A/n: Hey, I'm Backk!! This is, by the way, a sequel to my other fic
entitled 'Marrying Someone That I don't even Love'. Well, many reviewers
requested for this so, I've done it because the first part was kinda a
cliffy and has a bitter ending. I hope this would make things better and I
also hope you'd like this more. BTW, I'm so thankful to the people who
reviewed by other fic. I love you all!!! Oh, this is a K/K fic and I'll be
telling this story on Kenshin's POV since, the first fic is told on Kaoru's
POV.
Disclaimer: I never owned the RK series...only this story. Hehe..
Please Marry Me...
By: Killua K.
***I watched the night sky.
It was so beautiful and so starry. There were no clouds above and everything was so peaceful. I am alone in this park- well, not really, alone...There are other lovers too around. But, me..?
I don't have any company.
If you have just married me three years ago, I wouldn't be alone here now. You don't know how much sadness this brings to my sullen heart.
Seasons change...
And so our feelings- especially, my feelings for you.
We met before and it was winter. But, now...
It's just autumn- my favorite season.
And together with this change, my love for you has also grown stronger.
But then...
Would that be a good sign?
Would that mean I'll see you again here?
I have been waiting for you here all my life and many times, I have asked forgiveness to this place, that has witnessed all my lies to you. I hope you have forgiven me, too, even if we're not really seeing each other...
I'm sitting on this long bench beneath the giant Sakura tree. Do you still remember how we met? And how you have told that you admire this place so much?
Sore wa, I still remember those simple memories vividly.
And you know what? From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one who'll help me move on and forget my dear Tomoe.
---Gomenasai!!! It's hard for me if I'll tell this whole story on Kenshin's POV. I'll just switch POVs: from Kenshin to Kaoru or vice versa...
*** denotes change on POV
*** "Hey, baka! Give me back my album..!" I cried hysterically. I ran around my room and chased my friend, Sanosuke. He was holding my photo album. I wanted to have that back because that contained my pictures when I was still a toddler.
"Oh, Jou-chan...Look, you're so cute here! You're crying so much," he spoke as he examined the pictures. He continued running around my room. I continued chasing him until he went out of the room and ran downstairs.
"Sanosuke no baka!!! Give it back or I'll kill you!" I shouted angrily. I didn't want to be embarrassed. Those pictures contained my childhood days.
My friend went to our yard. I followed him. I was going to surprise him when I saw him standing still and looking closely at the album.
I went nearer to him then caught my breath first before chasing him again.
"Kaoru-chan..." he called me. I stood behind him.
"Nani wa?" I said.
He showed me the album and pointed a particular picture on it. I looked at it closely and saw myself crying.
"Oh...yeah, that picture was caught when my other classmate stole my toy in kindergarten. I was really furious about it that I started crying hysterically. So, what about it?" I explained.
"Stupid!" Sano cried at me. I was shocked at what he said. "Why are you calling me 'stupid'?!" I shouted back.
"Not that ugly picture...This one!" he said as he pointed to a picture near the previous one. It showed me hugging a big teddy bear. My hair was in pigtails and I looked so bad.
"Well...That's uglier," I commented.
"Who's this one?" he asked as he pointed at an older boy beside me, holding my hand. My mouth dropped open when I saw the whole thing.
Who could that boy be? I thought. I tried recalling that moment until...
"Oh..." I said. "It's...It's S-shinta. My childhood friend. His parents were the best friends of my parents."
"Where is he now? I do not know you once had a childhood friend. You often told me you're a stupid brat before," he asked me.
"I didn't tell you that I'm a stupid brat. I told you that I'm just a brat- not a stupid one!" I shouted angrily once more.
"Okay, okay...Now, where is this boy? Do you still keep in touch with him?" he asked me.
I remembered what happened between Shinta and I before. I slid my hand inside my pocket and squeezed the handkerchief inside.
"Nope...Actually, I can't really remember him now. He's just an old memory that erased itself from my precious ones. I don't think he's really that important," I explained sadly and- bitterly.
"Hontou..?" he said.
I got the album from him and closed it. "Hontou..." I replied as I turned back and started walking towards our house.
Really, I didn't want to remember whatever that happened between Kenshin and I. Maybe, I just need to let memories erase themselves from my own mind just like what I've done before when he wasn't still a shadow of my past.
I got my jacket and wore it. It was terribly cold this day. Even if it's still autumn, I could still feel the coldness sinking into my thick winter clothes. I got my handkerchief and slid it into my pocket.
Suddenly, I pulled it out again. It was the hankie that Kenshin gave me.
I looked at it then spread it wide. I recognized the embroidered words.
It said 'Kaoru, I Love You'. I grinned widely when I read those. It was so sweet but then...
But then everything seemed so painful and bitter whenever I reminisce my past with him. It was damn painful.
"Jou-chan, are you ready?! I'm waiting here! Get down now. It's getting colder," Sanosuke shouted from downstairs. I folded the hankie then slid it back into my pocket.
I got down then went to my friend.
He was waiting near the door. "Faster, Jou-chan...The park might close earlier today," he said. As soon as I reached him, we went outside.
We were headed to the Sakura Park- the one which was filled with oh-so-many memories. Many sweet ones and even painful ones. But all of them were made of Kenshin.
Would I be ready to meet him again there?
***I got out a handkerchief from my pocket and held it gently. It had a smooth feel. I remembered how you once had this.
Can you still remember that? You hit a branch. I saw you sobbing hard. I went closer to you then gave you this hankie then I left.
Then, I came back to your place. You gave back the hankie to me and have even mistaken me to be Tomoe. I laughed at what you said. I knew you hadn't noticed it but when you spoke that name, my heart started grieving again. I was still wounded that time- badly wounded by the untimely death of my fiancée, Tomoe.
This handkerchief has been a symbol of our meeting, friendship, confession, betrayal and even...departure.
The first time we met, I told you to keep this hankie. You kept it and I was glad because it somehow helped me move on. At least, the things with Tomoe's memories have slowly diminished in number. It was too late when I realized that it wasn't the loss of the handkerchief that somehow made my feelings lighter. It was you- your presence. Then, after that, you still gave it back to me, telling me that you do not need it- that you are not Tomoe and you are a different person.
