Hey! I'm tigerwriter and welcome to my story, i warmly welcome you :D The idea for this story came to me through the song 'In Another Life' by the Veronica's, hence the name. Now, READ ON
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters from Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does and no copywrite infringement is meant (I'm not funny so cant make up a witty one)
EPOV:
I didn't know if I could do it. I loved her, more than anything in the world. She was all I'd ever wanted. She was amazing, the best thing that had ever happened to me. I would do anything for her, to keep her safe. And that was why I had to do it.
It amazed me how so much could change in such a sort time. Just awhile ago I had plans to make her my wife. To make her mine forever and spend the rest of my life with her. Together. Then the Spanish Influenza hit and it all changed. She stayed with me in the city although it would be so much safer for her if she went back to her family in the country. She said I was the most important thing in her life now and she wasn't going to leave me for a second. I was going to change that. I had to.
Just recently my father had passed into the clutches of the disease. His death left my mother broken and needy. In between work and looking after her, I had no time to tend to Bella and my relationship. And as my mothers health started to grow steadily worse, she sensed me growing more and more distant.
Mother didn't want me to leave her. She loved Bella and wanted her to be part of the family. But Mother didn't realize how much work it took to look after her. Bella and I both needed to be with our families. She didn't even know how her family was coping. She had had no contact with them in over a year. If I left her, she could. She would be able to take care of her family, and I, able to divert all my attention to my mother.
It's not that I only thought of my family when I made the decision to leave. Bella would be so much safer in the country. I don't think the influenza has hit there yet. I loved her and didn't want her to suffer the same fate my father - and soon my mother - had. Yes, I couldn't deny it, my mother was not going to survive, and she knew it too, but I wanted to make sure I was devoted to her until her time came.
And I was sure, that soon I would get the disease. Being in such close proximity with someone with infected by it must mean that I would be soon also fall ill. I didn't share with Bella my fears, but they were there and I didn't want her to share the same fate with her. I loved her too much to let her die. I wasn't scared for myself, only her.
Eventually, although the pain would overwhelm her for a while, she would see that I was right. I just hoped that she would be able to live a normal life after I was gone. In the end, what I was about to do would be for the best.
XXXXX
"Bella," I called, secretly wishing she wouldn't hear me. I dreaded doing this. To my dismay, she looked up instantly, her beautiful face alight with curiosity…and love.
I beckoned to her and she came immediately. It hurt me how much she loved me. If only she didn't feel so strongly, it would make it so much easier. I pulled her to me, enjoying for a moment, the feeling of warmth and security she gave me.
"I love you Bella," I whispered into her hair, hoping she wouldn't hear me. She did, mumbling in recognition, "And that's why it's going to kill me to do this" I finished. She stiffened and pulled away
"What?" she asked, fear evident in her beautiful eyes. I sighed, it was now or never
"I can't be with you anymore Bella," I said softly. She gaped and her eyes filled with tears. It broke my heart, but it was nothing to the pain still to come.
"Why?" she whispered, her voice cracking.
"We both have families to look after, we need to keep them safe," I said. I was amazed that I was still able to hold firm.
"My family don't need me, they never needed me. I want to stay and become a part of yours," I sighed, she had just said exactly what I secretly wanted her to say, something that would make this a lot harder
"I want you to be safe. You can't be here in the city," she shook her head,
"I'm not safe anywhere I'm not with you. Don't you see Edward? You're my life. I don't care what happens to me, so long as you're with me. I love you and that's all that matters to me," she cried angrily, her tears were flowing freely now and I was falling apart. I had to finish this quickly or it would never work
"It doesn't work like that Bella," I said, my voice still low so it wouldn't portray the pain I was feeling at hurting her
"Why?" she asked again. I had to give her something different. She wouldn't settle for the reasons I was giving her. She didn't think they were true. She didn't care about her own health or safety, I had to hit deeper and it was going to hurt. Badly
"Because I can't," I said firmly.
