Memories of a broken child
Chapter one An uncles's love
In his mind, he knew that his life had been crumbling since the day of his birth. Everything he grew to know as a child was nothing but pure lies caused by the fear and heartlessness of everyone around him. Loves, Care, consideration, these things were meaningless. To him, such emotions were torn from his soul long ago, and now as time passed by, such things are nothing but poignant memories that seem to hover over his life rendering him helpless to what he became. Numb, broken, heartless, this was who he was. Though he would never be able to fully understand why he was chosen to live the life he was in, he would always cherish the painful yet wonderful memories of his uncle, Yoshimaru's attempts to care for him, to care for Shubaku-no-Gaara-Samma, son of Kazekage, the demon boy of Suna.
"Mother, help me, save me, I want to die. Please take me with you, I don't want to live like this anymore. It hurt so much, please!"
"Gaara, stop it! Drop that kunini!"
Gaara turned away from the portrait of his mother that Seem to hover beyond his reach and turned to face his uncle.
"Yoshimaru, I want to die!" Gaara said, looking up at his uncle, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Yashimaru looked down at his nephew with disbelief in his face, unable to move from the sudden shock overwhelming him. While Gaara turned away from his uncle's gaze and quickly began to stab himself in an effortless attempt to die.
"Gaara, why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you want to die?" Yashimaru said, pulling the kunini away.
"No more, Yashimaru, no more, it hurts. I'm not bleeding, but it hurts so much. Please make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!"
"Calm down, Gaara, and tell me where it hurts," Yoshimaru said, placing his hand gently over Gaara's shoulder.
Gaara softly lifted his small childish hand and placed it softly against his chest where his heart was.
"Right here, Yashimaru."
Yashimaru looked down at his nephew then kneeled down and embraced him tightly, allowing Gaara to release any inner turmoil he had.
"Your heart is wounded, Gaara, but don't worry. You have me and your siblings, we can help," Yoshimaru said softly, wiping Gaara's tears away.
"You're a Healer, Yoshimaru. Can you give me some medicine to make this pain go away?"
Yoshimaru laughed slightly then pulled up a chair and sat Gaara on to his lap.
"There is no medicine known to man that can cure a wounded heart. You can try to get rid of what wounded your heart, but the reality of life is that the wound will still live on. The pain will still be their, and no matter how much you give or get, part of the wound will still scar your heart, but there is one thing that can help cure an aching heart."
"What is it, Yashimaru," Gaara asked, looking up at his uncle.
"Its love."
"Love?"
"Yes, Gaara Love. Everyone needs love, and if they don't receive any, they start to ache like you are right now."
"What is love, Yashimaru?"
"Love, uh well, I really don't know how to explain it but I'll try. Love is the hearts desire to care for something with all your will, to care for those around you. Your mother loved you, Gaara, theirs no doubt about that, that's why you cannot die. Every time you want to harm yourself, or others want to harm you, your sand shield will protect you. I believe that in each grain of sand a part of your mother still exist, she cares for you even in the sky, she watches over you because you're her son, she loves you, Gaara, don't forget that." .
Gaara looked back at his mother's portrait, then at Yashimaru.
"Where can I find this love, Yashimaru?"
Yashimaru smiled at Gaara, then began to stroke his hair softly as he continued to converse with his nephew.
"You already have love, Gaara. You have Kankaro, Temari, and most importantly, you have me."
"Then why do I still feel broken, Yashimaru? Why am I different from the other kids my age? why am I not happy?"
"You're not like the other kids, Gaara. You'll never be, no one is alike and you're no exception because of wha-" Yashimaru stop mid-way trough his sentence when he noticed Gaara lowering his head slightly, as if trying to hide the pain his word had caused him.
"Forget it kiddo, we'll talk later, but for now just get changed. I want you to come with me and run some errands."
Gaara Nodded and watched as his uncle Yashimaru left the living room and went up stairs, fully knowing what his uncle was trying to say. He was different not because of who he was,but by what he had living deep inside him. It hurt him to see this happen, even in the only place, he considered a home. Even his uncle seemed to treat him differently just like everyone else did.
