74th Hunger Games

This is ridiculous. Star-crossed lovers? The rule change? How are people buying this crap? Oh sure, the boy Peeta seems like he means it-after all, he did declare his love on national television. But the girl Katniss…I just don't know. It almost feels like she's trying too hard. The kissing in the caves, the talking, the drugging him to save his life. I just don't buy it.

"Ugh you have got to be fucking kidding me!" Johanna claims in disgust as the star-crossed lovers kiss once again, "How the hell is the damn country buying this?"

"Maybe it's real." I say, though even I don't half believe it. Johanna gives me a glare and rolls her eyes.

"Oh please, not you too." she grumbles.

"Nah, not really." I reply.

"It's the 'cousin' for her. Some idiot just made that up." Johanna guesses. She might be right on that one. It would explain a lot; his grudgingly answered questions and his hidden anger and resentment that I could see in his interview at the final eight would attest to that. So would the emotions and heartfelt things that Katniss is doing in the Games. Perhaps he told her to come home no matter what and Peeta gave her something (though she probably doesn't like it) to work with.

"Maybe. But it might not matter in the end. I don't buy that they're really going to let them both win for a second so it doesn't matter." I exclaim. And right I am. They give them hope right up until the last minute, and drop the bomb on them. But the girl won't have it, so she pulls out the poisonous berries. A very rebellious move, one that I can see that she's alright. But is it out of love? I doubt it. She probably just pissed that they changed the rules back, or maybe she is being a rebel.

Either way, it works. They're both Victors, though really only she deserves it. She's Victor material-he's too self-sacrificing. It's only by her rebellious move that he's still living and breathing. They still play the angle once they're out, trying desperately to make it seem like it's out of love and not rebellious.

They both go home unscathed.

Victory Tour

We're not allowed to meet the two newest Victors when they come to District 4. However, that doesn't stop me from finding Haymitch. I need to know what's up anyway.

"What's going on for real?" I ask him in once we're in a safe place to talk.

Haymitch shakes his head. "Snow. Found out that sweetheart's heart wasn't quite in it. He wants her to stop the uprisings by convincing everyone that it was out of love or he'll kill her loved ones."

"It's the 'cousin,' isn't it?" I question, the one thing Johanna and I could come up with to explain so much.

He nods, confirming it. "Yeah. Sweetheart doesn't really know how even she feels, but she's not too happy about the star-crossed lovers. Never was. Snow gave a direct death threat to the kid unless she did what he said because he knew they kissed or something."

Well that certainly explains a lot. And this is one secret that I didn't have to go on a god awful appointment to get. "You think they can pull it off?"

"I don't think it will matter. Snow's got it out for her, so if he doesn't kill anyone he's got something else up his sleeves, which is bad because we need her." Haymitch replies.

"She's the Mockingjay then? Can we save her from him?" I ask. She would certainly make a good symbol for the rebellion. She does splendidly without trying.

"That's our goal. We'll figure it out when we know more." Haymitch says.

Quarter Quell

Of course I would get tangled in Snow's web for Katniss. This stupid Quarter Quell was no accident, let me tell you. But now at least we have something to spark the rebellion with, and I'm a part of that.

We've all been messing with her just because, all us Victors in this stupid Hunger Games. Johanna embarrassed her by going around naked like it was no big deal. Chaff gave her a wet kiss just for a laugh. I offered her sugar cubes and asked for her secrets, even though I know most of them anyway.

At the interviews we all fight back against the Capitol for making us go into these stupid Games, our own mini rebellion. Peeta comes up with some idiotic lie about them being married and Katniss is pregnant. Pregnant my ass-even if she does love her 'cousin' and not Peeta, she's still too pure to have had sex ever. Her embarrassment from Johanna was testament enough to that.

It takes some effort and Haymitch's bracelet to do it, but I actually convince her that we're allies at the bloodbath. She's the first person to the Cornucopia besides me, and not that long afterwards. Where the hell did she learn to swim in District 12 anyway? Maybe I don't know all her secrets after all.

When Peeta runs into that forcefield, her distraught and panic is evident, her heartbreak clear. Shit, we need this kid alive, so I begin CPR. But the whole time I'm thinking, yes I don't know Katniss as well as I thought. She has feelings for Peeta after all, or she certainly wouldn't be acting this way. Maybe she doesn't even know she loves him or to what degree, but it's clear she does. I bring him back to life-he's weak, but alive. The rebellion can still happen because we need him alive to keep her in the alliance. That's what matters if we're going to pull this off.

