A/N: Hey, so this story didn't turn out at all like I imagined it. Oh well, haven't quite decided if it's a one-shot or not. Time will have to tell. Anyway, enjoy it and please review ;)

Disclaimer: No. I'm not JKR. I'm JVD, much more flashy. And no, I don't own either Lily or James or anything else you might recognize from the books.

Although I have a little doll that looks a lot like James in my room. And that one, belongs to me.

"Evans…" a voice said, or rather whispered, in her ear. "Evans… Wake up…"

There it was again, that beautiful, beautiful voice. Instead of waking her up, it was soothing her.

Whoever the voice belonged to smelled as wonderful as the voice. It was spicy and clean and reminded her a bit of sunshine.

"Bloody hell…" the voice muttered and some very unfamiliar sparks shot through her body. Suddenly she felt herself being lifted and enveloped by two strong arms

The warmth that surrounded her did little to wake her up. The scent, however, that now seemed to be everywhere, intoxicated her.

"Who needs drugs anyways?" she thought to herself, drowsy from sleeping and from the delicious smell.

She could feel herself being laid down gently on her cold bed, which didn't smell nearly as nice.

Whoever it was removed her shoes, socks and ties and the pulled the cover over her.

Gentle fingertips brushed away her fringe and she moaned quietly at the touch.

The sound of her own, er, voice made her eyes snap open and she found the handsome face of James Potter looming above her face.

"Great, so now you wake up." he muttered.

She didn't know what made her do it, but the next second she'd pulled his head down and was kissing him with all her might.

He tasted even better than he smelt, Lily found out as she ran her tongue over his bottom lip. It was a strange feeling, kissing him and liking it in the dark of her room. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew a hand through his hair.

"No wonder he does this all the time…" she thought as his silky locks slipped through her fingers.

He kissed her back passionately, his tongue plunging into her mouth, exploring. He licked at the roof of her mouth and she moaned again, unable to contain herself.

As sudden as she had started it, he pulled back.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered painfully "I can't – I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that…"

"No, it's not your fault. You didn't take advantage of me. Please don't think that." She pleaded, trying to catch his eye.

An awkward silence followed.

"Er, I should go…" he said, running a hand through his hair uncomfortably.

"Thanks…" she said as he drifted towards the door. "For you know… carrying me up here and everything-"

"Don't mention it. Good night, Evans." He said, his voice soft.

"Good night… James." She said quietly, not entirely sure he'd heard her.

When she woke up the next morning she felt light and happy somehow. Then the nights events came back to her.

What had she done? And with James Potter!

She blushed, it wasn't him who'd initiated the whole thing either, it had been her.

Still blushing she got up, got dressed, combed her hair and other necessary things, trying to take as long time as possible to cut down the chances of meeting him.

She hesitated about going down to the common room until she realised that there was a Quidditch match, Ravenclaw playing Hufflepuff, and that James most likely would be there.

After a while of just sitting around she decided to go to the library.

She'd barely stepped out of the portrait when she felt a hand tap her shoulder.

"Black!" she said, surprised when she saw who it was. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the Quidditch match?"

"I have no interest in seeing Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff playing each other and since I'm not Quidditch captain I don't have to see if they're flying well or not. As for your other question, I'm here because you and I need to talk."

"We do?"

"Yes. James came to talk to us last night about what you'd done. My first question is, do you like him?"

"Not like that."

"Then stay the hell away from him." The coldness in his voice made her jump. She wasn't used to him being anything but carefree.

"Excuse me?"

"I said; stay the hell away from him."

"Look," she said frustrated "I didn't mean for it to happen and he wasn't exactly complaining at the time."

"Oh God, you should hear yourself. I can just imagine what you'd say to him if it was the other way around." He imitated her with a high, squeaky voice. "Potter, you arrogant bastard! Why would you think that I'd accept something so disgusting as your tongue in my mouth! I'd kiss the squid before I'd kiss you willingly! You're just a worthless piece of shit that doesn't even deserve to kiss the dirt I walk on!"

"I wouldn't – I wouldn't say that." She said with a shaky voice.

"The hell you would! He came to our dorm last night, so shaken, so damn upset about what you'd done to him!"

"What do you mean 'I'd done to him'?"

"You remember the three weeks off he had in sixth year?"

"You mean the three extra weeks of vacation he had when everybody else had to go to school?"

"No, I mean the three weeks he spent at a clinic to help cure his anorexia because he was so thin he couldn't stand up for himself without passing out! Do you remember the weeks when he came back, you know, you're endless taunting about him being so special he got extra vacation, when all he really was, was an arrogant jerk who shouldn't even had bothered to come back!"

"I didn't know… He didn't tell me…"

"OF COURSE HE BLOODY WELL DIDN'T TELL YOU!" Sirius exploded and she whimpered, automatically putting an arm up to protect her face.

"And take that arm down, I unlike you, don't enjoy hurting people."

"Well, how was I supposed to know? He was always so bloody arrogant, always surrounding himself with thousands of girls!" she screamed back, flushing scarlet.
"No, you don't know, because you don't know him! You don't know all the shit he's gone through, you don't know the struggle he has to fight every day and you sure as hell don't know why he ever was like he was. Of course he surrounded himself with girls, he had such low self-esteem, much thanks to you, he did anything he could to try to get himself more popular, more accepted. He liked you so damn much, I could never see why. Every word you said to him cut him so damn deep…" Sirius voice broke and Lily realised how much Sirius cared for James for the very first time.