I was embarrassed that time. I thought I loved you that time because I was really in love with you yet...it had another reason. And it was because I still saw a part of Tomoe within you. But, now I'm sure that I love you because you are different, because you are you.
I looked at the sky. The stars continued twinkling and giving off its beautiful light. Then, I looked at the Sakura tress around. They started shedding off their leaves again.
I felt lonely.
So lonely that I wanted to die in this place...even if I'm still missing you badly...
***We were near the Sakura Park. My feet hurt badly but I don't mind it. Sano wanted to visit that place. And I promised him that I would accompany him there.
"Jou-chan...Don't be a turtle," he complained.
"Well, I'm TRYING not to be a turtle but my feet hurt so much," I finally said. He stopped before me then looked at me pathetically.
"Nani?" I said.
"Okay, miss..." he spoke. He held me. I was so shocked.
"Hey...what the hell are you doing?!" I cried. He held my petite figure and put me on his back.
"You're a little heavy...Kaoru- d-don't...y-you even eat less? Next time that you would ask me to carry you, I won't do it," he complained. I became angry with him. I hit his head as we walked towards the park.
"You stupid bigheaded idiot!!! I didn't tell you to carry me on your back! I just said my feet hurt..." I shouted hysterically.
"Okay fine...Now please shut up. We have to be quiet now. We're entering the park," he said.
"Put me down..." I whispered angrily.
"But you'd be slow," he said.
"Then don't wait for me. You know what, rooster-head? You're embarrassing me!" I shouted again.
"I'm not!" he cried too. We continued arguing until we became tired to fight each other. I just kept quiet and even him.
Suddenly, the light that the stars gave off from the sky reflected on a red- haired man. I was startled when I saw that. The red-haired man had an x- scar on his cheek and his hair was in a ponytail. He wore a black hanten that didn't hug his body much.
I gaped widely. "Sano, wait. Put me down," I told my friend. Sano put me down. I went closely to the man but then, I lost him. He walked too fast.
"What's that?" Sano asked. I turned to him and felt sad. Then, I forced myself to smile. "Nothing...just a familiar face," I replied.
I turned back and finally, the red-haired man passed right before me!
He turned to me and looked at my face closely then he turned back and continued walking.
I wasn't able to move.
I was speechless.
Was it really him?
Was it really Kenshin?
Or was I just only dreaming?
I could remember his violet haze eyes. They spoke of grief and yearning for someone.
"Kaoru-chan," Sano called me. I turned back and quickly grinned.
"What?" I said. I saw him sitting near the giant Sakura tree where I usually stayed before. It was also where I met Kenshin.
"Don't you want to sit? Your feet hurt, don't they?" he said anxiously.
I nodded my head then went to the long bench. When I was going to sit on it, I found a handkerchief. I picked it up and spread it wide. I saw an embroidered name. It's 'Tomoe'. I realized that it was like the hankie that Kenshin gave to me before.
"Oh, whose that?" Sano asked.
"Umm...I don't know. Maybe someone left it," I replied as I secretly hid it into my pocket.
Yeah, maybe Kenshin left it...
I missed him badly.
***I saw you. But until now, I can't still decipher reality from imagination. Was it just my imagination? Did I see you because my mind wanted to see you and I have been so lonely?
Damn, I'm lonely...I love you so much but why is Kami-sama hurting me like this? Is this how I need to pay you from all of the lies I've told you? If this is it, then I can't take it any longer. I would rather want my life to be the payment for all my sins rather than to be so lonely because I can't even see you.
I opened the door of the house. My mother was waiting for me. She wasn't angry nor was she happy. She's- emotionless.
"Where have you been? From the graveyard of Tomoe?" she asked me.
I just threw myself carelessly on our sofa and made myself comfortable.
"Iiye...I wouldn't want to go back there anymore," I simply replied.
"But where have you been?" her tone of voice rose. She was angry with me.
"From the Sakura Park..."
"That's it?" she said.
"Hai..." I answered. I closed my eyes and tried to rest. When I opened them, suddenly...
My mother slapped me right across my face. It was so painful. I held my cheek. It hurt me so much. I looked at her.
"Why did you do that?" I asked her.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question, Shinta?!" she cried at me. "Why do you do that?! Why do you leave our house very early in the morning and come back late at night?! You do that everyday...What's happening to you, my son? You were not like this before. Why have you become worse?"
I stood up from the sofa then frowned sadly. "I don't know, Okaa- san...Maybe," I said. "Maybe...I'm just like this when my loved ones leave me quickly..."
After that, I went upstairs and headed to my bedroom. My mind was full of questions and everything just troubled me.
What's happening to me?
Is it because of you?
Or is it because I'm just a miserable person that I keep on losing the people I care for?
***We have come back from the park. Sanosuke then left after he ate dinner with us.
Then, I went to my room and sat on my bed. I looked through my glass window then opened it.
I released a sigh.
Suddenly, I saw a falling star...
I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish.
After that, I just stared at the sky.
I wished that I will someday find the true happiness that I'm searching for.
***I went to my bed and sat on it. I hugged myself and felt so lonely.
You were always on my mind and I can't help but wonder sometimes how to get you off it.
Then, I looked through the glass window beside my bed and watched the starry sky. It was so peaceful and so beautiful.
And you know what? You're still on my mind that time. Until...
I saw a shooting star...
I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish.
After that, I just stared at the sky.
I wished that I will someday find you and have you back in my arms. I wished that you would also want to marry me if ever I'll ask you. I love you, Kaoru-dono. How many times should I tell you those words?
***The phone rang. I left my room then picked it up and answered it. I felt so strange- as if I'm expecting someone to call me and make me comfortable.
"Moshi, moshi..." I answered.
"Can I speak to Mrs. Kamiya?" the voice on the other line asked.
"May I know who's calling?" I asked politely.
"Oh, I'm Mrs. Himura," the woman replied. I told her to wait because I'd call my mother first. After sometime, I gave the phone to my mother and she started chitchatting with the woman on the other line.
