Rain was pouring down and, to Merlin, nothing seemed to be right in that God forsaken world. His hands were shaking in utter despair, while holding his only friend in his arms. Arthur had been mortally wounded by Mordred and magic was completely useless at that point. Merlin tried to gather the last words he could tell his friend, but the only sound coming from his mouth were sobs.
One day I told you no man is worth your tears, Merlin. That includes me. »
Even if you're the only friend I ..I have? » whimpered the other.
Arthur said nothing and just looked into his light blue wet eyes, deeply.
There must be something I can do » continued his friend, picking up the last glimpse of clearness of mind and hope left in his body.
You have done enough, my friend. Thank you. » Arthur feebly stroke the boy's soft hair and hesitated a little, before shutting his mouth. Merlin bent down, his forehead pressed on Arthur's, hands holding his face.
Don't shut your eyes too, please.
Finally the dragon arrived and took the two boys to the famous Spring of Life.
Merlin rushed towards the water, but the Old Woman, keeper of the waters, blocked him.
Please, it's a matter of minutes, let me go! » cried out the boy.
Are you willing to sacrifice? »
I would give my life for Arthur! » shouted he.
The Old Woman held out the Cup of Life, the boy grabbed it anxiously.
Blood is required for this, young warlock. »
Well, I'll do whatever it takes to save him. » the magician replied without fear nor hesitation.
The woman extracted an ancient, golden dagger from the lake.
One las time, Emrys. Are you willing to change a destiny? »
My destiny is to save Arthur and nothing will change that. » The boy's eyes darkened, together with his voice.
Now I can see your true nature, boy. You can be a fearful warlock but most of all you're pure-hearted. But I will not assure this will work, know that. »
He just nodded and clenched his teeth in utter pain, while she slashed his arm and his blood mixed with the sacred water.
Weakened, he reached Arthur, blood flowing all over his arm. The blond was pale, but as soon as the liquid watered his mouth, slipping down his throat, he seemed to regain color and consciousness. The more Arthur recovered, the more his friend weakened. Finally Arthur raised his long eyelashes and Merlin's heart filled with such joy that, for a moment, he didn't feel pain anymore.
You..you're.. » but before he could finish his sentence, his friend started coughing hard, drops of blood covering his lips. A flash of horror crossed Merlin's pale face and his hands started trembling. Did the Old Lady lie to him? Was she Morgana in disguise? He felt like the sky had crushed over him.
Mer..Merlin, I can't..breathe, help me.. » stuttered Arthur. The dark-haired boy took his scarf with his non-wounded arm and cleaned Arthur's mouth, holding him between his arms, without thinking of stopping his own blood.
Merlin, it's too late. »
There must be something I can do! » exclaimed he, talking to himself rather than to the other. But he didn't have a clue.
You can do without me » his heavy breath and feeble voice were making Merlin lose all his hope.
No, you don't understand » Merlin's face was tear-stained, he marked his friend's cheeks with his own blood, while caressing him. It was the second time in less than an hour that he risked to lose him, he couldn't bear it anymore.
I..I.. »
I know, Merlin. » Arthur weakly gave his friend his most sincere, grateful smile, while wiping one of his tears with his last strength. Then, he lost consciousness.
You.. you don't know! I love you! » Merlin cried out, letting himself lie down on his friend's chest, crying until his eyes were dry.
" After all this years, you thought my greatest secret was my magic, but you were wrong. You always think the wrong things! The truth is I fucking love you. I love you in spite of your awful temper, your arrogance, your cheeky attitude, I love you because every time you looked at me in the eyes, I knew you really cared about me, like no king would ever care about his servant and because you proved it by risking your royal butt for me a million times! But what does it matter? It's too late, you'll never know! I lost you and I'll never know if you ever loved me."
The mournful voice of Merlin, interrupted by sobs, echoed in Arthur's mind, like if it was miles away. The boy tried to concentrate more, there was something not so dreamy in that blurred, broken voice. He felt a desperate power coming from that sound, a healing power. Was Merlin there? Had he followed him in the Otherworld? Well, he wouldn't be surprised. Merlin was the only person in the world that would stick by his side 'til the edge of the world, 'til hell. "He's the greatest magician of all times", Gaius had told him once, but something made him believe the bond between the two of them was even greater. Nothing could destroy it, not even destiny. Arthur felt almost alive while thinking about his friend, so alive he felt his heart beating again, he felt something wet on his face. He suddenly sucked air and opened his eyes wide.
Merlin.
This was his first thought, as it was his last.
