Jacen made his way to the hangar where Tenel Ka's ship was docked. As usual the Hapan guards surrounded the entrance to the vessel. Jacen strode purposefully toward them. They eyed him haughtily, expecting him to stop. When it became clear that he was not going to stop, they stepped into his path.
"No one is allowed access to the Queen Mother's ship." A burly blond guard said. "Please step—"
Jacen did not even break his stride as he waved his hand at the guards. They instantly stepped back into formation, averting their steely gaze back to the hangar deck. Jacen used the Force to depress the ramp button, and then strode inside, reactivating it to close behind him.
Reaching out, he sensed Tenel Ka and Allana's presence as he walked down the corridor toward the back of the ship. He pressed the summons and the door slid aside revealing a beautifully designed bedroom and nursery. He knew instantly that Tenel Ka had done it herself. It was understated, but just cheerful enough for a baby.
"Welcome, Jedi Solo." DD-11A greeted.
"Hello, Dede." Jacen smiled at the nanny droid. "Good to see you again." DD-11A had been a life-saver literally. Though he would have preferred to protect Allana himself, he was glad to have the modified YVH war droid looking after his daughter. "Where is the Queen Mother?"
DD-11A gestured to another door which could only be the fresher. "She will be out shortly. Perhaps you'd like to visit with Allana while you wait?"
Jacen glanced toward the bed and saw the crib beside it. He heard gurgling and cooing and glimpsed tiny feet kicking into the air. His heart pounded in his chest as he walked over to his daughter lying in her crib.
Allana was batting her tiny fists at the colourful mobile that hovered above her. Her movements were animated and he clearly sensed her frustration and amusement in the Force. A little laugh escaped his lips.
Allana's head turned at the sound, her wide eyes taking Jacen in. He drifted closer and smiled at his daughter.
"Hello there, princess." He leaned over slightly and tickled his daughters' feet. Allana jumped slightly at the touch, and then started to make a game out of it by kicking Jacen's hand.
"Feisty, aren't you?" Allana gurgled again, her face clearly showing her glee with the game. Banging her fists and kicking her legs, she let out a squeal. She tried to lift her head only to have it drop back down. She squealed again and Jacen sensed her desire to be out of the crib.
"Alright, alright. Come here." He reached in and gently lifted her up and into his arms. He backed up to sit on the bed. "That's better, isn't it." Allana gurgled her delight as she jerkily looked around the room, her busy fists working on Jacen's tunic.
Jacen watched his daughter as she set about entertaining herself. Her Force signature was strong. He could sense the empathy in her and he would have wagered a guess that it was more pronounced than his own. Not being able to help himself, he gently probed her body for anything that could be physically wrong with her. All he got in return was an open-eyed stare from the squirming bundle.
Jacen laughed. "Sorry. Just checking." Scooting back to lean against the headboard, he let Allana rest on his chest, keeping his hands on her sides to make sure she wouldn't roll off.
She tried to lift her head and succeeded several times. She tired quickly of that and finally flopped her head back down, heaving a little sigh. They lay that way, content to just sit and feel each other out through the Force.
It was in this state Tenel Ka found them when she emerged from the fresher. Her lips quirked into a smile as she walked over to the bed. Jacen looked up, his eyes shining as he held his daughter.
"She's beautiful."
"Yes." Tenel Ka moved to sit on the bed. Allana sensing her mother, lifted her head again and tried to twist around to see her. Jacen turned her onto her back, leaning her against him. Tenel Ka smoothed her daughter's hair, then tickled her cheek. "She is a handful though."
"Is she sleeping through the night yet?" Jacen inquired.
She nodded. "About six hours a night. I am most grateful for that."
"I'm sure. It can't be easy on your own. Even with DeDe."
"I prefer to take care of her as much as possible." Tenel Ka bristled.
Jacen smiled. "I know. I wouldn't expect any less from you." He kissed the top of Allana's furry head. He looked up again. "How are you doing?"
Tenel Ka shrugged. "I'm well. The nursing is starting to get to me." Her hands went to her chest. "Her appetite has increased so much—"
"I meant—"
"I know what you meant." Tenel Ka avoided his eyes. When he continued to stare at her, she rose and paced back and forth in front of the bed.
"You know what Uncle Luke is going to say." Jacen stated.
"Of course. I will need to leave the Order."
