Warning; I didn't have time to beta read it. I hoped someone else would do it for me, but I'm not the only busy one. I figured that it was better if I just uploaded it typos and all than just let it rot on my hard disk. This is the famous fic commissioned to me by Del! Hope you like guys!
Family ties
By Midoriko-sama
December 11th 2003
(published 21st Decembet 03)
He looked at her through the darkened window of his car, following with his eyes any movement she made. He caught the way her heel wobbled slightly when it landed in a crack between one slab and the other of the pavement.
Why was her hair not black. He cursed his own blood not for the first time now. He'd done it so often it didn't even make him snicker at himself at the stark contrast from his young self. His young self. His young, ignorant, stupid self.
Her hair was grey. Only the very roots seemed to be black, while the rest shone with a colour of its own. It nearly bordered on a shade of blue he had never seen before. Even her hair said she was too beautiful for anything that existed already. It wouldn't have been enough.
Some children on the busy pavement skirted around various people in their play, and when they reached her, she raised her arms with her delicate slim bag in hand while they circled around her and clung to her feminine trousers suit. She laughed along with them, and walked on into the firm when they had finally scampered away, but not before she had each given them a mint with a little smile to go with it.
He cursed the sliding glass doors to be mirrorised when they closed behind her. He cursed his brother for choosing them. His brother, his brother's mate, his brother's daughter, the handy man, anyone who had chosen those bloody mirrorised doors.
And he cursed himself. His young, ignorant, stupid self.
**************
"Leena-chan, what did the doctor tell you today?" asked her Aunt worriedly the moment she came through the office doors. She gave her dear surrogate mother a smile and shook her head.
"Nothing new"
"Oh that can't be!" said the older woman nearly in tears "Something must have gone wrong in the voyage, the blood sample Inuyasha sent must have been damaged, I'm SURE your blood groups are compatible, you have to be!"
The younger girl caught her Aunt by the shoulders and silenced her without speaking
"There was nothing wrong with the blood Uncle Inu sent. They checked it many times over before making the tests. You ordered them to do it yourself Aunty, remember?"
"Leena-chan? Itoko? Did daddy's blood do well?" asked another young girl, about Leena's age peeking into the room. When she looked at her mother's face, she realised the answer to her question "this isn't fair" she snarled angrily through fanged teeth "We're cousins, Dad's your uncle, why can't they find the right blood!"
"I know Chohona (treasure), but sometimes even when there are brothers and sisters they can't find a good doner. The doctor told me that today"
"Don't worry Leena-chan, we'll find a way, we'll find someone" her Aunt told her confidently, but they both knew that if even her Uncle's blood wasn't compatible, nobody's would be. It was hard to find a bone marrow donor when you were a hanyou.
***************
He looked down at the small girl, her arms were wrapped around his leg. She smiled up at him.
"Rin loves Sesshoumaru-sama."
He snorted at her childish sentiments.
Across the plain of his dream he was holding this same girl, now a woman. Her arms around his neck pulled him ever so gently him towards her.
"Rin loves Sesshoumaru-sama" she whispered against his lips.
He growled his passion in her ear. The scene changed once again and his nostrils were filled with the smell of blood and birth.
Once again she was in his arms. He felt her slipping away, her strength and warmth following the path of blood the birth had started. Her brown eyes looked deep into his.
"Don't cry, my beloved Sesshoumaru-sama."
She wiped the one tear he had ever cried away.
"This was what I wanted. To love you, and give you this child."
Her eyes grew cold as death claimed her.
He woke up with a yell. The sheets were torn again, his palms were bloody. His thighs had claw marks on them.
"My lord?"
"Never mind Jaken, go back to your bed"
"Do you want a mug of tea my lord?"
"No, go to sleep"
"Hai"
He let himself fall back onto the ruined sheets, and let the dull aches of his injuries accompany his pain like a lullaby.
*****************
"You mean that it didn't work either?" he asked, sitting under his tree with the grass blowing around their feet. It was quiet there. They returned only when they needed to escape.
She only nodded and gave another sob.
"Come on Koishii, you know that we'll find a way. Probably her demon blood won't even let her die- it will kick in someday soon, you'll see"
"When will the soon be? Leena's been ill for months mate. And if it does? Will it be for her as it used to be for you? If she loses control and she's in public, she might hurt herself- or even kill someone. Not even all our advocates can save her from that, and she wouldn't stand the guilt."
He passed his arm around her shoulders and pressed her to his chest, letting out a long breath into her hair and shutting his eyes in worry. His mate gave another sob.
"You haven't found him at all have you?"
"No, damnit!" his fist pounded the ground, but then he swallowed it all when his wife in his arms shook with tears "No, the bastard isn't anywhere when you need him"
"Remember, we don't know if he's alive or dead. If you can't find him after looking for so long, I don't think he's-"
"He did NOT kick it- not under someone else's sword (happy people?)" he growled deeply "He's not one to kick just like that, without noise! And if he'd lobbed it, the bloody dogs of the counsel would have had to come after me as successor to my father"
"How many of the counsel did you kill mate" she asked tightly
"Two" he replied "And the others still wouldn't spit anything. They didn't know anything to spit"
"Are you sure Koi?"
"Mate, I killed the two who were in charge with one swing. None of them stood a change."
"What did you do"
"Locked them in a cellar with no food"
"How long?"
"They're still there"
"Oh mate, you'll never change" she sighed, resting her forehead against his shoulder.
"They're not going anywhere. I'll get one of them to talk when they'll start attacking each other for food". He knew she would protest, in her own way
"Inuyasha, at least feed them"
"Not for a while" he said "Little Leena's worth the pain of a couple of over fed bastards". She couldn't protest to that. He passed a hand through her hair and looked at the marks under her eyes. All the worry wasn't helping her health either. Neither were all the sessions of healing she was having with her adopted daughter every day.