He moved, but the boy was blocking him with his weight. He didn't remember he was so heavy. He placed his hands on Merlin's body and felt something hot and liquid. He immediacy pulled back in shock. The boy took his own cloak off in a rush and used it to wrap it around Merlin's almost bled white arm.
Merlin! » he shouted in pain and for a moment he couldn't breath anymore. Merlin barely raised his head, half-opening his tear-marked eyes. He didn't have even the strength to smile, but Arthur could see pure joy in his expression and it looked like his lifeless, tired, deep-set eyes turned blue again. In that moment Arthur knew he would never forget that look. But his friend was too weak and couldn't even speak. Arthur felt lost. He pressed his fingers on Merlin's deep cut to stop the last drops from coming out, and before life left his eyes again, he held up his chin.
The pale warlock was jumping into the dream-like state where the boundary between life and death was really thin. The last thing his eyes saw was a crying Arthur, his Arthur, alive again. He wanted nothing more. Nothing else mattered.
Merlin, please don't..» his words broke into sobs. With the last glimpse of strength, Merlin closed his weak fingers around Arthur's shaking hand and looked at him with all the love he had. And then the king suddenly remembered.
Merlin..Merlin, I love you too.»
Gaius, thank you! Nothing will ever be enough to repay you! Are you sure it will work?»
Sire, be calm. I've been working on this for ages, fearing Merlin would be in great danger like he is now. He should be already dead, but we all know he's the most powerful wizard of all times. Yet, he will need this potion.»
Arthur was so worried that for once he looked like a girl, biting his nails nervously and walking back and forward.
Sire, I know how you must feel. Merlin is like a son to me. »
No you don't. No one does. Even I didn't know, before.
The king spent the whole night bent on Merlin's bed, neglecting his own duties for his friend's sake. He didn't believe in any possible God, but that night he prayed for the first time. Losing Merlin meant losing everything. Losing his friend, his alter-ego, his conscience, his companion….his love, he thought with hesitation. All the love he thought he could feel, for Gwen maybe, was nothing compared to the fire he had inside now. It had been hidden in his chest like a prisoner for all those years and had suddenly come out all at once, like a whirlwind, so strong he almost felt pain. It felt so wrong and right at the same time. He touched Merlin's ice-cold hand with his own and felt the need to cuddle him, protect him. He looked always so helpless but inside he was the strongest man he knew.
Irritating, endless tears kept reaching his eyes and no matter how hard he tried to hyde them in shame, they wouldn't stop. He hated himself for that. What would everyone think by watching a king crying over a mere servant?
It doesn't matter what the others think! You don't depend on other people, Arthur! Strength can be shown in many ways. You don't have to be ashamed of who you really are. You're a perfect king.
He knew Merlin so well, he could depict his words in his mind. That thought made him sad. He looked away.
Merlin wasn't a mere servant at all. He meant more that the entire kingdom to him.
« Hey, dollop head! No man is worth your tears, remember? »
Arthur almost had a heart attack and turned his head to look at his friend, dumbstruck. The wizard watched him cheerfully, like nothing happened.
Then their looks shifted on their intertwined fingers and Arthur pulled his hand back, awkwardly. He wiped his tears away, without knowing what to say. Merlin had caught him "red handed", he was full of shame, but most of all he was happy, happy like he never had been.
« You stayed here with me all night? » Merlin's playful voice turned into surprise.
He finally cleared his throat.
Uhm, I am glad you're back, Merlin. I really am. »
Merlin's expression saddened, he expected something else. He shifted his eyes far from him and started playing with the blankets, but suddenly found himself smothered by his friend's arms.
« Merlin, thank you, you saved my life again and the idea of losing you for my fault was..unbearable. I'm sorry about everything, I owe you my life, my kingdom, honestly I owe you everything, Merlin. »
Merlin widened his eyes in disbelief.
Really? »
Merlin, once and for all, let's just stop pretending we're just king and servant. You know we are..more. »
The two boys shared one of their looks, but before it lasted too long, Arthur spoke again, to avoid misunderstanding. To avoid showing his feelings, that was the truth.
I mean, you're a wizard, everything's changed now. »
Oh. Just that, thought Merlin.
The blond stood up.
Well, enough sloppiness for today. Don't tell anyone, Merlin. »
Tell what? »
You know what.». The boy followed his king, pretending to ignore the fact that his words hurt him.
So you won't chop my head off? »
Who will polish my armor then? Who will poison me with some awful breakfast, insult me, who will follow me to the end of the world?»
They looked at each other again, and both knew. Both knew the other hadn't forgotten about those words, at the lake.