A/N:This is a fic I was working on a long time ago, and I just rediscovered it a couples of weeks ago...While I personally think that, (in polite terms) it is a piece of crap, I did some repairs to it, and put a little finish to it. I've pretty much outlined the rest of this, but I'm not sure if I should write out a second part, so if you read this and want a Part Two(which will have much more action, much more character development, and hopefully, less crap-like qualities) could you please say so in the review? This is based on the 'Andalite captain' in book #18...Remember that book everyone? It may have a few human phrases, because I really don't know what Andalites use to say certain things. This explains (or the second part will...this leads into it) why the captain became a traitor to his species...So...enjoy. And by the way, the fic I'm working on now is a lot better (or at least more twisted) than this one. Twisted is good. And I'm having fun babbling in the A/N and hoping everyone reading this hasn't run away yet...
Traitor
I am the traitor, weak-minded, hopeless. I am Samilin-Corrath-Gahar.
Of course, to the Andalites I am simply Yeerk scum.
They do not hesitate to call me that. They do not hesitate to wonder, why. They assume that they know my story. They assume that I am a coward.
They being the Andalites, of course.
And maybe I am a coward. Maybe my heart turns cold when I get faced with battle, or when I imagine closing my eyes forever.
But if I am a coward, not much better can be said for the rest of this damned galaxy.
The obedient little arisths know nothing of me. The Andalites cannot have the children learn that someone rebelled, that someone got past the Andalite superiority nailed into their heads and... dare I say it? Became a person.
Can't have that.
They go about their daily lives assuming that the Andalite military is perfect. But the older ones who know of me, they smugly look back on me as a disgusting mistake. That's all. A mistake. I suppose I am an Andalite, to a certain extent. Physically I am certainly an Andalite. And I won't deny that the arrogance that passes as optimism has not completely worn off.
I get ahead of myself. The story must be known. There is no beginning or middle or end to this. Is there really a beginning, middle and end to a person?
So instead, I'll tell you this person. The memories I won't forget. Ever.
~~~
Samilin! My mother's voice called through the meadow. I swerved a stalk eye over towards our scoop and saw her standing there.
Yes Mother?
The new neighbors are coming. Help them unpack, Samilin?
Unpack? I echoed dimly, as I galloped over to the scoop. Why would they need help with that? Usually a family had nothing more than the few necessities.
The father is an inventor of some type. she said as I reached our scoop. He's brought a lot of equipment home. She smiled. Since he's working so nearby you may be able to watch him work.
I smiled back. I had always been fascinated by technology and Mother knew it. As young as I was it already had a hold on me. Why, if it wasn't for inventions we would still be running from predators. Who knows what I'd be like? And while I wanted to get in there and fight the Yeerks as much as the next boy my age, it didn't have the same appeal for me as technology did.
My stalk eyes turned to the sky and saw a small ship floating down to Andalite ground.
The New Neighbors! I said, almost as if that was their actual names. I turned to my mother, eagerly. She smiled.
Go ahead Samilin.
Great! I said. Happily I ran south, where the neighbor's scoop was.
As a child, adults called me enthusiastic. And even though I was approaching adulthood I had not lost that trait. Now, my instructors often saw it as being childish. Myself? I preferred to look on it as enthusiasm.
Half way there. I told myself. The neighbors lived particularly close by: only six miles away from where our family lived. I couldn't help but smile when I passed the sign dividing our family's meadow and theirs.
The old neighbors had been nothing much. They were rather boring, to tell the truth. Oh, I went over there every now and again to be polite, but there wasn't much to do. They were some old married couple, whose children were now all grownup. The husband had been a scientist. He studied weather. Yawn.
The wife was slightly more interesting, but not by much. She had the new morphing power, the ability to change into animals. She was one of the lucky ones who got to try Escafil's new device early, before it was officially marked safe. Everyone knew it was perfectly safe, but it took test after test after test to actually prove that "it was no harm to innocents".
The wife had been a natural estreen, or so she said.
Can I see you morph? I had asked eagerly.
No. she said, without a moment of polite consideration.
um... Oh... I said, not sure what to say next. Why not?