"How is the firm going? Has it drowned far yet?" he snickered
"Ah, now we're presumptuous" she smiled, slapping his shoulder "Cho-chan and Leena are as good as pulling the strings as you are, you know that. They'd been waiting for the opportunity of you giving them some real position in the firm for ages now"
"Oh I know" he smiled "They're my children after all"
"Leena isn't dear"
"Oh, she has my brother's blood, and I raised her, it's the same"
They fell silent, and the leaves' hissing became loud again. They didn't speak anymore. They both knew it wasn't the same. Unfortunately it wasn't the same.
****************
He watched her as she went up the stairs and into her office, to take care of the firm his brother and his mate owned, as she did every morning. And as he did every morning, he followed her with his eyes through the darkened windows of his car. The moment those mirrorised sliding door hid her from his eyes, the doors he cursed ever day, every morning from behind a similar car window, he turned to his driver and told him to leave.
Leena. Silent, beautiful, mild Leena, who smiled on the children and the people and anybody who crossed her path. Like her mother, so much like her mother.
Her mother. Rin, his beautiful mate. His beautiful . . . wife, in human terms, as he had been her husband. He sank tiredly into his car seat, feeling as old as he was, feeling the weight of his years on his temple and the weight of his youthful stupidity pulling his head, making his hair seem heavy.
Hadn't she taught him anything? Mild, sweet, kind Rin. Beautiful smiling Rin, even in her childhood, beaten and bleeding, she had been mild and smiling. She had adored the earth he had walked on even when he had been lying helpless, wounded on the grass. She had felt the bond that would grow between them so much long before he had even begun considering it. Had she taught him nothing? When he had been with her, he had learned dependence- dependence on her and what she gave him- and temperance- her calmness appealed to the constant nothing he had had inside. Calmness and nothingness were so similar, and yet a world apart. Rin, hanging onto his leg, had taken him by the hand and led him on the way, through the threshold.
She who when told to stop moving stopped breathing, she who had always smiled at him no matter how many or how he killed, She, who had always run to welcome him happily, who had ALWAYS been happy to see him. Happy, not fearful, loyal or cowering. Just happy to see him, as though he being there next to her made her day bright, worth living.
It had been strange to realise it was true, that it was exactly that. The she lived every day of her life for him, that her every smile was only for him
He had realised it once, while passing through a village to buy her a new kimono. She had been with him for five summers already, and she had grown out of her kimono at an impressive rate of late, nearly one a month. Her height threatened to rise above his elbow as she walked beside him, and reached his shoulder when she sat on her dragon.
He had smelt her nervousness every time they had entered a village, and he had brushed it aside attributing it to her past with her own villagers. But that time her nervousness had mounted to an extreme, making the tap of her heart unbearable to his ears. It hadn't fit in with her demeanour or silent happiness, and never would have.
He had realised why she had been so scared in an instant as one of the boys from the village we had encountered before ran up to her and offered her to play with one of his trinkets. He had left her alone for a moment, a single simple moment in which he walked away towards the hut he knew housed a very good maker of kimono. Just that moment and that human had missed her being with him completely, had missed that she was his protected, but had instead thought she was a new child of the village he yet had to meet and play with.
And in that instant he had realised what she was really afraid of. She wasn't afraid of the villagers because of what the humans of her village had done to her while a child. She was afraid that perhaps every village she passed she would be kept there by one of the other humans, or even perhaps that he would leave her there purposefully.
He had never like speech, it was for the weak of heart; actions always said all he wanted to say. But she staying with him had made her just as silent. And he had realised, all in that one instant, that no matter what he did to her, no matter what decision he would ever make, she would bow her head to it without a word or a cry. He had known it, known it very well indeed and counted on it to cause him as little problems as possible. But he had never stopped to think what it did to her.
Of eleven summers she was still a child, even to the humans, and those who knew her and who owned her would never dare touch her. But there were others that didn't know, others that would touch her in their ignorance.
In a space of that instant, he saw through her and through himself as clearly and lightly as the breeze that was going through her hair at that moment and taking to him her redoubled scent of fear.
She didn't fear the villagers, she feared him. He was the one who had always feared the villagers. Feared that they would take from him something that was his, something that willingly wanted to be bound to him without any external reason.
He had feared.
And for that reason, for realising that fact, he turned away from her and entered the hut, even though her scent of fear had caused him unrest. Especially because it had cause him unrest.
It hadn't changed- HE hadn't changed. She had tainted him a little bit, tainted him with her innocence and her unbiased love for him. Tainted him enough to make him love her back, make his heart feel. It hadn't stopped at the fear of losing her. His heart had taken all the guards down with it as he had loved her, and then had felt pain for her, had wept for her, one, only once.
But her taint had not lasted. The moment the light had left her eyes it had left his soul to leave it as empty as before. He had fled from anything that resembled a feeling, another taint. The first time Leena's hand had closed around his finger, when her mother's arms had retreated leaving the bundle of silk in his arms, there had been a tainting, another one. But as he had raised his eyes from the ones of his daughter in his arms he had seen the eyes of her mother die before him, had seen her taking away her taint and leaving nothing but pain and a bottomless emptiness.
If a taint left one like this, he didn't want it. So he had thought. So his youthful, ignorant mind had dictated. So he had done.
He looked once more at the passing people on the street and thought of her. Why had she done it? If she had known the labour would have killed her, why had she hidden his sward? Why hadn't she let him save her again? Why hadn't she let him have his life with her and his daughter? He didn't understand, he couldn't understand how his mild silent mate had taken the decision to die, on her own, never talking to him, never confiding in him . . .
It was his fault, he had made her silent. He had made her accepting, he had . . .
She had accepted her death as she would have accepted anything he would have told her. But for the first time in her life she had defied him, she had gone against his wishes, what would have been his wishes- she knew him well. She had decided to accept death, and hadn't wanted him to interfere this time.
So she had given him her child, their child, his child, and had let herself go in the knowledge that she was with him, that she would be loved . . . .
"I failed you there too did I not?" he said to the tinted, darkened glass. She had known him well, known him too well. She had hoped he would understand, but she had known he wouldn't. So when her taint had left him, he had turned from the taint of his child too, had turned from her and then turned to her again in rage, in hatred of pain at what the child had innocently taken.
