Swedish pop stars should stay in Sweden!
Another delightfully hilarious fic courtesy of Flesheater777
Who does not own the Inuyasha franchise
in any way, shape,
or form.
One fine day at the Higurashi Shrine, Kagome was browsing through the ancient tomes kept there. Maybe, Kagome thought, this will help me learn more about my miko abilities. Let's see... Oh! What's this?
Later, on the past side of the Bone-Eater's well, Inuyasha was waiting rather impatiently for Kagome with the rest of the gang. "What's takin' her so long! And why did she get us to do this anyway? We already had lunch... too early for dinner... she can't be bringing bento lunches! Grrrrrrrah!" Too obvious to tell who said that. Miroku replied with, "Inuyasha, relaaaaxxx. She'll be here soon enough. " After thinking for awhile, Sango's eyes lit up as she said, "Aha! Maybe it's some holiday in her time and she's getting us gifts!" From the well came Kagome's voice, saying, "Yeah, something like that!"
"Lady Kagome!"
"Hey, Kagome!"
"Kagome-chan!"
"What took ya so long!"
Everyone glared at Inuyasha for that. Then they turned to Kagome. "You will never believe this! (insert girly squeal of delight here) I was looking through some of the scrolls in my family's shrine and I found out (among other things,) how to bring you guys through the well with me! (insert another girly squeal here)" A sly grin traveled across Miroku's face with otherworldly speed as he then said, "A whole other time full of women! You're the best Kagome! You're the-"
SMAK! "Hentai!"
As Miroku was nursing the wound on his cheek, Kagome said this under her breath:
"I pray to Kami that he doesn't find any porno or prostitutes in my time..."
Miroku's ears perked up, as if they were as good as Inuyasha's. "Prostitutes? Porno? For the first one, WOOHOO! But what is porno, Lady Kagome?" After smacking herself in the forehead for allowing that perv to hear her, Kagome said, "Forget it." A defiant look blazed in Miroku's eyes. He thrust his hands skyward looked up into the sky, and said, "I swear, I shall find out what porno is! One way or another! Not even my precious Sango shall stand in my way!" Three sweat drops dropped simultaneously as Shippo muttered, "Oh, brother..."
Then he went back to his cheerful self and said, "So, can we go Kagome? Pleasepleaseplease?" She bent down so she was nearly eye level with Shippo and said, "Sure, why not?" Shippo, being the kawaii little fox demon he is, was all like "Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!" in the most adorable/pathetic way possible. Kagome laid a sutra of her own making on the heads of Miroku, Sango and Shippo. "This will allow you to travel through time with me as long as we all jump in the well at the same time. You ready?" After a unanimous "Uh-huh.", they were off.
In a matter of seconds, possibly enough to make a minute (I don't really know), they were in Kagome's time. "THIS is your house? It's like that of a village headman!" was the incredulous cry of Miroku as he saw Kagome's house. The reply: "Ya think that's big? Some of tall grey things are houses too, and they're at least 7 times taller than this." Except for Kagome and Inuyasha, jaws were dropping all over the place. After collecting her composure, Sango jumped up and down, saying, "Canweexplore?Canweexplore?Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" While Miroku was enjoying the sight of Sango's bouncing busoms, Kagome said, "Sure. But we need you to change clothes. Your attire isn't exactly up to date. Inuyasha's alright, people are used to him. And monks still make pilgrimages, believe it or not. That leaves Shippo and Sango. I can take care of that, though. C'mon! I want you to meet the family!"
A few seconds later...
"Mom! I'm home! And I have a surprise for you!" Mrs. Higurashi walked into Kagome's line of sight. Then the rest of the gang walked in as Kagome said, "I brought the rest of the gang to meet you guys!" Then the author, having temporarily forgotten about Kirara for some reason (D'oh!), had her materialize at Sango's feet and had nobody notice Kirara wasn't there in the first place. At that moment, Mrs. Higurashi's mind was so full of thought and questions, she swooned. Miroku, being the guy he is, caught her and placed her on a nearby couch. Sango had a rather devious look on her face as she whispered this to Kagome:
"Let's hope he doesn't end up being your dad."
