Ahem, the Akatsuki fandom has caught up with me once more. This time in the form of a long-ish chapter story. But with rather short chapters, I'm trying to pace myself. So relax and savor the obviously OOC and crack-filled story! Me no owns the Akatsuki, I do have in my possession some notebooks based off of the anime Naruto though. So go forth, my loyal reader! And start the game right this very moment! Introducing the wildly popular...[Cue the truckload of enthusiatic screaming fans.]

Chapter 1: Package for the Akatsuki? Oh please!

"Hello! I have a package for the Akatsuki hideout here! Is anyone home?" the ordinary, completely not disguised as a ninja or rabid fan girl mailman announced naively to the boulder that was currently designed as a disguise to the entrance for said hideout.

Pein rubbed his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly once more as that announcement made echoed throughout the base.

'Was the boulder really not a good enough disguise for their hideout? It was seriously speaking absolutely impossible for trained ninjas to find this place but a simple mailman was able to?'

Pein snorted derisively at the foolish thought and waited for anyone to answer the poor, unsuspecting mailman.

Unfortunately enough, only the relatively sane ones were at the base at the moment, which meant there would be no entertainment for today. Drat.

Itachi released the seal on the boulder to start staring stoically at the mailman.

"Ah! Finally! Here's your package and if you could just sign here please!" The mailman cheerily said, holding up a clip-board to the other male's face.

"Hn." A pen appeared within his fingertips and soon enough efficiently signed initials appeared on the carbon paper.

The receipt was carefully torn out and handed to Itachi alongside the package.

"Well then, I suppose I'll be on my way then! Bye! See you again soon!" Mailman smiled innocently and turned away to leave.

That mailman was obviously new, since he didn't know the rules that no one got to leave the place alive.

He did not manage to take a single step before he collapsed on the ground.

Itachi, who had all the while been staring intently at the dead guy, put the seal back in place and reentered the hideout, just that this time with a package in his grasp.

Pein exited his office to intercept Itachi and at the same time take the package off his hands.

Pein then went back into his office to begin examining the package closely, with every method he could think of.

It was a mere plain, standard brown paper package tied up with string, no extra fancy pretenses enveloped the package.

The address on the paper was labelled The Akatsuki in bold letters.

Pein blinked a little and thought about it, nothing dangerous or otherwise could be sensed about the package.

Therefore, it was either a very elaborate trap or a harmless box.

Whatever, he shrugged uncaring. Anything that was thrown at the Akatsuki would easily be dealt with.

Or so he thought...

Meanwhile, the supposedly dead mailman got up, dusted himself off and went on his merry way.

I seem to enjoy making people collapse on the ground. Curse these plot bunnies. Serious foreshadowing here! Hope to see your reviews! They make for faster updates! (Even though, technically speaking, I already finished with most of the plot and just have to type it out...)