I went back to my bedroom then laid myself on my bed. I felt better.
Suddenly, I remembered Sanosuke. He was such a nice guy and a gentleman even if sometimes, we would fight about little things. I really appreciated when he carried me and brought me to the park. I didn't think he would do that.
I met Sano the day after Kenshin confessed to me all his lies. He was the only person who had made me smile after that incident. I knew we would become good friends.
But what really alarmed me was when Sano asked me of something more seriously earlier in the park.
"You know, Sano, I'm so lucky to have you as a friend. Even if sometimes, you're annoying and so stubborn, you're still a gentleman," I said.
He chuckled then kept quiet for a while. After sometime, he broke the silence that surrounded us for some moments.
"Could we be more than just friends?" he asked me. I was startled at what he told me. More than friends? I thought.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"I mean...you know- we have been good friends for almost three years and...everything is fine between us. We have no problems and we have a good bonding- a bond that I w-want to..." he explained. "...l-last forever. You understand?"
I just nodded my head. I remembered what happened between Kenshin and I.
"Gomenasai, Sano...demo," I apologized. "Demo...anata no tomodachi."
He sighed. "I knew you'd answer that. So, we'll just remain as friends, nothing more than that?"
I nodded my head sadly.
Suddenly, he laughed loudly but with resentment. "But, I'll wait, Jou- chan...I'm a stupid bigheaded idiot, ne? So, I won't stop waiting for your final answer..." he explained. He tried to sound happy but I knew he was hurt badly. I felt sorry for him. Honestly, I will never learn to love him. He's just a brother to me.
Not like Kenshin...
I sat up again. Suddenly, my eyes were fixed on the extension phone here in my room. I felt like I wanted to eavesdrop to my mother's call.
I picked the phone up and listened quietly to their conversation.
"I don't know what's happening to him...He always leaves our house early in the morning then comes back late at night. When I asked him where he had gone to, he told me he was in the Sakura Park...But tell me, why would my son stay in that park? He always goes to that place. He does it everyday..." the other woman explained.
"Did you ask him what happened? Or why he's always going to the park?" my mother said.
"Yes...But he wouldn't answer me. He has been different since his fiancée died and since the wedding didn't happen..."
"Maybe you have to have a heart-to-heart talk with him."
I put the phone down. I've heard enough. Maybe the woman was Kenshin's mother but then...
But why would Kenshin always spend his day in the park? I don't see him there-except that time when Sano wanted some company so I went with him.
After sometime, I picked the phone up again. The line was dead. Maybe their conversation was finished.
"Kaoru!" my mother cried.
I went out of my room then downstairs.
"Why, mom?" I asked.
"Please call Mrs. Himura. I forgot to tell her something. I can't do the dialing because I'm cleaning here," my mother said.
I got the directory then found the Himuras' phone number. I dialed it and made several rings...
*** "Shinta, answer the phone!" my mother shouted. I got the extension phone from the other side of my room. When I picked it up, my heart started beating fast. I wondered if there was something wrong about that call.
"Hello, who's this?" I answered. I heard a voice of a woman calling someone. It said, 'Mom, here's the phone. You talk to her.'
It was familiar- very familiar.
"Hello, who's this?" I said again. Then, an older version of the voice earlier spoke up.
"May I speak to Mrs. Himura? This is Mrs. Kamiya," it said.
Then, I called my mom. It was for her. I wondered who that Mrs. Kamiya was.
When my mother got the other phone in the living room, I asked her who that was. She said, "Oh, it's the mother of Kaoru, remember her? She was the one you were about to marry but your wedding didn't happen because you didn't appear." She was a bit harsh on that part- as if she's blaming me for the failure of their plan for us to get married.
I went back to my room.
So...the girl I heard earlier was Kaoru?
I just realized that we were so close yet so far.
***I decided to eavesdrop again. I picked the phone in my room and listened to their conversation.
***I noticed that my phone wasn't still hang up. When I was about to hang up, I decided to spy on the phone shortly. I just had nothing to do.
"Ah wait...I forgot something to do. Just please wait," my mother said. I heard that the other woman also left for a while- thinking that my mom might take longer.
Suddenly, I heard a deep sigh.
So, Mrs. Kamiya didn't leave?
"I'm getting bored..." someone spoke from the other line. I was sure it wasn't Mrs. Kamiya because it seemed to be the younger version.
"They're eating my time...I want to hear more..." it said.
If that was the younger version of Mrs. Kamiya's voice, then it's...
It is Kaoru.
"Hello?" I spoke. I gulped the lump inside my throat and felt uneasy.
I knew the girl on the other line was surprised to hear me.
"Who's this?" she asked.
***I waited for his reply. I already knew he was Kenshin. I just wanted to be sure. I can't believe he's eavesdropping, too.
"I'm Kenshin..." he replied. Suddenly, my heart beat faster and I felt so uncomfortable- so uneasy. I was not used to this kind of feeling.
"K-Kenshin..?" I repeated.
"Yeah, who are you?" he asked me.
I breathed in many times but I couldn't normalize the beating of my heart. It was beating in a faster rate.
"I'm Kaoru...do you remember me?" I said. I was hoping for something. I was hoping for him to say something to me but I couldn't figure that out.
***How could I forget you, Kaoru? Tell me, how could I just forget someone who had become the heart of my life? Damn, I love you so much, do you know that? Have you known what you have done to me? What damages you brought to me? You made me suffer for three years. I haven't seen you for that span of time and it seemed like a lifetime for me. Tell me, how could I forget someone like you?
"Yeah, I do remember you..." I finally said.
She chuckled. "So you're eavesdropping on the phone?" she said.
I began to chuckle too. I felt much lighter when she did that. The tension between us somehow was lost.
"Yeah..." I replied. "I was idle here and I felt so damn bored..."
***I laughed again. I didn't want to create tension in the atmosphere. I knew I had to do that so we could speak easily- just like the first time we met.
"You know what..." I said.
***I listened to her voice. I decided to say something to her too.
"I miss you badly..." I confessed.
