AN/ I DON'T OWN NUMBER NEVER WILL
AN/ I SORRY ABOUT THE FORMATTING MY COMPUTER IS BEING GAY AND IT WON'T LET ME CHANGE IT
WARRINGS THIS FIC DEALS WITH CUTTING AND SUICIDE SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT IT'S OKAY AND IF YOU FEEL I HAVN'T BEEN RESPECT FLAME ME BECAUSE I NOT MEANT TO DEALT WITH AS A JOKE I HOPE I HAVN'T
ALSO GIVE A HAND TO Curtisbrothersfan FOR BEATING THE MISTAKES OUT NOW ON WITH THE SHOW
PRESENT DEMONS LEFT BEHIND BY PAST SINS
CHARLIE'S POV
I walk through the streets of L.A. thinking about all
That's happened over the past week since I moved out
of our house. Aunt Sarah was arrested for the murder
of my real mother, there are reporters who keep trying
to talk to Dad and Don and my face is all over the
news and paper. As I approach CalSci, I see students
talking and laughing with one another. I try to smile
but as I look on, I feel a pain in my heart. That's
what I miss most, talking to Dad and joking with Don,
but it can never go back to the way it was.
I meet up with Larry on my way to my office.
"Hey, it's Tuesday. That means it's poker night. Want
to go?" asked Larry.
"But you don't play poker," I tell him, then he gives
me a look like I have missed the whole point.
"Charles, I may not play poker but your father does."
Now I get it. He is trying to get me to speak to Dad.
"Larry, you know I can't go back there," I say.
"Why not?" Larry asks me.
"Because I'm just a burden to them, like when I was a
kid I needed special classes and that was so hard on
Mum and Dad, and when I went to college I took Mum
away from them and now they have reporters after them
and Dad has lost his sister and it's all because of
me."
"Look, I think you should talk to them-"
"You know, just forget it. They're better off without
me!" I yell at him as I start to walk away from him.
He just can't understand the pain I have caused to Dad
and Don.
When I get to my office, I move to my blackboard to
plan my lesson for this afternoon. My class is filling
up, I get more and more people each day wanting to see
the worthless freak.
DON'S POV
I have read the last paragraph five times and I can't
understand it. I can't help but worry about Charlie.
It's been a week since I saw or spoke to him. I have
been getting updates from Larry who says Charlie is
building a wall around himself and won't talk to
anyone for long. It spooks me how he is cutting
himself off from the world. I know he has done this
before but this time I don't know. It just feels
different somehow. I see Megan walking towards me.
"Hey, what's up?" I ask her, trying to sound normal
and failing.
"We just got a case," said Megan. Like always, she is
profiling me as we talk. It's nice to know some things
will never change.
"So, let's go and brief the team," I said as I walk by
her. I know I can use this case as an excuse to see
Charlie. Once we're all together, Megan started to
brief us.
"We have six dead girls, each murdered in their homes.
The killer used an AK 47 to kill his victims and left
them on the back door step with photos of the victims
shucked all over the door. It seems he stalks his
victims before he kills them."
"Is there a link between the victims?" asked David.
"None yet," Megan reported.
"Well, you guys work on that while I see Charlie," I
ordered before I left. I drove to CalSci in complete
silence. When I got to CalSci, I found Charlie in his
office. He looked like a wreck. His hair was a mess,
the spark in his eyes had gone out and he looked like
he hadn't slept for a week.
"Hey, Buddy, I need your help on a case," I tell him
to break the ice.
"Fine. Just leave the file on the desk," he said
without even looking at me.
"Hey, Buddy, I didn't mean-" I started to tell him
that I did still care about him but he cut me off.
"Look, you did what you came here to do, so just get
out. Leave," he yelled at me, so I did that. How could
I let our relationship breakdown this much? I better
go and see Larry and talk to him about it.
LARRY'S POV
I see Don walking to me with a puzzled look on his
face. My guess is that he is looking for Charles.
"If you're looking for Charles, he's in his office," I
tell him when I get close enough for him to hear me.
"Thanks, but from what I have just seen, that's what I
need to talk to you about," he says to me. His voice
portrays his worries and sadness.
"I am guessing he was a bit snappy?" It wasn't really
a question more like a statement.
"Yeah, I asked for his help on a case and he thought
that I don't care about him and I was just using him,"
he tells me. I better not tell him what Charlie told
me earlier. It would just worry him more.
"Tell you what, I will give him time to cool off and
then talk to him," I say, trying to get out of this
black hole that is between the brothers.
This seems to satisfy Don, so he leaves.
After lunch, I go to see Charles and found him sitting
in the corner of his office, shaking. I try to touch
him as avway to calm him down, but he just pushes
himself closer to the wall.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being a worthless
freak, please, please," I hear him say under his
breath.
I can feel a few tears running down my face. It's like
he has had a breakdown. I don't know how to help him.
Maybe I should call Alan or Don, but Charles would
never forgive me for letting them see him like this.
MEGAN'S P.O.V.
I'm going over all the victims' files and there is no
common links, none share the same bank, doctor, café'
fray or work place. These seem like random attacks but
serial kills always kill seminar victims so there must
something I'm over-looking. I hear my phone ringing.