Johanna and Beetee have joined us. Mags and Wiress are dead. Katniss and I go to get water and I hear a scream, a high pitched noise. Katniss goes white and yells for her little sister. Shit, they have her little sister? Here? This can't be good. The screams go away, but a minute later I hear screams that make me panic-Annie. Annie, god no not Annie! I thought Mags saved her at the reaping! And now they have her? I yell for her in a panic, not caring about anything else. I come to the tree where she must be and yell for her, trying to find her desperately. Katniss shoots an arrow and a jabberjay falls, Annie's screams along with it. Shit. It may not be Annie, but that was her voice. They have or had Annie somewhere to get those screams out of her. What if they tortured her? What if they ki…no I can't think like that.

I explain to Katniss what I think before we hear another scream, this time a deep voice that could only be male. I don't recognize it, but Katniss evidently does, and it makes her panic as much as her sister's screams. That means it could only be one person-the 'cousin.' Shit, I need to stop her from screaming for him, showing her fear and love for him. Snow did this on purpose, the fucking bastard. He wants to ruin the star-crossed lovers angle by showing the world that Katniss loves someone else. I literally have to drag her, carry her, but she finally gets that she can't help him and runs with me. We run into a wall. We can't escape. I curl up and try to drown out Annie's screams until it finally goes away.

Beetee's plan is in full swing. But we had to separate, Johanna and Katniss taking the wire through the jungle and to the ocean. I hear disaster and I run, trying to keep this plan in motion. When the lightning strikes I'm too near, and my world goes black after a shock to my system.

District 13

On the hovercraft I share with a still unconscious Katniss, Haymitch, and Plutarch, I get the upsetting and incredulous news that the Capitol has not only Peeta and Johanna, but they took Annie as well. Annie. They took her because of me, because of my part. I try desperately to convince them to get her out, but they try to convince me that they can't. That they won't harm her because she knows nothing. I don't believe them and worry takes over me. I cry all the time for her.

Katniss comes out with a syringe in hand, desperate to save Peeta from the Capitol. We tell her about District 13, tell her to sit down. We tell her that Peeta was taken by the Capitol, and she responds by yelling at Haymitch and scratching his face before someone knocks her out with medicine. Yes, Katniss has feelings for Peeta, most likely love after all. A secret she probably can't even admit to herself.

We try to get her to listen to us all the way to District 13, even when we're in District 13. She ignores us, pretends we're not there while she's on the sedater. She doesn't want to listen, and won't listen to anyone. Until one person comes, one I've only seen on television. He comes burned and injured, but only he can make her listen. The 'cousin,' Gale Hawthorne.

I'm so distracted by Annie with my worry and crushing grief that I barely remember anything in 13. I know that they want me to help them but I can't focus. I tie knot after knot until my hands are swollen and red, trying to get through Annie not being here, not being safe. It isn't until the day that they tell us that they are rescuing Annie, Peeta, and Johanna that I come out of my phase a little. Annie-they're going to bring her home.

Haymitch tells me the team that went to get them, and I'm not so surprised to find that Hawthorne was the first volunteer. While Katniss broke down because of Peeta, he loves her more than anything I've come to see and will do anything at all to make her better. Even if it means going to rescue the boy she loves that is not him. But the way Katniss mutters both their names over and over as we wait for them to return makes me think that she might love him too, and she obviously doesn't know how to choose. So we wait.

Annie comes back and I come back to life. I hold her and kiss her, my love filled with relief and absolute joy at seeing her again. Johanna looks bad, the only one who actually knew information about the rebels and it shows in her treatment in the Capitol. Annie and I sit with her when we can.

Peeta, however, is worse, much worse. He's hijacked they tell us. He thinks Katniss is a mutt, and attacked her. She feels awful about him, but has to get away. She goes to District 2 to help end the resistance there. Gale stays behind.

After Gale visits Peeta, I catch him in the hallway. I don't really know him other than what I've heard, but I can tell he doesn't look happy. This surprises me a little.

"I would think that you would be happier than you are. Now you don't have any competition." I say to him. After all, it looks like he's going to get Katniss after all now. Why would she pick a hijacked boy over him, no matter what she might feel for either of them?

Hawthone shakes his head. "You don't know her. I don't have a shot in hell if he doesn't get better."

I look at him a little strangely. "You sure about that?"

He nods. "Yeah, I know her better than anyone. I know how her mind works and she's going to pick him. She loves him, not me."