"Can't what?" she asked quietly, her quick brain already guessing what I was going to say. I hesitated and dropped my head
"Can't love you anymore," I whispered. She cried out as if she were in physical pain and clamped her hand over her mouth
"What do I do then?" she asked through her tears, hysteria bubbling over into her voice. I looked up, her face was broken and the carefully woven mask she wore, down. I could see the pure fear and hurt I had caused her. It took all I had not to run to her and wrap my arms around her protectively, reassuring her I didn't mean what I said.
"Go home, look after your family. Forget about me and live a happy life," I said and I couldn't contain my sadness any longer. She must have heard it.
"I can't" she cried and turned away, hiding from the monster that was me. In one thoughtless act, I reached out for her, pulling her into my arms. It was my heart acting and my brain couldn't stop it.
I leaned down and kissed her one more time. It was as if none of this had happened. I wished it hadn't. At first she resisted but soon she gave in. We poured our heart and soul into our final kiss, both releasing our pain into it. I reached my hand into my pocket and pulled out the ring I meant to give her when I asked her to marry me. Now that would never happen but the ring was for her. There would never be anyone else for me and although I wanted her to live a normal life without me, I didn't want her to completely forget me. I took her hand and slipped it onto her hand. She looked down at it in surprise.
"Remember me," I whispered and turned to walk away. I heard her fall to the ground and her heavy sobs seemed to come at me from all angles
"Edward!" she cried in a last attempt. As much as I wanted to, I didn't turn around and kept walking as if I hadn't heard her
"Edward," she cried again and again. I didn't reply. My heart was falling to pieces around me and I had to get out. Her cries had turned to whispers now. Repeating my name over and over again as if trying to will me back to her. I wanted to be with her too. But I couldn't.
Her sobs followed me as I walked away from the woman I loved, the only woman I would ever love. My life wouldn't be complete now that she was gone from it. I tried not to think about it, I did it for her. I couldn't dwell on my pain, my mother needed me.
Still, I couldn't help but lean against a wall and let the pain overtake me for awhile. I had just given up the greatest thing in my life. And not only had I broken my own heart, but also Bella's, the person I cared most for in the world. Mother had always said; 'If you don't have love, what do you have?' And so, I had nothing now. Mother's time would be up soon and then the only other person I cared about would be gone. After that there was nothing to keep me here. I might as well give into the death that was soon to come. There was nothing for me but death.
After I recovered myself, I moved back home. I wanted to get there before Bella so I didn't have to see her again. I wouldn't be able to. I entered slowly, making sure she wasn't there yet. She wasn't. Rummaging through my wallet, I drew out a couple of notes. Then I picked out a piece of paper and wrote a note for Bella;
Take the money to get home, Bells
Without thinking, I started to write 'Love' like I usually did on notes to her. I couldn't write that anymore, she wasn't my love now. Instead, I wrote Bells, still a nickname but too formal for my liking. Sighing, I moved to her and my room. The room we'd shared for such a short time but one I'd thought I'd be sharing forever. Now it was just mine. I doubt I'll be able to sleep here anymore, just being here brought back too many horrible memories.
I started gathering Bella's clothes and belongings into a suitcase for her. I'm sure she wouldn't know what to do when she came back so I had to do it for her…and quickly. But you couldn't rush something like this. Something so emotional and heartbreaking. I slowly folded her dresses, pressing them softly into the suitcase. I paused on one dress. My favourite of hers. It was a beautiful satin midnight blue that she looked a complete angel in. It was a formal dress, too formal for the country. She wouldn't need it, it could keep it. As a reminder of her.
Then came the hard part; her belongings. Each object held so much; a story, a reminder, a heart. There were things I'd bought for her or that we'd bought together. I didn't know what to do with them. I know I wouldn't be able to look at them again, so it was out of selfishness that I packed them in her case. Also, I didn't want her to completely forget about me. It was selfish but I couldn't bare the thought of her never thinking about me again, completely forgetting my existence and everything we'd shared together.