So Jaken had taken the child to his brother's mate, and then returned to his wrath. When he had heard that the actions he had committed were directed by his mate's wishes, he had felt like death had taken him again, and again, and again.
He had gone on hating Leena to give himself solace. Little had he known that his tainting had taken place the moment her little hand had closed on his finger and her eyes had opened to greet his.
And her little pure tainting of him had festered, grown, driven him crazy day and night when he had realised what he had done, how he had cut the only chord he had had left with his Rin.
He had lost count of how many times he had gone to see his brother keep both girls on his knees while he scolded them for their latest mess, Leena and his own. Or how many times he had watched the children in their beds while his brother's mate brushed their beds and bid them to sleep, knowing that the two cousin sisters would talk for a while more about the flowers and the trees after the lights out.
And yet he had never had the courage. He, Seshoumaru Lord of the West Lands, had never had the courage to go up to his brother and demand his daughter back, to face those tiny eyes in that greyish blue frame, those tiny fingers around his own.
And still now, he watched while she grew, while she grew not knowing him and not knowing her either. He should have been the one to hold her on his knees, to tell her she should not have chased that villager into terror (or maybe not that). He should have thought her to climb her first tree, eat her first meal, hunt. Seen her walk, laugh, play, talk, heard her call him father . . .
Instead he looked at her until the doors his brother had chosen closed behind her, and he cursed the mirrorised doors. And he cursed himself.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
Kagome looked out the window at the gathering clouds. Soon it would rain. Sango behind her was rocking her third child in the cot. Little Shunei had come after a long time. His two older brothers were both in high school now.
It made her feel nostalgic and old, the rhythmic creaking of the cot each and every one of their children had slept in. They had kept it a sort of family tradition.
Sango was now legally her sister. Kagome's mother had taken it on herself to make sure all those that had given her daughter safety, comfort and family during their hardships was well repaid, although they hadn't fared badly themselves. Inuyasha had secured to himself a huge portion of what land he could claim as his own in the past, and had had papers written of the transfer of the property to himself in the future date of time. All the old men who had written it for him in the past had looked at him as though he were crazy. Little did they know that when the deeds did indeed come out in Kagome's time, it made them all rich. The families that had kept the lands in the rural parts of Japan had done well on international agricultural tradings, and the one responsible for the territory had nearly fainted upon seeing Inuyasha. Little Shippo had grown quiet a lot, and was more than able to give his now pappa a good enough disguise, but Inuyasha had stated clearly in his will that only one called Inuyasha with white hair and dog ears could have had access to the lands if he accompanied the land owner- Kagome herself.
Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha and Shippo were given identities after they had been duly registered as street kids, and put on probation for a time.
Her friends had been shocked when Kagome had said that she was already a mother through adoption, presenting them with a sleeping Shippo, and that she awaited her first child of Inuyasha.
She sighed. It had been terrible when Hojo had come to know. Someone had put the rumour around (and she believed her friends telling her that it hadn't been them- they wouldn't do something so horrible) that she had actually been raped by Inuyasha, and Hojo had come to her house with his brothers and baseball bats, looking more angry than mild Hojo could ever have looked. Kagome had begged Inuyasha not to go out and leave it be, but he had had enough of that treatment all his life.
The way he had handled it had been amazing. He'd just stood there, taking every blow without moving or flinching, even the ones to the face that had made him bleed. Then he had blocked one bat and said
"Are you ready now? Did I pay enough for loving Kagome, or won't you let my child grow in a loving family just because you can't have her?"
It had led to Hojo and his brothers beating him more, but he never flinched. Until Kagome had shaken Miroku's hold free and run to them, slapping Hojo three times and sending him to the ground.
She had screamed and yelled and cried at all of them, had sent them to hell and told them to take their hands off her husband, that yes, Hojo was a coward and an idiot not to take the message years ago that she hadn't wanted to date him, that yes, she was pregnant, but it was anything but through a rape, that yes, her family knew all about it and that Inuyasha had helped her out of trouble on so many occasions that they all loved him. Yes, she was going to marry him, and YES, she loved him with all her might and being, so they had better leave.
Hojo had nearly not believed her, and at that point she had been ready to turn her bow on him. He kept insisting she was saying it because she was afraid of remaining alone, and offering himself as a substitute. Kagome had always thought Hojo had been just oblivious, but it had turned out the guy was actually a delusional spoilt child who wanted all he saw and like- Kagome being one of them.
What had cracked it had been Souta and her mother really. Souta had come out throwing rocks at the three older boys, carrying Shippo on his shoulder who kept crying that they were trying to take his mother away. Souta had sent them to hell quiet clearly in a very Inuyasha way, telling them his 'ani' would never ever abandon them, and that his nee-chan would never lie about loving him.
Her mother had come out with a shrine broom and put herself resolutely between the three offenders and her family. She had declared that anyone who wanted to get past her had to beat her unconscious.
Hojo had tried- incredibly, he had raised a hand onto her mother. At which Inuyasha, Shippo underarm, had moved, and shattered the bats of all three men at one go. Told them to leave and not come back if they wanted to live, which had been backed up by her grandfather coming up behind them with his cam-corder.
She had had a miscarriage that day, and all her family and her friends had closed around her in a tight ball. Whoever had seen her and Inuyasha together in those following days had stopped doubting their union completely.
The cradle kept creaking as Sango rocked it, and Kagome couldn't hold the tear that always came at the memory of her first child lost stupidly to an idiot. But her little darling Cho-chan had come very soon after. Little Cho-chan, and little Leena-chan, both had filled the emptiness that had been eating away at her insides every time she had passed the room that had supposed to cuddle her first born.
It had been a mutual decision to raise them in the Sengoku. The air was cleaner, there was so much more space for play and for their little restless demon selves. Shippo had had such a handful with them, and a handful he had been himself as he suddenly began shooting up like a Spring sapple. They had had their education, they had gone to school, but on all the holidays and in all the days where they willed, they were back in the past, in their past, learning how to manage the sward, how to pounce grasshoppers, how to gather herbs, how to be good children with a good heart.