*** "I miss you badly..." I confessed.
Then silence enveloped us.
"Kenshin...my mother's coming. We better stop this," I said.
"OK," he simply replied.
I felt sadder when he just answered me that way. I wanted him to say something more- something that I wanted to hear for a very, very long time.
***I put the phone down and realized that I had enough. I went to bed then slept.
I was woken up when I heard a loud siren from outside. I got up from bed then opened my window. There was a van with a long banner on its top. There was a man inside, speaking on the mic and announcing something. I tried to hear closely.
"Kuriaken Saitame is on sale for three days. The sale goes even up to 80%. Wow, can you just believe that? The greatest and leading department store nationwide is on sale. Hurry up because this will just last for three days!"
I just grinned. SALE... My mom will surely go there. And she would surely ask for my company. Maybe, I needed to have time with her too. I'll go with her. I think I have to relax for a while and buy something for myself.
***I woke up from my sleep. My mother was calling me. Oh, I really hate her when she wakes me up. I went downstairs and went to the breakfast table.
"Why, Okaa-san? What's the matter?" I asked her.
"Oh, you need to accompany me to the mall today. There's an ongoing sale and they said it can even go up to 80%. I can't just sit here and watch other women enter and leave the Kuriaken SAitame Mall. They rarely have sale so I need to take advantage of this. Besides, I also need to buy you new clothes and other new things for our house. How would you like that?" she told me happily.
Augh! So she woke me up just because of this whole sale thing?
"Mom...I'll go to the park today with Sano. I promised him," I said.
"Oh, Kaoru-sama, won't you even spend time with your mommy for a while? Besides, you're always with that rooster-head..." she pleaded. Her eyes were so intent.
She's not always like this. Maybe...I just have to understand her. Besides, we have the same opinion about Sano- a rooster-head.
"Ok..." I finally agreed. She ran to me then gave me a tight hug.
"Oh, I'm so happy, Kaoru, dear!" she exclaimed. "Hey, you know what? You can bring Sano with us so he won't be sad after all..."
"Hontou desuka?" I said as my eyes widened in disbelief.
"Hontou..." she replied.
I quickly went to the phone and contacted Sano.
It's time to have another kind of fun.
***I dressed up and after that I went to my mom.
"Kenshin, please be fast," my mother said.
"Okay, okay..." I spoke as I got the car keys. I went outside then went to the garage. I went inside the car then turned it on by the keys. I drove it then my mother rode in.
I took the road down to the Kuriaken Saitame Mall. I realized that the department store was a big one. Many people come and go. I have never seen such a crowded place.
I parked the car then we went inside the six-storey building.
*** "Sano, stop it!" I cried hysterically.
"Oh no, I won't!" he said as he continued irritating me. I would run away from him but he would still chase me.
"Oh...don't you even get embarrassed, you two?! You're in a public place. Don't fool around here!" my mother scolded us. We then kept quiet then followed her wherever she went.
My mother went to the ladies' wear section. After buying some clothes for her own use, she bought some for me, too. I didn't want her to do that but she was insistent.
Then we headed to the jewelry section.
She looked through the glasses and admired all the jewelries in it.
"Oh, how much discount do you give on this item?" my mom asked the saleslady.
"20%, ma dame," she replied.
"Then how much will it be after you've considered the discount?" my mom asked again.
"Oh, it's Y10,000, ma dame. Will you buy it?" the saleslady said.
My mom gaped widely with her eyes widened in so much shock.
"For goodness's sake, no! It's so expensive even if there's a discount...Thank you but I don't have enough money for that necklace," my mother exclaimed.
She's really like that.
***Okaa-san bought clothes for me. And I bought some other things for myself too.
Then we bought groceries because it was cheaper here. After that, we went to the jewelry section. My mother roamed around to look for something nice but cheap while I just sat on one seat and watched other girls in that section, too.
"How much is this wedding ring?" a couple asked the saleslady-in-charge.
"Y15,000 for a pair. We still have a 20% discount for that item," she replied.
"Could we see it, please?" they asked. The saleslady got the pair of wedding rings and showed it to them. They examined it closely and admired the pair so much.
I remembered the ring I bought for Tomoe.
It was more expensive than that one. But then, my money was wasted because she never even saw it for herself.
I also used it when I proposed to Kaoru...
But she also didn't get it. She was right. I still saw Tomoe in her that time. Maybe, it was because the ring that I was about to give to her was also the ring I was about to give to Tomoe.
*** "Hey, Jou-chan, look at this ring..." Sano called me.
I went closer and looked at it. It had diamond stones and it shone brightly.
"It's beautiful..." I said.
"That ring..." Sano said. "...will be yours if you'll agree to marry me."
I looked up at him and saw him grinning widely. It's like a joke for me but I knew he was telling me the truth.
I lowered my head and forced myself to smile. "If ever I'll agree..." I answered back.
"I'll make you agree...And watch out for that. You'll even be sorry because you said those words," he warned me as he smiled slyly. I just chuckled at what he said.
Maybe, that would just happen if I have fully moved on and forgotten Kenshin. But I think that would take a very long time.
Suddenly, my left eye began blinking...At first it wasn't frequent until...
I felt something in it.
"Are you all right?" Sano asked me as he looked at me. I rubbed my eye because it hurt badly.
"Yeah...dirt got into my eye. It's getting itchy. And it...w-won't come- out," I spoke as I walked around and continued rubbing my eye.
Sano followed me. "Here, let me remove it for you." He held me still in my place and opened my eye a little wider. He blew into it.
"Ouch!" I cried. My eye blinked faster. "The dirt didn't get out..." I spoke. I was about to cry. My eye really hurt. I continued walking until...
***I stood up from my place and tried to look at the jewelries. I looked at their price tags. They were all expensive. But then, they were very beautiful.
I saw a pair of rings. They had diamond stones all round. It looked simple but it was damn nice.
I saw its price. It was Y10, 000. And still, it had a discount of 10%. I got my wallet and noticed that I still had some money. I counted the bills and figured out that it would suffice the price.