I dragged her suitcase into the main room, leaving it near the table. Running into my mother's bedroom, I kissed her on the cheek,
"Bella's coming to pick up her stuff in a minute," I said softly. She was instantly alert and tried to sit up in her bed. I had to hold her down
"Oh Edward you didn't," she said sadly. I nodded;
"I had to Mom. I'm going for a walk now." And with that I left the room and quickly ran from the house. I ran instead of walked, trying to leave the past behind, to get away from the hurt. It didn't help and the pain still overwhelmed me as it forever would. The only thing that would help me bare the pain would be that she got to live a normal life without the stench of death on her. I had given her everything I could; the most important being the one she would never know about. My heart.
BPOV:
My sobs rang through the yard and try as I might, I couldn't calm them. My whole world had come tumbling down in the space of about 5 minutes. My life was completely changed from this morning. Completely different. Completely wrong. He was my love, my life and he had left me broken on the floor.
"Forget me. Live a normal life without me," he'd said. Impossible. Didn't he understand that he was the one thing that made my life normal. I'd never really let Edward into my family life. Never told him that it was completely dysfunctional. That my Father was a cranky, abusive man that I had run from. Now he wanted me to return to that place. I'd come to the city to escape him and Edward had supplied my sanctuary. Now he decided it was time to take it back. I'd thought he loved me. That it wasn't just kidding myself that I'd found the long awaited 'Love of my life'. But I had found mine. My affections just weren't returned. Sure he must have had some semblance of love for me. Affection? Lust? Whatever it was, it wasn't there anymore and so I cried, and let the emotion over take me.
I looked down at the ring on my finger. "Remember me," Like I could ever forget. It was a beautiful ring, a thin gold band and in the middle, a small emerald the exact colour of Edward's eyes. It was simple – Edward knew I didn't like extravagant things – but it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Suddenly, I realized it was placed on my ring finger. Was that an accident…or did he really want it to be there? No! I couldn't let myself believe that, he didn't love me anymore, he never had. But it was nice, a reminder of our time together.
Eventually I rose. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't stay in the city any more; my home was with Edward and I wasn't welcome there anymore. But all my clothes and belongings were there. I'd have to make one more, final visit. Part of me hoped he would be there, to catch one final glimpse of his perfect face. The other part dreaded that he would be. Would he say something to shatter my broken life even more? Would he even acknowledge my presence?
Slowly, I made my way home. No, not home anymore. I made my way to the house. It didn't feel right, it wasn't right, but it was truth. The door was locked. He wasn't home. My heart dropped to the floor as I dejectedly unlocked the door and entered the large house. I had never gotten used to the size and magnificence of the house I had called home for such a small while. It was huge, so much more to me, coming from a humble farmer's cottage. The walls were covered in fancy portraits of the Mason line. The rooms adorned with expensive furniture. Yes, it was grand and stately, but it felt like a home. It was welcoming and comforting. Or at least it used to be. Since Mrs. Mason had fallen ill and was confined to her bed, the house seemed a lot less homely without her bright smile lighting up the desolate corridors. And now even more so, I felt intimidated and out of place. I didn't belong here, I had only been kidding myself in thinking I did. It was bound to fall down some day, I should just be glad it had lasted so long. After all, who was I, a farmer's daughter, compared to Edward Mason, the heir of one of Boston's wealthiest families?
I made my way into the family room, my eye catching a piece of paper lying on the table. Moving over to it, I realized it was a note. A note from Edward, written in his magnificent script that I had always envied. And it was accompanied by a huge sum of money.
Take the money to get home, Bells
So short. So formal. So alienated. At least he hadn't written 'Isabella', I wouldn't have been able to stand it if he moved back to the name he only ever used when we first met or when he was teasing me. Most other people called me Isabella, but Edward had barely ever. As soon as we were acquainted he changed to the 'Bella' which I liked so much more.
Next to the table was a suitcase and, opening it, realized it contained all my belongings. He didn't want me to linger. He wanted rid of me. Somehow I was grateful Edward had packed my belongings for me. I was sure I would a have been overcome by sorrow and wouldn't know what to do. And maybe, just maybe, he felt he owed it to me. Maybe he still slightly cared.
