A/N: So I was reading over "Tonight" and felt compelled to write this.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.
No one has ever really chased after her before. Its strange in a nice sort of way. No one has ever really fought for her before. Ziva was always the one to do the fighting. She's always been independent, always took care of herself. No one has ever really bothered to care before. But for some reason, he does.
"I'm fighting for you Ziva."
And she's never felt this loved before. She supposes her father loved her in his own way. But this, this is different. He's giving her his heart. And as much as it kills her inside, she knows she'll have to break it. He can't get too close. People who get close, get hurt. And she cares too much for him to let that happen.
"I know."
Her reply is simple, but there's a whole lot more written between the lines. Because she loves him. And he might just love her too. And that scares her to death.
At the plane, they kiss one last time, and for a moment, she allows herself to pretend they are a normal couple. Normal. She wonders what that feels like.
She knows they'll never see each other again and deep down inside, he must too.
And when they pull away, she inwardly weeps for the love that could have been. The love that should have been.
He doesn't know it yet, but her necklace is hidden in his pocket. So is her heart.
When she gets back to the house, she sees it. Nestled into her things as if it belongs there. Because it does. She picks up the t-shirt, inhaling a scent that is purely Tony.
Weeks pass, maybe even months. She loses track. She still sleeps in the shirt. She's taking dance classes. She's moving on with her life. She befriends people at the studio, particularly a young man named Daniel. He reminds her of the Ari she knew as a child. There's nothing even remotely romanic there. Tony will always own that part of her.
She takes to reading the Bible, something she rarely ever did, even as a child. She's always been fascinated by the story of Abram and Sarai. God changed their names, as a symbol of changing who they were. A symbol of new beginnings. So her name is Sarah. She changes her name, hoping to change her past. But she still finds herself watching all the movies she can rememeber him even remotely referencing.
And she has a very large supply of hot chocolate, beaten only by Tony's stash. Only she knows that it's his guilty pleasure. It doesn't matter how hot it is outside. She always has a cup before bed.
Sometimes she awakens during the middle of the night, heart pounding from a nightmare. She reaches for her phone to call Tony, as she normally would. But when she opens her contacts, there's no Tony. No Dinozzo, no Anthony. And she remembers. Sometimes she curls up in a ball, and mentally forces herself not to dial the all too familiar number.
She wonders what he would think of her now, on one of her worst days, hidden under a quilt, dead to the world. The days when the only thought crossing her mind is his name. He may be fighting for her. But she's fighting to keep from running straight to him.