This is a series of short stories I wrote over the course of several years that when put together told the story I wanted to read. We have all read the HP books and we all know the "real" great love of the Professor but I couldn't help myself wondering if perhaps Lily hadn't been his only one true love. The series I ended up with was a pairing between Severus and Narcissa and the complicated lives they were forced to endure and yet some how find some small measure of comfort within the chaos. I tend to write on the side of tragedy and as a rule I refuse to accept happy endings. I also tend to think the Professor would approve. I do hope you take a moment and share the world I created while taking extreme liberty with canon and my own twisted sense of real love and the reality of war. I sincerely hope you enjoy.

S.C.L

~~Complications~~

"There would be problems you know- it would just be impossible." Coming from anyone else these words might not have sounded so desperate. But, as it stood the words were not coming from just anyone, they were coming from him. His sad, slow reasoning descended in timber until finally it faded into the still night air around them. Without even meeting his eyes she had known at that very moment that she no longer needed to question his motives. They were very much in fact, genuine.

"There are always problems in every situation; it would be nothing we could not work around if given the opportunity." Her response sounded much more composed and rehearsed, perhaps delivered so flatly and without emotion it had sounded rather clinical. Looking up from the ground she attempted to find his eyes but he had refused to turn his head instead choosing to look at anything else just as long as it wasn't her. Inwardly broken she dropped her chin until tendrils of hair fell protectively across her eyes. One word left her next breath.

"Please?"

Again his response revealed more of the man she had chosen and proved once again the validity of the mutual attraction. She didn't know if he looked at her when he spoke- if finally he allowed his eyes to acknowledge her presence but instead she could feel her intense importance to him as he tried yet again to convince her that they, would in fact be a grievously undone mistake.

"I would become greedy and want you all of the time and for obvious reasons I could not have you all the time. That would hurt and I am tired of hurting. I am tired of being alone and do not wish to suffer the overwhelming sense of emptiness your eventual absence would leave..."

Instinctively she had tried to shake her head but his next omission stopped her.

"…and don't say you wouldn't leave because you would. Don't insult me. The silver band around your finger might as well be a watch around your wrist. As long as you wear his ring you will always belong on his time. I don't like sharing, I was never any good at it and I stopped trying years ago. I would only have you at the discretion of another man and that quite frankly leaves an awful taste in my mouth."

Nothing he said could be refuted so she didn't bother trying. Instead she acknowledged her loss as if she had always been expecting it to come. Emotionally she had taken nothing with her that night, no expectations, no hope, no nothing really so the actual defeat didn't hurt quite as a deeply as it once might have done. She had tricked him that evening- lured him out of his lair with her words until he had finally relented and allowed himself her company without chaperoning eyes. Perhaps had he taken longer with his arguments or protested the idea with more convincing rationales it would have given her heart enough time to catch up with her ill-fated intentions? However that night rational reasoning had not been her devoted companion- that night had belonged only to desperation.

An uncomfortable pause began to linger and refused to be ignored forcing her yet again to fill the silence. "I only wanted something simple- something not complicated. Why on Earth do you have to make things so complicated?"

Surprisingly enough his response had not shocked either of them. "Because you are nothing if not complicated by nature. That is a fact neither of us can escape. Just look around you as here I stand and here he stands between us." Taking her hand into his own he twisted the silver band, his eyes transfixed upon the literal significance in which it held. "Should I say more? Should I point out that you have us all captured and playing out our parts in your own little court of disarray or have I proven my point?"

Her eyes sought his face, as she knew he had not meant to be unkind. It was simply in his nature to state facts and to state them in the most obvious sort of ways. "No, I rather think you've said enough. I suppose I just didn't realize that there had to be more- that we just couldn't carry on and enjoy what we did have."

Again he firmly stated his position, "I've already told you- I'm a greedy man. Sharing in no way makes me feel good."

Her intention had not been to snap at his words but the frustration she felt was beginning to cloud her thoughts. "And I'm a lonely woman, a very lonely woman and I'm tired of being that way. When if ever will this be about how I feel or about what I need?" His answer had not come quick enough to dispel her anger so she laid herself completely bare before his eyes. "I feel dead, like nothing what so ever lives inside this body and the only time I feel even the slightest bit alive is when I am with you and all you do is keep me safely pushed away at arms length."

Her words had struck him deeply and it caused actual physical pain when he realized she was as empty as he felt himself but he knew for certain it simply could never be. Somehow he had to make her see this from his perspective, view the situation from his eyes- come to the same eventual conclusion he had. "Then you tell me, what happens when someone falls in love?"

Sharply she retorted, defiance blanketing her words, "No one said anything about love."

For the first time that night his face softened as if he was explaining something simple to a particularly dimwitted child. "Some one always falls in love. You will fall in love with me- I'll fall in love with you or …"

"What then? Finish it Severus…" She prompted once he stopped speaking.

"Or…or perhaps I've already fallen in love with you and it would hurt too much if you never love me in return."

It was an impossible argument to win and she knew it was time to leave- there just wasn't any point in trying to persuade him a second longer. In actuality he had given her more than she dared hoped to wish for. He loved her- he had actually spoken the words aloud and declared himself selfish in his hunger and want for her. After such a confession it was time to accept her defeat and take what little spoils of war that there were and go home. She now knew for certes she was important, rather significant in fact to his world but all she would ever be was an unattainable realization. Dropping her gaze once again her eyes fell directly onto the silver band he was still twisting between his fingers. "Kiss me goodbye then."

Instantly his attention focused upon her face and she could tell he was beginning to formulate another excuse, yet another perfectly crafted reason why she should be denied the intimacy she so desperately craved. Acting against the possibility of refusal she closed the small space between them by placing her palms against his chest and tilting her chin until her mouth hovered a scant breath beneath his own.

Much more so than hearing a request he sensed a great desire, as her words became nothing more than hot breathy pleas against his lips. She then very slowly and deliberately clarified just exactly what it was that she wanted.

"A proper goodbye kiss."

For once where she was concerned he discarded his morals and high held convictions and decided if this was all they would ever have then at least they would have a proper farewell. Cupping her face between his hands he drew her closer until his lips fell on top of hers and finally allowed himself a moment of true bliss. It felt as if an actual physical reaction had taken place once he surrendered to his desire and for the briefest moments in time he had felt for lack of a better word, wanted. Perhaps not wanted, perhaps it had been the feeling of being necessary in order to full fill someone's life. Eventually he released his hold and took in her face as she struggled to open her eyes and regain her composure. Desperately he wanted to say something, say anything at all that would make her eventual loss easier to accept but he never found the words. Instead he allowed her the honor, finally giving her the opportunity to turn and walk away first. He watched her hungrily, memorizing every detail until he was sure he could never forget the way she had felt within his arms.

Two words were spoken as she removed her hands from his chest and smoothed away the hair that had fallen across her eyes. Only two words left her lips as she turned into the night and walked away from the only arms that could possibly bring her back to life. She simply refused that this was goodbye and that she might never feel anything ever again and her final words made her point all to clear.

"Goodnight then."

She did not hear his reply or see his face wince as he watched her go. She did not know it took all his courage just to maintain his footing and force his lips shut as his heart pleaded for them to scream her name. She did not know he waited until he could no longer hear her footfalls and could no longer see her shape silhouetted against the street lamps before he finally spoke.

"Goodnight…Narcissa."