Emile stood in the empty room.
"Baisez-vous ca, I'm going the fuck home," a girl shouted, stomping out. She was dressed in typical Moulin Rouge costume—the visible corset, tied with lace; the black choker, the fluffy skirts and obvious garters. Emile smirked.
"Au revoir," she said to her as she passed, and the girl glared at her with a look that could very nearly kill.
"Feck that," a disgruntled Irishman played by Tom Cruise uttered, stumbling out from behind stage curtains. "Where's Nicole?"
"Out tupping Ewan McGregor," Emile replied. "In an elephant."
"Does this mean we're in the wrong movie?" Sandra Bullock asked, adjusting her pointed hat.
"Ayup," said Emile. "So are you, Mr…Skywalker." She giggled at the sight of a rather confused Jedi eyeing the lusty ladies of the famous brothel.
"Everypony, return to your respective realities," Fluttershy muttered. "Or…or not…if that's okay…I mean I was only suggesting that *eep*"
"Are you really doing this again?" Andy Cohen inquired. "I missed Elton John's baby shower for this. Are you seriously going to do what you did last time and just pull out of this story like some kind of irresponsible college guy after a drunken night of revelry?"
"That was really poetic, Andy," Emile complimented. The late-night host shrugged modestly.
"NO," insisted a voice from the sky. "IT'S REALLY GOING SOMEWHERE THIS TIME. I MEAN IT. I WILL WRITE A NO-NONSENSE, HONEST TO BUDDHA MOULIN ROUGE FANFIC."
"We should be lovers," someone sang…or suggested.
"I can't feel my knees," Fluttershy gasped. "Or…is it…I DON'T HAVE KNEES?"
"Mother of Mohammed," growled the nearest cultural representative. "There, now we just have to use some sikh religious figure's name in vain, or we'll have all of India in an uproar like the Sepoy Mutiny."
"Muthatrucking…guru?" the author tried. "Um…do they even have a 'god'?"
"DON'T OFFEND ANYONE, FOR THE LOVE OF [insert name of Hindu deity—really, any name will do…let's say Kali. She's a badass.]!" shouted Gandalf.
"The fuck—" the author frowned. "Well, I'm prepared for my Indian Religions quiz, but OMIGOD I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PREPARING FOR AN ENGLISH FINAL!"
"By all means, do me," said the mythical English final, a surefire A+ with topics ranging from feminism to racism to why these topics had to do with Othello.
"I'll do what I want," growled the contrary author.
"MUFFINS!"
…