Arthur wakes to the sound of bells outside his window. He keeps his eyes closed and burrows further into the bedding, pressing his nose into Merlin's hair. Merlin shifts, tightening his hold on Arthur's chest and locking their feet together. Almost as one, they inhale and exhale in a sigh.
"Arthur," Merlin mumbles, and Arthur can feel Merlin's lips moving against his collarbone.
"Mm," Arthur hums.
"It's morning."
Arthur cracks open his eyes. His chambers are still in semi-darkness, but light is filtering in through the crack between the curtains, illuminating the room by shifts as each second goes by. A ray of light falls across Merlin's bare shoulders, distorting at the dip of his spine.
Arthur wants to reply with something like "Look how your observation skills have improved, your mother will be so proud." But he knows what today is, the significance of those bells that are still ringing, so he keeps quiet.
"So it is," he says instead.
Merlin doesn't say anything else, just presses himself further into Arthur's embrace.
They lie there in silence, feeling each other breathe.
"You should do it now," Merlin whispers when the ray of light on his back has traveled down to his lower back. "They'll be coming soon."
The tears are already in Arthur's eyes, and he blinks them away, ashamed.
"Arthur," Merlin murmurs, lifting his head to press a kiss to Arthur's jaw, "You promised me you would do it. You promised me."
"I know," Arthur gasps, "I don't think I can."
Merlin kisses his way along Arthur's jaw, his cheek, traveling up to kiss away the tears that spill from Arthur's eyes. The bells are still ringing. In a few minutes Arthur's father will send for him and inform him that the prisoner has somehow escaped from the dungeons.
"Please," Merlin says, his voice butterfly soft. "It's going to happen anyway."
Arthur turns to meet Merlin's mouth, kissing him hard. "You're a sorcerer," He says against Merlin's lips, "You can get out of here on your own."
"I've told you before that won't work," Merlin says. "Uther's tripled the guard, there's no way I can get out of here."
"I can help you," Arthur protests.
Merlin shakes his head. "If I escape Camelot I'd never get to see you again. To be honest, I'm not sure that'd be a life worth living. And besides," he says with a small smile, "You can help me with something else."
"Don't make me," Arthur pleads.
Merlin catches Arthur's eye and holds it, stroking his thumb along Arthur's cheekbone. "It's for the best," He says.
Arthur's nose brushes against Merlin's as he shakes his head, no.
"I'll defy my father," He says, "But I won't betray you like this. Please, please, Merlin…"
Arthur's voice breaks as he says Merlin's name, shuddering and shaking as the tears pour forth. Oddly, Merlin's eyes are dry, and he kisses Arthur, swallows his sobs, strokes away his tears.
"I'm sorry," Merlin soothes, "I'm so sorry I have to ask this of you. But think of the alternative."
Arthur screws his eyes shut.
"I don't want to die down there, with my hands behind my back, all those people watching me…" Merlin's hands grasp Arthur's neck, "At least this way I won't die alone."
"Merlin," Arthur gasps. He wills himself to stop trembling, so that his kisses won't feel so desperate, like he's counting down until their very last.
"I know, love, I know," Merlin says.
"Please don't make me."
Merlin kisses him, soft and sweet.
"I don't mean to be selfish," He says, "but I think I can afford to since I won't be around much longer."
Arthur grips him tighter.
"Please do this for me," Merlin says, moving so that Arthur is on his back, Merlin crawling half on top of him. He leans down and kisses his words into Arthur's skin. "We'll both be alone, otherwise. The executioner won't care about me, he'll just drop the axe. But if you do it, I can die with you. You can hold me in your arms. It would be peaceful."
Arthur grips Merlin's hips as Merlin drops kisses all over Arthur's face and neck, and begs himself not to cry.
"It's what I want," Merlin says, lifting so that Arthur can see his eyes, "But if you can't do it, I won't make you go through with it."
Arthur sighs, cups Merlin's face with his hands. He did promise, late last night after Merlin had ridden him long and slow, drawing out the sensations for as long as they could. As they lay together in bed afterward, kissing and touching and whispering, Arthur said he would give Merlin anything, anything in the world that he wanted.
Merlin's request wasn't for the the moon or the stars or even for a horse with which to escape Camelot.
"I want you to do it," Merlin said, gazing intently into Arthur's eyes so Arthur knew he wasn't joking. "Please, I want you to be the one to kill me. I wouldn't ask, but I don't want to die any other way."
"I love you," Arthur says now, "so much."
"I know," Merlin replies, "I love you too. Arthur, you have no idea."
But Arthur does know. Why else would Merlin ask Arthur to kill him, unless he loved and trusted him with every fibre of his soul? It's Arthur who he chose to spend his last moments with, Arthur who he asked to kill him so that he could die in the arms of someone who loved him, peacefully and painlessly as possible.