They had gathered a little crowd of children by the time her last born her joined in. Sango and Miroku's two boys had been two scrappy boys, and Kagome's own little boy had found himself well indeed amongst them, with Shippo-chan always in the lead, causing and fixing trouble.
How she loved her children. Kagome wiped another tear as the bed kept creaking while Sango rocked it. They were all her children, Sango and Miroku's too, as hers were theirs. And Leena was hers too. Daughter of Rin, but she was Kagome's as much as Cho-chan was, as much as her first unborn had been.
And Kagome couldn't lose another one of her children. She wouldn't live through it. Leena couldn't die. A way had to be found.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
Leena watched the rain patter down on the window of her bedroom. Cho had fallen asleep while reading her book about herbs, on the single bed next to Leena's. They both had a room to their own with two beds each, but they had never grown used to sleeping apart. Their childhood, with the single room they had shared with all the others, their brother Shippo and aunt Sango's boys, was fresh in their minds, and they couldn't outlive it. Leena had been sure that even when they married they would have taken two houses beside each other, with facing bedroom windows. It had been a childish fantasy of course. Now she knew it couldn't be done that way.
She kept looking at the rain and holding the chordless telephone set to her chest. No one was supposed to call her, no one ever did, because she had never liked the boys that had bothered her at school. Only one she had. . . but now it was useless. But nonetheless she kept clutching the telephone to herself as though awaiting a call, awaiting someone important to call.
Getting married, choosing a house, laughing with Cho as they waved to each other from their kitchen windows as they each worked on their lap tops for their mutual family firm. All childish fantasies. She clutched the telephone set harder. The hard plastic creaked and she relented her hold. It wouldn't do to let Aunt Kagome know that she was worried by breaking her telephone set.
Childish fantasies . . . aunt Kagome . . . she missed the times when they had spent so much time in grandma Kaede's hut, when she and Cho had both had a crush on the same village boy, or when aunt Kagome told her stories. She had always loved the stories about her father best back then, of how he was the Lord of the West Lands and how uncle Inuyasha was his younger brother, of how he was strong and how much he loved her, and how he had left her with aunt and uncle because he had had to do battle and had wanted her safe.
And she had believed it too.
And the stories about her mother, how her father had saved her from villagers who beat her as a child, saved her life from wolves, how she had stayed with him always through all his travels and all his battles, and how they had fallen in love and had her, and how her mother had died in childbirth.
Until she had once heard aunt Kagome and Sango talk, Sango angrily cursing Leena's father for his heartlessness, his ruthlessness, in destroying a whole village. Kagome had tried to appease her, but Sango had been distraught since uncle Miroku had been in that village and had been one of the ones dispersed. She had accused Kagome of forgetting all the times he had tried to kill her and uncle Inuyasha, of all the times he had committed something horrible, of even abandoning his only child because her mother had died in childbirth.
It had destroyed Leena to know that her father hadn't wanted her, that he blamed her for her mother's death, that he would have killed her hadn't his retainer followed her dead mother's orders and brought her to her uncles.
She had hated him, hated him for hating her and not wanting her, hated him for not loving her, hated him for not being he who aunty Kagome had always described in her stories. She hated him for loving her mother more than he had loved her.
She had taken to call aunt Kagome and uncle Inuyasha mother and father after that. She had never shown anyone what she felt, never told anyone what she had heard. But she had hated both her parents for many years, on her own, in bed, at night, after Cho and all the others had gone to sleep.
But then she had grown up. They had stopped going to grandma Kaede's hut so often, and she had started meeting different people with different lives. She had begun to understand, but she had still resented. She had stopped hating, but she still couldn't bring herself to forgive.
She clutched the only trinket she had of her mother's. a long cylindrical pendent in silver, very long and thin, so that it reached below her breasts whenever she wore it on a small silver chain. Engraved in curls all over, they had looked to her like clouds in her childhood, and dotted with green and blue tiny, tiny gems. She pressed it to her, and let it go, to take the telephone with both hands again.
And he had never come to look for her, had never called to see if she was alive. Was he alive at all? He had never tried to see if she was fine . . . but maybe he knew? Maybe uncle Inuyasha kept him informed? Maybe he couldn't move, or couldn't reach her, or didn't want to see her.
Was he really like that? Ruthless? But then how had he loved her mother, and begotten her in love? And gone mad in grief when her mother had died?
Pittar patter, the rain on the window.
As aunt Sango had gone mad with grief when she had thought her husband to be dead and said terrible things about her father. Had they been real at all? They had to be, aunt Kagome had not contested their falseness.
Could it be that he didn't want to see her ever now?
Leena kept looking out the window as the rain came down, Cho sleeping on the bed next to hers. And she kept clutching the chordless phone to her chest. She didn't know who was supposed to phone her, no one ever did, but she kept holding it to her heart nonetheless.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
There was something wrong with her scent.
He lay awake, his clawed sheets about him, another half night of haunting dreams behind him. He was sure of it now.
He had been following her steps everyday of her life from afar, and that morning, in the busy street, before the mirrored doors had closed on her, he had caught a wiff of her scent, and he was sure that there was something wrong with it. And she looked paler every day, and thinner every day, and that doctor kept coming and going from the house they all the time, he had thought it was because of the newborn human whelp, but now . . . .
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
Leena walked out of the clinic once more after another session of chemo. This was killing her. Killing all the fast regenerating cells of a youkai meant killing a youkai, because all youkai cells were fast regenerating. But she couldn't tell anybody, they were so worried about her already.
What she really needed was a donor. She had never thought a hanyou could get cancer, but she had it, and in this month she had learned to believe it.
She didn't feel well at all. The chemo therapy wasn't doing any good, only bad, only making her feel worst every time, only dizzier every time, more queasy and ill and tired every time.
She didn't even realise she had passed out on the pavement.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
"What the fuck!"
