A/N
Italics – indicate someone's thoughts. Normal text is narrative, while quotes "" indicate someone's words.
This is my first fanfic, so please bear with me. Specific dates (eg birthdays, etc), previous quotations, and spells may not be accurately reflected in this story.
Disclaimers: This fanfic uses one or more characters and scenes that are the property of JK Rowlings. I own nothing, nor am I profiting from this story.
This story starts at the end of the JK Rowlings Order of the Phoenix.
Summary: Harry gets fed up with putting his friends in danger and losing loved ones to Voldemort. Training, new powers, new romance. HP/GW.
TransitionHarry had been picked up at the Kings Cross train platform by his Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, and was sitting in the motorcar on the way home. Dudley, Harry's elephant of a cousin, decided to stay home today. Harry sat there, rocking back and forth gently as the motorcar made its way to his "home", 4 Privet Drive in Little Whinging, in Surrey County, England. Uncle Vernon's puce-colored face, Aunt Petunia's horse-like face, and their angry diatribe faded into the background as Harry began replaying the events of the last week in his mind.
Flashback
Harry had come back from the Ministry of Magic where his godfather, Sirius, had fallen through something called "the Veil". According to all, Sirius had died.
I can't believe it! I….I'm to blame. I should have listened to Hermione and Ron. They told me it could be a trap. Damn that elf, Kreacher for lying! Damn Dumbledore! How could he have ignored me for the last year? How could he not have heeded the signs of danger within my dreams this last year – the dreams that Voldemort had planted into my mind? Damn Voldemort, can't he just leave me alone! Damn them! Damn…sob…them!!!
Harry sat on his bed in the Gryffindor tower trying not to cry, without much success. The support he had felt up to his fifth year at Hogwarts was crumbling. Dumbledore had failed him; he had failed his friends and Sirius – how could anyone trust him? After crying, he sat there dejected and depressed. In a few days school would let out and all the Hogwarts students would be getting on the train back home. Home. Ha! – it was supposed to be #4 Privit Drive, with his muggle Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Cousin Dudley Dursley, all of whom hated his mere existence. Home – where his soul was, was Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Home – where is heart was, was with Sirius at home, 12 Gimmald Place (aka, "the Headquarters" - Sirius had allowed Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix to use it as their base of operations). Now, Harry felt that he had no real home. Sirius was dead. Hogwarts just didn't feel like home anymore without Dumbledore's trust, not to mention the dark memories from this last year. Harry didn't think he could fully trust Dumbledore with his life any more. Not after this last year. Of course he knew Dumbledore was trying to protect him, but Harry felt like he was being manipulated and being used like a tool: a tool for Dumbledore to destroy Voldemort, and a tool for Voledmort to defeat Dumbledore and to take over world wizardry.
So many thoughts were going though his head. It left him dazed. His mind was spinning. Just then, Harry heard a soft, high-pitched sound. He looked around trying to identify its source. The sound seemed like it came from everywhere. Then he got an idea: he closed his eyes and turned his head this way and that, using his ears like a radar. He was able to detect the direction from which the sound was strongest, toward his trunk. As he searched through his trunk, he came upon the two-way mirror Sirius had given him. Words along the edge of the mirror were glowing! Curious, Harry read the words hesitantly. "Sirius!" he gasped. Sirius' face looked concerned and frightened. It looked like he was hanging onto something and was yelling Harry's name. "Sirius! Can you hear me?" he shouted. "Sirius!" Then, Sirius' face faded away. Sirius!
Back to the present
He was in such a daze Harry didn't notice they had arrived home. "Get your stuff out of the boot and take it straight to your room, you lazy good for nothing!" snarled Uncle Vernon. Harry didn't bother to answer. He wearily got out of the motorcar, walked to the boot, and pulled out his trunk and Hedwig's cage. The trunk measured 50 cm wide by 120 cm long by 60 cm deep, was a deep green (almost black), and weighed a lot. Once released from the boot, the trunk dropped to the ground with a clunk. It was unwieldy and difficult for Harry to carry. Yet carry it he did, all the way upstairs to his room. Once inside his room, Harry dropped the trunk in the corner, put Hedwig's cage on his rickety table, and plunked down on his bed. A plume of dust puffed up around him, surrounding him in a cloud of haze. He gazed around his room with vacant eyes. The walls were off white and undecorated. The desk, if you could really call it one, was one of those IKEA-type desks for small children, made of sandwich wood and finished with what was once bright colored veneer. Now, the veneer was so faded it looked like the bland color of melted, multi-flavored ice cream. The desk once belonged to Dudley, before Harry moved from the cupboard under the stairs to Dudley's second room. Dudley had climbed onto and jumped from the desk so many times it was ready to disintegrate. It was also covered in a thick layer of dust. With the exception of his personal items in the trunk and Hedwig's cage, Harry felt like he never really existed. Harry didn't want to exist, and his room seemed to reflect his thoughts.
