Worthless

Cold.

Dark.

Alone.

I'd never felt like this before. I'd always had everything I wanted… a home, food, and a trainer. Not that he cared for me, but I knew that I deserved it every time he hit me. I lost nearly every battle I fought because I wasn't good enough. Now it's all gone, and I'm alone, stupid, pathetic and ungrateful for the effort others had put into me.

It had all started a few years ago, after I had evolved. Even a little before that. I was the Pokemon of a child who had been beaten. He was only 12 at the time but every day his father would beat him because he thought his only son was worthless and a waste of time. I came into his life when he found me abandoned in a cardboard box on the side of the road. My former trainer had found me on his way home from the school and it was love at first sight… At least I had thought it was. He trained me every day and we grew inseparable as we grew older. One day my former trainer was attacked by a group of Spearow, (violent little things if you ask me). They attacked us and brought us to the point where he could have been killed. I saw some headed straight for him, and I leaped in the way to stop them. Suddenly I had begun to evolve. I grew a little taller, my brown fur had turned black, and my once green eyes had turned red. I had become an Umbreon, however instead of the usual Yellow on an Umbreon, I had Orange. I suddenly used Dark Pulse; a move that I didn't even know I knew. Then it all started going downhill from there.

He had thought my evolution would have been a benefit. Unfortunately for him, (and myself) he would have been better off leaving me in the box that day he found me. I began to lose more battles, to the point where he wouldn't use me for awhile. Unfortunately, the gene for beating passed down to him from his father and he soon started to beat me every time I'd lose. I still stayed loyal, every time he did hit me. I felt that I deserved it because I lost all those battles.

As if that wasn't enough, he eventually got to the point where he threatened to release me every time lost. This made me give my all and try even harder. This made me win a few battles. The last time I lost was the last battle I had as his Pokemon. I lost to an Espeon. A beautiful Espeon I might add. This made my former trainer furious as I was supposedly supposed to be able to beat her. I woke up some time later outside in a place I was not familiar. My former trainer spat at me. "You're useless. I can't believe you lost to an Espeon." I looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. He kicked me in the ribs. I grunted and flew several feet backwards, landing on my back. He spat at me again. "Get out of here. I don't want to see you anymore. You're a worthless piece of shit." My blood red eyes softened and began to well with tears. He was abandoning me? I'd grown to trust him so much after all this time. After all the battles we fought and the journey we had. He was going to abort my training and release me? I wanted to call out to him, but before I could make a noise he turned around and kicked me in the head. The kick was enough to send me backwards, and it managed to draw blood. He turned and shouted over his shoulder as he walked away, "It's over! I don't ever want to see you again." He walked off into the distance, not turning around.

After that moment, I began to wander around helplessly, with nothing to do. I had no Idea how to survive in the wild. I was still relatively young as well. I soon realized the wild was a dangerous and boring place. The same routine every day. Eat, sleep, sleep, eat scratch, eat, turn over, sleep some more. I missed my trainer, despite the abuse. I missed the traveling, and the battles. I couldn't take it anymore.

I needed to end this.

Here and Now.

I bent down in the snow, feeling pain in my cramped legs and I found a spot where the pain was the worst: There Right by my chest. Hopefully this would do it.

I unsheathed my long, razor-sharp claws and began to drag them across my upper body, making sure that the scars dug deep enough to draw blood. I felt the satisfaction of my blood oozing down my body. It felt like a million needles piercing my skin.

It wasn't enough. I needed more.

I opened my mouth and sunk my razor-sharp teeth into my foreleg. I scratched and bit all over it. I ripped off some fur and a little bit of flesh. I let out a loud scream as the pain suddenly hit me all at once. Blood spattered the ground with deep scarlet drops.

I stood up slowly, welcoming the pain throughout my body. Why am I not dying? I asked myself. My deep red eyes slowly moved away from the pool of blood on the snow. Some Pokemon would come around and catch a whiff of it eventually. I looked around, hoping to find an easier way to die. Jump off of a tree? No.. it's not nearly high enough. My eyes scanned the area. To my disappointment, there was nothing I could find that would end my life. I felt the blood flowing out of me. Oh screw it.. I'll bleed out. Seems like the only option. I figured. I walked along, waiting to die. As I walked along, I could faintly hear footsteps of other Pokemon in the distance. Good. Maybe they found my blood trail and are following the scent. The wind started to pick up and the snow started to fall faster and in heavier amounts. I began to feel dizzy from all the blood loss. A few moments later I laid down for a moment. I felt the blood flow starting to slow. I drifted into unconsciousness a few seconds later.

