Forget-me-not
It was a cold day at the beginning of spring. The snow had melted completely recently and the lawn was waking. There was no cloud in the sky and the sun was dissolving the fog of dawn. Its shine made the Forbidden Forest trees sprout splendidly, enough to inspire poets; the lake water, slightly moved by a breeze, sparkled in its brightness.
Se o vento sopra sem sentido,
as estrelas podem me guiar.
If the wind blows without direction,
the stars can guide me.
Inside the castle, in Gryffindor Tower, a gentle girl with long red hair was hastily finishing a Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. There was still half an hour until class began and she also had to get down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Her attention was occasionally distracted by her hurting toe, which she'd stubbed against her bed when she got up.
The reason for the delay was a little confusion of dates: she'd thought there were still three days to get it done when by chance, a friend told her it was for the next day, meaning today.
"Just more six inches and I'll finish it," she murmured to herself.
Her housemates were waking and passing through the common room. This was starting to make her nervous. It meant her time was ending.
"Just five inches…" She measured the paper for the fifth time.
A dark haired guy came down the stairs in a casual way and was moving towards the Fat Lady when he noticed her. He retraced his steps and decided to sit down in the chair across from her.
"Good morning, Evans," he smiled.
"Good morning, Potter," she answered without any emotion and without lifting her face from the paper.
"I was wondering if you'd want to go out with me…"
"No, Potter." Lily did not alter her voice and did not bother to lift her head again.
"Just 'no'?" He was surprised.
"Why, Potter? What else did you want?" She finally stared at him.
The girl became impatient when she had to give up the ignoring him strategy. She couldn't pay attention at what she was writing.
"Nothing… I just wanted to see if we'd made any progress, because you didn't have any sarcastic comment for me."
"If you'd call that progress. I think you calling me Evans instead of Lily is progress."
"Hmm, I guess I've spoken too early."
"If you would excuse me, I need to finish this now."
"Sure, Lily."
James stood up and, before she was able to realize he'd moved closer, he kissed her cheek and left.
For some reason, the girl found it harder to concentrate on "How to defend against bog creatures" after that.
Se eu não te tenho aqui comigo,
quando sonho eu posso te encontrar.
If I don't have you here with me
When I dream I can meet you
"Hi, Lily. Have you finished it?"
"Not yet. You go down, Alice, I'll meet you in class."
"Okay." Alice went to move, but noticing something, she asked, "Has James come to talk to you today?"
"He has. Wait, how did you know?"
"After you talk to him, you get this expression," Alice laughed.
"What expression?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
"The one that says you would like to keep talking to him, but just for pride's sake, you send him away," Lily's friend said, and left smiling.
"You've been reading to many fiction books!" the redhead called after her and then consulted her book again.
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Shortly after, Lily was running, almost out of control, to Defense class. It was not enough. She was late.
"Excuse me, Professor Corday."
"I thought Hogwarts Head Girls were better examples," said the tall professor with a thick beard. "Five points from Gryffindor. I expect it won't happen again."
"Yes, sir."
Blushing, she put the essay on top of a pile on his desk and sat in the chair next to Alice.
At the end of that lesson:
"I grabbed you an apple when I realized you weren't going to make it to breakfast. You can eat while we go to the greenhouse."
"Thanks, Lice," Lily said with a dejected expression.
"He probably has swallowed a lemon today."
"And exactly today I had to be late."
"Ah, Lily, let it go."
"Lice, did you hear what he said to me during class? 'One must always keep alert… neglects and distractions may be dangerous.' He even used the word 'late'!"
"Lily, we're in seventh year and this was the first time you were late," Alice said, trying to cheer her up.
"And it had to be for his class…"
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At lunch, Lily found a way to wait for the Marauders to sit before she chose a place at the table. She sat far away from the group. If she thought this was going to put her far from Potter's reach, she was mistaken.
At one point, without anyone noticing – even her – she'd started to see how charming he was when laughing with his friends and how, suddenly, he seemed nice, gentlemanly…
"Ah, love…" said a little voice in her head.
"What? Are you drunk?"
"Honey, if I am, you are also."
On impulse, Lily turned to face the end of the table and saw James looking at her. Immediately, she looked away with her heart beating faster and her hands starting to sweat.
