Title: The tale of Harry the pansy in rap-limerick form

By: RogueCajun & Bootstraps (Padfoot & Moony)

Summary: No Spoilers! From the Crazy minds that brought you the rap-limerick about Scabbers, the rap-limerick about Hermione, and the rap-limerick about Draco comes a poem-esque doodad about Harry the pansy. Even if you do not like Harry the pansy, you will like this poem-y thing. It comes complete with random rhyming words, incoherent sentences, Robin Hood: Men in Tights references and Dr. Spock. What more could you ask for?

This is not, I repeat not to be taken seriously, we wrote this one day when we were bored.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I owned Harry Potter then Sirius would not have died and the books would be about him, not Harry. But alas, I do not own Harry Potter.

Rating: Pg-13-ish

Random Quote: "We're not worthy, we're not worthy!" –Wayne and Garth

There once was a pansy named Harry

Who was just a wee little man-sy

When the evil lord Voldie

Who was old and moldy

Killed both his parents

And sent death eaters

After Neville's too

Sirius was blamed

Peter was 'dead' and was the one who was famed with a 'heroic death'

And the Marauders were no longer together

So Harry was taken

To Petunia and Vernon's

And feather rhymes with together

For almost eleven years

Petunia and Vernon feared

That Harry would cause something weird

To happen in their house

So they locked him in a cupboard under the stairs

Along with a tiny black mouse

Because I am the

Almighty Bootstraps

The mouse

Is named Andrew

Thanks mate, that made a lot of sense

You could have at least made an attempt to connect it, like by saying something about you-know-who

Then one fine day

An owl appeared

With a letter from no one

Dudley took it

Gave it to Vernon

Doodly doodly doo nothing rhymes with Vernon

So Vernon that day

Took everyone away

To a house on a rock

Mr. Nemoy played Spock

That night was Harry's eleventh birthday

He drew himself a cake in the Earth-ay

I feel like I'm speaking Pig Latin

But your Pig Latin

Ain't good

For my rappin'

Midnight came

Along with Hagrid

And his pink umbrella

He broke down the door

Rattled the floor

And wasn't a great lookin' fella

He took Harry away

He made Dudley pay

For a comment

Vernon made

About Hogwart's headmaster

Being a crackpot old fool

So using his umbrella that was big

Hagrid turned Dudley into a pig

Complete with curly pink tail

Uh…nubbin?

I don't know

You're the

Great master of the Limerick

I got nuthin'!

I don't know

What you were thinkin'

Did you just say Abe Lincoln?

No, I did not just say Abe Lincoln genius, I said what were you thinking?

So, Harry went to Hogwarts

Kicked Voldemort's butt

Not once, not twice, but three times in his first four years

The last time you see, confirmed everyone's fears

That one day you-know-who would come back.

Ooh-ahh-ooh, nothing in here completely rhymes….

Doodly-doodly-doo

And come back he did,

He killed Cedric

And pitted the ministry against Dumbledore

Fudge is really a bore

Cause he wouldn't face the truth

My cousin has a friend named Ruth

Voldemort was allowed free reign

In Harry's fifth year

He was attacked by his own greatest fear-

Dementors, those ratty looking cheer sucking guards of Azkaban

And then the stuff hit the fan,

Harry used his Patronus

And prayed that no one noticed

But the ministry it seemed

Knows things that are unseen

And so they were really mean

And they expelled the pansy from Hogwarts

That night as he sulked, moped and was emo

There came a interesting sight…

The Order of the Phoenix had showed up in his house

To take him away for a while….

I have a friend named Kyle

Doodly doodly doo, I can't think of what else to say…

Oh yeah, Fudge decided he'd make Dumbledore pay

By sending him Umbridge the hag

Which made everyone quite mad

For she was power hungry and paranoid

We'd like to shove her over Niagara Falls in a barrel-oid.

Her decrees were absurd, they made Fred & George make like birds

And fly, fly away

But they caused a big hay day as they went

They had one last gift to give the crazy old bint

Occulmency with Snape was never any fun

And Harry learned about the damage his father had done

His nightmares came back and he was startled to find

That Voldemort knew about the connection of their minds

By using his godfather Voldemort hoped to be able to hang Harry by a magic rope

One that would display him for all the world to see that he was just a boy

And could never have hoped to defeat the dark Lord.

Um, hey-nani-nani and a ho-ho-ho not a lot of things rhyme with Lord that would make coherent sense….

Off to the ministry Harry flew

Hermione and Dumbledore's Army went too

To rescue Sirius

From the department of the mysterious

The prophecy he found

And discovered how the final battle had to go down

Neither can live while the other survives

So killing Voldemort is what the doctor prescribes

As the one thing that will sever the link

At least we hope and we think

It should make everything the way it should be

Where muggle-born and pure-blood could both live in harmony

The Death Eaters showed up

And Dumbledore's Army kicked most of their butts

Then the bad guys got the upper hand

Then outta nowhere Bam!

The order arrived

To make sure the kids got out of their alive.

Bellatrix Lestrange caused a ruckus

And it was because of her that Sirius kicked the bucket

So Sirius died

And Harry cried

While Remus tried

To keep Harry from going after him

Hey I know that bucket part really didn't rhyme

But I am running out of time

That's all I have, I'm done now it seems

I just have to take care of a few little things

Like sending this to Moony to get her input

And then up it'll go for everyone to have a look

Until next time I'll say adieu

For you never know

What next we'll do

Maybe one on Weasley the King

Or Fawkes the phoenix with crimson wings

Or maybe even one on dear ol' Sirius

Or one on Snape if you insist that we must

That's all I've got to say

I'm done for today

So long

Fair thee well

Pip-pip

Cheerio,

We'll be back soon!