"Mother, I know your up there, I know your somewhere in the sky with the rest of the angels, I know that you can feel this pain to, so please can you make it stop, just make it stop, mother. I'll do anything mother, I'll even give up this life just to be with you," Gaara said, dropping onto his knees.
"Why does father want to kill me? Why doesn't the demon let me die? Why do I feel like I'm being ripped apart? Someone, anyone, can you help me, can you save me, can you give me some love to make the pain go away? Please, it hurt so much, it really hurts, " Gaara cried, then got up, whipped his eyes and headed to his room.
Yashimaru looked back at his nephew before closing the door behind him, then sighed wondering if what he was doing was right.
"Sister, please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. I love your son but I fear him as well. I wonder if what I'm doing is right, I wonder if allowing him to live with these false thoughts is right. Give me a sign sister, tell me what I should do," Yashimaru said, closing his eyes.
"Sister, I'm sorry if I ever end up harming Gaara, but please remember that if I ever do something to him it was all for you. You gave up your life just to protect our village and even yet you ended up cursing us as well," Yashimaru said softly, then began to change himself before heading out to call upon Gaara.
"Yoshimaru, I'm ready." "Oh Gaara, I was just about to look for you, are you all set?"
"Yes Yoshimaru, but where are we going?" Gaara asked, pulling his uncles sleeve.
"I need to see your father." "My father, but why, Yashimaru?" "I'd rather not discuss that, kiddo, it's between me and your father, Yashimaru said, walking away from Gaara.
Gaara looked up at his mother's portrait, and gave out a small wave before following his uncle out of their home and into the streets of Suna.
"Yashimaru, I don't like going out, couldn't I just have stayed at home in my room?"
"Come now Gaara, it's a beautiful day, why would you want to stay locked up inside your room when you can enjoy everything Mother Nature has for us, Yashimaru said, looking up at the sky.
"Their looking at me Yashimaru, they hate me, they fear me. I can feel it inside me, I can feel it right here in my heart. I know they want me to die, I know they want to run from me," Gaara said, looking around.
"How about I buy you something to snack on, maybe that will cheer you up," Yashimaru
said, looking down at his nephew.
"I really don't feel li-"
"Nonsense Gaara, consider it my treat to you."
"Thank you, Yashimaru, you're the kindest person I know," Gaara said, giving his uncle a small hug before running ahead and entering a small candy store.
"Anzu, are you here?" Yashimaru asked."
Gaara looked up at his uncle in confusion then asked who Anzu was.
"Anzu is one of my close friends Gaara, she works here, and we're sort of seeing each other. I want you to meet her, but for now just choose as many candies as you want."
Gaara smiled up at his uncle and began to run around the store picking up all kinds of candies."
"Anzu, are you here?" Yashimaru shouted.
"I'm sorry Yoshimaru, I'm just unpacking some new candies," Anzu called out. "Do you need some help?"
"Please, I'm in the back room!"
Yashimaru looked back at Gaara, who was still running around the store, before heading into the back room.
"Yoshimaru, I'm done." Gaara said looking around. "Yashimaru, where are you?" Gaara shouted.
"Yashimaru, Yashimaru, where are you? Please, please don't leave me, I don't want to be alone, Where are you?"
No one answered.
"Where are you, Yashimaru, don't leave me alone I don't like being alone, don't let the demon come, protect me from him, I can feel him coming closer."
He left you, Gaara, he doesn't want you, he doesn't love you, he wants you dead. You're not meant to be loved, you weren't even meant to be born.
"Leave me alone! your not real, your just a voice, you can't do anything to me, you can't harm me!" Gaara shouted.
I am real, you can tell yourself as much as you want little boy, but you know I'm as real as you are. "Shut up, shut up please, leave me alone and go away!" I want blood Gaara, I need blood, kill Gaara, you need to kill.
"Yoshimaru, where are you? Please help me! The demon is calling me, he wants me to kill. Please help me, I don't want to kill anyone.
" He isn't here to protect you, neither is your good for nothing mother. you're all alone, no one can help you. Give in, Gaara, take away everything you couldn't have. Why should they be happy when you can't, why should you suffer when they aren't.
Gaara dropped his candies and began to cry, the candies now rolling away from him.
"Yoshimaru, make him go away, make the demon go away. I don't want to kill, I just want to be loved, that's all I want, that's all I ask for," Gaara wailed.
