A/N: Ok, after this ya'll have got to be tired of me. LOL! This was originally a song fic (lyrics by Rihanna), and if you know me you know I go by the rules of and won't post the story with the lyrics here. If you want to read it with the lyrics in tact all you have to do is send me a message and your e-mail and I'll gladly share it with you. Oh, and before I forget--there's a heavy kleenex warning with this fic. Please don't hate me too much--I love you all to pieces (and as always--you are the best!) Until next time--PCGirl.
Disclaimer: All characters are property of ABC/Disney. I own nothing. :)
John pulled his car over to the edge of the steep embankment—he'd been driving when he'd seen what looked like one car passing another illegally when he realized the one was attempting to push the other one off the road and succeeded in doing so.
As he jumped out of the car and began the steep descent down he took his cell phone out and called for help, "This is Lieutenant John McBain—I'm on Highway 28 at mile marker 12, there's been an accident involving a car that went over the embankment—I don't know how many are injured yet, but I need an ambulance sent right away."
As he got closer to the car and saw the make and model he stomach clenched—there was only one blue Lexus SC-430 in Llanview that he knew of, and as he rushed to the driver's door his fears were confirmed, "Natalie—talk to me," he whispered as he reached in through the shattered window and checked for a pulse, finding it already weak.
"John," she said softly as she opened her eyes and focused on his face, "I open my eyes from the dark and here you are again," she said with a smile.
"Help is on the way," he said as he looked across the crushed compartment and saw Jared Banks lying there.
"He's already gone," she said, quite bluntly and then turned her head back to John.
"How did this happen? Who did this?"
"Tess—she's back. I found out tonight, was on the way back from the cottage to tell Mom and Dad," she said, and coughed some.
"Hey—shhhh," he said as he ran a hand over her hair to try and calm her down. Looking at the crumpled door he attempted to open it and it came off in his hands.
He'd been thinking he could carry her back up the embankment and take her to the hospital himself—but at seeing how badly the compartment was crushing her he knew he wouldn't be able to get her out himself, and fear crept into his veins further that he wasn't going to be able to save her.
"I'm glad Rex has Bo in his life—he's going to need support," she said, her eyes closed as she spoke outloud.
"What are you talking about? He's got you also."
"I don't think for long, John. I saw the look in your eye—you can't save me this time, can you?" she asked, not out of fear, but understanding.
"I'm here, aren't I?" he laughed, trying to keep his eyes bright and his head straight. He knew the distance from the hospital to here—and if they didn't hurry he knew it would be too late.
"John—I need you to tell Jess something for me," said Natalie, her breathing was getting ragged and he feared she was going to start coughing blood soon.
"I'm not going to tell her anything—you are, the ambulance is on its way," he said as he pushed her hair out of her face.
Natalie gave a weak smile, "Just in case, ok? When she's whole again and Tess is gone—tell her I knew it was never her. She didn't do this—no matter how much she hated me, she wouldn't. And mom and dad—tell them I'm sorry," she paused a moment to catch her breath, "Tell them I'm sorry I wasn't a better daughter—I just wanted to make them proud. And I love them. Jess too."
"They are proud of you—so am I. I'm sorry I haven't been there, Natalie. I could have stopped this."
"Just like you—to think you can stop something you have no control over. I don't want to be one of your ghosts, John. Let me go peacefully, ok?"
"I'm—I'm not sure I can," he said as he felt the tears well into his eyes.
"You will. One night you'll be unable to sleep so you'll go up to our roof and stay there until the sun rises—you'll feel a cool breeze and it'll be me—you can't hold onto the wind John, no matter how hard you try."
"Stop all this crazy talk. We'll go up on the roof just as soon as you get better. Where are those damn paramedics?" questioned John as he looked up the embankment to see if they were there yet, but the road was still dark.
"I'm getting tired John," spoke Natalie as she tried to focus on John's blue eyes but was having trouble doing so.
John watched her eyes—the life in them was slipping away, "I want you to know I never stopped loving you. I'm still not sure I know how to."
"Me either," she smiled and took a deep breath, moving her head to look straight forward, a smile appearing on her face at something John couldn't see, "Ben." She turned to look at John, "He says he's ready—that it's my time."
John felt the tears streaming down his face and just nodded, unable to get his voice up and over the lump that was wadded in his throat. Leaning in he carefully placed his lips over hers and felt her kiss him back, and with that he knew she was gone.
John stood in the shadows of the trees as he watched each of the Buchanan's pay their final respects to her. He'd stayed in the shadows at the church also—listening to them speak words about her that they possibly never told her while she was on earth. He wondered if they had just said those words to her then maybe none of this would have happened.
Taking a seat on the front row of now empty chairs he looked down into the earthen hole and wondered how she had felt when she'd believed it was him down there—probably exactly how he felt now.
Reaching into his coat pocket he pulled out the St. Dwynwen medal and rubbed it between his fingers. He'd had it with him that night like he'd had every moment since they'd broken up, but everything had happened so quickly he hadn't had a chance to pray for a miracle.
He remembered all the promises he'd made when Hayes Barber had her—and how he'd kept most of them. The one he didn't keep—the one that mattered the most was that he didn't show her enough how much she meant to him.
Hearing footsteps he looked over to see Bo and Rex walking back towards the gravesite, "Sorry, I just—."
"Don't—she'd want you here," said Bo as he sat down and Rex followed beside him.
The three men that mattered most in Natalie's life all sat there quietly—remembering the real Natalie, the one that left her mark on the world and their hearts forever. When each was done remembering they got up quietly and left without saying a single word.
It was John that was the last one left, and standing over the grave looking down he dropped the medal, hearing it hit the casket, and walked away. He didn't need to pray for his true love anymore, he just hoped she would continue to pray for him.
John sat on the bench and stared out as the sun rose and a new day began—the day before he'd gone to Llanfair for the first time since having to tell Vicki her daughter had died. Jess' integration had happened the week before, and he had to fulfill his promise to Natalie—it was the least he could do.
Jess had cried, but he knew in the end Natalie's words would somehow bring solace to the situation.
After leaving Llanfair he'd turned in his badge into Bo. The months that had followed since Natalie's death had been hard on both men, but unlike Bo, John had the choice to walk away from Llanview and never look back.
Standing up and walking to the edge of the roof John closed his eyes, feeling the rays of the sun hit his face. He then felt the cool breeze of late fall hit him also. She'd kept her word—she'd be there when he let her go.
As he turned around and grabbed his duffle bag he remembered how she told him he couldn't hold onto the wind. That was true, but he could at least follow where it led him—knowing it was her, guiding him to a place where he might be able to find the peace he deserved until his prayers to St. Dwynwen were answered and they were reunited.