The scream rang in the ears of all the people in the family dining room. Especially because it had been Kagome who had swore. Cho looked at her with open mouth.
All the family was having dinner together, and they all stopped dead when the door burst open. Miroku stopped with the soup spoon half way up to his mouth. Shippo stopped munching his bread. Cho just gaped back and forth, and the only one of Miroku's sons present stiffened visibly
"He's a youkai, isn't he pa?"
Even Sango's baby had stopped suckling, and feeling the tension in the room, and suddenly in his mother, Shunei started to whimper and then broke into a full fledged cry.
That shook them all out of their stupor. Miroku dropped his spoon with a splash of soup and Shippo spit his bread. They both stood up, throwing the chairs back, and rushed to the front of the room. Cho exclaimed out loud and rushed to join but was dragged back by her mother and Sango, who's baby kept wailing.
"Much more than any youkai" growled Miroku, in answer to his son's question. Muushi stood next to Shippo, both strong boys, dividing the room in two.
"Make the child stop, please" he said from the door, quietly "It's annoying"
"That's all you have to say! What did you do to her! Drop her!" screamed Kagome, walking forward suddenly to be grabbed by Miroku just on time "Put my daughter down!"
"She's not!" he began furiously, pulling her closer to himself, "What did you do to her! Why did she-"
The front door opened, and the dining room was well visible from to the hall. They all froze in place as Inuyasha looked in at the scene. He saw his wife, being grabbed by the monk (wasn't he over that habit already?), his adoptive son and the monk's first son and the monk himself forming a line, protecting Cho, Sango and the child behind them- and possibly his mate had been supposedly behind the line too.
Then he saw the Cause. Half turned towards him, his adopted little girl in arm, was he who he had been looking for the past month in the stinking war states.
"Bastard!" he spit "Where the FUCK have you been! We've been looking for your stinking ass for a bloody month!" he advanced on his stunned 'guest' and grabbed him by the prim shirt collar without fear, pressing their mutual daughter between them "You fucking sadistic moron, she NEEDS you, bastard"
"What have you done to her bloody dog" spat the other venomously "She just fainted in the middle of the road, and she was coming out of the HOSPITAL! What have you done to my daughter you fucking idiot!"
"Daughter!" screamed Cho "I knew it! You're Uncle Seshoumaru!" she walked up to the older and stronger inuyoukai and slapped him hard across the face, dislodging her father's hold on his shirt neck
"Stay out of this Cho-chan!" he growled, getting between the two and grabbing his brother by the arm to avoid him falling with his daughter in arm
"You son of a bitch!" she went on, uncaring "Literally! Were you just going to leave her to die? You think I didn't see you following her around in that fucking car of yours? I have my father's nose and my mother's powers, baka, I felt you there all the time a mile away, even behind your bloody black windows!"
They all looked at her in horror. Inuyasha's face cracked into a deep frown
"Cho"
His daughter's ears, currently unhidden and atop her head, dropped in submission as she heard his tone of anger
"You mean you knew he was here all along and you didn't speak?" he was fairly ablaze in anger "You let me go there and risk my head when you knew all I had to do was go out the door?" She gave a little whine and looked automatically at Leena for some support as she always did.
In an instant all the fear left her face as her ears began to quiver furiously and she looked back in horror at her father
"Leena! Leena!" she screamed, forgetting everything else. All the people in the room looked at the girl, and noticed her paleness. But that had been there before. What hadn't been there was the huge bruises forming on their own on her face.
"We have to get her out of here!" screamed Kagome, wrenching free of Miroku "We have to get her help! Now!"
"What's happening! What's wrong with my daughter!" yelled Seshoumaru. Inuyasha and Kagome stopped to look at the impassive youkai. Kagome was white and trembling, reaching out to the girl and touching her face with frantic hands.
"Your daughter has Leukaemia" said Inuyasha quietly "We tried giving her chemo, but it's not working. It's only making it worst. And none of us are compatible doners. I've been looking for you for the past month"
Without another word, Seshoumaru turned and ran out of the house, his daughter in his arms, his brother's family behind him.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
*Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep* *Bleep*
Seshoumaru looked at his daughter on the bed next to his. The injection for blood density and white cell increase was making his muscles cramp, and he was in terrible pain all over
It was a price he deserved to pay. He deserved far more than this.
The bruises were still there. Now there was one on her lip as well. They were just forming out of nowhere, as if a ghost youkai was assailing her. A ghost youkai in the form of cancer.
The smell of death was gone. It had started around her in the car. His brother's mate had burst into uncontrollable tears and hadn't stopped yet, on his brother's shoulder, outside in the corridor. He could still hear here, and her tears were those of a mother, bemoaning her child. Rin would have been there in her stead.
"Don't take her, please" he whispered to the ceiling "Please, I know I let you down, but please, don't take her too. I beg you mate, don't take her . . . . ."
The huge machines rattled. His daughter didn't open her eyes. The machines kept bleeping to her heart beat and the blood kept flowing from him to her. He kept begging with his mate as he held his daughter's limp hand and wept his second tear.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
"Inuyasha . . ."
"Shush mate, it's going to be ok now. He's compatible, it's not too late, you'll see. You know how we inuyoukai regenerate" he told her softly
"I can't lose another child mate, I can't!" she wept into his shoulder. His arms tightened around her at the memory of their lost one. Only Kami knew how many a votive plaque* there was to his little one in the shrine. He had taken up the brush and ink for the first time in decades, only to write a message to his angel every day. His mate's grandfather was the only one who knew about them, and that by chance. And the mizuko** statue at the shrine was always shrouded in his wife's flowers.
"We won't, we won't"
He kept his ears trained on the bleeping in the next room, and his brother's heart broken murmurs.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
"Are you sure you're feeling better? Do you want anything at all?"
Leena smiled weakly up at them. In the week after her awakening, all her family had closed in around her. The doctors were pleased; apparently they thought the job of healing the youkai blood had done had something to do with them.
"No Aunty Kagome, I'm fine" she said.
The nurse bustled and took them all away from her.
