Disclaimer: If you can find an OC here, then I own it. And the story too. After that, I don't own a thing.

Author's Note: …Betcha didn't see this one coming, did ya'? Yeah, me, ERRP… Likes Phineas and Ferb. Well, I'm just full of surprises.

After a long night of whispering ideas to Phineas- the kid didn't always come up with ideas on his own- Perry found himself facing a very strong dilemma.

One called sleep deprivation.

Ugh… Once I get downstairs I am making myself some decaf. Perry thought as he slowly, even for him, waddled down the hall in harmless platypus form.

"C'mon Perry, you're laggin' this morning." Phineas said, scooping Perry up.

Perry just chirped at Phineas, too tired to figure out some way away from the boy.

Maybe I can walk off with their mom's coffee when she's not looking. Hopefully, Candace- what the-

Perry's normal glazed look quickly turned into one of confusion as Phineas and Ferb entered the kitchen. The boys, too, stopped and stared at the sight in front of them.

"I didn't know that the annual Dress Your Family up Like they're Frontiersmen Competition was today." Phineas spoke first.

It was true; their parents had dressed up like frontiersmen. And the costumes looked very, very authentic.

"Oh no, it's just Couple's Frontier Poetry Day in the park." Linda told them as she finished making fish-shaped pancakes.

"You boys are welcome to come with us. We've even got costumes in your sizes." Lawrence said, holding up the costumes.

The boys both stared in horror as Perry growled.

"Ah, no thanks. We've got big plans for today." Phineas said, putting Perry down.

Perry turned and tried to make his escape, only to run into the table leg.

The platypus stumbled back. When he stopped moving, he growled at the leg, like it had crossed some line.

"Oh oh, I don't think Perry's feeling well." Their dad said as he scooped Perry up, holding him up to his face.

Perry resisted the urge to glare at the man as he spoke to Perry in baby-talk.

Finally, he put Perry down, but as Perry started walking away, making sure to give the table lots of room, their dad spoke up again.

"Boys, I think Perry's got a bit of a cold. Would you two mind if your sister watched over him today? I know that you both are going to be very busy and all." He explained as Perry stopped cold.

No, not Candace. Anything but that. She'll make me sit with her and Stacy while they talk about, he shuddered, Jeremy.

"See, he's even shivering." Their dad added, much to Perry's chagrin.

The boys looked at each other before shrugging. "Okay, but only if Candace doesn't mind." Phineas said.

"Now why would she? She loves Perry almost as much as she loves "trying to bust you two" and Jeremy." Their mom said.

"But Mo-om!" Candace whined five minutes later. "I can't watch Perry! I'm busy!" She said, stomping her foot.

Her mother gave her a flat look. "Let me guess: Busting the boys, hanging out with Stacy, and spending time with Jeremy are your plans for the day." She said.

Candace nodded. "Uh-huh, and- hey!" She protested as her mother handed her a blanket-wrapped Perry, who snored like a fleet of motorcycles. "But-"

"Candace, it's just for one day. Just keep him company and make sure he stays warm. Oh, and feed him soup. Lots and lots of soup." Her mom informed her before her parents said their goodbyes and left for the park.

"Oh." Candace growled as she tucked Perry into her arm like a football. "C'mon Perry, let's go to Stacy's house. I'm sure her mom will love this," Candace said, rolling her eyes as she went for the front door.

"Just don't embarrass me, okay Perry?" She asked, though she felt stupid immediately after because he was just a platypus.

Perry rolled his eyes at Candace's orders as he overhead the boys.

Wait for it… Perry thought, listening to the boys, well, Phineas, talk.

"Ferb, I know what we're going to be busy with all day today." Phineas said.

…We're going to build a giant pogo stick that looks like a pencil. Perry finished silently as Candace opened the door.

"We're going to build a giant pogo stick that looks like a pencil." Phineas finished with, just as Perry had suspected.

Good luck with that. I have no idea how that will work. Perry thought. Now if only I can get away from Candace… Though this blanket it so-

And with that, Perry fell asleep.

…They were everywhere. Billions of Doofenshmirtz clones, all of which more annoying than the last.

Perry kept using their own inventions against them, but they just kept coming.

Would it ever end?

"Ahahaha. Now you'll never get away, Perry." Phineas appeared on a giant TV screen looking over Perry and the clones. "Ever. Ahahah. Ahahahaha. Ahahahahahaha!" Phineas cackled as Perry was caught off guard by that.

His best friend… Was his worst enemy?

With a growl that had to be a platypus's version of, "Nooooooooo!", Perry fell to his knees.

He was the worst spy in the world.

"…And so then he said, "Candace, I love you. Marry me and, like, totally make me happy." And I said yes." Candace chattered away as Perry ran in his sleep, slowly breaking free of his blanket-shaped prison while the two friends sat on the couch in Stacy's living room.

Stacy rolled her eyes. "Candace, while that was a very nice dream-"

"Wasn't it though?" Candace asked with a sigh, smiling. "If only it were real…"

Stacy shook her head. "I need new friends." She said.

The moment Stacy finished her sentence, Perry leapt up with a loud squeak, leaping onto to Candace and knocking her over.

"Whoa. Candace, are you okay?" Stacy asked, lifting the trembling Perry off of her.

Candace sat up, her eyes huge. "I'm fine. Thank God Jeremy didn't see-"

"Hi Candace!" Jeremy shouted, having spotted her through the window. "Are you okay?"

"AH! Jeremy!" Candace squeaked, falling off the couch.

Stacy looked at Candace as she still held Perry in her arms. "Thank you, Perry, for saving me from more talk about that dream." Stacy said, planting a kiss on Perry's head, before looking at Candace again. Perry rolled his eyes as Stacy shook her head, watching as Candace shut the curtains and then ran upstairs. "Yikes. Someone should switch her coffee to decaf. Or orange juice."

"PHINEAS!" Candace screamed, barging into the house, Perry the football-platypus tucked under her arm again. "Your platypus humiliated me. TWICE!"

Phineas and Ferb appeared from the backyard, a large pogo stick still in the works behind them.

"He was running is his sleep, then he knocked me over. In front of Jeremy!" Candace shrieked.

Phineas and Ferb exchanged looks. "Somehow I doubt that." Ferb said quietly.

"Well it happened, so take him!" She shouted, somehow hearing him, as she handed Perry to Phineas.

Phineas and Ferb exchanged surprised looks as Perry chirped and leapt out of Phineas' arms, heading for the stairs going to the second floor. "I wonder what really happened." Phineas said.

They contemplated that for a moment before shrugging and going back to the yard. "Okay, Isabella. Break out the chewing gum. We're going to need a lot more." Phineas said cryptically as Ferb shut the door.

Perry sat just around the corner, finally able to think for himself for a moment.

Major Monogram probably has a mission lined up for me. Doofenshmirtz is probably waiting…

He looked upstairs, thinking about the other option.

I think I'll stay home today. Nothing like a nap to help a spy get back on his feet.

Turning, he went upstairs.

Yeah, I got it good. He thought. Now if only I can convince the parents I'm healthy; then I'm all set.

Some days, Perry was the hero. Other days, Perry was a platypus.

Today is just one of those days.

And… Yeah. I just keep writing one more fic after another. Review if you want to.