"All the pressure he had on him, everything… until he just snapped one day. Do you know how scared I was every single day when he came back to Hogwarts? And I felt responsible for what he'd done to himself. Had I just been a bit more observant, had I known him well enough to see through his lies about not eating with us. And all through this time all he could think about was how he'd let you down."

"So you're jealous because he cared more about me than you?"

"No, I was mad at him because he couldn't see… I didn't tell him to give up on you because I thought it was a hopeless cause, I told him to give up on you because you don't deserve him." He said harshly and she flinched.

"You don't deserve to be around him, you don't deserve his love. He is the best friend anyone could ever have and he puts so much time into making everybody happy and pleased around him that he forgets his own happiness. If you knew what he's done for us… If you knew him the slightest you'd beg for forgiveness at his feet and crawl in the mud for him as you made him do for you. You're cruel, Evans, you're just plain evil."

He took a deep breath and stopped, stopping her as well with his arm.

"And the reason James hasn't had a girlfriend this year isn't because he can't possibly love anyone but you, but because he's not allowed. If he goes around thinking about what other people think about him, or thinks about them, his body can't take it. His mind can't take it and it'll go back to the crazy way he was thinking before. When you kissed him last night he felt guilty. He was a bloody wreck, and guess what, he didn't show for breakfast."

His grip on her arm tightened.

"I'm watching you, and I'm telling you to stay away from him. I don't want to loose my best friend because some stupid chick suddenly comes to her senses."

"What can I do?" she said softly, for the first time realising that what she said and did affected people.

She wasn't better than James, never had been. She was cruel to him for no real reason. She judged someone she didn't know. Exactly what he'd done to Severus. But where Severus loathed James back, stood up for himself, James had laid his heart out in front of her.

And she'd ruined him.

"Stay the bloody well away from him."

And with those words Sirius left her not even looking at her one last time as he walked away.

When Lily came back to her common room later at night James was there.

"Hello." She said quickly and smiled.

He didn't smile back.

"Sirius talked to you, didn't he?" James said quietly and she turned.

"What?"

"Sirius told you about me, about my… disease."

"No, he just -"

"Don't lie to me, Lily." His tone was harsh.

In the light of the fire he looked a bit like a god. His black, shiny hair reflected the flames and his eyes burned. If it was the light or anger, Lily couldn't tell. But the sight, none the less, made her breathless.

"He… He talked to me. Yes."

She could see his discomfort and stepped closer to his position on the couch. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder.

The minute her hand made contact he jumped up and away from her as if on fire.

"Fuck you, Lily. Fuck you. I don't need your sympathy and I sure as hell don't need your pity."

"What the hell is your problem James?"

"One of them starts with an a, the other one starts with a L and ends with a Y, care to guess what the other to letters are?"

"And all I was going to do was apologize for kissing you, you git!"

She knew what he was trying to do. She knew that this was just his way of dealing with it, to get her wind up so she didn't pity him, so she didn't feel sorry for him. He wanted her to hurt him so he could distance himself from her.

She knew it all so perfectly well, and still she couldn't stop the words from forming.

"Apology accepted, now fuck off." His words hit her as if he'd slapped her.

"Tell me, James, what did you have for breakfast today, or lunch? Did you enjoy the shepherd's pie that was for dinner?"

"What do you care, anyway?"

"I care because you're hurting people around you! Sirius was mad worrying about you today and this is how you repay all those peoples efforts for keeping you alive? You need to stop being so selfish and think about what you're doing to the people around you."

"And I thought Sirius told you." His voice was so low, but so full of anger, Lily had never been so scared in her life.

It was too late when she realised what she'd said.

"You think I'm selfish? You think I, am selfish?"

"No, I didn't mean it like -"

"You have no idea what it's like, carrying around something like this. Some days are harder, days like this and I just can't eat, because I know how horrible I'll feel and I'll just end up sticking two fingers down my bloody throat.

"Some days I just lock myself in my room, wondering why the hell I keep fighting. Wondering if it's really worth this hell to just do something as pointless as staying alive. Why don't I just give in to the voices in my head, why don't I just cave? I was happier then, I was happier than I've ever been in my life.

"And then I think of Sirius, I think of Remus, I think of Peter and I can just imagine the look on their faces if I fail. So I keep fighting, and I do it for them, because I can't bear the thought of making them unhappy just because I'm so bloody weak. So don't you dare accuse me of something like that, because you don't know me. You don't know how hard this is and I don't need you to judge me. I don't need your pity and I don't want your friendship. I just want you… gone." He finished weakly, tears streaming down his face.

He turned around and went to sit on the couch again, burying his face in his hands, silent sobs wrecking his body.

"I know you don't want me here, and I know what I said was unforgivable. But when you fight those voices, could you think of me too?" she said quietly, a couple of her own tears sliding down her cheek.

He didn't say anything for a while, so she turned to leave.

She'd barely gotten halfway up the stairs when she thought she heard his voice whisper.

"I can't fight for anything else."

She smiled slightly and continued up, feeling as though she'd left a part of her behind her.

With him.

A/N: So, what did you think? I've written quite a few of these, where James has eating disorders, but this is the only one I actually liked. Did you like it? Didn't you? Please tell.

Flames are appreciated if I learn something from them, otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself. Reviews like "you suck" will only make me mad and I'll be forced to send someone big and dark after you. Preferably Lord Voldemort.