The DecisionA week had passed since Harry arrived back at Privet Drive. His uncle and aunt had left him alone for the mean time, apparently as a result of the send off Mad-Eye Moody, the former Auror and now Oder-of-the-Phoenix member, had given his uncle at the train station. Harry barely left his room, mourning his godfather. He only left to go to the loo, scrounge up something to eat, or sit on the stairs while his uncle and aunt listened to the news on the telly. This evening found Harry sitting on the stairs, listening to the news blaring from the telly in the living room. "What are you up to now" snarled Vernon, as he was walking to grab a snack from the kitchen. "Just listening to the news", replied Harry quietly from the stairs. "Their ain't nothing for your kind on the telly! Git! Go back to your room this instant!" roared Vernon, turning purple in the face. That insufferable, unnatural piece of trash, muttered Vernon under his breath as Harry retreated up the stairs. Shows how much you know, you dragon turd, muttered Harry as he went back to his room. It appeared his relatives couldn't stand him so much that even his act of sitting on the stairs bothered them.
With nothing much to do, Harry was left to stew in his own misery and despair. He tried to alleviate his pain by starting on his summer homework, with little success. As the sun set, his mind wandered to Sirius and the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries. The colors of the sunset reminded him of the flashes of light erupting from the wands during his and his friends fight against the Death Eaters. By midnight, Harry felt physically and emotionally exhausted enough to go to sleep. Thinking of Sirius had not helped, however, in having a dreamless sleep.
Harry was in the Department of Mysteries with Ron, Hermoine, Ginny, Neville, and Luna, walking to the Prophesy Room. Rows upon rows of shelves holding glass balls, similar to Neville's Remembrall, lay before them. It was like a gloomy library, with letters of the alphabet designating the names of the people for whom prophesies had been made, could be seen hovering over the shelves. They reached the "P" row. There, midway down the row was a prophesy labeled "Potter, Harry James, 1980". Harry felt a strong urge to reach out and grab the prophesy about himself – he had a right to know! But once he grabbed it, the Death Eaters appeared, laughing at how they tricked him. A battle ensued. Ron got caught by the brain, Hermoine slumped in unconciousness from a purple-colored hex across her chest, Ginny with a sprained ankle. Neville with a broken nose. Only Luna and Harry remained unscathed as they reached the Death Chamber, where the Veil of Mystery was stored. The dream shifted in time a bit, when Sirius had been hit by a hex sent at him by his own cousin, Bellatrix LeStrange. The scene played out in slow motion as Harry watched as Sirius' face changed ever so slowly from a laugh to surprise, as he sailed through the Veil. A scream of anguish could be heard throughout the hall "NOOOOOOOOOO!". Harry felt himself being manhandled while he continued to scream.
"KEEP YOU YAP SHUT, BOY! PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING!", yelled Uncle Vernon, as he tried to choke Harry into silence. "Gerroff!" replied Harry, managing to twist out of Uncle Vernon's grip. "Get off of me!" he yelled again.
Uncle Vernon stood there huffing, his face tomato red, verging on purple. Aunt Petunia was trying to hold him back, worried Harry's monitors, members of the Order of Phoenix, who kept constant vigilance on the house, would hear them and enter.
"I've had it with you boy! You're a good-for-nothing, lazy, foul-mouthed, abnormal bum! If I can't throw you out, you're going to do chores and earn your keep around here! Petunia, I want a list of everything that needs tending too or fixing, to be ready for me in the morning. You, Boy, are going to work. In addition, you will be paying room and board this summer – I will not have a lazy miscreant staying in my house. If you can't pay, you are out of here! My family has rights! Since you are underage, I will have you sent to an orphanage – see how you like it there! HA! And don't you think they will let you return to your abnormal school of yours! So, Boy, you have a choice – chores and work, and paying rent of 30 pounds a week; or the orphanage!" Vernon glanced over at Aunt Petunia and winked – now he got the boy. He knew the good-for-nothing wouldn't be able to make rent. Now he was going to be rid of the vermin.
"Fine!" yelled Harry – "now GET OUT!".
As Harry began mourning the loss of his godfather and the unfairness of his life created a pain in his heart and very soul. A fire started building deep down within him. It grew and grew until it was a raging, boiling, mass of rage. A rage at Voldemort! A rage at Dumbledore! A rage at the fight between good and evil at his expense! A rage at all that was taking his loved ones from him. Wave after wave of energy began to ripple outward from his body causing the curtains, sheets and loose papers in the room to fly. He had to do something! He had to decide on his own what was to become of him and his life. Harry had to take his life into his own hands. He couldn't let his friends die. He couldn't let Dumbledore or Voldemort rule his life. It was time to take stock, learn from his mistakes and make his own path in life.
While Harry's rage was rising inside his room, a shiny sword rose out of the middle of the Hogwarts lake. The sword then began to glow stronger and stronger, until a burst of energy exploded outwards from it. As nobody was outside on the grounds at the time, nobody took notice of this strange event.