"You're blushing…humming."
"Oh, shush."
"Somebody is in…"
"Do not finish that sentence."
"…lo…"
"Stop!"
"Lily, are you alright?" Alice asked, watching her trying to avoid a grimace.
"Finally someone to take me back to the real world," Lily thought.
"Yes. I'm just still angry about Defense."
"You must be tired."
"Oh, no," the girl said, rummaging through her bag. "I left my Transfiguration book in the dorm. I'll be right back." She ran to the marble stairs.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
Later, in McGonagall class, Lily was out of breath from running. Alice noticed her hair was wet.
"What a day." Lily sat down quickly.
"What happened to you?"
"It must be a joke. A bad one, by the way. I was already coming here when Peeves threw THREE water balloons at me. THREE. Apparently, only one wasn't good enough. And then I needed to come back…"
"Miss Evans, Miss Campbell, please stop talking. I'm starting the lesson."
"Sorry, professor," the two girls apologized.
The redhead blushed, embarrassed again, and spoke, only with her lips, but Alice understood: "Why me?"
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That evening, Lily had just arrived in the Common Room when James got up from the couch.
"Hey, Lily."
"Alright, just pretend you haven't heard him and keep walking," she thought.
"How can you possible not have heard? The room is almost empty."
"My dear conscience, can you please ignore that fact?"
"Ahhh… No."
"Thank you, I'm very grateful. – ironic thought."
"You're welcome, at your service. – I'm laughing"
"Oh, Merlin, I must be losing my mind. My own conscience is laughing at me."
"Lily".
"Great. Arguing with myself and I let Potter reach me," Lily thought.
"Have you seen when the next Hogsmeade trip is?" asked James
"Yes. I was the one who put the notice on the board."
"So, would you go with me?"
"That's enough."
"Attention."
"Attention, she is planning to talk to him."
"He is so cute."
"Who said that?"
"Exactly how many voices do I have in my mind?"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Never mind. And everybody be quiet now!"
"…"
"I can still hear whispers. … That's better."
"Potter, do you have a minute?"
"As many as you need."
"He must have thought I was thinking about the answer and NOT having an identity crisis. Thankfully…"
"Thank you, but I don't think so. How long will we be playing this scene? Because honestly, it's getting tiring."
"What do you mean?" he asked with half a smile.
"It's been three years. You ask me out, I say no, you pretend you don't hear me and then you ask somebody else. In the end, my answer doesn't make any difference. Why do you insist?"
A liberdade sempre andou comigo
nas esquinas de algum lugar.
Freedom has always been with me
At somewhere corners
"Do you really think it doesn't make any difference?"
James was still smiling, looking at her more deeply than usual, which made Lily turn away to look at the bulletin board.
"That's how I see it," she answered simply.
"You should look closer."
"And what I said was just my imagination?" She looked at him again.
"Which, by the way, has been very active…"
"Shush!"
"Not everything. I hear all your "no's" and other stuff like that, but I think you'll change your mind."
"You're dreaming."
"Really?" His smile turned sarcastic, just like hers. "I know you've noticed you're the only one I've been asking out for more than a year."
Mas o meu lugar é estar contigo;
eu não posso mais me controlar.
But my place is with you
I can't control myself anymore
"No, I haven't noticed."
"You have." James laughed shortly. "Lily, you blink more when you're trying to fool me."
"Wherever," the girl said, taken aback. "My answer is still no."
"Why not?"
"You know, I'm tired of this conversation. And, as I can see on the bulletin board, you have Quidditch practice now, so never mind."
"Why not?" James repeated the question, trying to make her look at him again.
"It doesn't matter," Lily said softly, shaking her head a little, not knowing if she was saying it to him or to herself.
"Lily, I'm not asking you to go with me on a tour around the world. It's just an afternoon for you to undo the terrible impression you have of me." James had a slightly exasperated tone to his voice.
"This impression hasn't come by itself," she came back in her normal voice.
"I know it hasn't, but don't you think people can change?"
For a moment, there was silence only interrupted by the noise the birds were making outside.
"It might be," she evaded, to avoid saying 'yes.' "What would be the reason?"
"You."