He has saved her life. Her father had saved her life. It was a thought that haunted her, and didn't let her sleep even when the therapy was driving her to exhaustion. He had been following her for days, months even, according to a shame faced Cho. She understood her cousin, she hadn't wanted to interfere, and Leena had never spoken to anyone of all the chemo was doing to her. Cho hadn't known how close to death she had been. She had always worn perfume.
Only on day, she had forgotten to wear it for only one day, and her father's hidden, vigil nose had caught it up and re-doubled his guard. And he's taken her home and then strait to hospital, giving her his blood, where she might have died before anyone noticed her dying on the pavement.
She lightly touched the drip needle were it entered her skin. There were the minerals, but there was also a bag of blood beside it, with a closed valve that didn't allow it into her, not yet today. They would soon come and open the valve and then monitor her carefully.
All his blood, all her father's, willingly given, if her uncle's whispered words of admitted surprised to uncle Miroku had meant anything.
She was tired, so tired of hearing about her father in hushed whispers and overheard speeches. She had asked and asked, but nobody had told her where he was. Finally, her aunt-mother had admitted that he had disappeared again.
Leena just brought her needle-free arm to her face and cried.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
He looked at her out of the shadows again, in the corridor outside. He had wanted to see her, talk to her, but nearly every time he came, she was never alone. And now she was crying. Like a lost pup cried for the mother.
"Help, mate" he begged, uncaring of his name, uncaring of his title, uncaring of his line "Help me mate, I don't know what to do"
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
"Mate, no one is going next to Rin today" Inuyasha declared with finality "Do you want her to see my brother or not!"
"No!" she finally admitted, pushing out of her mother's arms "He'll take her away from me! I don't want her to go! And what about Cho? They're like sisters, she'll be terrible if Leena leaves"
"Mate" said Inuyasha sternly "My brother just saved her life, and Cho-chan herself told us he's been following her for years. Her powers are stronger than mine or yours, if she says he's been following them since they were children, I believe her. Which means" he gave a rare glare as she opened her mouth to talk "That he won't go to her unless she's alone" he gave a smirk "We're more alike than I care to think"
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
The door to her room opened slowly, and Leena looked up, ready to greet her aunt-mother and her Uncle.
Instead she stared at the man at the door. He was tall, slender, and his hair was white. His eyes were those of her uncle. His made no effort to conceal the stripes on his skin with his rolled up shirt sleeves. He made no effort to conceal the puncture at his arm vein either.
The monitor next to her caught up its bleeping speed.
"Leena" he said quietly. Her heart monitor almost drowned it.
He stood there for such a long time that she thought he wasn't real. But then he moved, ever so slightly, towards her, and stopped again.
"Why!" she finally cried "All these years, I've always waited! Why! Even now, why didn't you come! Do you hate me because I'm a hanyou, like uncle?"
He had hung his head, but it snapped up at that
"That's what he's been feeding you?" he asked angrily, and he seemed to have all the intention of going to murder her uncle on the spot
"No, it's what I think" she said quietly. He turned to her again. He stood stiffly and seemed unable to move. "Am I right?"
"No"
"Then . . . why?!"
Another moment of silence
"May I sit beside you?" he waited until she nodded before she felt him move at all.
"I did hate you for a time" he said. She felt the knot in her stomach tighten unbearably, and she closed her eyes to let them drink back the stinging tears. "but that was only because I was young and stupid. I didn't understand. I never did"
He let out a laugh that she felt the pain of
"I was so full of myself that I couldn't see what was staring at me in the face. I couldn't even face myself and what I felt. I'm not much better now, I couldn't look at you. But that out of shame"
Leene held her breath
"You want to know I left you? Why I hated you for a time? You know nothing of it then?" he asked quietly
"Mother" she said, just as quietly
"Yes, your mother" he said, and Leena was forced to look up at his voice, to peek at him. The loss she saw in his eyes brought new tears to her eyes.
"Your mother . . . I met your mother when she wasn't much older than five summers. I was injured from yet another of my misguided attempts to take Tetsusaiga away from Inuyasha"- he paused, allowing memories to flood his mind. Leena bit her lip, now knowing that at least part of what she had heard aunt Sango say was true
"She was always full of smiles" he sounded so whistful, so sad . . "even when she had been beaten by the villagers for trying to aid me" She took in a breath that ended in a hiss, and she raised her head to him. He wasn't looking at her "She came every day, always with a smile. She was never frightened of me"
He must have loved her, loved her deeply, she thought. Then it hit her. He still loves her .
.
"Later she was attacked by wolves and killed"
Killed? How can that be?
"At that time I wasn't interested in humans, and would have left her lying there dead" his voice dripped in venom, and Leena realised that it was directed at himself. "but I was curious on the powers of my sward, the Tensaiga, and the sward made it clear that the human had to be saved. Even then . . ." she looked at him for a second to catch that ghost of a smile she heard in his voice. It was so easy to read him.
"After that she followed me everywhere, at night she would hug my leg and say the same words, "Rin loves Sesshoumaru-sama" then she'd settle on her pallet and sleep" he trailed off.
Leena waited patiently for him to continue. She knew he was speaking to her and he hadn't forgotten her, but he was also trapped in a world of his own, his own world of pain
"As humans do, she grew . . so quickly . . . and I realised that she wasn't a girl who hugged my leg any longer. Now I had a young woman . . in my arms . ." he looked at her, and caught the peeks she was giving him, holding her eyes "You resemble her, a lot. She had your eyes, your calm. She even had that sense of peace and acceptance that made you decide not to tell your guardians about the chemotherapy's effects". That was the first time she felt anger in his voice. He was scolding her. She almost felt like crying, but she didn't know whether it was from the sadness or the happiness the reproof brought with it.
