THE REDDIWIP CHRONICLES

by Lilith Heights

A series of letters between key members of the Crystal Tokyo Monarchy and others during TDAY. Started as a random note passed between two high school friends, now an international incident. More at 11...

Started as a random note in a notebook passed between to high school friends, now an international incident. More at 11...written by Lilith Heights and helped by other people who no long wish to be associated with this nonesense. Mamoru,

How's America? I'm cheating on you with a hunky rock star that loves me. Hope to see you soon.

Love, Usagi

P.S. Disregard last line.

Dear Usagi,

America's great! Congratulations on your new boyfriend. Oh, I've enclosed a picture of my lover from the the past five years.

Love, Mamoru

P.S. See you in Hell you two timing slut

Dear Mamoru,

The wedding was nice. Showed Rei your letter. The reception was nice too. All the Senshi were there. Except for Mars...Something about catching plane? By the way love the whore, Chibi Usa's a hermaphrodite, and the kingdom is looking fine, wish you were here!

Love, Usagi Kou

P.S. Expect BOMB in mail

:BOOM:

Dear Usagi,

Love the bomb. It blew a nice hole in my head. I can hardly see what I'm writing this on. I had to write back to you very fast before I lost consciousness again. Me and what's her name are happily married living in the Bahamas with one child who is not hermaphrididic. Have to go clean off my scar tissue now! Bye.

Love, Mamoru

Dear Mamoru,

Ha Ha Ha. Rei said something about a house warming present. Her big ass gun shelf is empty. She never tells me the whole story. It's not fair!

Love, Usagi

DEAR USAGI :STOP:

SKULL TRANSPLANTS REALLY WORK:STOP:

REI ARRIVED :STOP:

GIRLFRIEND DEAD :STOP:

SEND REDDI-WIP™ :STOP:

SEND HAND CUFFS :STOP:

LOVE MAMORU :STOP:

P.S. DON'T ASK :STOP:

DEAR MAMORU :STOP:

DON'T NEED TO ASK :STOP:

PUTTING TRADE HOLD :STOP:

ON REDDI-WIP™ :STOP:

IN VICINITY OF BAHAMAS :STOP:

KEEPING IT FOR HONEYMOON :STOP:

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA :STOP:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :STOP:

LOVE USAGI: STOP:

Dear Usagi,

My convoy of war trade ships have broken through your military blockade. Rei, the dead girl friend's body and I have been neck deep in REDDI-WIP™ for weeks now. Sorry this letter is covered in REDDI-WIP™. We got tired only had time to write now. Oops gotta go.

Love, Mamoru

P.S. Rei says Hi. Do you know any places to dump a corpse coated in REDDI-WIP™.

Dear Mamoru,

Seiya and I have been busy. Ami's Head has been rolling crooked. Repair men have been called in to fix the problem. Tell Rei that the Mars castle 'mysteriously' burnt to the ground from...Sailor Star Light Attack:::Ahem: Oh how redundant can you get! Bye.

Love, Usagi

P.S. Have you tried the Pacific ocean, stupid!

Dear Usagi,

I Hate you.

I Hate you.

I Hate you.

Love, Mamoru

Dear Usagi,

I resent you now more than ever. Can't have you near tropical island. To busy to talk to you. Have fun with your love; I know that I am :P

Love, Rei

Dear Rei,

Shut up

Love, Usagi :P

Dear Usagi,

Shut Up

Love, Rei :P

Dear Rei,

You're stupid. I'm sending my nuclear military options to the Bahamas. Bye Bye.

Love, Usagi

Dear Usagi,

Stop writing letters. Wasting ink and paper. Need ink for other purposes.

Love, Rei and Mamoru

Dear Mamoru,

I wasn't kidding. Keeping watching the skies.

Love, Usagi

DEAR NEO QUEEN SERENITY :STOP:

HOVERING OVER BAHAMAS :STOP:

DROPPING BOMB :STOP:

THAT'S ONE HELL OF A NAVY FLEET ENDIMYION'S GOT DOWN THERE :STOP:

LOVE, AIR FORCE COMMANDER :STOP:

Dear Mamoru,

She really wasn't kidding. Sorry about the bomb. Wish we could've been friends, or even met.

Love, Seiya

P.S. How many pieces is Rei in?

Dear Minna,

I'm going to run screaming around the Moon Castle until I pass out. Hope you find this letter on the floor.

Love, Setsuna

DEAR SENSHI :STOP:

SURPRISE ATTACK :STOP:

LOVE, GALAIXA :STOP:

Dear Neo Queen,

WRACK DIE DIE DIE WRACK WRACK WRACK!

Love, Ami's Head (written by Ami's body)

Dear Seiya,

How's Usagi? getting bored of nuclear poison and navy fleet. Let's be friends. How's Chibi Usa? Mars said she was okay when she left.

Love, Mamoru

Dear Mamoru,

Kiss...Off...rose...boy...?

Love, Princess Usagi

Dear Sailor Mars,

I'm currently burning down Crystal Tokyo. Thanks for the matches, Mars. Like I needed them at all. Oh sorry about that castle thing

Love, Sailor Star Fire Starter

Dear Star Lights,

Don't walk out in you're backyard...just a warning.

Love, Sailor Star Hunter.

Dear Outer Senshi,

Coming for a visit. Bringing cake and fire works.

Love, Sailor Star Visitor

Dear Friends,

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Love, Sailor Pluto

Dear Senshi,

You were denied a room here. Even upon the insistent request of your fellow Senshi Sailor Pluto. You're too strange for us. Especially her.

Love, Charter

P.S. Were billing you for the hole in the wall she made when she left.