The Essence of MagicHarry fell on his backside, losing his glasses. Despite feeling a sense of shock and confusion, Harry instinctively rolled to the left, making a motion with his hand to whip out his wand out of his rear pants pocket. "Accio glasses" he whispered, catching his glasses in his hand and placing them back on his face. Where am I? he wondered as he looked warily around. He noticed the air smelled different than "home". He crept crabwise toward a tree trunk off to his left, his hand held out in front of him, scanning the area to his front and sides for Death Eaters. Harry was in a dense forest. There was total silence around him. He moved from tree to tree, looking and listening. Slowly, the forest sounds returned. Harry stopped and straightened up. He couldn't sense any danger and, apparently, neither did the animals of the forest. He made as if to put his wand back into his back pocket, but didn't feel anything. Sht!! I must have left my wand in my trunk, he thought.
Harry looked around – he got the sense that he knew this place, but he couldn't place it. It was late afternoon and he needed to find out where he was. Harry walked uphill, until he reached the top of a tree-covered knoll. He climbed what he thought was the tallest tree. When he got to the top, it was sunset. Harry looked around and saw nothing but trees as far as his eyes could see to the west and south. There was a small valley further to the north, with rugged mountains far beyond. To the east, Harry saw a clearing with a lake. He did not see any towns, villages, or any sign of human life. Codswollop! Why do these things always happen to me? What to do? Got to get a hold of yourself Potter! Breath, in, now out. Got to calm down. Breath. All right then, I need to make a plan. God, I wish Ginny, Ron and Hermione were here. Ginny? Where did that come from? Later. What to do? Harry's stomach grumbled in reply. Food and shelter mate. That's the first order. Then we can think of what in Merlin's name I am doing here.
Harry climbed down from the tree and made his way toward the lake. At least he would have fresh water to drink. As he neared the lakes edge, he saw a fish, approximately 30 centimeters long, with light and dark green and silver scales, flopping at the water's edge. He picked it up gingerly, trying to keep it from flipping out of his hands. It stilled as Harry looked it in the eye. I know how you feel mate, being out of your element. On you go! Harry then threw the fish back into the water, not bearing the thought of killing it and eating it. As Harry knelt down to get a drink, he heard a soft ripple of water coming from the lake. He looked up but could not see anything, it was too dark.
Finishing his drink, Harry made his way to the forests edge to find a place to spend the night. He found a small rock with a hollow in the ground next to it. After gathering some dry twigs and branches, he placed them in the hollow. Forgetting he had no wand, Harry made to pull it out of his back pocket. When his hand got there it stopped. No wand. Harry stood there in shock, looking at the pile of wood. Codswollop! What in Merlin's name am I going to do? Harry thought back at his arrival and remembered accio'ing his glasses. Let's try something else. "Lumos", he said as he held out his hand. Nothing. I don't get it. When I summoned my glasses they came. How come I can't light? Harry decided to experiment a little. He threw his glasses on the ground. "Accio glasses". His glasses jumped into his outstretched hand. He tried "Lumos" again. Still nothing happened. Dumbledore's words came floating into his mind "Magic is all around us and in us, Harry. When we do magic, we have to tap into our magical core and use that to affect the magic around us. The wand only helps to focus the magic". Harry closed his eyes, using the meditation methods Dumbledore had him use every night the last year as part of his occulemency, and searched for his magical core. Five minutes past, then ten. Harry remembered last summer, when Umbridge sent those dementors after him. His wand had fallen out of his hand as he fell in the alley then. He also remembered that his wand lit up when Harry had called out Lumos, even though the wand was not in his hand. He tried remembering how he felt when he said the Lumos incantation, how his magic felt, and how the air around him felt. Try as he might, Harry could not get anything to happen. He got up in frustration, hammering his thigh with his fist, Codswollop! He just couldn't relax enough. Harry would try again in the morning.
With that, Harry curled up on the ground, hungry and frustrated. Sleep didn't come easy to him tonight. As he slept, he dreamt of the episode in the Ministry of Magic this last year, his fifth year at Hogwarts: Sirius falling through the veil, of Voldemort possessing him, trying to make Dumbledore kill him. Then, events from the graveyard after the Triwizard Tournament (Harry's fourth year): Cedric's voice came through "take my body home, Harry", Voldemort rising from the cauldron, "kill the spare". Dementors, Harry's Mom's and Dad's screams, remnants of his third year at Hogwarts. Ginny. Oh Ginny, how I miss you. "Aghhhhh!" Harry screamed, as a basilisk suddenly leaped out of the darkness of his memories from his second year. Flashes of his battle with the basilisk then came forth, followed by his battle with Professor Quirrel and Voldemort in his first year at Hogwarts. Ginny and Ron at the train station just before he started Hogwarts. Hagrid delivering his letter from McGonnagal notifying him he was to start classes at Hogwarts when he was 11 years old. Memories of his life in the cupboard under the stairs and the abused life he led before Hogwarts then flashed through his mind. Finally, searing pain in his scar. "Aghhhhh, Aghhhhh!" he screamed. A cool, soothing feeling came over Harry as he lie there with his hands clamped over his scar. In his mind, Harry saw a glowing white angel touching his scar, taking away the pain. Search for the essence of magic Harry. Search for the essence of magic a voice said in his mind, as it, and the angel faded away. Harry slept peacefully the rest of the night, thinking of Ginny.