Neo awoke on a pink frilly bed. "I should be out of the matrix, why am I still in," he thought as he got up and headed to the nearest bathroom. Being "the one", he needed to do number one. Once in the bathroom he saw the worst possible stereotypical 90's comedy plot device in action. His zipper down ready for a morning leak, nothing came out. I don't mean he couldn't urinate, but instead that his penis was gone. (Cue dramatic record scratch)

Panicked he looked in the mirror. "These eyes, whose are they?" He asked looking at the bright bulgy over proportioned eyes staring back at him. All about him, 90's anime cuteness overwhelmed his senses. He was now the magical girl Sailor Moon.

"Hey Sabrina… Ahem, I mean Sailor Moon. How was your cat nap, meow? Did you have a dream about that dreamy guy, Keanu Reeves again?" The talking black cat meowed.

"OH FUCK! Another black cat!" Neo-Sailor Moon squealed schoolgirl like, as she punted the cat out the window shattering the glass into a million or so pieces.

"What's with all the noise?" Yawned the pinked wigged mini-me. Neo-Sailor Moon looked up… err down at the midget.

"The agents are now using midgets disguised as Japanese schoolgirls! Good thing I learned 5-minute Kung-Fu 10 minutes ago!" Neo thought to himself, while breaking the girls face on his knee MMA style.

Trying to find a phone booth, Neo-Moon ran outside while still wearing his/her pajamas. It was funny, like in a Romantic Comedy anime type of humor. But neo didn't understand comedy, he was too busy doing the matrix lean-dodge thingy around every corner to avoid dropping his toast. The toast, of course, was in his mouth since he was now a Japanese schoolgirl.

"Ohio, Sailor Moon" yelled a girl. But neo wasn't falling for that trick.

"I'll tell you, just like I told all of those cute guys I ran into while turning the corner with my toast, THE TOAST IS ALL MINE!" ranted Neo-moon in a delusional state due to the body swap or whatever happened to him/her. Neo-moon took a fighting stance. The Kill Bill theme started, and the red camera filter came on while zooming in and out of his/her face.

"Oh no! Sailor Moon must have been attacked by one of our enemies whose name I can't remember because I haven't seen this show in years!" exclaimed the red Sailor Moon chick while taking a literal hammer and swinging it in an attempt to break the fourth wall. "I will save you Sailor Moon!" she said right before her transformation scene.

"I knew she was an agent, I must now use my powers. As the one, I must see through this glowie stuff." Exclaimed Keanu-Moon while charging his power. Sadly, K-Moon accidental made him/her-self transform instead of seeing "the truth". Dazed and confused due to his body glowing and the background turning into flashy lights and stuff, K-Moon picked up the hammer, because it was hammer time. "You can't touch me, because I'm the main character" said K-Moon holding the hammer of fourth wall breaking.

Keanu-Moon-chan-sama-ko knew what he had to do. He had to collect the seven dragon balls, and with them chant, "There's no place like home." However to do this, he must defeat the four saint beasts in the shadow realm by playing 9,967 consecutive games of YuGi-OhYeah.

Realizing the difficulty of this challenge, Neo-Moon did what any sane anime schoolgirl who is actually a grown man, would do. Find a white cat looking thing and make a contract. Seeing as how it was the 90's and depressing magical girl shows with serious undertones did not exist yet, he did the second best thing; He bashed everything he could find with the hammer of fourth wall breaking.

Seventeen condemned buildings and countless homicides later, Keanu-Moon realized the hammer of fourth wall breaking cannot literally break the forth wall. Its true use, was to give the writer the ability to make humorous remarks by having the characters become self-aware.

Now that K-Moon was fully self-aware by drinking the blood of virgins he sacrificed with his Hammer of fourth wall breaking, he began to argue with the writer.

"What the fuck man, I just picked up the hammer. I didn't kill anyone or drink their blood. Stop telling a story that didn't happen." Neo-Moon interrupts the author rudely. "Seriously, why am I suddenly a schoolgirl? What the hell is with all the violence? You make me a sad Keanu. Please just stop this train wreck!"

Thus, for arguing with the author, Keanu was crudely written into a copy of "50 shades of grey" as the female protagonist.

The end

P.S. He was never again not a sad Keanu.