"Rin was never an assertive person, you got that from your uncle and I. Yet she knew me so well. She followed me quietly and silently, but she was always smiling. A lot like you"
Leena now knew even what Cho had told her was true. He really had followed her like a shadow through her life. She had been afraid of me leaving her in a village, but I had guessed that, and I had never had that intention. Although once . ." he smiled, as a memory he hadn't recolled in a long time came back to him as he looked at his daughter, and then back at the window "she had been with child, with you," his smile became more defined "And I had attempted to leave her in a village for her own safety. But she knew what was to happen" his smile vanished "and she had wanted to pass all her days with me. She had said . . . now how did she put it . . ah yes . . that I was a completely insane and stupid dog if I thought I was going to dump her in some village and hold her there"
A laugh tried to escape her mouth but Leena closed her lips on it. He smiled at her however.
"I was happier with your mother than I even dared think, Leena" she held her breath again as he called her by name "I was still such a stupid dog back then. Your mother was right, as she had always been. I hadn't wanted to drop my own words regarding humans and hanyou, so I never admitted to her and to myself just how much I needed her, until I lost her"
Leena lowered her head in anguish. It was the part she both craved and abhorred to hear.
"I didn't know Rin had given the Tensaiga to Jaken to hide. All I knew was my mate was being ripped from my life, so I blamed the only being I could. You." He met her gaze steadily. Leena felt herself wilt away at the intensity and the meaning of the words. Could he still hate her? Could the 'for a time' be still in this time? Now?
"Even though her last words condemned that action, I walked away. Yes, hoping you would die" she looked down as the insides of her chest suddenly seemed to be pushing painfully to the centre, slicing through all there was on the way. "Knowing . .. knowing I couldn't do it myself. And your mother . . . she knew me well Leena, too well. She had Jaken take you to your uncle and his mate. And when I no longer had you, I couldn't breath without your scent. You smell so much like your mother and me together, you know?"
"I am mother and you together" she whispered.
"I have watched you especially since your uncle left . . and apparently, he was looking for me . . ." he let the thought amuse him bitterly "Your department before taking over for him was always one of the most profitable. While other departments never make deadlines, yours seems to beat them and come in under budget."
"You have been . . following my work?" she asked in agitation. He had followed her every step, every progress, seen both her failures and her successes. She had always wished him and her mother to be there, but he had been and she had never noticed. She was as foolish as he was, and as blind. And yet . . .
"I missed having you and mother beside me. Why didn't you at least . . . write?" she chocked, begging him to give her a plausible answer, any excuse to forgive him.
"I was stubborn and ignorant, and as time went on and grew larger between us, I was scared too, Leena"
She looked up at him in awe. In what she had heard about him, and even in her aunt-mother's stories, he had never been one to admit weaknesses, if her uncle was any indication. But now he was doing it with her, her, and he was looking down at the bed sheets with his back bowed, tired and strained.
Dad . . .
"I was wrong,
just as I was with your Uncle. In my pride at being full demon, my anger
at father for forgetting my mother, I lost my brother. I still did not
learn from my mistakes. I have lost my daughters childhood and a
good portion of her life"
Dad . . .
"I wonder if she can forgive me?"
Dad . . .
She looked at her own hands, concentrating hard on the great effort of removing the horrid constriction that had formed in her throat.
The silence stretched between them as she hopelessly battled between her words and her impending tears.
Seshoumaru finally hung his head in front of a hanyou, and admitted total and utter defeat to the hands of one such as he had hated. Defeat in heart and spirit.
He silently sat up to leave, looking at the meaningless white floor
"Da-Dad?"
Dad . . He had craved to hear that since she had said her first word, her first tooth poking out of her upper lip, crawling towards the open arms of his brother's mate. He turned to her slowly. Dad . . .
"Dad . . .can you tell me more . . about mother?"
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
Jaken sat by the window and looked in at his master and his little lady finally re-united. It was time to fulfil his Honoured Lady's last wish.
@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
"Jaken-sama?"
She looked so much better now, in colour and spirit, since she had taken her father's blood into her ten months earlier. He had waited long before he had judged their new union safe enough for his Honoured Lady's last wish to be fulfilled completely. There was still one thing left that he had to do for her.
His lord had been right. His first born resembled that little human girl they had picked, who used to call him Jaken-sama with the same title she used to use for her lord. The little girl that had grown into a woman and mated with their mutual lord, and who had persisted in calling him Jaken-sama with greater respect and affection than any being alive had ever bestowed upon a lonely servile toad man.
And her daughter took after her completely. Even the smile she wore when she greeted him was identical. His lord looked at him over the papers he had been reading, work of his daughter. The secretary sat silently typing beyond the opened door to the next room. That would have been the place his Honoured Lady would have occupied had she lived.
He walked to the secretary door and closed it. It was late at night, she wouldn't even notice what went on the next room in her hurry to be ready and leave for her home. He had left the office door slightly open into the corridor.
"What is it Jaken-sama?" she asked, looking at his antics curiously but concernedly.
"I ask your permission to let honoured guests into your office" he said formally, bowing low
"Who are they?" asked his lord curiously. Jaken remained silent
"Let them in dad, I know them" said Leena with a smile. Her father nodded. Jaken walked to the door and opened it, letting in Inuyasha and all his family.
"Brother" said Inuyasha stiffly. The other merely nodded, and looked askance at his retainer.
"Before she delivered, My Lady made some requests of me, and she wished you all be present to her last wish" he went on quietly. He glanced at his Lady's daughter and saw her go white. "Please lady, can you give me your pendent for a short while?"
Without a word and with fumbling hands, she gave him the thin cylindrical pendent that so looked like it had trapped clouds on its design engraved on it.
Her little retainer slipped an able slim finger where it was supposed to, touched the right precious gem, and then proceeded to pull out the thin circular bottom of the pendent.
I thin piece of parchment slipped out.
The ones who's scent was superior in the room was assailed by meadows and flowers, weath and sunshine, travel and camp fire. The scent was of Rin.