Arthur kisses him. The bells outside the window stop ringing.
"Any minute now," Merlin says.
Arthur grips Merlin harder, squeezes that much more.
"If you want I'll give myself up," Merlin says, "You won't have to be there, you don't have to watch, if you don't want to."
"I don't," Arthur says, and he doesn't miss the slight slump of Merlin's shoulders. "But I don't want you to go...like that."
Merlin's head shoots up, eyes wide.
Arthur says, "if this is your final request, I'll do it."
Merlin surges to kiss Arthur, hard.
"Thank you."
They kiss for what feels like ages, and yet it isn't enough time at all. Each kiss that goes by is one closer to their last, and Arthur wants to cram as many in as possible.
"Come on," Merlin says finally. He pulls back, gripping Arthur's hands and leading him up and off the bed.
It's chilly as they stand there naked, but their trembling isn't from the cold. They dress quickly.
"Here," Merlin says when they're fully clothed, pressing a scrap of cloth into Arthur's hand. It's his neckerchief.
Arthur closes his fingers around it. He rubs the rough fabric between his thumb and forefinger, then grips it tight.
Merlin is pressing something else into Arthur's hand. It's hard and cold and all too familiar.
"Merlin," Arthur whispers.
"It's alright," Merlin says, helping Arthur to close his fingers around Excalibur's hilt, "Don't be afraid."
Merlin steps back, leaving Arthur holding Merlin's neckerchief in one hand and Excalibur in the other.
"Shh," Merlin murmurs. He spreads his arms so that his palms are exposed, like he's accepting the fate Arthur is about to thrust onto him. "Best do it quickly."
Arthur lifts a shaking hand to place Excalibur's tip on Merlin's chest, resting right where his heart is.
Merlin's breath quickens, he swallows loudly. Merlin is trying his best to hide his fear for Arthur's sake, Arthur knows. He can see it in the way Merlin's hands are trembling, how his eyes are wide but he refuses to look away from Arthur.
"Look at me," Merlin says, eyes bright, "I'm alright, see?"
"I'm so sorry," Arthur trembles.
"I know," Merlin says, "I'll never be able to thank you enough."
"Merlin–"
"Do it," Merlin says. "Now, as quickly as possible. Get it over with."
Arthur takes a deep, shuddering breath. Merlin never tears his gaze from Arthur's. He nods, a single, quick duck of the head.
Arthur thrusts his arm forward and the world stops.
Merlin lets out a gasp, the worst sound Arthur has ever heard. His body jerks with the force of the blade slicing through his body, then again as Arthur pulls it back.
Time slows down. Merlin sways, inhales, and falls.
Excalibur clatters to the ground, cast aside in Arthur's haste to catch Merlin before he hits the stone.
Blood is soaking through Merlin's shirt. Already it's splattering on the floor, even getting on Arthur's hands, staining them red.
"Merlin, it's alright Merlin, I've got you…"
Merlin's mouth turns up at the corners. His eyelids droop.
"Arthur…" Merlin manages through the shaking.
Arthur gasps and brings Merlin high enough to bring their mouths together. One hand cradles Merlin's head, tender and soft.
He lingers at Merlin's lips. When he lifts up, Merlin's eyes are blank.
"No," Arthur whispers, and then, "Merlin."
He buries his face in the crook of Merlin's neck, which is cooling rapidly as the blood drains from his wound.
Arthur clings to Merlin's body and cries, shuddering his grief into Merlin's skin.
He sits there until he hears a loud rap on the door.
"Sire!" Comes the voice of a guard. It pierces through Arthur's head, rough and terrible.
Arthur sets Merlin on the floor as gently as possible before rising to his feet. He reaches out a hand to steady himself in case he falls, but he doesn't. He takes a steadying breath, then two, trying not to collapse under his broken heart. He walks to the door and opens it.
"Sire," Says the guard, after a brief moment in which he looked confused at Arthur's tears, "Your father requests your presence. The sorcerer that was to be executed this morning has escaped."
"I know where Merlin is," Arthur says, squeezing his hand around the neckerchief, "Tell the king I've killed him."
The guard bows. "Shall I tell him you will meet with him soon?"
"No," Arthur says flatly, "I won't be seeing him for a while."
The guard looks confused, but doesn't question him. As he turns to leave, Arthur calls out to him.
"Send Gaius to me, will you?"
"Of course, my lord."
Arthur all but slams the door.
He rests against it for a moment. He can't bring himself to turn around, not when Merlin is right there in a pool of his own blood, blood that Arthur drew himself.
Arthur doesn't turn, but he sees Excalibur lying just at the corner of his vision. The hilt is dark with red, shining in the ray of light that was resting on Merlin's back just minutes before.
Arthur doesn't turn around. Instead he sinks to the floor and weeps.
Thank you very very much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it.