I have to admit, when you first told me that you wanted to end things with me, it hurt. God, it hurt. I had basically alienated everyone I knew to fight and save what I thought we had. Given, I may be no Trash Stratus or Amy Dumas, but damn it, I deserve to be loved too. The words you said, I knew you meant with every part of you. Shawn Hickenbottom, you never were one for wasting words. Oddly enough, a wave of relief rushed over me once I realized that the one thing that was causing the most stress in my life, was no longer there. Yes, I miss you: the way you held me blocking out the world, the way you loved me. However, I've learned life goes on no matter how much I want it to stop turning. For you, moving on may have been easy, but it's a thing I'm still getting accustomed to. Knowing that you are free to share the love you once had for me with someone else nearly kills me, but I have accepted the fact that things maybe just weren't meant to be. There is a part of me that wishes you would show up at my door, begging me to take you back, pleading with me to forgive you for the mistakes you've made. However, I am not sure my heart could handle a round two of getting over you. There is only one road of survival for me now; to live as I was before, closed off to the world and everyone around me. The determination I had once before not to let anyone in to my little dark world, is rearing its ugly head once again, and the temptation of succumbing to it grows stronger with each passing moment. But, I'll survive, by any means necessary to make sure no one ever gains the key to my heart like you did. Despite friends telling me that there will be someone else who will come to sweep me off of my feet when I least expect it, I know that the more time that passes, the more bleak any of the little hope I have left will begin to fade. Once again, life will appear as if you were never in it. Then and only then, will I be whole.

"I Love Myself Today"

You left me like a broken doll

In pieces as I took the fall

for you, you dumb chump!

You left me free-falling like space junk

Burning up in the atmosphere of life

Well I sound like a philosopher

but I'm a fool who's off her rocker

'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time

I've had enough, made up my mind

I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm

I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever

Well look at you you're all puffed up

In that big red truck- but you're outta luck (this time)

Well, that's tough

'Cause I'm on fire- too hot to touch

with a chatroom full of lovers on the line

Gonna step right up. Spit shine my soul

I'm gonna be proud and loud and outta control!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm

I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever

I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see:

I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me

'Cause being with you is like a hangman's noose

I was living my life in dead man's shoes

I've had enough. Made up my mind

I'm gonna get up and out and wahhh!

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm

I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

You're dead and gone

I'm gonna get my way

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

Take another look at me now

'Cause it's your last look

Your last look forever!!

I love myself today