Of course, Kagome ran screaming to her room. Miroku looked at Sango with great curiousity. "What did you say to her?" After Sango whispered what she said to Kagome to Miroku, the monk slapped her while yelling, "HENTAI!" Shippo was able to control his laughter long enough to say "HA! For once, Sango's the pervert and Miroku was the righteous one! Did you see that Inuyasha?" As both of them went into uncontrollable fits of laughter, Sango was blushing to the point that her face could probably blend in with Inuyasha's haori. Then Miroku said, "Sango, you are a pervert. I am a pervert. You can't say we don't belong together now, can you?" Sango then fainted because approximately 86.25 of her body's total amount of blood was in her cheeks. Kagome would have a good laugh about this later...
The author wishes to skip past all the explainations to the Higurashi family to better your entertainment and to help prevent this being the world's longest oneshot. Sorry for the inconvenience. And don't worry, the Swedish pop stars shall meet their... 'unfortunate' end soon enough. Just don't be like Inuyasha and be patient. There's still a lot more fun to be had with this scenario...
It was dinner time at the Higurashi house. Everyone was at the table, and Kirara was playing with Buyo. "So, how are Shippo and I supposed to go around town anyway, Kagome?" You should know who said that by now. Kagome's mom (the author is tired of calling her Mrs. Higurashi) said, "I think I have the solution for that. Sango can borrow some of your clothes, and I think we still have some of Sota's old clothes that would fit Shippo. I don't know what we can do about his tail, though..." Everyone thought about that for awhile. Inuyasha then said, "I could cut it off..." He was faced with a simultaneous "NO!" Then Kagome said, "Aha! Mascots have fluffy tails like that, right? And I have the perfect one, too!" Kagome pulled out a picture of Adventure Quest's Twilly from her pocket and said to Shippo, "Do you think you could transform into this?" A sweat drop dropped as Shippo said, "You've got to be kidding me..." Kagome's mom then countered Kagome's idea with, "Kagome, where in Tokyo (A/N: She does live in Tokyo, doesn't she?) do you expect to find an Adventure Quest mascot blending in?" As Kagome uttered a sigh of disappointment (at the same time, Shippo let out a sigh of relief,), Inuyasha smirked slyly as he said, "Whoever said he had to look like a boy? A dress could hide that tail, and the bow in his hair does look pretty girly..."
"Heart Scar!"
"Ow! Shippo, you little bastard! Get over here!"
"Sit!"
Sango then said, "I'm afraid he's right, Shippo." Shippo then looked at her with a face that inspired pity. You know, when his eyes go all blobby/watery? That one. Sango literally turned her back on the little kitsune, saying "Sorry, Shippo." while doing so. Mrs. Higurashi, having unconsciously timed her answer to best make Shippo upset, said, "I'll go fetch the dress Kagome wore for her kindergarten winter pageant." Shippo was holding back tears and fwitching (Yay! Fwitching! The cross between flipping out and twitching I learnt from another author!) excessively. The result was hilarious to look at. Then, Mrs. Higurashi snuck up behind Shippo and put a blue dress over his regular clothes, tail and all. "Aaaaaaw." was Shippo's reply. Everyone else's was the same word with a different affliction, this one emphasizing how cute Shippo was rather than how disappointed he was. "Sango, you better change too. I'll come and help you, since you don't entirely know how modern clothes work." Kagome, obviously. I shouldn't have to tell you people by now...
In Kagome's room, Sango already had a pair panties and shorts on. Kagome then handed her a bra.
"What's this?"
"It's a bra. You wear it on your breasts."
"What for?"
"So that your nipples don't stick out of your shirt."