"Agent Reeves speaking," I say.
"Hi, Megan, it's Larry." I feel myself smiling when I
hear his voice. Isn't it funny even if you're having a
bad day, a call from your partner can make it all
better?
"What's up?" I ask him.
"I need your help. It's Charles. He's having a
breakdown and I don't know what to do or how to help
him." I hear panic in his voice.
"Maybe you should call Don," I say trying to help.
"I know, but Charles would never forgive me for
letting him be seen like that by a family member." His
talking fastens.
"Look, I did a psychology course so I might be able to
pin-point the problem, if I talk to him," I offer,
trying to calm him.
"Would you? I know you're busy but-"
I cut him off. "No, it's fine. I will be there in half
an hour," I say as I hang up.
When I arrived at Charlie's office and saw him, I knew
Larry hadn't been overreacting. He was white as a
ghost and talking to himself, Larry had left us alone
because he had a class. I sat down next to Charlie.
"Do you want to talk?" I ask, letting Charlie take his
time.
"Why are you here?" I can barely hear his voice. It's
no more than a whisper.
"Larry called me. He's worried about you," I tell him.
"He shouldn't." I can detect a hint of anger in his
voice but it's mostly sadness.
"Why is that?" I say trying not to push him.
"Because I'm just a worthless freak!" he yells at me.
"You don't really believe that?" I hope like hell he
doesn't.
"Yeah, what else can I believe when I have caused
nothing but pain to my family my whole life? Then
there's the fact I was the reason my real mother was
murdered and I am the one who cost Dad his sister!" he
yells back at me.
"Has your father or brother ever told you that they
hate you or said you're worthless?" I ask, trying to
make him see that people do care about him. It loks
like Charlie has depression and if he doesn't get
help, it's only going to get worse.
"No, because they don't have the guts. But Aunt Sarah
does."
"What do you mean by that?" He's not making sense.
"She has been calling me every night telling that I'm
nothing, that Dad would have thrown me out years ago
if he didn't feel so sorry for me and the world would
be better off without me!" he yells as he walks out. I
go to grab his arm, but then I see cut marks across
his arms. I let go and he runs out.
ALAN'S P.O.V.
"Oh, man, there goes my money down the drain," I think
to myself as the last buzzer sounds to mark the end of
the game. I give up and walk into the kitchen getting
ready to cook dinner. I make enough for three people
in case Charlie comes home. It's been over a week now,
and I just wish he would call to let us know he's
okay. But I can't blame him after how I reacted. I
jump when I hear the phone ringing.
"Daddy," I hear Don say, I can tell he's crying by the
sound of his voice.
"Donny are you okay?" I'm worried because he has not
called me "daddy" in a long time.
"No, it's Ch-Ch-Charlie. He's in hospital. Just get
down here fast," he says with no emotion in his voice.
A cold chill goes up my spine. I hang up and run to my
car. It takes me half an hour to drive there because I
got pulled over for speeding and when I arrive I ask a
nurse what room Charlie is in. When I get there, I see
Don curled up into a ball next to Charlie's bed and I
go over to talk to him.
"Don, what's going on?" I ask, fearing the answer.
"Dad, I'm so sorry. It's Charlie. He OD'd on P.C.P.
and the doctor thinks he tried to kill himself." I
hear him say it, but I can't believe it.
I pull him into a hug, not wanting to ever let go. How
could this happen to poor innocent Charlie?
We sit there, hoping that he will pull through. The
hours tick away as we hear nothing but the beeping of
the heart monitor and the shallow breathing of the one
we love, as he loses the battle. Donny had cried
himself to sleep but I couldn't sleep knowing I would
have nightmares of Charlie. The nurse kept asking me
if they could do anything and if I was okay. Of course
I'm not. My son is slipping away and every time they
ask me, it just reminds me of that fact. About two in
the morning, Sarah stopped by to check.
"Alan, I'm so sorry. Don called me. What the hell
happened?" I can hear her say.
"He tried to take his own life," I tell her without
taking my eyes off him.
"Oh, Alan. Can I do anything?" she asks me.
"No. Just leave me alone to spend whatever time I have
left with him," I say, overcome with grief.
CHARLIE'S P.O.V.
I wake to the sound of Don crying. I try to tell him
that I'm alright, but it came out as a moan. What's
going on? Why can't I feel my body? I see Dad going to
get a doctor and Don grabs my hand to calm me down.
But I can't help the rising panic within me. I don't
know if she is here or not. But what if she comes
back, and what if they won't believe me about what
happen?
"Calm down, Buddy. Nobody is going to hurt you. We're
here," I hear Don say, but if that's true, why is he
holding me down? Then I see dad come back with the
doctor.
"Okay, Mr. Eppes, we need you to calm down," I hear
him say while trying to put a needle in my arm. I want
to fight him but I can't move my body. As the drugs
flow through my system, I begin to feel more calm and
relax.
"Mr. Eppes, some of the side effects of P.C.P. are
estrangement from your surroundings, numbness, slurred
speech, and involuntary movements, in other words,
shaking. And that's why we're going to give you a mild
sedative every couple of hours to control these side
effects. Blink if you understand," I hear him say. I
blink quickly to show my understanding.