I don't know if I quite believe that last part, but he has a point about the first. Only he could bring her out of her disastrous state when I was still in mine. They always seem to know what the other is thinking or feeling and they can speak without words. It's a little creepy, but that's one of the main reasons I thought that he would win her over-even without Peeta's hijacking. "Alright, if you say so."

Katniss was shot in District 2, but she came back and her and Johanna are trying to get on our squad, Squad 451. The only other person I currently know on the squad is Hawthorne, but I don't mind. I'm a lot happier lately, as Annie and I have gotten married and pure joy is mostly all I can feel now.

One night during Katniss and Johanna's training we eat dinner with Katniss, Hawthorne, Johanna, and a girl from 12. Peeta comes up and sits with us, the table a little awkward. He's…different. A little more realistic and cruel. He says something to me about Annie, some kind of threat and I leave the table with her. Johanna comes to me maybe ten minutes later and tells me what I missed. Tells me that Peeta asked if Katniss and Hawthorne were a couple now (see, I knew I wasn't the only one who thought so. Besides, this means that he knew about Hawthone anyway or else he wouldn't have said that) and Johanna tells me that Hawthorne said something about not believing Peeta now until he saw it before he and Katniss left the table. Then Peeta started arguing with himself after the girl from 12 yelled at him about his behavior. Johanna started going back to her room she shares with Katniss but found her and Hawthorne in one of those love/hate fights where you end up kissing so she turned around and came to find me instead. Yeah, I don't quite know if Hawthorne was right about his thinking that she would pick Peeta. He's just…too far gone.

The War

Star squad. You have got to be kidding me. I thought we were real soldiers, but no, we're just excitement for the cameras. Oh sure, they have us do real stuff, real targets. But never once have they let the 'propo' faces (me, Katniss, or Hawthorne) go. It's pretty fucking annoying.

In fact nothing exciting really happens until incredulously Peeta comes strolling in to our squad. There's only one reason he could be here with his unstable state-to kill Katniss. We all know it, but he stays by Coin's orders. Apparently she's not making it much of a secret that Katniss would be the most helpful as a martyr at this point, but none of us will ever let that happen. So we guard Peeta. We help him figure out reality-I answer questions about both of his Games when I'm on guard for him. It's almost sad how much and what he can't remember is real or not real. It makes me hate the Capitol a little more, and I didn't think that was even possible.

We go on a mission, with a real target. Peeta knows that Pollux is an avox, tells us about the two avoxes from their floor in the training center that were tortured so he would watch. I don't know how he knows their names, but apparently they effect Katniss and Hawthone, evidence to which Katniss buries her face in Hawthone's chest as he holds her tight, a grim expression on his face. Haymitch told me about the peacekeeper turned avox that helped Gale when he was whipped senseless, a friend of all of their's (because apparently that was a secret of 12 from the other districts. Peacekeepers were far more lax and loved the black market). But the way they look, something tells me that those two had a connection to the girl avox as well. A secret that probably only those two have, because Haymitch has told me nothing about that avox.

We are currently hiding, and we've lost Boggs and Mitchell. Peeta basically killed Mitchell, but I doubt he really meant it. He was unstable. But we knock him out and take him with us into the building, safe from the black poisonous stuff. Now there's a standoff. Boggs left Katniss the holo, but Jackson thinks it's hers. Guns are pointed, mine and Hawthorne's at Jackson and the District 13 soldiers at Katniss. The standoff luckily ends with no shots fired and we settle for the night.

They think we're dead-everyone. Good for us, now we're invisible for at least the night. We try to figure out what to do. Peeta tells us to kill him, and Katniss absolutely refuses. Huh, maybe Hawthorne was right after all. I mean I would hate to kill Peeta anyway, but he does have a valid point as horrible as that sounds. We don't kill him, but he wants the shackles still on.

We move underground, Pollux in the lead. At some point we hear mutts uttering Katniss's name, and we move. We give weapons to everyone aside from Peeta (who is mumbling along with the mutts in his hijacked state still) and move on quickly to get above ground to avoid them. In the process we lose three more people. When we get to the ladder the mutts catch up with us. I stay, wanting to be the last one up so that they get to safety. I need to make sure that the most important people are still alive. I tell Katniss to go when she looks back at me, telling her I'll be fine. She screams as I'm attacked, and I know by the pain and ripping of my flesh that I'm going to die. Annie I love you. Annie I love you, I'm sorry. I repeat this like a mantra, no secret that this is all I can say. It's all that really matters in the end. Love. I hope that Katniss can figure out hers because the certainty of love is worth everything. It's worth dying to know. Annie I love you. I repeat this until my world goes black.