AN: I recently started watching SLiDE, and Tammy is by far my favorite character. And I started thinking – Tammy says so many tings are okay when they are the furthest things from okay. So this is my Tammy. She's darker, and more fucked up, and I'm telling you right now, this story may be a trigger for some people.

Disclaimer: I do not own SLiDE.

Set after 1:08

When Tammy was seven, her father used to come into her room at night. They used to play a game, and when she came out to breakfast in the morning, her pajamas would be turned around.

Tammy didn't like the game.

When she tried to tell her mother about the game, her mom only laughed, and patted her head. "Darling, you father loves you. Don't ruin the game for him."

When Tammy was ten, her mother walked in on the game. She freaked out when she saw the game. Tammy never saw her father again after that evening.

When the five of them snuck into the school for Scarlett's last day – the day she didn't even leave – Tammy saw her profile. 'An obsessive overachiever', she read silently. Well, was it any wonder she was? And when Scarlett made a joke – at her expense – and Eva laughed, Tammy felt something in her constrict.

But she passed it off as nothing, and the next time someone asked, she replied that she was okay.

She was always okay.

The first time Tammy saw Luke, she thought of California with its ridiculous Hollister models. Then she got to know him better, and he opened up. And she thought, maybe, just maybe, she could tell him. But then she found out about Scarlett. And okay, maybe part of it was Scarlett, but it was the lies. Most of all, it was her house. Her house where her father used to play the game with her, her house where her brother was just down the hall, her house where she barely kept a grip on reality as it was.

So she gives up on him, and each time he tries for her, she feels her resolve crumbling just a bit more. Only, she can't forgive him. Because if she does, she'll be exactly like her father said that last night. She'll be weak, and she'll be a 'filthy little whore', as he'd put it. At the time, she didn't understand what those words meant, but now she does, and it's little wonder she has become an obsessive overachiever.

When Tammy is thirteen, she hurts herself for the first time. It has therapeutic effects. She joins a chat room for people who do it, too. She grows close to one girl in particular. Tammy tells her she's her best friend, better even than Ed who she has known since kindergarten. Ed, who knows nothing about her past, even though he's known her since before her father started the game. Ed, who is so innocent, it almost makes her cry. But Noni knows. Noni, who has been there for every time Tammy has opened up, Noni, who introduced Tammy to California and the Hollister boys in the first place. And in January, when Noni hasn't replied to any of her texts and calls, Tammy has to find out from Noni's mother that Noni overdosed on painkillers in an attempt to take her own life.

And later that night when Eva asks if anything is wrong, Tammy smiles and says, "I'm okay.

For those of you who have dealt with self-harm and sexual assault, I'm sorry if this is triggering. I just believe that Tammy is so much darker than the show portrays her to be, and my muse took me this way.

Love!

~BCR~