When I wake up, I'm not out in the middle of the harsh snowstorm. Am I finally dead? I asked myself. I look at my body, expecting to see no wounds. When I look at the spots on my body where I hurt myself, I see that they are in some sort of wrap. I growl quietly in my throat. Goddamnit… What is it gonna take for me to die? I look around, and find myself in a little cave with a small fire. Next to the fire, I spot a sleeping Pokemon. As I look at it, it picks its head up and looks over at me. A sudden realization hits me. It's that Espeon that I lost to. She is the first to speak. "Oh good. You're awake. I was beginning to think that I had lost you." She stands up and smiles. I look over at her confused and a little nervous. Why did she save me, and how did she find me? I look at her. She walks closer to me. Expecting me to answer her I suppose. I manage to speak a few words. "Where am I?" she smiles, happy to see that I can speak. "It's alright." She replies. "You're safe now. I brought you into my cave to take care of you." I laugh almost sarcastically. I speak back. "And why exactly did you do that?" She replies: "I found you on my way back. If I hadn't, you could have died. I smirked at her, ironically. "Well, what do you think I was trying to do." Her eyes widen at this reply. Her jaw drops. "Wh-what? Y-you were…" She is nearly speechless.

Rage was building up inside me. I jumped up, and rip off the wraps she put on me. Clearly the wounds were not yet healed. I hobble out into the snowstorm and scan the area. At last. I find a ledge. I hobble over to it, and look over the side. It is a far drop, and has sever sharp protruding rocks at the bottom. If something fell down there, they would have no chance to survive. Perfect. I back up, wanting to get as much speed as I could. I begin to approach the ledge.

"Umbreon! What in Arceus' name are you doing?"

I stop dead in my tracks and look over at Espeon I shout at her. "What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" She walks closer to me, still in shock. She replies, almost sadly. "But.. Umbreon…" She manages to breathe, looking straight at me. "Don't do this… Don't die."

"I want to die!" I scream at her. She flinches at this. I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm done with this goddamn world and I'm sick of all the misery and hate I receive!" I turn and bare my teeth at her.

To my surprise, she doesn't seem frightened by this. Instead, she manages to calm down and speak one word. "Why?"

I glare at her, wanting so bad to just end myself right now. "I'll tell you why." I start. More tears start to fall down my face. "It's because I'm worthless." She looks at me, still remaining calm. "You're no-" I cut her off. "Don't you tell me I'm not worthless! I lose just about every battle I fight, my old trainer used to beat me because I lose so much.." I begin to sob. "I'm homeless, and not only that, I lost to a certain Espeon, which pissed my trainer off. Therefore, he released me." I let the tears fall, but I manage to keep the sobbing relatively quiet.

She sits there, seeming to take all of what I just told her in. Her eyes shadow, and she looks down. I think about taking her silence as an opportunity to make a run for the cliff, but something holds me back. Somewhere in my mind, I know there has to be a reason she doesn't want me to die. A better reason than just doing a daily good deed. I decide to stay for just another minute, waiting to see what she has to say. I can feel my wounds opening up again.

It takes her a few moments, but she finally replies. "… I-I'm so sorry… I didn't know.." She looks up at me. She walks closer to me and sits down in front of me. "I'm truly sorry for what I did to you. Please, please… Don't kill yourself Umbreon."

I look up at her and stare into her eyes for what seems like an eternity. "Too late." I say.

I make a dash for the ledge. I shut my eyes, preparing myself to meet my end.

However, instead of feeling jagged rocks end my life, I feel myself crashing into a soft furry object. I open my eyes to see crystal blue eyes looking back into my own, and the sweet smell of berries.

Espeon was blocking the way.

"Move aside," I grunt at her.

"No"

"Espeon, get out of the way!" I knew I could easily bite her and she would move, but for some reason I didn't want to hurt her. I push her but she doesn't budge. Stubborn… I glance down at her slender paws and briefly wonder how she is able to keep such a good grip, before growling in my throat, and baring my teeth again.

"I'm not moving from this spot until you promise me that you will never go near this ledge again, she says. I growl at her. She speaks again, "I also want you to stop tryiing to kill yourself.."

"No."

"You better.."

I squint at her. "Make me!"

She is taken aback. "… What?"

"Make me stop trying to kill myself."

"I'm trying," she grunts.

"And you're doing a wonderful job." I reply sarcastically.

"Make you stop acting this way? The you make me stop falling in love with you!"

I freeze upon hearing these words.

"Wh-what did you say?"

Espeon stands there for a moment, taking in this moment. A single tear falls down her cheek.

"Are you deaf?" she says to me. "I said I'm falling in love with you." She nuzzles me, trying to comfort me.

I stand there speechless. A warm feeling suddenly comes over me. Is it pity? Worry? Sadness? I still try to make out words as she presses her cheek against mine.

I stare straight ahead unable to speak or act. The cold winter storm whipping around us. I sit there and think. Does she really? Do I?

I step back a few feet away from her. I know what I'm about to do. I run straight for the cliff.

"Umbreon! No!" She shouts.

At the very last second, when it seems like I am going to jump off, I veer sideways…

And I press my muzzle against hers.

"I love you too.." I murmur.

Maybe I was worthless in my former trainer's eyes, but it seems that I am worth something to Espeon. And that seems too good to waste.