By Aetre
--Introduction
Okay, I don't know what I'm doing writing a minesweeper fanfic, but when I first saw the category on this site, I just had to join in. It seemed so simple, so pointless, so perfect for a story that makes little-to-no sense at all, yet may get a couple laughs.
It all starts with an evil, almost microscopic character named Fatal Error, who lives inside my always malfunctioning Compaq pc. You see, Fatal Error is one of many "ints" living in the "inthole." There are soldier ints and worker ints, and then there's Fatal. And whenever the whole int colony seems to be doing its best to carry out the commands of the queen int, who gets her orders from the human on the pc, Fatal is always there to screw things up.
Like I said, it is for the most part a pointless story… which is all the more reason to sit back, relax, and r&r it. Enjoy :)
--Chapter One
The never-ending cycle of all-work-and-no-play began once more to take its toll on the workers in the inthole. Queen Pentium III, the sovereign int in the inthole, looked out on her loyal subjects to give them each today's set of orders. First she addressed the soldier ints.
"Alright, let's get to it, soldiers! The Human just pressed the ON button, so you know what to do next. Sergeant McAfee!" she yelled, addressing one particular soldier int, "do the usual virus check. And be on the lookout for that rogue int, Fatal Error! He's been giving our inthole a bad reputation with his pranks lately, and I don't want him roaming around freely as long as the warranty is still good on this computer."
"Yes, your highness," replied McAfee with a bow. He then turned to his men and ordered each of them to their usual posts in what McAfee militarily referred to as Operation: Virus Scan.
The soldiers were busy, but the workers had a hard task as well. The queen gave them the direct order to "open Windows." In response the workers scurried about frantically, trying first locate and then to open Windows, all in hopes of pleasing their gracious queen.
Amid the bustling workers, though, one int didn't do anything but stand still, partly blocking the crucial intersection of Main Street and Information Highway, thus slowing down the whole process. With a confident smirk on his face, he coolly smoked yet another link from his endless chain of cigarettes, gathered his long coat more tightly around his small body so as not to be noticed, and stuck out a foot to trip one of the workers running through the crowded intersection.
The worker int fell flat on his face and dropped the information he had been carrying. Angrily he stood up, collected his information back up from the silicon pavement, and looked back to see the thing that had tripped him.
But he saw nothing… Fatal Error, the chain-smoking, obnoxious, and psychopathic scum of the inthole, had fled back around the corner to avoid detection.
"Morons," thought Fatal to himself, a puff of smoke escaping from where the cigarette rested between clenched teeth, "What do they think they're doing, running around, taking orders day and night? And for what? So they can do it all again when the computer turns on later? Bah! Milleniumbug. I'll show those ints what they're really worth! I'll devise a plan to bring about their ruin once and for all. And there's no time like the present; I'll just begin operations when these ints try to open their next program. Then I'll get them all!"
--
The queen smiled at her workers' progress. Windows had been loaded, and the virus check was successful. According to McAfee, Fatal Error was nowhere to be seen.
"Hmm," considered the queen, "That's funny. Something tells me he's out there somewhere. We'll just have to hope that you're right, McAfee, and that things will go smoothly in the inthole this time. Now, I've received another command from the Human. It's a fairly simple one. Tell the workers to open Minesweeper."
"Yes, your majesty," said the faithful McAfee.
--
Minesweeper! The rusty, backwards, and deranged wheels in Fatal Error's head started to turn as soon as he heard the news about the command.
"Yes," he thought to himself, "That's the perfect program for me to start my operation in. It's so simple: all I have to do is get into that program somehow…"
Fatal's eyes started to turn red as the plan evolved in his tiny electronic brain. He grinned, rubbed his hands together, and laughed his usual cruel chuckle.
"Muhoowahahahaha! It just might work," he said.
--End of chapter one