Zak stared at the face on the screen. It was a handsome face, there's no denying that. Nice smile, good hair, kind eyes... not a bad face at all. Still he couldn't help the way it filled him with dread. What the hell was he thinking, signing up for a dating site? He wasn't ready for this. Way too much pressure. And now he had a message from this male-model-looking, specimen-of-a-man who wanted to know what his ideal Friday night looks like? And oh my God...what if he tells him and then he wants to meet up and do that exact thing? Nope. Too much pressure. He slammed his laptop shut. TomCat1980 would just have to wait. He walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. His mouth felt like the desert at just the thought of going on a date with this guy. He really didn't know if he could handle the actual thing. Besides, he didn't even know how he would respond. What could he say was his "ideal Friday night"? He definitely couldn't tell him that it's hanging out with his best friend Nick, who, by the way, he's desperately in love with. That probably wouldn't go over too well. He rubbed his temples, groaning in defeat. He hated the idea of dating. Up until now his love life had consisted of random hookups meant to distract him from what he really wanted, but couldn't have. Truthfully, he really didn't even know if he wanted to date a man that wasn't Nick. That's why he'd kept his sexual escapades strictly female all these years. Sure, he'd flirt with guys a little here and there. Mostly when he was drunk and only if they initiated. But he'd never really gotten farther than that, always wanting to save those firsts for Nick. Even though Zak was sure that Nick would never return his feelings. And that sad fact is what had gotten him in this mess in the first place. He felt his anxiety levels rise as he thought again about TomCat1980. Maybe he was just destined to be alone.

Zak startled awake. Just a moment before he'd been investigating a dark and musty location with Nick by his side. He closed his eyes, wanting to savor the dream for another moment. It had been pitch black in the building. The air was heavy with mold. But every few moments Zak would catch a trace of Nick's cologne mingling in the air. He couldn't see the man, but he could feel him, warm at his side as they made their way down a dark hallway. The building was alive with energy and unexplained sounds. With every bump and rustle, Nick would move closer to Zak, touching him lightly and leaving goosebumps behind. Zak sighed, wishing he could live in the dream just a little while longer. He always woke up too early when he was having good dreams. It was the bad ones that kept him trapped in their tangled web. He jumped as his phone vibrated on the nightstand. He picked it up, seeing that he had four missed texts. All from Nick.

10:30 AM: Dude, I'm bored. What are you up to today?

10:47 AM: I'm gonna go to the gym to lift. Wanna come?

12:08 PM: Are you seriously still sleeping? I've already been to the gym!

12:34 PM: Get your ass out of bed. I'm coming over. Please shower.

Zak smiled to himself, checking the time. 12:42. He knew Nick would be there any minute. He jumped out of bed, making his way toward the shower. He really didn't need Nick judging him for just having gotten out of bed. He showered quickly, washing yesterday's product from his wild, slept-on hair. As he stepped out of the shower, he heard the doorbell ring. "Shit." he mumbled, grabbing for a towel and wrapping it around his waist. The doorbell rang again, twice in a row this time.

"Zak!" He heard a familiar voice yell.

"I'm coming!" He yelled back, flustered. Nick could be the most impatient person sometimes. He made his way down the stairs trailing wet footprints all the way. The doorbell rang again as Zak flung the door open. Nick grinned mischievously.

"Good morning." He said, taking in the sight before him. "I see you got my text."

"I was already up." Zak lied.

"Bullshit." Nick said, pushing past him to walk into the house. The scent of his cologne wafted through the air as he brushed past, and Zak took a moment to enjoy the familiar smell. Nick plopped down on the couch, petting Gracie as she lay her head on his knee. "Hey Gracie! Hey good girl. Did the bad man sleep all day and leave you all alone?" Nick said, looking Gracie in the eyes sympathetically. Zak rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, dude. It's not even that late." He said, defending himself.

"Most people are halfway done with their work day at this point." Nick said, grinning.

"Yeah, well I'm not most people." Zak replied smugly.