"Mate" chocked Seshoumaru, low enough for it to have gone unnoticed. He was grateful when he saw the toad close the container quickly. Her smell would then be preserved. He looked on as Jaken walked up to his daughter and gave her the parchment. She looked at the rolled, this sheaf and trembled, taking in the scent and the meaning. Slowly, she opened it. It felt like death to him all over again
"Dear husband, mate, friend, companion, lover, protector, love," she read
"You have been all to me, and shall be all wherever I may go. If you are reading this, it means that what I have been dreaming in the past months has come by, and that Jaken is as kind at heart as I think he is. Don't be ired with him because he kept this from you for so long, no matter how long. It was upon my request.
Seshoumaru glanced at the toad who now sat huddled in a corner, trying not to cry. Even he had come to love the little 'annoying brat'.
"Before I lay with you last night I knew that this morning I would wake with your child. I beg you, forgive me for the choice I made, but had I lived, then our little one would have been taken from us. I beg you to understand that I never stopped loving you, and that I still do now, wherever my soul resides."
His insides were constricting slowly with every little wavering word she said, with every new crack in her voice.
"I know it will be a she, and that she will have your wisdom, mate, and my love for you. I see you while you hold her in your arms, I see you while you watch her play in the flowers with another girl child. Have you taken another mate, my love? I will be happy if you did.
"Stupid woman" was the only thing he could manage out of his tight throat.
"I also see a drift take you apart for a while, but you are father and daughter, and your hearts will come together. If you are reading this, it also means that your drift has tightened you into your rightful places. You are a family, and have more family around you. I know that the time apart weighs heavily on both your souls, but look to your kin, they love you, and never be too proud to love each other.
"Dear Daughter"
Here Leena chocked and couldn't continue, as she stared sobbing like a child crying for her mother. Seshoumaru came around his desk and took her in his arms, gently prying the parchment from her hands. Kagome was sobbing quietly, and Sango openly into her husband's shoulder.
Seshoumaru forced his throat open and began reading his wife's last words
"Dear Daughter
'I- I don't know what name Inuyasha's mate will bestow on you, but I trust it fits your beautiful person. I love you little one, I love you even now that I touch my flat stomach and know that you are forming there of your father's life and mine."
He pulled her tighter to him as she seemed to be unable to breath between her sobs
"I died so you could live, and I shall never regret that. Neither should either of you. I love you both."
The third tear of his life threatened to fall down. He didn't allow it.
"Look to Inuyasha's mate, Daughter, she will be trice the mother to you I could have been,-"
"Silly girl" said Kagome hoarsely
"- and look to your father and his brother as a gift bestowed of the buddah of two fathers. They shall love you, and Kagome-sama will give you siblings I cannot, but perhaps your father can."
Both man smiled whistfully and painfully at their own lines.
"Live for me, Daughter, Mate, I love you" he finished
He pressed the letter to his forehead and his daughter to his chest, and cursed whatever Kami had forced onto her such a choice, and on him and his little one such a torture. They would have lost either one or the other. Why couldn't they have been three? Three, together, perfectly and happily.
A hand came on his shoulder and pressed hard. He looked up to find his brother with an expression he hadn't ever seen for him. Support, willingness to help, and affection.
"I know how it feels" he whispered
"No, you have no idea!" he snapped back, repressing the need to give in to the brotherly embrace the other was offering.
"Oh, you think I do not?" he asked, and his face spelt genuine hurt. Seshoumaru looked in astonishment for a second at his brother displaying his heart clearly as he had never done with him.
. . .and never be too proud to love each other
He was an idiot wasn't he? And trice one for having just heard it from her letter. She had known this too, his mate. He had often felt her dream agitatedly against him, but he had never thought this was what she saw. She saw him being an idiot to the end.
"We have lost a child Seshoumaru" said Kagome softly, coming up "We know what loss is. I lost my baby out of by body, out of my soul. I know what you feel". She put a hand on Leena's hair and soothed it. Cho came up and rested against her back. Inuyasha's hand stayed on Seshoumaru's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"Don't be, it's ok, we understand. We've all lost a lot in the battles of our days. We all know what it means"
Leena pushed away from her father and wiped her face, then turned to them with a smile. She reached a hand towards the parchment her father gave it to her. She looked over it fondly while they all looked at her and her sister-cousin hugged her
"Oh look" she said softly all of a sudden "there's a post script. It says 'Daughter, watch out for the monk'"
All the was silent for a few seconds before the all turned to look at Miroku
"What? I didn't do anything!" he exclaimed
"What did you think of doing to her!" both youkai brothers and fathers screamed before launching chase at the poor innocent man
"Continue reading" urged Cho. Leena lowered her eyes from the monk-bash festival
"I know that sent both your fathers seeking the poor man's blood. Apologise for me later, darling Daughter. I wished them away from you reading these lines because I wish you luck with the Monk's oldest son"
Leena and Muushi looked at each other and at the floor.
"I know that if they knew where your heart resides, they would make the poor boy's life unbearable, but I trust all your mothers and sisters to help you keep your fathers at bay. However, warn the young man that for every little slight to you, there shall be hell to pay from me on this side- literally"
Muushi paled.
Leena burst out laughing and crying at once. How had mother known? Oh, mother knew everything, and she also loved Leena dearly.
All the women, Muushi and a sleeping Shunei watched as both youkai still rampaged behind the fleeing monk. Unnoticed by everyone save one above, the third tear that had been sitting in Seshoumaru's eyes slid slowly and innocently down his cheek.
Yes, three is a perfect number, she agreed with her mate. And she would watch over then from above until they would once more be three together, perfectly and happily.
End
Lolool, well, I warned you about typos.
This is another Christmas present for all you guys, and especially for Del, or course, who read it first. Hope you liked it!!
*A votive is a plaque used in the Shinto religion, usually made of wood, to send messages and prayers to the dead. For a picture and farther information, go on . angeltowns.com/ members/qjphotos/ sadema1.htm, removing the spaces
**Mizuko: a buddist traditional statue of the protector of 'water babies', or those who were still born, miscarried or aborted. Also a picture on . angeltowns.com/ members/qjphotos/mizuko.htm also removing the spaces.
PS: I just realised that I never used Myoga except in the story Narration, loloollol. :P who knows, that would be a good idea, the Great Adventures of the Flea. Lololololo.