowing her head she, turned to leave.

"Bo?" Lauren said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" She turned back toward Lauren.

"Thanks for stopping by."

The smile that followed was of the crushing sort. She wanted to belong to Bo-really belong to her-but she knew that Bo would never belong to her.

There were other times when a visit from Bo meant more than a slime sample. Dinner, a movie on her couch, an invitation to the Dal for drinks which would inevitably end with Bo slinking out of her bedroom at three a.m. They didn't talk about it, each knowing the unspoken emotion they shared was a complicated jumble and picking it apart was more difficult than ever imagined. There was the intense competition for Bo's affection and Lauren wasn't always certain where she stood with her because of it.

The clock blinked two fifty-five and the mattress sunk beside her. Lauren opened her eyes to find Bo looking down at her. "I'm going to take off." She smiled.

"So soon?"

"Lauren, I…"

"You need to feed… Of course."

"No." She shook her head. "It's not like that. Look, you don't need me hanging around making it an awkward morning after."

"You don't need to leave." It was as close as she could get to asking her to stay without actually asking her to stay.

Bo leaned down and kissed her. It was a solid kiss, her lips squarely against Lauren's, and holding the contact long enough to make her wish she had held it longer. Lauren covered her hand and squeezed.

"I'll call you…"

Lauren looked away as Bo stood in front of her, hands shoved deep in the pockets of her leather jacket. A shrug followed an impish smile, she turned and got as far as the bedroom doorway before Lauren gave in to her own needs. "Stay."

Bo's hand came to rest on the doorframe, her eyes, unseen to Lauren, and closing at the request. "Lauren, I'll just be in the way."

She sat up. "You won't." Her hands smoothed the duvet on either side of her. "Come back to bed, Bo." She knew that Bo was trying to spare her in some way but they had been dancing around what this was for months. And with growing frequency, Lauren found her feelings reaching critical mass. It was becoming more and more difficult to deny what she felt-what she had felt from the moment she first laid hands on her.

Bo turned slowly, eyes settling on her, still wrapped in a sheet but laid bare before her. She shrugged her jacket off her shoulders and tossed it onto the chair beside the bureau. Slipping out of her skin-tight pants, Bo's hands tugged her top over her head, her hair only out of place for a moment before seeming to smooth itself over. And then she was walking towards her, bold strides tilting her hips dramatically. Lauren thought that she was ready for her but she never was. Even after extinguishing her need once already, Lauren was at a loss.

She approached the bed and Lauren's mouth felt dry. And Lauren couldn't remember how to swallow as Bo threw back the duvet and slid beneath the sheets beside her. She scooted up next to her and when their skin glanced upon each other Lauren was lost again. She closed her eyes and exhaled. She had wanted to talk to Bo about feelings but she didn't want to say the wrong thing and complicate things further. She was paralyzed by emotions she still didn't fully understand.

Bo pressed herself against Lauren's back and rested her chin on her shoulder. "I feel like you're holding out on me." She blazed a trail, kissing along Lauren's shoulder and pausing to smell her hair.

She squeezed her eyes shut. She was approaching everything she wanted and it was more than she had bargained for. "It's a lot to take in," she whispered, wishing it was darker in her bedroom than it was.

A hand gripped Lauren's shoulder. "Do you want me to go?" Bo asked.

"No."

"You sure?"

"It's the only thing I'm sure about."

They were so very far from where they'd started and yet, there was still so much further they could take it. Lauren loved her, there was no way around it. She was more certain of that than she was of any other love she had ever felt. Bo seemed unfazed by her emotions so Lauren could only take that to mean that her feelings were reciprocated even if Bo would never say it out loud. They shared many nights together but Lauren knew that the Dyson factor was still very much in play. Bo's heart reverberated against her back and Lauren was undeterred. She was in Bo's arms and they were in her bed together-she had dreams that started that way. Whatever Bo did with Dyson didn't matter. At least not right that instant. She'd agonize over Dyson when she was alone. Right now she just wanted enjoy Bo's skin on hers, the heat radiating off her in waves, her lips scorching a path along her back until Lauren finally got the nerve to roll onto her back.

Bo smiled at her, dragging a finger from her chin to a spot between her breasts. Biting her bottom lip, Lauren lifted Bo's face to her own. "Can we… take a break?"

"Sure. Wait-you mean the sex, right?"

She laughed unexpectedly. "Yes." She nodded. "The sex."

Bo pulled her hand away and fell back onto the pillows, exhaling. "What do you wanna do then?"

Her eyes were wide, her lips pursed and Lauren couldn't suppress a smile. "Nothing," she said.

"Nothing?" Bo asked, confused.

Lauren lifted Bo's arm and draped it over her side. Her other hand came to rest on Bo's cheek. "Nothing," she repeated.

Bo nodded. "I gotta be honest, people don't usually ask me to stick around after the show."

"The show?" Lauren laughed. "Is that what you're calling it now?"

"Would you prefer the main event?"

"No," A quirk of her lip and Lauren shook her head. "Please don't."

Bo hummed against her shoulder. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For inviting me to do nothing with you. It's nice."

She leaned her face into her pillow. "It is." Lauren felt Bo relax into her, and she let herself exhale, finally. It had been ten minutes since Bo said anything and Lauren was still wide awake and staring into the darkness between them. Bolstered by the shadows, Lauren wet her lips and swallowed the fear that had her in its grips. "I love you," she said, grasping her pillow.

She wasn't sure what she expected to happen next, but Bo didn't move a muscle. She drew in a long, sleep-fueled breath and sighed. Lauren was unable refrain from smiling as she watched her slip into a dream state. She had said it out loud and Bo heard it on some level of her consciousness. The time would come when she could look her in the eye and say those words but for now, she felt galvanized just having said it. Lauren rest her head on her pillow again and watched the Succubus with great interest. They had had sex, they had made love and now Lauren was closer than she ever thought she'd get.

Her eyelids felt heavy, sleep was coming but she couldn't look away from Bo's profile. Her beauty was unsurpassed but it was Bo's heart was where Lauren's interest lay as trite as that sounded, but it was the truth. Laying her head down against Bo's chest, Lauren closed her eyes and listened to the steady beating of her heart. Slowly falling, letting the rhythm of the rush of blood thumping against her ear lull her to sleep.

TBC