I asked the saleslady to get it for me.
She handed the pair to me and I looked at it closely.
If ever Kaoru will meet me again, I will use this ring to propose a marriage to her. This is a different ring because I know she's a different person. I have moved on before because of her. But now, I can't just move on and forget her- someone that I really love and care for. I can't lose someone again.
I held the ring and admired it so much, wishing that if Kaoru will see this, she'll agree to my proposal.
"I'll buy this pair," I told the woman. When I was about to give the pair back, someone bumped into me suddenly. I fell and hit the floor.
***Until...I bumped into someone. I fell hard on that someone. He had a well-built body and a hard chest.
I was grateful he was able to carry my weight.
***After sometime, I regained consciousness. I saw a girl lying on top of me. She had long black hair in ponytail. She seemed familiar but I couldn't see her clearly because I still felt dizzy.
Someone helped her to stand up. Another man, pulled me up too.
"Are you okay, mister?" some people asked me. I nodded my head. I held my forehead. Suddenly, I felt something wet on it. I removed my hand then looked at it.
I saw a red liquid. It was blood.
My mom came out from the crowd that formed around me.
"Shinta, you're bleeding!" she yelled. She rushed to me then wiped the blood by her tissue. "Are you all right?" she asked me as she held my hand. I nodded my head. I tried to look for the girl that bumped me. But then, I saw a man pulling her away from the place. She really seemed familiar. I didn't know where exactly I had met her.
*** Sano pulled me away from the crowd.
"What are you doing there?" he asked me.
"I bumped into a man accidentally," I explained. Suddenly, I realized that the dirt was gone in my eye and I could see clearly.
"So, you ok?" he asked me.
I nodded my head. I looked down on my hand and realized that I was holding something- something beautiful.
It was a diamond ring.
"Where did you get that?" Sano told me.
"Umm...the man might've dropped it when I bumped into him. I must give this back to him," I said. I quickly went back to that place.
***The crowd has disappeared. And my mom has applied a bandage on my forehead. She shouldn't have done that. I was all right.
"Sir, where is the pair of rings?" a voice asked me. I turned back and saw the saleslady.
Suddenly, I realized that I haven't seen the pair of rings.
I quickly looked for it. I found the ring lying on the floor. I picked it up and gave it to the saleslady. Then I searched for the other.
"What are you searching for?" my mom asked.
"A ring that I was going to buy..."I replied as I continued looking for it.
"Well, I will leave you for a while. I have to continue shopping," she said as she kissed me on the forehead. She left me while I continued looking for it.
"Have you seen it, mister?" the saleslady asked again. I shook my head then searched for it again. I needed to find it. It was Kaoru's.
*** I ran back to the place. But when I reached it, I saw no customer. I went around the area but still saw no one.
Suddenly, I sat on a seat near it.
I sighed. I looked at the ring that I was holding.
I remembered when Kenshin proposed to me. The first time he did that, he said it was just a joke. But the second time...he told me what he did was no lie. I didn't believe. Then I left.
"I can't find it...I'm so sorry, miss. I'll just pay for it and even for the other ring," a man said. I lifted my head and saw the same red-haired man I saw in the park. I stood up and went closer.
"Thank you, miss..." he said to the saleslady. I walked faster to reach him. But even before I reached him, he was gone again.
I looked around and tried to look for him. But he was gone in an instant.
"What do you want, miss?" the saleslady asked me.
I just smiled at her and shook my head. I turned around and leaned on the glass shelf.
***I was really disappointed because I haven't found the other ring. When I was going to get my wallet, I slid my hand into the pocket.
It was gone! I ran back to the place.
*** I sighed again...The man wasn't here. How could I give him this ring? What if he really needed it?
I lifted my head and looked around again.
I gave up.
I was about leave...
***I reached the place then I tried to catch my breath. I stopped for a while. When, I looked up, I saw the girl who bumped me earlier. I suddenly, realized that she might have gotten the ring.
She was about to leave. I shouted at her, "Miss!!!"
***Someone shouted. I looked back.
I was surprised to see him.
My heart beat faster.
***She responded when I called her. The girl turned around. I walked closer but when I saw her face, a new feeling surfaced within me.
Kaoru...
***It was Kenshin...
I couldn't believe he was really the man I bumped into. He walked closer to me, breathing hard.
I was still in my place. I couldn't move. I was speechless.
***I walked to her then quickly got my wallet on the glass shelf. I continued walking to her then stopped before her when I was so near. I couldn't breathe normally.
*** "Kenshin..." I spoke. He was as handsome as ever. But when I saw him, I realized that I have forgotten my hatred for him and I felt something new.
*** "Hi, Kaoru...It's n-nice to see you- again," I said.
*** I looked down on my hand then lifted it. I got the ring in it and gave it back to him. "I think this is yours..." I said. He got it from my hand. But it stayed longer on mine.
*** "Arigatou gozaimasu..." I thanked her. I finally hid the ring in my pocket and smiled sweetly at her.
"So...for whom is that ring?" she asked me uneasily. I grinned widely as I blushed.
"It's for my loved one..." I replied.
***I was hurt when he answered me like that.
So he had another fiancée. Maybe, he has forgotten me after all.
"Are you getting married?" I asked him sadly. I was pained by my own words. I didn't want to ask that to him. But then, somehow, I needed to know.
"If she agrees to my proposal..." he answered simply. I just smiled at him sadly.
***The words I spoke were full of meaning. Kaoru, don't you get it? You're my loved one and if ever you'll agree to my proposal, we'll get married. I hope you have understood that.
"Jou-chan!!!" a voice called. I saw a man running towards us behind Kaoru. He was the man who pulled Kaoru earlier away from the crowd.
***I looked back and was surprised to see Sanosuke coming towards us. When he reached us he quickly asked me, "Who's that?"
"He's Kenshin..." I answered as I glanced at Kenshin. He was just smiling at us.
"So, he's your childhood friend, right? It's good you have seen each other again," he said happily.
I looked at Kenshin and saw his sad eyes.
