"Mau- Maura, what the hell are you doing?"
Jane had come down from the bullpen to check up on her wife, and make sure she wasn't dying of frustration. Four months into her pregnancy had brought with it an extremely wild libido. Jane had never seen anyone so horny all the time. Maura wanted sex all the time. And when she wanted sex, she got it. Even at the most inappropriate of moments. Several times the two of them had gotten caught half naked on the couch. Susie Chang, with her incredible timing, had almost barged in on them a couple times in Maura's office when she couldn't wait. In short, there was lots of sex. Although it's not like Jane was complaining. At all.
What she saw, though, wasn't what she was expecting. This was new.
Her wife was currently standing in her heels on the arm of her couch, reaching to take down several paintings. Jane could see the small pile of paintings sitting on Maura's desk waiting patiently to be moved, and then took in the rest of the clutter around her. The chairs were moved around, Maura's desk slanted sideways, scattered piles of assorted papers and files, and portraits all frantically placed anywhere they would fit, even though they all already had their homes.
"Maura, it looks like someone ransacked your office. Did you do all this? And come down from there before you break something; or worse, yourself or the baby."
"Jane, you know I was being careful." Maura stepped down from the couch and kissed her wife hello, before proceeding to run around moving several more things at once. Lamps, her precious masks, anything she could get her hands on.
"Alright Maur, that's good, but what are you doing? Why does it look like a crime scene in here? You've only been in a few, have you been doing this all morning?"
"Jane, I can't explain it, or control it," she sighed and paused her movements to look at her wife, "much like anything else involved with the hormones from my pregnancy. I came down this morning and everything just looked wrong. Out of place. The feng shui of it all was off."
"So you decided to move every single thing arou- woah, where do you think you're going?"
Maura peeked her head back through the doorway to the morgue to look at Jane, who was still standing in the middle of the mess, trying to take it all in. "What? The morgue is off too. I need to fix it."
"Maura, sweetie," Jane sighed, still confused but becoming more amused by the minute. "I know you're pregnant, but you're gonna move around all the dead people and everything just because of some feng shoe?" She followed her wife into the morgue and sat in a chair, at least thankful Maura had done the office before anything a little less private. She watched Maura practically hover above the floor with the speed she was moving around looking for things to rearrange.
"Feng shui, Jane. It's the Chinese belief and practice that the way things are arranged in a room can affect our lives; primarily our happiness or success. And no, don't be silly. The bodies won't be moved. But my tools and maybe even my desk, or computer. Oh and I might need your and Susie's help moving the autopsy tables around as well."
"Wow. Um, okay. You've been constantly horny, and constantly mad, and constantly emotional, before. This is a first though. Are you sure Dr. Pike didn't get you pregnant because you sure seem to be acting quitemmmphh-" Jane's tease was cut off by the pressing of a perfectly manicured finger against her lips.
"Don't even finish that sentence," Maura bent and whispered close to her ear. Jane didn't know how she could have gotten to her so fast from the other side of the room, but with what she'd seen up to now she knew she shouldn't be surprised. "You don't know how unfortunate that would be for you if you did." Maura paused for a moment, to see if Jane had anything to comment. "I'm going to remove my finger. Can you keep any Pike-related comments away from my feng shui?"
"Mhm," Jane grinned against Maura's finger. Before Maura could take her finger back completely, Jane took it in her hand and brought it back to her lips for a kiss. She then came up from her chair to stand in front of Maura. "And there's the angry bit I was just talking about," she chuckled at Maura's slightly aggravated but humored expression.
Jane took the back of each of Maura's hands and kissed them, and then leaned her head down to kiss her lips, and her forehead. "You're pregnant. And you're hormones are doing all kinds of crazy things to you and it's cute and adorable and I love it. And you. But I don't think it'd be good if your feng shui changed everything in here. You're gonna come back on Monday and try to change everything again, or fix it, and wonder what possessed you to touch anything, because everything was where it should be. Is that right?"
Maura pressed her forehead against Jane's chest. "It might be," she mumbled.
"And you, and everyone else that works down here, are not going to know where tools are, or where any papers are. And you'll need to fix everything again, and Susie will need to help you. And then the entire lab will be backed up, and criminals will go free. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
"No, of course not."
"Of course not, sweetie. I know that. So here's what you're gonna do. Frankie's gonna drop you off at home, and you can rest for a bit. Don't worry about anything here, I'll update Cavanaugh. And when you're home you can feng shui all you want. Our bedroom, the kitchen, your five million dollar couch cushions, whatever. Does that sound okay?"
"Wait, you're not going to be confused and have trouble finding everything if I move it around?" Maura leaned back to look at her wife again. "And what about cleaning up my office?"
"Nah, not any more than when Ma decided she wanted to be an organizer. And don't worry about your office, I'll clean it up."
"Jane, no. You don't know where everything goes. I'll stay and help you."
"Oh no, you're not. You can go home and relax. And sure I know where stuff goes. I am a detective, y'know," she winked. "And I think I've been in your office enough times to know the general order of operations. C'mon."
The two of them walked back to the office where Maura sat on her couch and Jane on the edge of the desk while she made a phone call. "Yeah, hey Frankie. I need a favor. Drive Maura home? Yeah I know, she needs to relax a little bit. Yeah alright thanks. We'll see you in a bit."
Jane hung up and turned her attention back to Maura. "Frankie's gonna meet us by the café in a couple minutes. In the meantime, you wanna give me a crash course on all the little things about here that I haven't quite memorized yet?" She smirked and helped her wife up and to the office doorway, where it was easier to get a good look at the general layout of the space.
"Alright. The black and white portrait goes on the far left wall, and the-"
"Maur. I got those. Help me with the little things, and dumb it down for me please."
Those books and that bell on the table by the couch," she said, pointing around her desk. "The colorful cushion goes with the right chair, and the white one with the left. And the two dinosaur skeletons above the far bookcase, and Erikson and Freud go together in the left cabinet, and Darwin and Einstein together in the right." She turn to Jane and smirked. "Got that?" she teased.
"Yeah, I'll figure it out."
With a kiss Jane led Maura up to the lobby where they met Frankie, and soon he and Maura were on their way. As she made her way back down to the basement and Maura's office, Jane picked up her phone and made a call to Korsak, who –with Frost- was still upstairs, probably having lunch. "Hey Korsak, you listening?"
"Yup. Say, aren't you with the Doc downstairs?"
"Yeah, let me talk. Maura's gone home for the day. She needs to relax a little bit."
"Oohh, is this a pregnant thing?"
"Sure is. And so is the fact that I'll be down here for a while. We don't have any open cases, so that'll be okay right?"
"Sure thing. I'll let Cavanaugh know about the Doc, too."
"Thanks, partner."
"Do you mind my asking what you're doing down there if she's gone home?"
"Maura's hormones went all feng shui and she tried rearranging her office. And the morgue. I'll just be putting things where they belong for a while." There was a short pause, and Jane could hear Korsak and Frost chuckling at her. They did always say she was whipped. "Hey, shut up. You guys are just jealous because I have a gorgeous genius and you don't."
"You're right Jane," Frost picked up. "You have fun down there." The dumb grin plastered on his face was almost audible.
"Yeah thanks. Try and get some work done, you two," Jane said, and took the phone away from her ear to hang up. She thought she heard Korsak mumble something but couldn't make out what he said. She decided not to dwell on it too much.
Hours later, after Jane had replaced books, organized papers, rehung paintings and portraits, and a variety of other tasks, what her partner had muttered into the phone suddenly became clear in her mind.
"Ugh, pregnancy.
Godspeed, Janie."
Thanks for reading. Reviews are great. :D