From the hallway, Miroku inquired, "Nipples?" Kagome then did various hand signs in a jutsu-esque manner. Beads flew out the door and made a necklace on Miroku. Then she turned to Sango and said, "Just say it." Sango then yelled "HENTAI!"
A loud THUD! was to be heard in the hallway. "It's the same thing I use on Inuyasha, except for the word. Your word, as I guessed, is hentai." The demon-slayer replied with, "Niiice."
Downstairs, a dejected Miroku was talking to Inuyasha. "...Then she yelled HENTAI! and I crashed to the floor. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get the damn thing off!"
"Hey, you try being sat 20 times or so while holding a massive boulder over your head, or while walking on a wooden bridge, or while jumping 6 feet in the air, or while..."
"Enough, I get the picture. So, how do you live with it?"
"I'm a half-demon. It hurts like hell, but at least I can bear a good portion of it."
If it hurts like hell for a half-demon, how am I supposed to survive? While Miroku was dealing with these thoughts, Kagome and Sango came down the stairs. Sango was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt, both black with red stripes placed on the sides. Kagome was wearing blue jeans and a white v-neck tee-shirt. Sango asked, "Isn't this a bit skimpy, Kagome?" Upon hearing the word 'skimpy', Miroku turned. Then, the drool started. Inuyasha saw Miroku do this and turned to face the same direction. Frankly, he did the same. He could just imagine placing his tongue in between her sweet, luscious...
Anyway, Sango and Kagome saw the to men doing so and smiled at each other. Kagome then said, "1...2...3!" At the same time, Kagome said 'Sit' and Sango said 'Hentai'. Both of the unfortunate fellows were 'sat' at the same time, leaving twin dents in Kagome's living room floor. Sango then said, "That was awesome! Wanna race?" "Sure!"
"Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsit..."
"Hentaihentaihentaihentaihentaihentaihentye..."
Kagome noticed Sango slip up and jokingly asked, "What the hell's a hentye?" Both of them giggled. A lot. Then Sango said, "In all fairness, you do have a shorter word to use." Kagome thought about that for awhile, then said, "I don't know about that... does 'perv' work?" "Let me try it. Perv!" Fortunately for Sango, Miroku was 'sat' again. "Cool. Wanna race some more?" Inuyasha and Miroku replied with, "No more...please! No more!" Kagome then said, "Nah. We were supposed to go out for a bit." Two sighs of relief reverberated throughout Kagome's house.
After reaching the bottom of the stairs that led up to the Higurashi shrine, the gang's ears were assaulted by the world's worst sounds ever. "Mamma mia, here we go again..." Everyone except Kagome was on the ground, covering their ears and writhing in agony. "What's going on? What is making that... that sound? Aaaaagh!" That was Inuyasha, F.Y.I. "Oh, brother. ABBA's playing street corners now..." Kagome said as she released the world's largest sweat drop. "What is this ABBA you speak of?" asked Miroku. "A Swedish music troupe." Shippo then asked, "It's supposed to be music?" Sango then got up and said, "It's about time that I strike this unholy terror down. Hiraikotsu!" At that moment, Sango pulled her weapon out of nowhere like people in Final Fantasy games (the theory my friends have is that they store their weapons up their asses) and cut ABBA in half waistwise. Miroku went up to one of the dying male singers and said, "Sweet Swedish singer, in your final breath can you tell me what porno is?" The dying dude in question gave him a Maxim magazine and said, "Have one of mine..." before expiring. Miroku looked through it, raised his arms to the sky again, looked upward once more and said, "YES! I KNOW NOW WHAT PORNO IS! I HAVE IT IN MY GRASP! AND LET IT BE KNOWN... I LIKE IT!" Sango snatched it from him, tore it apart, and yelled "PERVERT!" As he collapsed on the remains of ABBA, he thought this and only this:
Damn bitch ruins everything...
END
A/N: Hoped you enjoyed my first rated M fic! R&R!