DEAR GUYS :STOP:

RUNNING AWAY TO PLUTO :STOP:

DO NOT FOLLOW :STOP:

NOT ENOUGH OXYGEN TO SUSTAIN LI...

Dear Moon Royalty,

We think you're a bunch of freaks. Go away. We want a republic, not a Sailor Senshi, transsexual and a hermaphrodite heir.

Love, The People of Tokyo

Dear Seiya,

I love you. I like wasting paper. I know we are truly sorry about the loss of Pluto. We had no idea she was so unstable..AA..Ble...MusT...KeeP... Pp...Peace...Peeace..Kee...Ke...eep...she was.

Love, Usagi

Dear Occupants of Crystal Tokyo,

We would like to honor you with this enclosed plaque. We our extremly thrilled that you enjoy our production as much as we love to produce it. We hope your Queen, our best customer, along with her esstranged husband and just strange lover keep enjoying our product over the years. We wecolme you to the wide world of REDDI-WIP™ PRODUCTS! (Catalog inclosed)

Love, REDDI-WIP™enterprises

P.S. Please stop buying now we almost out of inventory! I mean what are you doing with it all anyway?

Dear Hotaru, Ami, and Usagi,

NAKED TWISTER AT OUR HOUSE!

Love, Haruka and Michiru

P.S. BRING PLENTY OF REDDI-WIP™

Dear Usagi,

Tried to sneak Setsuna into charter, but really hunky guys threw her out while she tried to get back in. They decided to keep me instead. I'm writing to you from a white paded cell. FULL of REDDI-WIP™! The hospitality level in this place is amazing.

Love, Mako

P.S. Have my magizine subsciption forwarded, and send REDDI-WIP™ Catalog

Dear Mako,

Reading Usagi's mail, again. Just have one thing to say:::Blink Blink:

Love, Minako

THIS JUST IN

WARNING!

THE GINZUISHOU IN ON THE FRITZ!

NEO QUEEN SERENTIY HAS ISSUED A WARNING FOR ANY ONE IN THE DOWN TOWN CRYSTAL-TOKYO AREA. THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN REPORTS THAT SHE HERSELF IN ON THE FRITZ! ANY ONE WITH CONTACTS TO THE REDDI-WIP CORPORATION™ ARE ASKED TO TURN THEMSELVES IN TO THE NEAREST REDDI-WIP™ DISTRIBUTOR

-LOVE, WEIRD ASS ANOUNCER GUY-

DEAR KAKKYU:STOP:

HELP:::STOP:

CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE:STOP:

RETREATING TO HOME PLANET:STOP:

DON'T CARE ABOUT PLANETARY RELATIONS:STOP:

TOO MUCH REDDI-WIP™:STOP:

SEIYA NOT COMMING:STOP:

LOVE YATEN AND TAIKI:STOP:

P.S. DELAYED:::STOP:

REDDI-WIP™ CLOGGING ENGINES :STOP:

Dear Kakkyu,

How's our home planet? Usagi and I are fine. Wanted to see how you were doing. Did Yaten and Taiki make it safley? Seding you REDDI-WIP and wedding pictures.

Love, King Orion (Seiya)

Dear Fighter,

What's REDDI-WIP™? Taiki and Yaten are visiting?

Love, Kakyuu

P.S. Mail service a little shotty, Love the pictures!

DEAR EARTH:STOP:

HELP:STOP:

TRYING TO REACH HOME:STOP:

CRASHED AND STRANDED ON PLUTO:STOP:

DO NOT SEND:STOP:

REDDI-WIP™:STOP:

CAUSE OF CRASH:STOP:

LOVE TAIKI AND YATEN:STOP:

P.S. SAVE US FROM SETSUNA:STOP:

Dear Setsuna,

Don't hurt the Lights. They don't like it. Come to Haruka's party Friday. Have REDDI-WIP™; Will party.

Love, Minako

P.S. Bring The 2 lights we need entertaiment at party.

DEAR SOILDERS:STOP:

DESTROYING LIFE ON PLANET:STOP:

TOO MUCH REDDI-WIP™:STOP:

LOVE HOTARU:STOP:

Dear Carpet company,

How many cans of resolve do you need to remove REDDI-wip from your product.

Love, Neo Queen Serenity

DEAR USAGI:STOP:

CATURED 2 LIGHTS :STOP:

WANT RANSOM:STOP:

IN WAY OF :STOP:

ROOM AT CHARTER:STOP:

LOVE SAILOR PLUTO:STOP:

P.S. HI MINAKO :STOP:

Dear Guys,

We're in cahoost with Galaxia, again. Remember party on friday!

Arive systematically through the back door and win prize.

Love, Uranus and Neptune

P.S. Bring your Star Seeds, Dream Mirrors and Heart Crytals 8)

Dear Usagi,

Remember me?

Love, Mamoru

P.S. 'Course you don't!

Dear Mamoru,

Shutting down Mail service. Have recived too many weird letters! Come home. Maybe Rei will be up to the four some thing. Seiya is telling me to go. We have invitations to a party at Haruka's. See you soon.

Love, Usagi

P.S. Disregard the menage a trois thing.

DEAR GALAXIA :STOP:

ENJOYING THE NEW POWERS :STOP:

HAVE SENSHI :STOP:

CAN'T RELAY THEM :STOP:

HAVING FUN :STOP:

PLUTO ARRIVED :STOP:

LOVE YOUR UNDERLINGS :STOP:

HARUKA AND MICHIRU :STOP:

P.S. GIVE ME YOUR SOUL IN A JAR 8D :STOP:

Dear Mamoru and Rei,

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Love, The Inner Senshi and Starlights