Morphing is not a toy, she replied, perfectly docile. or something to abuse. I didn't press on.
But they were somewhere else now. And a family was moving in. Did they have one child, or two? I had a baby sister, ten years younger than me. Maybe they'd have someone to be her friend too. I always wanted a friend right 'next door'. It seemed different, somehow, to have someone right next to you.
I perked up as I saw their scoop and the ship in the distance, and sped up my gallop. Two Andalites were rushing back and forth between their ship and their scoop. I frowned. Where were their children?
That's when I saw a pair of eyes glimmering at me from the inside of the ship. I slowed my gallop as I reached the scoop. The eyes were still watching me. I gave a friendly smile to the eyes, but that caused no reaction. Puzzled I stopped, and continued to look at the eyes. There was...no way to describe them. No adjective that would fit them. All I knew was that they were like a one-sided window. The people inside could see me, but I couldn't see them. All I saw was a mirror-image of myself in the eyes, looking confused.
Well hello there! a voice said. The eyes flickered and then disappeared.
I turned to see a middle-aged male Andalite.
Hello. I replied. Are you one of the new neighbors? Of course he was.
Yes. he said. I'm Argabe-Sodir-Hinjahr. He looked back towards the scoop. My wife is in there, arranging things. She is Liamiri-Conolan-Lodareen. And my little one is off testing the grass.
Ah. My family's scoop is only a few miles away. I said. My name's Samilin-Corrath-Gahar. I hope you will enjoy living here.
Me too. Argabe said. And I'm sure enjoying it shall be easy, with such enjoyable neighbors. I smiled.
Argabe scanned the horizon. I hope Adatrine didn't get lost. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of annoyance, as I heard the feminine name. A girl . Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it threw my childish but hopeful "best friend" ideas out the door. Mother would try to make a match out of the two of us. The thought made me shudder. Just because there was a girl-next-scoop concept involved, didn't mean that we had to get together.
ADATRINE! Argabe shouted. He gave me a slightly embarrassed look. I remained politely emotionless, acting as if a daughter disappearing was perfectly normal.
I heard hoofs against metal. Yes Father?
I turned my head just in time to see an Andalite around my age standing in the exit of the spaceship. Nimbly she did a leap onto the dewy grass.
This is Adatrine. Argabe said, using a first name basis since we were both young.
She had the eyes! SHE was the one staring at me, observing me. She was the one who did not respond to my smile. She was the one with the haunting, glimmering eyes.
She was beautiful.
Hello, Adatrine. I said, the words coming out more stiff then I had meant them too.
And Adatrine, this is Samilin. Argabe continued. It was the standard greeting when one was meeting a friend of a mutual friend, or relationship. Now she would say...
Hello Samilin. Now would come a brief explanation of his relationship with me.
Samilin and his family are the first neighbors to the south of us.
Adatrine said, I am glad to know you then, Samilin.
And I said, The feelings are mutual.
There was a brief moment of silence as the greeting ended.
My parents should be here to greet you quite soon. I said. They're sorry they couldn't come with me.
That's all right. Argabe said. I look forward to meeting them.
Adatrine said nothing.
I paused, and turned to Argabe, though my eyes longed for Adatrine. Is it true that you are an inventor?
Yes, very true. he said.
What kind? I asked, trying to keep an eager tone out of my voice. Any kind but weather equipment designer.
Weaponry. Argabe replied. My eyes widened.
Are you SERIOUS? I asked.
He laughed. I'm afraid so.
Wow! I said. Wow!
I'm not doing anything much. he admitted. Just designing and experimenting with some different Shredder models.
Shredder models?! I said. You design Shredders?!
It's not going to make that much of a difference in the war. Argabe said. I'm thinking of moving on to something more helpful.
He didn't understand. That wasn't the point. He designed Shredders! The Andalite living next to me designed Shredders! Would he let me watch?
Of course not. I thought. Why would he allow me to be around when I could get killed? I sighed a little, and as if sensing my thoughts Argabe said,
You can't be around during the testing, of course. But if you want, you can watch me fiddle with some other projects I'm working on.
I raised my stalk eyes. Really? I can?