I looked back at the note and the money. Picking it up, I realized I wouldn't need as much as he had given me and I didn't want it. I took half the money and left the rest. Maybe he would see it as I was leaving half of me behind, that he would always own my heart. He wouldn't though. Before I left I wrote my own note to Edward, nothing like his own.
Edward, I love you. Thank you for the wonderful year you gave me. I have nothing to repay you with but my heart and it is forever yours. Although you may not want it and you may lock it away, it is yours and I don't want it back.
Remember my arms will always be open to you my love.
Bella
My messy scrawl ruined the nicely written note. It showed again just how different our worlds really were. He, well educated, perfect to the extreme and me, simple and plain and stupid. My writing showed just how uneducated and silly I really was. After all I was a girl and he was almost a man. I guess we were never really meant to be. I turned to leave.
"Bella," a kind voice called. I turned around to the flushed face of Edward's mother
"Mom!" I gasped before I could stop myself. During my time with Edward, his mother had insisted I called her 'Mother' too; she seemed to expect we would be married some day. That's what I expected too. But her dream would never come true and I had no right to address her like that anymore. I quickly covered myself;
"I mean Mrs. Masen. You shouldn't be up Ma'am; the cold will get to you! You go back to bed and I'll be on my way." I said briskly, trying to cover up the pain in my voice, I loved this woman very much and over the last year, I had come to think of her as a mother and a friend. I would miss her ever so much.
"Nonsense Bella, I'm perfectly fine. And it is Mom to you and it always will be, no matter what happens with Edward." She smiled warmly. I was touched and, as I moved to embrace her, the tears I had been holding back until then suddenly sprang into my eyes and I cried into her shawl.
"I'll miss you…Mom," I whispered brokenly. I pulled back, I didn't want her shawl to be ruined by my emotion, but I didn't let go of her. I held onto her arms as if she were my life support, the only thing that kept my head above the water. My previous life support had failed and I was almost drowned but I clung to another familiar one
"I'll miss you too Bella. But you must come visit, after this whole thing has blown over," I let go of her arms. Come visit? She really wanted to see me? I was about to agree when I remembered Edward. If I came to see her, I would have to see him too and my heart wouldn't be able to stand it. I shook my head,
"I can't," I said softly, I didn't want to hurt this wonderful woman's feelings. Her face softened;
"We'll see. Perhaps we can meet somewhere else then?" She suggested, her bright smile infectious and I found myself smiling back despite myself.
"We'll see," I agreed, "Now I really must be off if I want to be…home by night fall." I had no home. The one with my blood family was not home, it couldn't be and this one, with my true family, was being snatched back. I had no home now, only a house with people I was bound to by blood.
"Alright," she agreed quietly, "I love you Bella and I know Edward does too. I don't know what's wrong with him but one thing's for certain; he loves you Bella," I started shaking my head and my tears ran quicker down my already stained cheeks, "Thank you for this wonderful time you've given us my dear and I wish you a happy and fulfilling life." She pulled me into one last hug before I pulled away.
"Thank you, I love you too Mom," I murmured and picking up my case, turned around and left the house I had so many wonderful memories attached to for the last time. I took one last look at it before the cab pulled up and the driver got out and helped me load my luggage in.
XXXXX
I started out the window as we drove. I wanted to savor the landscape. The place I had come to call home this last year. The city hadn't changed much since I last passed through it like this. The lights seemed just as bright, the streets just as crowded. It had saved up for ages to earn enough money to get me to the city and sustain me there. That was when I had met Edward and the electricity that shot through us every time we shook hands alerted us of the immediate bond we shared. It had seemed we were meant to be.
I had tried so hard to escape the place of my birth. Ever since I was a little kid I had always been miserable. My mother was kind and loving but her warmth was over-shadowed by my father's coldness. He was a cruel and evil man, drawn to drinking when our crops failed. He had never really abused my younger sister Charlotte, but I had been slapped numerous times if we did something remotely bad and he seemed to enjoy taking his anger out on me. Apparently it was my fault our crops had failed.
