Iris
EPOV
BoldSong Lyrics
ItalicsThoughts
"You...don't…want…me?" Her eyes filled with tears. I knew I was hurting her.
"No"
This wasn't necessary. I don't know. I need her, but she will live a better life without me, it would be safer. Her life is more important than anything in me.
If she'd said to stay, I would have. I prayed for her to say it, and without a doubt I would have locked her in my arms and would never let her go.
"If that's what you want." she whispered.
It's not what I want, not in the slightest, but I had to do it. I cared for her so much I was willing for her to get hurt. She would forget me, she would live again and she would grow old and die with a normal man, someone who will love her. But no one will ever love her as much as I do. I had to give her an answer. She was standing there in hope, and that wasn't fair. I was battling with myself. My head was telling me to go, and leave her to live a normal life.
But my heart was fighting a losing battle.
"Yes" how simple an answer can be to break such a fragile heart. I could see her face crumpling, and I couldn't stay much longer. I was a selfish creature, and it wasn't fair if she saw me upset. I would go now, and leave her. But first I had to make sure he understood.
"Bella make me a promise. Promise me you wont do anything reckless or stupid." I couldn't live with myself if she did. She was worth much more than me, and for her to waste her life over such a heart less and selfish creature such as myself was absurd. Her face suddenly contained a small amount of hope, and I had gotten rid of the idea of it being a clean break.
"-for Charlie's sake." I added. That hope disappeared, and the broken Bella returned to the surface. I was so proud of her, she was being so strong. I knew it wouldn't last for long, but she was being strong now. That was more than what I was being.
"I will". She replied. What a simple answer. She understood, but I had to make sure.
"And I will make you a promise back. You will never see me again. It will be as if I never existed."
This broke me. I felt my insides being ripped apart as I said these words. And I could tell in her face that the words hadn't sunk in yet. She nodded in reply, but I knew those words would haunt her for as long as my memory remained in her mind. It was silent for a minute and neither of us moved.
This cant be it. After everything that's happened. You cant end this.
My heart was screaming out to me. I followed my head. I turned around and went to take a step away from the love of my life.
"Wait!" she shouted. She ran forwards and fell over something. I caught her in my arms. Typical Bella. I would miss this, her clumsiness. Just everything about her really. This contact was too much for me to handle. It would be too much for her to handle. Even the slightest touch now would scar her. I grabbed her wrists and pinned them by her side.
A clean break Edward. She will heal faster.
"I love you" I whispered. I kissed her fore head and felt a tear roll down her cheek. I looked at her one last time before I let go of he wrists and ran.
Ran away from her.
Ran away from my life, my one reason for existence.
In the distance I could still hear stumbling and my name being mumbled, and I knew se had opened her eyes to find me gone, and she was looking for me. I stopped. I was so close to turning around, and then the pain hit me. The pain of what I had done. The shame of falling in love with her. I don't regret it, but now she was in so much pain, and it was so unnecessary. I turned my head and continued sprinting through the woods. I wasn't going home, I was just running. Trying to run from the pain.
And id give up forever to touch you
Coz I know that you feel me some how
You're the closest to heaven that ill ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
I'm soul-less. My one escape from hell was behind me. Now hell was all I faced for the rest of my existence. Every second of her not being there was excruciating. I could still hear her, but as I tried to block out her voice I found myself running in her direction. I had no place to go. I don't care. I cant go back to her now, it would simply hurt her more for me to return after what I have just done to her. I would take the consequences for myself. She would go on. She would get over me. I mean nothing to her now. Just a distant memory. An old faded photograph of that family member that not one person can remember who they were or what they did.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later its over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
Everything. Everything in my mind was about her. In the air I could still smell her as she ran through the woods trying to find me. She never would. But I wanted her to. In a few months, maybe even a few weeks all this pain would be over…for her. But for me it would always remain. I would never forget the girl. The girl who was my world, and how without her there was no point for me being alive. So where did that leave me now?
And I don't want the world to see me
Coz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
What would everyone think? A vampire falling for a human. It went against everything. Light and dark. Heaven and hell. Right and wrong. But opposites attract. And without her, there was nothing. Only dark. Only hell. Only wrong.
At this point I found myself fallen against a tree, sobbing dry tears. I wanted to curl up and die. If only it was that easy.
And you can fight the tears that aint coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
The tears felt so real. I could feel them. But there was nothing there. No proof. I would make sure, like the tears, there was no truth of me. All the pictures, all the presents she had received on her birthday I would hide. I wouldn't take them from her room, that was cruel. I would hide them in there, in the hope she would feel them there somewhere and receive the slightest bit of comfort.
The one bit of truth in what I had said to her.
I love you.
The rest was lies. It was blasphemy. She was my faith. Everything I believed in. Everything I needed in life. I knew that when I said this she would feel happy for that one second, and that one second of relief was worth it. In her mind she would go back to the meadow. She would go back to all the happy places. The places with good memories. This forest will never be the same to her again. And that's all because of me.
It was then I heard her for the last time. I heard her fall. I could feel her giving up. I could hear her screams as she cried. I rushed back. I blocked out the voice in my head. As I got near, I climbed a near by tree to see my Bella, her, crawled up in a ball on the floor crying. What have I done?
And I don't want the world to see me
Coz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
She needed peace. Time would heal the pain for her. The sooner I left her, the sooner she would move on.
I left her. I left her laying on the floor, I left my soul mate. . One day we would see each other, when that will be I don't know.
But until then I will wait for her. I couldn't love another, she had my heart and she always will.