Por mais que eu tente lhe dizer
o quanto eu sinto por você,
Although I try to tell you
What I fell for you,
If Lily was looking taken aback before, it was nothing compared to what she was feeling now. All the stress of the day was added to a different feeling. She wasn't able to think clearly anymore and was almost dizzy. Murmuring an "excuse me," she ran up to her dorm.
como é possível não saber
que eu te quero?
How can it be possible not to know
I want you?
Getting there, she lay prone on her bed and sank into the pillow. When Alice heard some noise at the dorm, she left the bathroom with a hairbrush in her hand.
"Lily, are you sure you're alright?"
"No." It was said by a voice muffled in the pillow.
"Hmm, may I ask what happened?" Her friend sat down on the edge of Lily's bed.
"Sure." Lily raised her face a little so she could speak easier. "I went to the library, searched for a book in almost every shelf and didn't find it. As I haven't another alternative, I needed to ask Madam Pince's help, who was nice as always and all of that was nothing because the book is borrowed. Meaning I won't be able to write my Ancient Runes essay. I was insulted by two Slytherins on my way back here, then I had a conversation with Potter."
"Besides all the other things that have happened since I opened my eyes this morning… Hey, thinking better, that's why I had a multiple personality crisis. By the way, I obviously don't intend to tell anyone about this crisis."
"Well, about the book, Lily, I'm sorry, I don't think I can help. About the two Slytherins, the best you can do is ignore them. About James…" Lice seemed to stop talking on purpose.
"Potter…"
"I imagine you're talking about when I heard him call you four times."
"Four times? I only heard two. Look, arguing with myself does some good. However, next time I must synchronize: arguing with myself AND walk fast."
"I didn't hear it four times."
"Well, it's true, isn't it?" she thought
"And the worst part is, I guess I was, hmm, kind of rude to him."
"You just guess?"
"What have you been eating? Lead? Because you, my dear little conscience, are getting very heavy." 1
"Somebody is making me bloated, you know. And that's not because of what you've said. It's because you like him and refused another opportunity to…"
"Enough."
"Well, I don't like giving opinions about these matters, but if you think you weren't nice to him…" Alice said
"'Mean' is another good word."
"…you should try to talk to him."
"Yeah, probably." Lily agreed. "But not now, or I'll make more mistakes." And then she buried her face in the pillow, hoping that the day would be over soon
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
The next day, almost in the evening, James was alone in the Common Room in front of the fireplace. His thoughts were diverted by the sound of an owl that had just come through the window carrying a letter. It landed on the arm of his chair.
"I apologize for leaving you talking alone and for the questions without answers.
I'm in the Astronomy Tower; if you want, meet me here. I know it's a last minute thing, so if you can't come, or don't want to, please, write it down on the back of this paper and send it with the same owl.
Sincerely,
Lily Evans"
For a moment, he kept the note in his hands, staring at the flames.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
In the Astronomy Tower, Lily was leaning on the windowsill with a blue flower in her hands.
"The owl may be coming," she sighed dejectedly.
Não importa se estou sozinho...
eu não tenho como te esquecer.
It doesn't matter if I'm alone
There no way I can forget you
"Why are you so sure I wouldn't come and would send the owl?" James asked, leaning against the doorframe.
Lily was startled. Distracted, she hadn't heard his footsteps getting closer.
"James, you… came." She spoke hesitantly and then, calmer, she added, "I thought you would take the opportunity to return one of the many "no's" I've thrown at your face." She shrugged.
He wasn't surprised she called him by his first name. The note and the fact that she'd asked him to talk were surprising enough.
"Yeah… it crossed my mind, but curiosity got the better of me." He came closer the window.
"I'm sorry, really sorry. I've never been very nice to you, but I've never been so rude, I guess. I hope. I had an awful day yesterday, everything went wrong, I even had a multiple personality crisis. Which I promised myself I wouldn't tell anyone about, but when I get nervous I talk nonstop, as you probably noticed… Anyway, I had no right to take it out on you." She was speaking fast, before she lost her courage. "I'm sorry."
Any sign of sarcasm was gone from her voice, her face.
Vagando pelas ruas sem destino,
se me perco, me encontro em você.