I hated my father with a passion, he had always been so cruel to me and that was why I had to escape, but I did feel guilty about leaving my mother and Charlotte with him. Father seemed to love Charlotte, a lot more than me and he never deliberately lashed out at her like he did me, and I know he loves my mother to death. It is only when the drink overwhelms him that he turns violent on them. With me however, I seemed more a slave – not a worthy daughter.
It had something to do with the way I looked. I had so much resemblance in looks and attitude to his sister Annabelle, who had died just before I was born. He was very close to his sister and he seemed to blame me for her death, as well as being haunted by the constant reminder of his beloved sister. This is why he never wanted me in sight, always ordered me away. I had escaped him, yet now I was returning to his clutches and I could only guess that they would be worse than before.
"Here we are," the cab driver said brightly, eying the money in my hand. I looked up at the small house, much too small for four people and handed over the money, waiting anxiously for my change. Maybe I should have taken all the money Edward gave me to bribe my father.
"Thank you," I mumbled absently as I walked up to the door of my old home, my suitcase held tightly in my hand. I knocked and listened to the scrambling of feet before the door was thrown open and I was standing face to face with my little sister.
"Bella!" she exclaimed happily, pulling me into a hug, "Ma, Pa, look who's home. It's Bella!" she called before I could shush her. I heard someone come up behind us and looked up into the face of my father
"So it is," he sneered, "Oh the great Isabella Swan decides to visit our humble home. Or are you married to that prick. Is it Isabella…whatsit now?" his words hit home and I tried as hard as I could to keep my tears at bay
"No, I'm still a Swan," I said, trying to keep my voice light, "and I'm here to stay. I've had enough of the city and I missed you all too much to stay away," I lied, conveniently leaving out Edward.
"Hmph!" was my fathers reply as he turned away from me, already disgusted. Just then Mother ran into the room, her bright face helping to lift my mood slightly
"Bella! Nice to see you home dear, we've all missed you," she said warmly and embraced me. I smiled,
"And I you," I said softly. Mother pulled back and peered at me closely, noticing my tear-stained cheeks and blood-shot eyes.
"Why are you back? I thought you were getting married?" she asked skeptically. As hard as I tried to restrain my tears, one escaped and rolled down my cheek. It didn't escape my mother's watchful eye.
"Oh no, we were just having fun, nothing too serious," I tried to brush it off but I don't think she bought it, "We both decided it was time to end when the influenza hit and I felt the city held nothing for me and desired to return home." She nodded thoughtfully, taking my hand and leading me into the house. It was exactly as I remembered it, just dimmer somehow. Probably because of the light of Edward's home, so different from my own.
Mother showed me to the room I shared with Charlotte who was bouncing about around us. Charlotte was eight and a spitting image of my mother. She had the same light golden hair, the same blue-green eyes and the same care-free spirit. And so, my father treated her like a princess.
As we sat around dinner, I realized that I really had no place here. I didn't fit. They were the perfect family and then there was me. They all held the same features; light hair and eyes, the contours of their faces and bodies were all similar, although my father's were gruffer, my mother's sharper and my sisters sweeter. If you were looking in, you wouldn't know we were related. It wasn't just our appearances that separated though; inside I was a complete opposite to the rest of them and my father despised it.
He thought I was ruining the perfect family they were. And I was. They were the family. I was a different one, imposing on them. I was alone and I would be forever now that the one person who had made me feel included wanted me out of his life. Edward had wanted me, I hoped he had loved me. When we curled up on the sofa together or talked for hours in our bed; that's when I felt truly home, truly accepted, truly part of a family. But it was all gone now and I was alone. As I always would be. I would never marry again and if I did, by my father's will or mother's begging, my heart would never be in it. I would always love another. I didn't have a heart anymore; I had given it to him and his it would always be.
Just a couple of notes on this story;
Edward is 17 and Bella is 15
This chapter is set in 1918
The rest of the chapters are set in 2008
All the chapters will be written like this; half Edward's POV and half Bella's
Not all chapters will be this long
You will hear about how Bella becomes a vampire in later chapters
I love everyone who read this
Everyone who reads it must review or I will hunt you down :D
Regards,
Tiger