"No, I guess you're not." Nick said. He had a look in his eye that he got from time to time. Zak couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, only that it made him nervous. Like all of a sudden he was standing in front of a crowd, totally naked. And suddenly he looked down, remembering that in this case he was basically naked, with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

"I'm gonna go get dressed." He said, quickly. "Be right back." He made his way up the stairs, still feeling the aftershocks of Nick's stare. He was sure his chest was all red and blotchy like it got whenever he felt embarrassed or anxious. He heard the TV click on downstairs as Nick began to surf through the channels at record speed. Zak smiled to himself. Nick was basically a giant puppy, full of energy and unable to focus on one thing for too long.

"Dude, I'm gonna use your computer for a second." Nick called up the stairs. Already on to the next thing.

"Yeah, okay." Zak called back, buttoning up his jeans. He was trying to decide on a shirt when all of a sudden, his heart jumped into his throat. The dating profile. He hadn't closed out of the message from TomCat1980. "Nick, wait!" He yelled out, already knowing he was too late. He ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time. But as he rounded the corner, the look on Nick's face confirmed that he had already seen it.

"I'm sorry." Nick said, still looking at the screen in shock.

"That's okay." Zak answered awkwardly, already feeling the redness crawl to his cheeks.

"I didn't know you were…" Nick trailed off, meeting Zak's eyes. He looked totally taken aback and Zak wasn't sure how to begin explaining.

"Yeah...I haven't really told anyone." Zak said bashfully.

"So, you're like, dating people? Men? Nick asked.

"Well, no. Not really." Zak said. This was really hard to explain. "I just signed up for this site the other day. But no, I'm not dating anyone."

"Have you ever dated a guy before?" Nick asked curiously. Zak could tell by his face that he was having a hard time with this conversation. Probably still processing and trying to be supportive.

"No, I haven't." Zak answered honestly.

"Oh." Nick said succinctly. "And this guy...he's your type?" He asked, pointing to the screen. He studied the picture for a second before adding. "He's really… strong... looking."

"Um...yeah, I don't really know what my type is." Zak said. But honestly, he knew exactly what his type was and it was sitting right in front of him looking completely shell shocked.

"I'm sorry." Nick said. "I just… I didn't know."

"That's okay." Zak said, quickly. "I probably should have told you."

"So, are you gonna go out with this guy then?" Nick asked, decidedly uncomfortable.

"I don't know. I haven't decided." Zak shrugged. He studied Nick's face. His eyes were fixed on the screen again. He stared hard at the image, like he was attempting to solve a difficult math problem. "You okay?" Zak asked after a few moments. Nick peeled his eyes from the screen, disappointment clear on his face. Zak could have sworn there were tears forming in the younger man's eyes.

"I wish you would have told me, Zak." He said, clearly hurt.

"Nick…" Zak started. Every bone in his body wanted to come clean. He had already gotten this far. He just had to rip the bandaid. He just had to tell Nick that he loved him and let the cards fall where they may. Then, at least Nick could understand why he had kept this a secret. And Zak would know that he had tried. Even if it ended badly, which he was pretty sure it would. At least he would finally know for sure. He opened his mouth to speak, but Nick cut him off.

"You don't have to explain. I get it. Look… I just want you to be happy, okay? Whatever that means for you." Nick said, eyes glistening slightly. He took a deep breath before continuing. "And if this Tom guy is gonna make you happy, I think you should go for it."

"Oh." Zak said, deflated. He felt like he'd just had his legs chopped out from under him. It was the closest he'd ever come to admitting his feelings to Nick and now it was clear that it would be a pointless endeavor.

"Listen… I think I'm gonna take off." Nick said, rubbing the back of his neck stiffly.

"Come on, man. Please don't leave like this." Zak protested. "Let's hang out, like we were gonna."

"I'll call you later. Okay?" Nick said, barely able to maintain eye contact. "I just need… to process."

"Yeah… okay." Zak said, disappointed. He was on the verge of tears, but he fought to swallow them until Nick was gone. Then he would allow himself to crumble.

"See ya." Nick said, making his way toward the door. He let himself out, closing the door behind him. He already felt the hot tears prickling in his eyes but he choked them back. He couldn't believe it. He'd spent all these years loving Zak and knowing there was no way he could ever have him. And he was right. But he'd always thought that it was because Zak was straight. As it turns out, Zak's sexual orientation wasn't the problem. It was him. Zak had no feelings for him. It was as simple as that. And it hurt more than he could have ever imagined.