***Who is this man? And why is Kaoru so close to him?
***Suddenly, I got an idea. I embraced Sano then kissed him on the lips in front of Kenshin. I didn't want to do that but...I had to.
***I just stood in front them. My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't believe what I was seeing before my eyes.
My heart was going to burst from sadness and extreme jealousy.
Oh, Kaoru-dono...have you forgotten my love for you?
*** I released Sano. He was still shocked from what I've done. He looked at me, stupefied at what I did.
I faced Kenshin and saw him looking at us sadly and disappointedly. I didn't want him to be like that. But then...I just had to back fire the pain he has caused me when he told me that he had his loved one now. I was really waiting for him all the time. I didn't know he has another woman.
"Oh, I forgot to introduce to you to Sanosuke, Kenshin. He's my fiancé and we're getting married next month..." I lied.
"Hontou desuka?!" Sano exclaimed.
"Shut up," I whispered to him.
"So...best wishes, Kenshin. I know you would someday find your true love. I'm happy for you," I said. But really, I'm not.
***I was hurt by her words. So...she's going to be married.
"Best wishes, too, Kaoru-dono...I know you would truly find your happiness," I said sadly- forcing myself to smile. I turned back from them then walked away.
Suddenly, I forgot to tell her something. I turned around again and saw her.
"By the way, thanks for the ring..." Then, I left.
***We left the mall. And I can't still get Kenshin out of my mind. I was really surprised when he told me that I will really find my happiness someday. I remembered my wish when I saw the falling star.
But then...it didn't happen. My happiness is being with him. And it was too late when I realized it.
I still loved him. Whenever I would see him or hear his voice, my heart would beat faster.
When we arrived at the house, I went directly to my room to rest.
"Kaoru, wait..." Sano called me. I turned back and saw him.
"Could I have a minute with you?" he asked. I nodded my head sadly.
We went outside. We went to the yard. I looked at the night sky. It was beautiful. A breeze passed us and the leaves of the trees fell silently. I remembered that it was autumn.
"I know that what you did earlier was not true. You just did that to make that man jealous," he told me. I was shocked that he found that out. But then...
"Partly..." I said.
"What do you mean 'partly'?" he asked me.
"I did that to make him jealous but still," I explained sadly. "What I said was true."
"What do you mean?" he said. I embraced Sanosuke tightly and secretly cried.
"Let's get married..." I said.
***I couldn't sleep.
I was thinking about you- of what you said earlier and of what you acted.
I didn't know you'd look for someone. Anyways, I know I have no right to stop you from loving again. In the first place, who am I in your life? I'm just your childhood friend...
I suddenly sat up from my bed then got the pair of rings that I bought earlier.
I chuckled.
"Now...this will just be a remembrance of you, my dear...We both have to move on..."
***Three weeks passed and we have prepared everything for our marriage. The guests, the invitations, the flowers, the gown, the setting...Everything was arranged.
But, still...I haven't prepared myself for it. I guess it was wrong when I told Sano that we have to get married. It turns out that I'm just using Sano to forget Kenshin and that is being cruel. But really, I'm trying my best to love him the way I have loved Kenshin.
"Hey, Kaoru-sama, are you ready to have lunch with me?" Sano asked me.
"Hai...I'll go down in a minute," I said. He left. I continued looking at my photo album. I realized that every picture in that album was taken with Kenshin. He was in every picture.
I have been crying when I was browsing through it. I couldn't believe I'm getting married to someone I don't even love. I have wished before that it was Kenshin but then...it never happened.
The door of my bedroom opened suddenly. I turned back and saw Sano entering my room. I quickly closed the album and hid it under my pillow. I sat up and wiped my eyes.
He neared me and caressed my face. "Are you crying?" he asked me. I shook my head and chuckled.
"Have you forgotten? I'm experiencing some colds and I cry whenever I'm being attacked by it," I tried to reason out.
"Really, huh?" he said. He held my hand gently then brought it to his lips.
I was surprised when he did that. He looked directly to my eyes. I tried to turn away from his enticing glare...but-
But I just can't ignore him that easily. I don't want to hurt him.
Finally, he kissed it.
I didn't feel anything special.
Was it because my heart didn't beat for him?
Or was it because I'm preventing my heart from beating for him?
He looked at me again. I just smiled sadly. What was I suppose to do? Smile sweetly at him and appreciate what he did?
It's really a mistake when I agreed to marry him.
***Next day came. I woke up from my bed then went downstairs to have breakfast. After that, I took a nice and hot bath, dressed up then got my Nikon camera with me. I went to my mother's room then got the car keys. I was about to leave the house when my mother called my name.
"SHINTA!!!" she shouted. I knotted my eyebrows then went back inside.
"Nani wa?!" I asked back.
My mother came out from the kitchen then went closer to me. "Where do you think you're going again, my son?" she asked me. I frowned instantly. I was annoyed when she asked me that question.
"You don't care where I'm going so just keep yourself out of this. You don't know even a thing in my life so you better shut your mouth up," I spoke harshly at my own mother.
I saw how her eyes widened when I said those ruthless words. I couldn't believe I've said such a thing. I was really troubled that time and I'm all mixed-up. I didn't mean to shout back at her. It's just that...
I was really not myself that time.
Finally, her tears fell down from her eyes.
"How could you say that to your mother..?" she began to say. She broke down crying as she sat on the sofa. I tried to go to her closer but I wasn't able to do that.
"I'm sorry, mom...I didn't mean to...to shout at you like that," I said. She shook her head and continued crying. "How could you?" she said again. Suddenly, I just turned back then rode my car and drove towards my intended destination.
***We strolled down the road and watched the things and people around us. I was a bit contented at what I was feeling that time. I didn't want to feel anything special nor anything that would spoil my day. I was feeling the ordinary feeling I feel whenever I'm with my friend- Sanosuke Sagara. He then held my hand. I looked at him and was a bit startled at what he did.
"I love you, Kaoru..." he told me. I just smiled at him.
I turned my eyes from him and diverted my sight to other things. But suddenly, I felt when he powerfully dragged me to his body. I was astonished when he did that and I wasn't able to react.