Jacen nodded. He'd known that sooner or later it would happen. Tenel Ka would not leave her people in turmoil. She'd done too much work and had still more to do if she were to succeed in changing the way things were. Even though Jacen admired her tenacity, he knew that the changes would not take place in either of their lifetimes.
"It's for the best." Jacen let Allana grasp his forefinger. "Best for the both of you."
Tenel Ka laughed bitterly. "Yes, I suppose it is." She sighed. What had she been thinking? That somehow Jacen would see Allana and decide to stay with her? She laughed again, shaking her head at herself.
"I would if I could."
Tenel Ka jerked her head up to meet his gaze. "Will you stop doing that? Sithspawn!" She started pacing again.
Jacen opened his mouth in a wide 'O' and playfully covered Allana's ears with his hands. "Such language. And in front of the baby." He made a mock disapproving cluck of his tongue. He glanced down at Allana. "Did you hear that? Mommy said a bad word. Yes, she did." Allana gurgled and cooed at her father, kicking her feet in excitement.
Tenel Ka rolled her eyes. "I'm happy to entertain you."
DD-11A came over to Jacen. "Time for a meal." She extended her arms and lifted Allana from her father's grasp. With the warmth suddenly gone from his chest, Jacen felt for the first time what it would be like not to see his daughter on a regular basis. His expression saddened and his arms fell to his sides.
Tenel Ka watched him quietly. It seemed that he was full of emotion when it came to Allana. But what about me? She knew she was being selfish. But she couldn't seem to help it. She was so emotional these days. Everything seemed to upset her. She cursed herself for the weakness.
"Don't do that." Jacen stood and walked to her side. "Don't see it as weakness."
Tenel Ka jerked away from his touch. "It is though." She wouldn't be able to stand it if he touched her.
He reached up and grasped her shoulders. He turned her so her back was facing him and proceeded to massage her shoulders. Tenel Ka almost sunk to the floor from the sensation of it.
"It's not. You are a mother now. And a good one at that." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm so very proud of you."
Tenel Ka tried to control the tears. She felt them coming. An entire year of carrying Allana, of keeping herself in seclusion. Not being able to even tell Jacen that she was carrying their child. Worrying about assassination attempts from her own family not to mention the other Houses. Knowing that she and Jacen would not be able to raise Allana together. And now having to leave the Order. The one place where she had felt as if she had a real family. A place where she felt accepted.
A tiny cry escaped her lips and proved to be the breaking point. She cried. Her sobs came in heaving gasps as her shoulders shook under Jacen's ministrations. He turned her around and pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly. He rubbed her back and rocked her, letting her pour out her anguish.
She did not know how long she cried. It felt like hours. Finally she was silent. She stood quietly in Jacen's arms, her face wet with tears. Eventually she was calm enough to look at him.
"Feel better now?"
She sniffed. She must look a mess. Since when do I care about that?
"Hold on." Jacen went to the baby's dressing table and grabbed some cleansing cloth. He came back and gently wiped her face, making her blow her nose.
"There. Perfect." He cupped her chin and forced her to look at him. "You are not weak, Tenel Ka. You are one of the strongest people I know. You can do this."
Tenel Ka nodded. "Yes. I can." She brushed some of her hair out of her face and pulled at the Jedi robe she'd donned for the meeting.
Jacen clasped her hands in his own. He waited, willing her to look at him. Slowly her eyes slid up over his chest to his chin coming to rest on his lips. She inhaled jerkily. He waited until her gaze met his. Tenel Ka succumbed then. She wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling his mouth down to hers.
They kissed breathlessly, pressing tightly to one another, as if afraid that one or the other would disappear.
Tenel Ka forced herself to end the kiss, gasping for breath as she did. "You should…you should go. The meeting will start soon."
Jacen watched her for another minute, then nodded. He let go of her hands and went to DeDe. He bent and kissed Allana on the forehead and then her nose. "I'll see you soon, princess." Allana flailed her arms happily.
Jacen turned and headed toward the exit. He glanced at Tenel Ka. She hadn't moved. Her back was to him but he could sense her strength. She would be fine. She had to be. He went out the door and down the corridor.
He exited the ship and strode past the oblivious guards. He continued out of the hanger toward the meditation pavilion where he sensed his aunt and uncle.
Today would be a telling day for the future of the Jedi. Where in that future his life with his daughter and Tenel Ka lie, he had not a clue.