Well, I said so didn't I?
Adatrine, who had been silent, looked over at me. You're going to be around our scoop a lot, aren't you?
Watching your father work, I said. if you don't mind.
Why should I? Adatrine said, with no emotion confirming she meant that. But she smiled at me, and I couldn't help smiling back.
Maybe Mother making a pair out of us wouldn't be so bad.
~~~
Put some tail in him, Martlin! someone shouted. Martlin my best friend, gave me a slightly nervous glance, but kept his main eyes on his opponent, as if he was confidant and sure. I knew he wasn't. It wasn't so much the fight that was putting him on edge, but the fact that one of our instructors could come out any minute, and Martlin's parents would find out about his fighting in the school yard. It wasn't the most wonderful thing to have marked on your records.
What's wrong, Martlin? Shorush, a rather large Andalite jeered. He had picked up on Marlin's nervousness too. Afraid of a little scramble? Mommy and Daddy might find out, huh? They might even yell.
Martlin took a step forward, trying to prove to the rest of us that this was not the case. You had to give him credit for even thinking about his image at a time like this. Shorush was not known for kindness and understanding. In fact, if he had any, it was outshone by his bossiness and his, as an instructor politely put it "strong need for dominant control".
Normally, Martlin wouldn't be involved in something like this. Normally he and I would be grazing and lightly discussing the morning's lesson. But anything involving Adatrine couldn't be normal.
Simply put: Martlin really....liked Adatrine. Sure he hadn't confirmed that to me, but he had it written across his face every time he looked her way, which was pretty often since his stalk eyes were always twisting in class to get a look at her. He had been acting this way for three weeks, which was how long Adatrine had been attending school. We had been in the school's meadow before the school day started. As soon as she walked in, he had that look on his face.
Samilin... he had said in private thought-speech. Who IS that?
I told you, Martlin. I replied. She's the daughter that lives next to me. Adatrine. Remember I said she was coming to school today?
Oh, you told me who she was. Martlin said airily. But you didn't tell me that this would be her!
You didn't ask what she was like.
His private thought-speech became anxious. Do you think she'd ever even consider being my mate?
Martlin! I exclaimed, amused. It's a little early to be thinking of that, don't you think?
But Martlin wasn't listening. He watched her walk into the office to register. As soon she had disappeared from view he turned to me.
Her eyes are different, don't you think?
How do you mean? I asked. Different from what?
They look like they're hiding something. he said. He immediately corrected himself. Not something. Someone. I wonder who it could be.
From then on, I knew Martlin's liking to Adatrine wouldn't just go away. When an Andalite starts babbling nonsense...
Unfortunately, Martlin picked a bad girl to fall for. Adatrine was one of the strangest in school. She always seemed to be lost in thought, and was very quiet. She had made a few friends, and they reported to the rest of us that she was really very nice- just afraid. When we asked what she had to be afraid of, the friends came up blank.
None of this mattered to Martlin.
Today, Adatrine had revealed another strange layer to herself. In the yard, Shorush was calling some poor victim of his Yeerk scum. He wouldn't let up about it. Adatrine, who had heard his thought-speech jeers from all the way on the other side of the meadow, came trotting up to him.
Shorush noticed her presence. What are you here for? he asked.
I have a right to be here too. Adatrine said.
This perked Shorush's interest. I'm sorry?
I have a right to be here too. she repeated. But you do not have the right to turn Yeerks into a curse.
Huh? By now the whole yard was silent, watching.
You called him, she glanced at the small Andalite that Shorush had been insulting, yeerk scum. she said patiently. Why are Yeerks scum?
We all gasped silently. Could it be that Adatrine was such a monster as to actually not despise Yeerks?
Adatrine, forget it. the small Andalite and Shorush's victim, who was named Elfangor said. He was just being a moron. Forget it. Elfangor stood taller. I can take it.
Adatrine rolled her stalk eyes. I have a year seniority over you. Now be quiet. Go.
Elfangor stepped back.
You're a rebel, aren't you? Shorush said to Adatrine after a moment. Or maybe a controller. That was impossible, since there were Yeerk detectors all over and one would have picked up on her if she had been a controller. And she certainly wasn't a rebel. These were just cruel jokes.