He was able to kiss me without my permission. It's like harassing me. But I knew I couldn't do anything. Besides, it's his right to do that. I'm his.
"SHIMATTA!!!" someone shouted from behind.
I was quickly thrown away when I felt a strong force that sent my partner away from me. I fell to the ground and hit myself badly.
***At last! I was able to strike him. I felt a sensation lingering still in my right hand. I wanted to continue beating him up but I was stopped quickly when an awful sight came into my view.
I saw my loved one crawling to that man. She was caressing him and trying to wake him up. I wanted to shout at her and tell her that she should be doing that to me and not to that bastard.
***I was so afraid. I was afraid that he might not wake up anymore. Some blood spilled from the back of his head. I realized that he was thrown to the steel post near us. Maybe it was a strong impact.
"Sano...please wake up...Can you hear me? It's Kaoru here... Don't do this to me...Please, no!" I cried hysterically. What if he doesn't wake up? What was I suppose to do? He has to open his eyes! God, why?!
***I went closer to them. I saw some blood on Kaoru's hands. My mouth dropped open. I dropped on my knees and looked down on the ground.
I suddenly, noticed my camera. I just grinned sadly then held it tightly. I looked at the couple then took a nice picture.
***I continued crying. I didn't know what to do...
"Sano, please wake up! Can you hear me?! God, I love you! Don't leave me alone here! Onegai!!!" I cried loudly. I shook him violently but he just wouldn't wake up.
***I heard her words.
She said she loved him...What about me? Am I not important to her? I punched him because he stole a kiss from you. I saw your reaction. You didn't like it and I didn't like it either. But why are there now? Caressing him and confessing your feelings to him?
***I held him near me and hugged him tightly. Suddenly, I remembered that someone had to be responsible for this. I turned back and looked at the culprit. It was a red-haired man. He was kneeling in front of us. He had a camera. I quickly stood up then went to him.
"HOW DARE YOU?!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY FIANCE?! WHO ARE YOU TO DO THIS?!" I shouted angrily and furiously. I slapped the man and tried to beat him. He didn't react.
Suddenly, we both stood up and I continued hitting him.
When I was about to give him a hard slap, he lifted his head and his violet haze eyes looked at me directly.
"Kaoru...I did that because," he spoke sadly. "...because I still love you..."
I just gaped then still slapped him.
He just held his cheek and lowered his head.
Tears fell from my eyes again. But this time, silently...
I breathed in hard then released a disappointed sigh. "How could you say you still love me after all this time..?"
He just clenched his fist then released his camera from his hand. It fell but it was hung from his neck. I thought it would be broken.
"Kenshin, please- stop," I said as I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I continued my words, "STOP BOTHERING ME, WILL YOU??!!!"
***I didn't know what I was doing that moment. I didn't know what I said to her. The words just escaped from my mouth and I wasn't able to control my emotions.
"Kaoru-dono...I'm madly in love with you," I repeated. "Please hear me out," I lifted my head. I thought she would still be there to listen to me but...
She was back to that man. She put the man's arm on her shoulder then tried to drag him away from me.
I just smiled sadly at the scene.
"Sayonara..." I whispered to myself then turned back and headed back to my car. I have caused enough trouble.
I want to rest now.
***I was crying heavily when I dragged Sano away from Kenshin. I didn't want him to get into our argument. He was innocent of it.
I wanted to believe that he still loved me way back when. But I can't just do that. Something was trying to stop me from believing in his words. And I didn't know what the hell that was.
I glanced at Sano one time and saw his quiet face. I told myself, 'How could I let him be involved in Kenshin and mine's argument? He doesn't even know what truly happened between the two of us...'
We finally reached my house. I entered it then went to the living room. I placed Sano on the couch and quickly got a cold compress so it would soothe his feeling.
After sometime, he woke up.
"Sano..." I whispered sadly as I coldly smiled. I brushed his hair away from his face then touched his cheek.
"I heard everything that you both said..." he suddenly spoke as he turned his gaze away from me.
I was a bit startled. I thought he was unconscious at that time. I didn't want him to hear those. It would pain him so much.
"Tell me, Kaoru..." he said. He called me with my true name and didn't use 'Jou-chan'. Whenever he does this, it means what he's saying is serious or he's angry with me and we need to talk. "What happened between you and him that I don't know? I need to know everything. You know that very well."
I really didn't want to confess everything to him. He'd surely be hurt at what I'm just going to say. But then, his eyes told me that I shouldn't be so selfish and just think about of myself.
"Kenshin is my first love," I said. "I think you have figured that out by yourself."
"Yeah...The first time I saw the both of you meet, I knew there was some connection or bond that linked you. I didn't take notice of it because you were always telling me that he is just your childhood friend. And now, I'm so surprised that he's more than a childhood friend to you and that I can't accept," he explained as he sat up and looked directly at me.
I couldn't follow his gaze. I couldn't face him and tell him the whole truth that I have hidden from him.
"But, Sano, that was before. Everything has changed now...I have completely moved on but Kenshin? He is still stuck from a long lost memory of mine. I have long forgotten of those times and yet he still cannot accept the fact that I don't love him anymore," I explained sadly. But I was lying at myself- using ironic words, those words that held so untrue meanings of what I really felt for Shinta.
The doorbell rang. I still looked at Sano, pleading to him that he might accept my explanation. But he just gestured me to open the door and entertain the visitor.
I stood up from the couch and went towards the door. I opened it and to my surprise, I saw him again.
***I had heard everything that she told her fiancé. I was really heartbroken by her hurtful words.
I looked at her. She was standing before me and was so shocked to see me. I couldn't believe that the woman I have loved before had changed so drastically.
"So...this is the end?" I spoke sadly. I was trying my best to stop myself from crying.
She lowered her head then lifted it again. She looked at me as if I was a stranger to her.
"Why did you come back? I thought you didn't have the face anymore to see me and my boyfriend. But then, you're still here. What made you come back?" she asked me scornfully.
I held a handkerchief in front of her. It was filled with blood. I remembered that she used it to wipe out the blood from her boyfriend's head.
"I'm giving it back."
