~Memoir's of a Survivor~
Chapter 1 – The Beginning of the Final Chapter
When I started writing this journal for my mother, I never figured it would become this. No one did. It was a simple writing exercise that my mom had come up with to help strengthen my writing ability for when I tried to get into a college. Albeit I wasn't even a teen at the time, it didn't bother me. It took my mind off things. Writing has always done that for me. With the evils and darkness I've seen in my life, writing my feelings down onto paper seemed to always help me cope with it.
But I know, probably better than anyone, that a small book isn't going to be enough to save me or the world. The world has gone to hell, and all I've been able to do is watch. Sure I tried my best to stop it, and I helped people across the world any way I could to make their lives a little bit better, but I can't seem to defeat the cause of it all. Those damn androids. No matter how hard, they are just to strong for one man to fight. I've entertained the idea of training Trunks. Hell, another super saiyan might be what it takes, but the kid just can't do it. There's just to much holding him back. The pain of loss has always been a trigger, and he doesn't have that.
My father felt the loss of Krillin, his best friend. Vegeta felt the loss of his pride and honor. And I felt the loss of everyone, but especially Piccolo on that fateful day. Trunks just hasn't had that yet. He's always lived in this piece of crap world, not knowing what peace was. He never had the chance to lose something, because all he's ever had was his mother and myself. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but through it all that boy probably thinks of me as the best thing to happen to this planet. At least if I die, I know there will always be him to watch over this Kami forsaken piece of trash planet.
Ah, its scary how easily I've accepted the idea of dieing. Even back before things went to hell, death always was around the corner. Maybe not so much for a saiyan, but for humans it was true. A sickness could suddenly kill you. A car accident could take your life. Nearly anything could do it. But now, death is an every damn day thing, even for me. Ex-cons from prisons escaped, taking what they want and killing who's ever in their way. All governments have fallen apart, leaving armies to their generals. And in the middle of it all are groups of people, communities just trying to survive. It's a hell hole of death and hopelessness.
People call me the last golden light in the darkness. Eh, I don't see myself like that. What have I really done since all of this started? Sure I've fought the androids, but all I could ever do was slow them down enough and keep their attention long enough for people to escape. I save people just so they could die another day and another way outside the walls of their homes that they were forced to flee. It's not safe out there, but all I can do is tell them to run out into the unknown. That's hardly helping.
Sure, I've also helped people build defenses against the slavers and raiders that wander outside the city walls, but what good does that do? It creates a stalemate. Those inside shoot at anyone outside that looks like trouble or doesn't look right. Trust is gone, long forgotten. Thus, those outside often take pot-shots at those guarding the inside of the towns. Sure it's better than those on the outside straight up fighting those on the inside with one bloody battle, but its not much better than the slow drawn out death of either side. I only slowed things down, I haven't stopped it.
So in other words, I've been pretty useless. I know I shouldn't say that, but it's hard not to feel that way. Just looking at the destroyed towns, the people inside them...I just can't bring myself to say I have done enough. Life is to short to have regrets and to say what if...but its hard not to do that now and then.
People still call me a hero, their light in the darkness none the less. I'm no hero. My father was a hero. He was just a natural at being one. I sadly didn't inherit that knack of always being able to save the day. I'm no light in the darkness either. Vegeta was a light. After all that he had gone through, his own hell that he was forced to deal with alone, he was able to find his way back. That is what a light in the darkness is. I've always been a good guy. When things got bad, I've always had someone I could go to that would help me through it. And even now when I fight alone, I have the memories of those fallen with me along with those who are still here on earth backing me up and helping me wrap my wounds.
So, what am I? Over these long and painful years, I thought I had figured out what I was many times, only to learn that I truly wasn't that. So what am I you may ask? I think I have finally figured it out. I am more than a man but less than a hero. I am a survivor. I've lasted this long, but I can feel it coming. I'm not going to last much longer. I am going to die. I've done my best, and if anyone finds this, please understand. I am a survivor, but a survivor can't survive forever.