"So what brings you here, Yoshimaru?" Enzu said, looking up at Yoshimaru. "Do you remember me telling you about my nephew Gaara?"
"Yeah, why?" "Well, I told him that I would buy him a snack before going to run my errands. This was the first place he ran to, so I thought that this would be the perfect time for you to meet him,"
Yoshimaru said, unpacking a box and unloading the different kinds of candies.
"Is he here?"
"Yes, he's out their running around going from one row of candies to the next."
"Well then take me to him, I can unpack these things later," Anzu said slowly, getting up.
"He's a real sweet little boy who really needs some love, I'm sure he'll want to meet you."
"I hope so, because I've been looking forward to meeting him." Anzu said opening the door of the back room.
"Thank you," Yashimaru said, walking out the door, but before he could say or do anything else, he saw Gaara, crying uncontrollably, the small candies scattered threw out the floor surrounding him.
"Gaara, what's wrong, what happened?" Yoshimaru asked.
"The voice Yoshimaru, he won't leave me alone!"
Yashimaru picked up Gaara and embraced tightly, hoping that this would come down Gaara.
"Gaara, I'm here. I'm sorry I left you alone, I promise I won't do that again, I promise I won't let the voice hurt you."
"Is he okay, Yoshimaru?" Anzu asked, petting Gaara gently on the back.
"Gaara, look, this is Anzu, say Hello, " Yoshimaru whispered.
" Gaara lifted his head and looked up at Anzu.
"He-he-hello," Gaara stuttered, wiping his eyes.
Anzu didn't respond.
"Anzu, this is my nephew, this is Gaara-sama son of Kazekage," Yashimaru said softly.
"No, no, get him away from me get that stupid little demon boy away from me!" Anzu screamed.
Gaara buried his face into Yoshimaru's shoulders and began to cry once more.
"Please Anzu don't do this, it isn't his fault."
"Get him away, Yoshimaru. Take that stupid little hell boy and just get out. He shouldn't be here, why are you taking care off him? why don't you just let him die, no one will care?"
"You all see him as the monster of Suna but to me the real monsters are everyone who rejects Gaara because of something that wasn't even his fault!"
"Look at him, he's no human, he's just a stupid little demon boy who can't fit with his own kind and who can't fit in with our kind. Why should you care, it was his fault your sister died!"
Yashimaru looked at Anzu unable to believe what he was hearing.
"Let him die or take him away, take him away far from this village so we can live free from the fear of death by a demon. His kind doesn't belong here. I don't understand why are your willing to risk your life for something like that thing you're holding.
"He's my nephew. I won't let you talk about him that way!"
"What are you going to do Yoshimaru, you can't hit me, in fact you won't hit me it's not you, it will never be you!"
"Your right it's not me, I wouldn't waste my time and energy with you, you're not worth it!"
"Anzu looked at Yoshimaru, rage running threw her, making her face turn red.
"I hope you die along with that demon boy Yoshimaru, I hope you suffer for letting that little schizophrenic freak live!"
Yashimaru ignored every word that came out Anzu's mouth and began to walk out the door, leaving Anzu in utter rage.
"It isn't my fault Yashimaru. I never choose to be a demon, I never choose to be a weapon for my father, so why dose everyone treat me like it's my fault?" Gaara cried.
"I'm sorry Gaara, I truly am."
Gaara lifted his head and looked up at Yashimaru, confusion overcoming him.
"Why are you sorry Yashimaru, you didn't do anything. You got rid of the demon and stood up for me. You shouldn't be sorry, you're the last person in the world who should be sorry." Gaara, said softly.
"I don't believe you're a demon Gaara, I don't believe you're willing to kill. People are just to blind to see the truth in front of them, your different so what, that doesn't make you a demon or a freak, in fact that's what makes you who you are. No one is the same Gaara, so don't try to compare yourself to others," Yashimaru said lowering Gaara.
"I just wish there was someone who could understand me Yoshimaru, someone like me who I could talk to so I won't ache anymore. I just wish the other kids won't run from me, I just want to play, and live a normal life, that's all I want, that's all I ask for but I can't even get that. Gaara, whispered softly now walking ahead of Yashimaru.