Title: Drowning
Rating: PG-13
Author: Kage Kashu
Archive: FF.N. Anywhere else, ask me.
Summary: Tasuki ponders. _ANGSTY_ Very angsty.
Disclaimer: Don't own FY, just this weird chain of thought.
Author's notes: I've been thinking that I needed to write some simple little one shots, and this is what I came up with... If you want to see more of this kind of thing... well, I'll be surprised. ^^
Warnings: Heavy angst. Depressing. Rambles slightly...
Timeline: After everything, I guess...
~*~*~*~*~*~
Every single breath. Lost alone... and no one notices. No one cares. Maybe I don't care either. Maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe I'm wasting my life. Maybe... I'm wasting their time. This isn't the kind of thing that I would normally think... But lately... I feel like I'm drowning.
Miaka... I've almost become obsessed. I think... I'm wasting _her_ time. She doesn't notice me... not really. I thought... I thought that I was in love with her. Of all women, she just seemed... perfect. But... Perfection isn't really what I want... Is it? Everyone else... a kind shove in the right direction, supposedly. They all think I'm a child. I'm only a few years older than Chiriko, actually, but... I suppose he's a bit more mature than any of the rest of us will ever be.
Kind words, and a gentle shove. Like one gives to a small child. Miaka used to notice me. Used to... But that's all right. I don't _need_ her to notice me. Not anymore. I can live without it. Maybe... It still hurts, though. The others... Like a brief swirl in the water... No, they wouldn't really _care_. But that's not what matters. Chichiri... no, not even him. Although... I wish... But I'm just a kid. That's alright. I can take that, too.
But Tamahome... We fight... a lot, actually. I don't mind. He actually _sees_ me. The others... No. That doesn't matter. I'm just a kid, right? Older than Chiriko, but...
I don't think Tamahome thinks I'm a kid... He would pull his punches then, right? We fight. A lot. Wouldn't I know if he held back? Tamahome... You don't, do you? You probably do. Bastard. Just like everyone else. But... You aren't afraid of using my fears against me... You don't do _that_ to a kid... Do you?
Or maybe you don't realize how scared I am of water... I still feel like I'm drowning. This pain... Yeah, it still hurts. I don't think... No, Nuriko didn't think I was a kid. But Nuriko didn't care either... Did he? No, he couldn't have. He left. And you... Tamahome... You left too. Along with everyone else... Except Chichiri, who thinks I'm a kid. They all did. They all do...
But you... You came back, right? And went away again. Miaka came back though. And then I... No. I don't want to think about that, now. But it still hurts. I'm still a kid. I can grow up, right?
But I'm still drowning. You weren't afraid to use that... But you didn't know how scared I was, did you? But it still hurts. No matter how much I go around that fact... it still hurts. When I die... No. I can't think about that, can I? Kids aren't supposed to think about those things. Memories, like water... Yes, you've got it. I'm drowning.
I _hate_ it. I really really hate it. Everyone else could die... Why couldn't I? But that's all right. My time will come. See? I'm older than you all thought. Or maybe not.
I stare across the vast waters... we sailed here. I was scared the entire time. I don't think I'm scared anymore. To be afraid of something like that... You would have to be afraid of dying, right? The water... is like memory. I'm still drowning. But that's alright. It doesn't matter anymore. We all have our time.
I suppose... I want to die. Get rid of this pain, this burden, this _fear_... But...
It's not my time.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Ending A/N: (All my works can be found on fanfiction.net under the SN: Kage Kashu.) Thank you all for any/all support. ^^
Rating: PG-13
Author: Kage Kashu
Archive: FF.N. Anywhere else, ask me.
Summary: Tasuki ponders. _ANGSTY_ Very angsty.
Disclaimer: Don't own FY, just this weird chain of thought.
Author's notes: I've been thinking that I needed to write some simple little one shots, and this is what I came up with... If you want to see more of this kind of thing... well, I'll be surprised. ^^
Warnings: Heavy angst. Depressing. Rambles slightly...
Timeline: After everything, I guess...
~*~*~*~*~*~
Every single breath. Lost alone... and no one notices. No one cares. Maybe I don't care either. Maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe I'm wasting my life. Maybe... I'm wasting their time. This isn't the kind of thing that I would normally think... But lately... I feel like I'm drowning.
Miaka... I've almost become obsessed. I think... I'm wasting _her_ time. She doesn't notice me... not really. I thought... I thought that I was in love with her. Of all women, she just seemed... perfect. But... Perfection isn't really what I want... Is it? Everyone else... a kind shove in the right direction, supposedly. They all think I'm a child. I'm only a few years older than Chiriko, actually, but... I suppose he's a bit more mature than any of the rest of us will ever be.
Kind words, and a gentle shove. Like one gives to a small child. Miaka used to notice me. Used to... But that's all right. I don't _need_ her to notice me. Not anymore. I can live without it. Maybe... It still hurts, though. The others... Like a brief swirl in the water... No, they wouldn't really _care_. But that's not what matters. Chichiri... no, not even him. Although... I wish... But I'm just a kid. That's alright. I can take that, too.
But Tamahome... We fight... a lot, actually. I don't mind. He actually _sees_ me. The others... No. That doesn't matter. I'm just a kid, right? Older than Chiriko, but...
I don't think Tamahome thinks I'm a kid... He would pull his punches then, right? We fight. A lot. Wouldn't I know if he held back? Tamahome... You don't, do you? You probably do. Bastard. Just like everyone else. But... You aren't afraid of using my fears against me... You don't do _that_ to a kid... Do you?
Or maybe you don't realize how scared I am of water... I still feel like I'm drowning. This pain... Yeah, it still hurts. I don't think... No, Nuriko didn't think I was a kid. But Nuriko didn't care either... Did he? No, he couldn't have. He left. And you... Tamahome... You left too. Along with everyone else... Except Chichiri, who thinks I'm a kid. They all did. They all do...
But you... You came back, right? And went away again. Miaka came back though. And then I... No. I don't want to think about that, now. But it still hurts. I'm still a kid. I can grow up, right?
But I'm still drowning. You weren't afraid to use that... But you didn't know how scared I was, did you? But it still hurts. No matter how much I go around that fact... it still hurts. When I die... No. I can't think about that, can I? Kids aren't supposed to think about those things. Memories, like water... Yes, you've got it. I'm drowning.
I _hate_ it. I really really hate it. Everyone else could die... Why couldn't I? But that's all right. My time will come. See? I'm older than you all thought. Or maybe not.
I stare across the vast waters... we sailed here. I was scared the entire time. I don't think I'm scared anymore. To be afraid of something like that... You would have to be afraid of dying, right? The water... is like memory. I'm still drowning. But that's alright. It doesn't matter anymore. We all have our time.
I suppose... I want to die. Get rid of this pain, this burden, this _fear_... But...
It's not my time.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Ending A/N: (All my works can be found on fanfiction.net under the SN: Kage Kashu.) Thank you all for any/all support. ^^