Adatrine said nothing. She was glaring.
The Yeerk in the head doesn't like that, does it? Shorush mocked. Doesn't want It's cover blown. How's it like, being a controller?
We stayed silent. Shorush was crossing the line. Calling a female a controller. And he was getting away with it too. Adatrine didn't seem particularly bothered. Martlin was another story.
Don't call her that! he said, stepping forward.
Shorush turned so his main eyes looked at Martlin. Don't call her that? Why, that's what she is.
Shut up! Martlin said. You know that's not true.
Do you know that it isn't?
Yes!
Hm... Shorush said thoughtfully. You certainly seem loyal to your friend.. Why don't you prove your loyalty? Shorush raised his tail blade high, and flicked it. Martlin's eyes widened. The tail blade flick was a sign of a fight, a war. What was once an instinctive gesture given for preparation had turned into a signal. Shorush wanted to fight Martlin, tail to tail. Of course they would only use the flat of their blades, but just the same. One of them could get knocked unconscious, or bruised pretty bad. Martlin wouldn't accept, would he?
Martlin held his tail blade up and flicked it.
Oh great.
Put some tail in him, Martlin!
What's wrong, Martlin? Afraid of a little scramble? Mommy and Daddy might find out, huh? They might even yell.
By now there was quite a crowd. When Martlin took a step forward, everyone tensed up. Would there actually be a fight?
Shorush just stood there, looking dumbfounded. Very few people ever actually accepted his challenges.
Suddenly Martlin's tail blade was lancing through the air. It came down on Shorush's left stalk eye.
Ahhh! Shorush cried. That was going to hurt. I looked at Martlin. He was usually so gentle...unless provoked. Which I guess he was. Shorush had just called the female he liked a Controller.
Shorush's blade came forward, punching Martlin in the arm. He was a worse fighter than Martlin, and he knew it. When the punch only set Martlin off-balance, Shorush charged at him. Martlin, looking a little stunned to see the huge Andalite running at him, turned his tail blade so that the sharp edge was pointing right at Shorush. If Shorush came any closer he'd basically be decapitated.
The two glared at each other. Adatrine rolled her stalk eyes and walked inside the School's shelter, even though it wasn't raining.
Martlin sighed. What use was impressing her if she wasn't there to see? He stepped back and Shorush did the same, with a fair amount of teasing. However, I wasn't paying attention.
I looked at the wall, where inside Adatrine was. Was Martlin right? Was she hiding an entire person inside her eyes?
~~~
Seasons passed, years rolled over on their sides. Everyone in school was courting. Everyone except me that is. Personally, I didn't really mind, but Martlin was doing everything in his power to have me start courting someone. Him and Adatrine had started courting a few seasons ago, and Martlin was absolutely thrilled (though he still couldn't quite believe it). Now his attention was divided in fourths: Staring at Adatrine, courting Adatrine, talking about Adatrine, and lastly, getting me together with someone.
Samilin... he whispered to me during some Biology class. Samilin, I think Koralyn is staring at you again!
One stalk eye of mine wavered from the hologram of aliens, over to Martlin. ...Are you sure Martlin? I whispered back.
See for yourself!
My other stalk eye slowly turned to Koralyn. I had never really noticed her before, but then again I was noticing a lot of things these past couple years. Koralyn was one of them.
Sure enough, she was looking at me. Her delicate stalk eye blinked as we made eye contact, and it quickly swerved back to the hologram.
Martlin, you were right!
Of course. he replied smugly. I turned a stalk eye back to Koralyn.
Samilin-Corrath-Gahar, if you'd please allow Koralyn to distract you during the lunch hour rather than before, it would be much appreciated. the Instructor said dryly.
I am sorry, sir. I replied. I turned all four eyes on the hologram, where some foolish looking aliens were screaming in terror at something called "The Brady Brunch", and I wondered why I was taking this class in the first place.
Martlin was grazing with Adatrine during the break hour, and I trotted up to them.
Hello Martlin. I said. Hello Adatrine.