"Okay. I'm going to give you pen and paper so you can
commutate. Is that all right with you?" I blink again
and he hands me the piece of paper and a pen.
"Charlie, can you tell us why you tried to kill
yourself, and why didn't you come to us or Larry or
anyone?" he asks in a worried voice.
I write, "I didn't know that." They won't believe me,
but I still have to make them understand.
"The doctor said that you couldn't inject that much by
mistake," Dad tells me.
Then I write, "I know" but then he cuts me off.
"Then what? Do you know how dangerous P.C.P. is? I
don't understand!" Dad keeps on yelling at me, but I
block him out. I write a note to Don and I give it to
him. As soon as he reads it, his eyes go hard and
cold, then he tells me, "I believe you and I swear to
you I will find proof." Then he leaves. I feel a bit
more relaxed knowing he believes me.
DON'S P.O.V.
As soon as I read the note, I felt red hot anger rise
within me. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I do, but I
don't. I just had to get out of that room. I can't let
Charlie see the anger in my eyes because Charlie may
think it's directed at him. As I drive back to the
office I can barely see the road through my tears,
tears of regret for not being there for Charlie and
for not protecting him. I want to scream and shout to
let the rage out but I have to find proof. I need to
convince the doctors not to put Charlie in the psych
ward, as they had told us they would do when he was
admitted because that's procedural with cases of
attempted suicide. As I enter the parking lot, I find
anger being replaced with fear, fear of not being able
to prove what Charlie had told me and fear of what it
would do to him if I failed to prove it. I walk into
the building and see David working at his desk. I
order him to get the others and meet back at my desk.
I try to keep my emotions under control but it's hard
after what has happen over the last two weeks. I don't
know how much more our family can handle.
"Hey, Don, David said that you wanted us," I hear
Megan say and it pulls me out of my daze.
"Yeah, I did. I need to tell you something, but don't
speak before I have finished because it's hard for me
to talk about it, okay?" I say and they nod. Then I
start the story.
"Last night, I went by the hotel to see Charlie
because I was worried after Megan told me he was
cutting and seem to be on the edge. I found him. He
had overdosed on P.C.P. and the doctor said he tried
to take his own life, and I just believed them. I
thought my baby brother had tried to commit suicide,
but when he woke, he told me someone had held him down
and pumped him full of P.C.P." I break off crying,
thinking of how my baby brother must have felt being
pinned to the bed while someone he thought he could
trust was trying to kill him. The team looks like
they're in pure shock.
"Oh my god... I mean, is he okay?" Colby says,
speechless.
"No. That's why I want you and David to cover the
hotel and fine proof that will put this bitch away," I
say a bit more harshly than I meant but I feel the
rage coming back.
"Did he get a good look?" asked Megan.
"I know who did it, but can't tell you. I don't want
to give her any chance of getting away with it," I
say.
I hate this. I hate the fact that my brother has
become a case and there's nothing I can do to take the
pain away.
When David and Colby have left, Megan asks me if I
want her to write a report on the last time she spoke
to him. I just nod and head to get a cup of tea. Then
I go to my desk and look at some websites about P.C.P.
I just want to feel like I am doing something but
there's nothing I can say or do to help him. It would
be so easy if I could turn off the big brother part of
me. then I wouldn't feel this amount of rage or guilt.
I just can't understand why Aunt Sarah would do this
to him. Then I hear my cell ringing. I look at the
caller id and notice it's Dad's.
"Dad, is Charlie okay?" I feel the panic rise.
"Don, he is freaking out. He is calling out for you,"
I hear Dad say.
"What happened to upset him?" I ask, trying to calm
him down.
"I don't know. I left him for a second and when Sarah
and I came back-"
I cut him off. "What? Aunt Sarah is there? Dad, get
back to him and don't leave his side until I get
there!"
I yell at him and hung up. I feel like a bomb has gone
off inside me. I yell for Megan to come with me, then
I run out. I'm blinded by pure hate for her. I hope I
don't get there too late. I speed off from the parking
lot, barely giving Megan enough time to get in. When I
get to his room, I see her sitting next to him. I just
lose control.
"Get away from him," I say to her, keeping my voice
low and dangerous.
"Is there a problem?" I hear her say in a calm voice
and I feel sick.
"Yeah, get out before I kill you," I say without any
hint of remorse, because if she ever hurts him again I
will kill her.
"Don, calm down. What is this all about?" I hear Dad
ask, but I don't answer because I have to focus on
protecting Charlie.
It's Megan who answers him. "I'm sorry, but Charlie
didn't try to take his own life. Sarah tried to kill
him."
Dad goes into shock at this statement. Then Megan
grabs her and leads her away. But before Sarah leaves,
she tells Charlie that he will be locked up in the nut
house forever.
I hurry to take Charlie into my arms and hug him while
Dad says, "It's going to be okay, Son. We know you're
not crazy and we are going to help you leave this
behind you."
I don't know how long we sat there together, holding
each other, but it doesn't matter. He will never be
able to leave this behind him because we all carry
demons left behind by past sins.