Jan-ken-pon
Ichigo cleared his throat and tapped his chin, his scowl scoring wrinkles in between his eyebrows. Grimmjow sneered and shook his head.
"I'm not doing that. I'll burp the damn thing. I'll feed it. But I am not doing that."
Ichigo sighed. "Well one of us has to. It's not going to fix itself."
The tiny wiggling form on the bed gurgled up at them and spit up its lunch. Four hours prior, while out hunting hollows Ichigo had run into his one time lover, Grimmjow. After a brief sparing session, followed by a much longer and far more intense lovemaking session, they were basking in the afterglow when a high keening wail could be heard from not far off. Ichigo sat up, pulling his shinigami robes closed over his chest and began tying his obi.
"The fuck is that?" Grimmjow asked as he too sat up.
"Sounds like a baby." Ichigo muttered, standing and frowning in the direction of the sound.
"So that means you have to leave already?" Grimmjow was still horny, even if his cock wouldn't budge right yet.
"What if someone is in the park, idiot."
Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "Are you stupid? It's one o'clock in the morning. Don't human's sleep during this time?"
Instead of the reaction he was expecting, well wanting really as Ichigo would never turn to him and jump on him like a rabid fan girl, Ichigo's frown deepened and he walked off in the direction of the cries. Grimmjow sneered and let out a grunt of frustration as he followed. He wasn't done yet, damn it! As soon as they found the tiny bundle Ichigo picked it up and looked around for any sign of its parents.
"You found it. Now what?"
Now that the both of them stood staring down at the thing in the middle of Ichigo's bed Grimmjow was beginning to think the boy had actually gone fucking insane.
"Well find it's parent's." Ichigo had vowed.
Grimmjow had gotten irritated and shouted about that not being their responsibility and that he wasn't finished yet, startling the tiny wiggling package from its then hiccupping cries to full out screeching wails. Ichigo cuddled it close to sooth it and glared at Grimmjow, stating that there was no way in hell he was going to explain what he was doing in the park this late at night. He was a minor after all and he really didn't want to get in trouble for this.
"What if we strip it then hose it off outside?" Grimmjow asked hopefully.
"Grimmjow!"
Ichigo shifted his hips and sighed. "Get me a towel. We'll both do this."
Grumbling the whole way, Grimmjow tried to remember how he had gotten wrapped up in this and came up blank. After handing the towel to Ichigo and taking a step back, swearing that he could see stink lines in the air around the offensive diaper, he watched Ichigo lift the baby gingerly and place the towel underneath it. Once finished he too took a step back and took a deep breath of fresh air.
"I think something might have crawled in there and died." He gagged.
"And you want me to change that?"
"One of us has to take the diaper off, the other can wipe it up." Ichigo tried to compromise.
"Good luck with the wiping, Ichigo." Grimmjow said, patting his shoulder and reaching to hurriedly take off the diaper.
"No way! We jan-ken-pon for it."
"Fu~ck." Grimmjow rolled his eyes and readied his fist. "Fine."
Grimmjow and Ichigo faced off, a fist held out in front of each of them as they stared each other down. Finally Grimmjow grinned.
"I'm so gonna win this shit."
"You wish."
"Jan-ken-pon!" They shouted in unison and looked down at the signs the other had thrown.
"Ha! Paper covers rock, fucker. I win first round." Grimmjow grinned.
"Shut up."
Again. "Jan-ken-pon!"
"Ha! Rock breaks scissors. Ba~ka."
"Fuck off."
Once more the faced off, the winner of this round to determine who would change the diaper and who would wipe the baby. A small trickle of sweat dripped from Grimmjow's temple and he shifted his weight to his left foot. Ichigo bobbed his head to the side and cracked his neck. There was no way he was wiping up shit of anything today.
"Oh, a baby!"
Grimmjow and Ichigo both jumped in the air and turned toward the speaker, both glad they had a fair amount of control over their own bowels. Yuzu picked the baby up and rubbed her nose to its nose.
"Smells like someone needs to be changed." Grabbing the small package of diapers and wipes, Yuzu carted the baby out of the room, ignoring her brother in favor of the new "toy" she had found.
Grimmjow and Ichigo stared at the door after she had left, trying to capture their breaths and waiting for their hearts and stomachs to return to their proper places.
"Yeah, I'm leaving." Grimmjow said with a decisive nod of his head. "See ya 'round, Ichigo."
"I thought you wanted…."
"I can't spend all day here. Humans to torture, souls to suck, ya know." He cut him off with a sarcastic grin.
"Fuck you, Grimmjow." Ichigo scowled.
"Maybe next time. Right now I gotta get the baby stink off me."
Grimmjow jumped out he window and was gone in an instant, Ichigo shaking his head with a small smile on his face. Neither one of them realized their identical thoughts as they parted ways.
"I didn't have the change the diaper. I win."
A/N Don't ask where this came from. I have no clue but it wanted to be written so... enjoy? *If you didn't already get this, Jan-ken-pon is rock paper scissors* lol
~Penny