Hello Samilin. Adatrine said. She forced smiled. Martlin has been telling me there is a possibility that you will court Koralyn. She was trying to be social.
What? No! I mean, there's always the possibility but I don't think that...
Koralyn! Martlin shouted. Come over here!
Koralyn looked puzzled but came over.
Samilin wanted to ask you something.
What?! I said. Er I mean...What... wonderful grass this is, no?
Martlin gave me a look. Koralyn looked even more puzzled. Adatrine, once again, made herself separate.
...Is that what you wanted to ask me? Koralyn wondered.
Yep!
Well then...yes, I suppose. Wonderful grass. she trotted away.
Wonderful Samilin. Act cowardly once again.
Samilin! Martlin looked exasperated.
What? I asked innocently.
You had the perfect chance and you just brushed it off! he accused.
What are you so worried about Martlin? You have someone.
Adatrine looked up. No one "has" me, as you so elegantly put it Samilin.
He just meant courting. Martlin said quickly.
He would be better off saying what he means.
Martlin sighed and turned to me. You are my best friend Samilin. Do I need another reason for getting you to court someone?
Guilt. Often overlooked, it can be a most powerful tool.
Um, Koralyn?
She turned her main eyes away from her friends. Yes Samilin?
There's something I was wondering. Would you answer another question for me?
~~~
I couldn't remember the last time the grass tasted so good.
I was smiling for no reason. So was Koralyn. That was good. Hey, we could both smile for no reason. What was wrong with smiling for no reason? Absolutely nothing! Meaning we could smile for no reason forever. As long as we were both smiling for no reason.
We were courting.
She had come over to my scoop as I had asked her to. Literally came over. No holograms, no technology, nothing. Just herself. But that was enough.
We went out onto my family's meadow and grazed. There wasn't anything special about it, I grazed every night as did Koralyn. But somehow running through the fields with her by my side brought a feeling of fulfillment I had never known before.
Koralyn? I said. Thank you for spending this time with me.
She smiled. You are welcome. My father says that one who is not honest with others is not honest with oneself so I should tell you that...I...I've wanted to court you for some time.
I smiled. That was what I was trying to ask you about earlier. Not the grass.
Koralyn chuckled. Somehow I guessed that. Not that the grass wasn't quite wonderful.
I'm glad I had the nerve to ask you.
Me, too.
~~~
Where was Koralyn?
We had been courting for months since that first time I had felt the fulfillment she brought to me. The more time I spent with her the more wonderful she seemed. She was kind, generous, caring, gentle. Her heart seemed so pure and we enjoyed telling each other our dreams, our random thoughts. I had never thought that one person could be so loving. Young as I was, one of my dreams that I had not told to Koralyn was that we would be married one day. I believed she was my soul mate.
Nothing is so simple.
I had come to school yet she was not there.
Immediately a series of thoughts flashed through my head. Was she all right? What had happened? Where was Koralyn?!
During the break hour I was surprised by how much I missed her voice in my head. After our studies instead of hurrying home, I hurried to Koralyn's scoop, my mind dismissing holograms. I had to see her.
As I entered her family's meadow, my eyes scanned it over quickly as I ran.
I expected Koralyn to be inside her scoop. Instead I saw a female Andalite, silhouetted against the home world's wild evening sky. She was standing by a lake.
Quickly I ran to her side yet she didn't move at all, though she must have heard me. All four of her eyes were fixated on the horizon above the lake. They had a dark look to them. That's when I noticed her hands. They were trembling wildly. She looked as if she were about to fall over. I came to her side and grabbed her shoulder so she wouldn't fall.
What's wrong Koralyn?! I took her hand in mine, trying to stop it from shaking. Slowly her breaths became less ragged, her hands stopped moving.
He's dead Samilin.
Who?
My father. The Yeerks killed him. She did not look at me.
Wha...what?
She didn't repeat herself, and began trembling again. I felt like she was crumbling and I had to stand there and watch helplessly.
We all knew the Yeerks were a threat. How could we not? But they always seemed so far away... Like an Andalite myth that would go away as quickly as it started. Just a myth.
It was real.