Wandering the streets without direction
If I lose myself, I find me in you
"That's okay…" James said, and seeing Lily lower her head, he added, "Really, you don't need to be so embarrassed." Smiling, he gently lifted her face.
Another moment of silence. This time, James said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Sure." She smiled kindly.
"Why do you always say no?"
"I don't know…" She bit her lower lip. "At first, at the beginning of the fifth year, I was more interested in talking to friends — I don't know, more like a child. Those days, I refused in the most delicate way I could. And after that, you asked someone else… a Hufflepuff, if I'm not mistaken. Do you remember that?"
James nodded.
"I realized then that we were very different. If I went out with you, it would mean something to me, and to you, it wouldn't… Maybe I kept this in mind."
"And some other things I've done after that, like showing off, haven't help much, have they?"
"They haven't."
Lily looked through the window. By her side, James did the same. They stayed like that for some time, until a bird passed carrying a small branch in its beak. This scene reminded the girl of something.
"I… wanted to give you this." She seemed a little embarrassed giving him the flower in her hand.
"Usually isn't it the opposite?" He accepted, surprised.
"Yeah… its name is miosotis."
She stopped talking briefly, and James asked, "Is it just me or do you have a reason for choosing this flower?"
"Another… name of it is 'forget-me-not.'"
James looked down at the small flower and smiled.
"Impossible."
Lily smiled, embarrassed, and then said, "I want to ask you something, would you give an honest answer?"
"Sure, it's fair enough."
"Why do you want to go out with me anyway? You've never seemed bothered by my 'no's'."
"'Seemed' is a good word for it."
"What am I? A challenge…"
"No," he interrupted.
"Then…"
"At the beginning, you were the most beautiful girl I knew. Actually, you still are."
Lily lowered her head, blushing.
"Then…" he continued. "I wouldn't call it a challenge… it puzzled me why only you said no to me. But after time passed, it was more than that." Lily looked at him again. "I started observing you. Your intelligence and kindness, your smile. Even when you're not smiling at me, it enchanted me. When I realized," James got closer to her, "I've liked you for some time. But I had the impression you wouldn't believe me if I told you so…"
Por mais que eu tente lhe dizer
o quanto eu sinto por você,
Although I try to tell you
What I fell for you,
Her heart started beating faster when she noticed the affection in his look, his gentleness in holding her hand. With the back of her hand, she touched his face.
"All this time, I've kept trying to find excuses as to why I can't trust you. And I was rehearsing a thousand times what I wanted to tell you. But every time I see you, everything disappears. I can hardly speak, my thoughts become a mess."
Once more, he smiled.
"I tried everything I could think of. I tried ignoring you; being ironic; tried running away from you; seeing you as little as possible… You are always on my mind. If I suddenly hear a voice in the corridor, I think it might be yours; if I see a face at a glance, I hope it's yours. I've tried to ignore it as much as I could… but I can't," said Lily
como é possível não saber
que eu te quero?
How can it be possible not to know
I want you?
"I want to accept one of your proposals," she said sweetly.
"Is that a yes?" he asked, still smiling and getting closer.
"Yes," she answered, lifting her shoulders slightly and closing her eyes.
Por mais que eu tente lhe dizer
o quanto eu sinto por você,
como é possível não saber
que eu te quero?
Although I try to tell you
What I fell for you,
How can it be possible not to know
I want you?
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1 – In Portuguese, when somebody is feeling guilty, in a literal translation, we say his conscience has got much weight, is heavy. That's why Lily asks is her conscience is eating something heavy, like the metal lead.
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Note:
Hi!
First of all, let me thank Bee for the great patience in beta reading this for me. :) This fanfiction would be nothing in English if you didn't have look at it.
Oh, disclaimers: all Harry Potter's world is not mine, etc, etc. The song is "Por mais que eu tente" (something like "Although I try"), of a Brazilian singer called Marjorie Estiano. There is a link to listen to it on my profile. I tried to translate it to English, but I don't know if it turned out a good job.
This was the first short fanfiction I've made, and was originally written in Portuguese (Uma Flor de Miosótis).
Please, if you liked or if you didn't let me know. Send reviews! I love them.
Hum, on my profile there's also a cap. And I think that's all.
.:Palas:.