They said it was done quickly. Just a shot of a Dracon beam. We're not even sure if he was able to create a hirac delest.
In that moment I realized how much we, as a species, would truly be effected.
The Yeerks were here.
I... I'm sorry Koralyn.
Her stalk eyes drooped as she finally turned away from the horizon. I took her hand, hoping it wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable.
There is no one to avenge his death Samilin. He was killed by a controller but there's no one in my family that can fight the Yeerks. My mother is pregnant with my sister. She paused. I know what I have to do Samilin. she said, her thought-speech voice was trembling too.
What's that? I asked soothingly as I stroked her hand. It wasn't shaking as badly.
I have to avenge my father's death.
What?!
Go into the military, you know, kill the Yeerk scum...you know...the Yeerk scum...you know... She was losing her balance... and before I could prop her up, her legs gave way and she fell onto the dewy grass by the lake's edge.
Koralyn!
Her eyes were wide open. Half of her face was covered with mud. Clumsily I knelt down on my knees and took both of Koralyn's hands.
Koralyn, I'll avenge your father's death. I had meant to say it just to comfort her. But it came out completely sincere.
No Samilin... I'll avenge him. I will...
You're upset. Not thinking straight. Come on, let's get back to your scoop. Your mother must be incredibly upset.
Upset... she murmured, as she weakly got to her hooves, leaning against me all the way to her scoop.
~~~
I stayed with Koralyn the rest of the day, going back home only when she had begun to fall asleep. The next morning I went to school, tired but not regretting that I had practically stayed the night. Wearily I walked into the yard, not very alert. I wasn't really paying attention to anyone when I saw Koralyn, silent in the yard, looking distant. A few of our classmates were nervously talking to her, but she didn't look to be replying.
Koralyn! I shouted. What are you doing here? Why aren't you at home?
I needed to talk to you. she said.
Koralyn, I said, keeping the thought speech private, you shouldn't be here. You can't be...
Samilin... she interrupted. I'm going away. I wanted to say good bye.
Going away? Koralyn, what do you mean?
I told you. I'm going to avenge my Father's death. I'm going to enroll and begin training.
You can't do that!
Sure can.
Koralyn, you know how uptight the military is about female cadets.
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
It was a side I had never seen from Koralyn. It scared me. It surprised me.
Most of all, it intrigued me.
Koralyn, this is stupid... I won't let you do this The words did not sound as in control as I wanted them to.
Samilin, we've been over this, haven't we?
Well, you seemed delusional at the time...
She ignored that, much to my relief. I'm going to join no matter what. No matter how dangerous. I am not going to let my father's death go unavenged. I cannot. I must kill his murderer. And I'm going whether you like it or not.
I'll go with you. I said. My mind silently screamed a loud what?!
...What? Koralyn whispered, echoing my thoughts.
I'll go with you. I'm not going to let you go through this alone, no matter where you are. You go to the military, I'm going with you.
You're out of your mind Samilin! Koralyn said, yet I couldn't help noticing the hint of a smile in her eyes, something I hadn't seen since she had heard the news of her father. That smile swept away any doubt I had about joining the military. I stepped up to Koralyn and said more confidently Maybe I am. But I'm way beyond the point of caring.
I can't ask this of you. Koralyn murmured.
You have not asked. I suggested. She was quiet, so I continued. I'm not asking for your permission to do this, Koralyn. I'm going, whether or not you agree. I stroked her cheek with my palm, ignoring all of the stares we were getting for such behavior. I caught a glimpse of Adatrine's beautiful eyes staring along with the rest of the crowd, which was strange because Adatrine rarely took part in what everyone else was doing. Shaking myself mentally for thinking about Adatrine at a time like this, I moved my eyes and attention back to Koralyn. I'll stay by your side, I promise. You are quite stuck with me. I smiled. She smiled back.
Foolish what love can make you do. I really had never had much inspiration to join the fight against the Yeerks before this, and even though Koralyn and I were barely young adults, we were rather old to be training for the military at this age. Yet none of that mattered. I was doing this for love, and surely nothing truly bad could happen to me if love was my motive.
Surely doing this would not be my downfall.
Of course not.
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