***I saw the handkerchief he showed to me. It was a bloody one. It was the one I used to get rid of the blood from Sano's head. And it was also the one that Kenshin gave to me before.
He looked at me sadly. I just got it from his hand then slid it into my pocket.
"Arigatou," I said.
"By the way, I'm so sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't mean to do that. It's just that I was overtaken by my emotions. But don't worry, next time, I will take more control of them," he told me painfully. "Or maybe next time...I may not possess those kinds of feelings anymore." He turned back from me then walked away from me.
I stared at him as left me. Soon, tears were falling down on my face. I didn't think he would tell me those words.
Will his feelings for me ever fade away? But how would I be able to take that fact? It is true that I don't want him to bother me anymore but then, it is not true that I want him to stop loving me.
Finally, I turned away from him and closed the door.
I slid my hand into my pocket then squeezed the hanky inside it. Then, I took it out and looked for the embroidered words. I was surprised when I saw it. It was the only part that wasn't stained with dirt and blood.
It said, 'Kaoru, I love you'. I wept again. I knew I still loved him and I don't want him to forget me. I just couldn't take that.
I walked towards the living room. I didn't glance at Sano. I just headed upstairs to go to my bedroom and rest for a while.
"You still love him, don't you?" Sano asked me. I stopped ascending upstairs. My head was lowered and I didn't look at him.
"Hai..." I truthfully told him.
He released a deep sigh. "So...you don't love me?" he said.
"Iiye..."
"Then what?!" he cried.
"I still love Kenshin...But, Sano, I will forget him. And I will surely do that. I know he's not for me. I'm just yours," I said painfully.
"Hontou, ne? I just hope," he said. I then continued climbing up the stairs. I was feeling dizzy. I was so tired and I couldn't think clearly.
I know I have lied to him again. But then...I don't have any choice.
***One whole week has passed. And it seemed like a lifetime for me. I have received an invitation from Kaoru's parents informing us of their daughter's incoming wedding. I could still feel some pain that she left within my heart. But, I had some improvement. I can manage myself now, not like before.
Her parents told me that she wanted me to come to her wedding- not as a past lover, but as a new friend. She had a good intention for that but, I'm not convinced. How could I just watch my loved one marry a man that should instead be me? But then, I won't bother them anymore.
I got the pair of rings from my cabinet. It was placed in a beautifully crafted box. I decided to just give it to Kaoru.
***After two or three days, my whole life will take its turn and take me to a different place- a different kind of life that I just can't imagine. A kind of life without freedom and...
Without him.
I'm trying my best to love Sanosuke the way I've loved Kenshin but it seems like I would never ever learn to do that.
There are superstitions that are needed to be followed before the wedding day so that the wedding will occur properly. I believed all of those. But, I have not followed one superstition that was the most essential of all. One time, I have received my wedding gown. It was believed that a woman should not wear it before the wedding day or else the wedding won't happen. But then, foolishly, I was so curious at how it looked like so I put it on- a mistake that I didn't tell anyone.
I do want the wedding to happen but...when I have worn the gown, I felt something different. I knew I've broken a superstition and have not followed it. But instead of lamenting it, I felt even gladder. Did that mean I didn't want the wedding to happen? But why? Was I still expecting that Kenshin should be my groom? But he had told me before that he can forget me anytime. How could I just think of that?
The doorbell rang. I climbed downstairs then opened the door. Surprisingly, no one was there. I tried to look for the person who pushed the doorbell. I was about to get out when I hit something. I looked down and saw a beautiful box. IT was wrapped with a wedding wrapper and a white ribbon was used to tie it. I got it then examined it carefully. There was a greeting card on it. I opened it and saw the words: "Best Wishes, Kaoru. I hope you'll use these during your wedding day. Please do."
Suddenly, a car passed by my house. Maybe, the one who gave this box to me quickly left and have ridden inside that car.
I went back inside my house and sat on the couch.
I untied the ribbon and carefully unwrapped the gift. I saw a beautifully crafted box. Its outer-covering was made of black velvet and it had a smooth feel. I opened the small box and surprisingly, a pair of diamond rings was placed inside.
I got them out and held them in my hands. They shone very brightly.
So, the person who gave these to me wanted us to use this during my wedding. A paper fell from the small box. I got it then read the short note.
IT went like this:
Kaoru-dono, please wear these rings during your wedding day. This is my last wish from you and I hope you would at least make it true for me. I won't come to your wedding because I have to leave and go away. You don't know how much pain it will bring to me when I'll see you walk down the aisle and kiss another man.
But if you would just do this favor for me, it would mean a lot to me. It's like you've also married me too.
Best wishes, my only loved one. I hope this is your true happiness.
Yours, Kenshin
I sighed. I didn't cry anymore. I have no more tears to shed. It's like I'm so tired of crying.
***Three days has passed. Today is Kaoru's wedding and today, all my memories of her will be gone by the time I'd flown out of the country. Finally, I would be able to forget her and all of my feelings for her. But, I know it won't be easy. She has become a big part of my life. And if she'll be gone, it's like I'm half-dead.
My mother called me on my cellphone and told me to arrive at the airport at about 10 a.m. She told me that she was going to miss me much and even my father who was right now in Hokkaido. My destination was to Paris. We had some relatives there and my mother advised me that it would be more OK if I'd stay with them so it won't be hard for me when I'd decide to go 'round the towns.
10 a.m. was also the start of Kaoru's wedding. What a coincidence...But then...
I don't like coincidences. I don't even believe in them. For me, they mean destiny.
So does it mean that it's my destiny to be away from Kaoru?
After sometime, I have arrived at the airport at about 9:45 a.m. I wanted to go back to my house and drive my car to the church and stop the wedding. But as I've promised to Kaoru, I won't bother them anymore.
Suddenly, my phone rang again. I got it and thought that it was my mother who was calling. Surprisingly, no name flashed on its screen. IT was just the number.
So who could be the one who's calling me? I pressed the 'answer' key and said 'Hello'.
A strange voice answered me.
***Today is my wedding. And I also know that Kenshin will also leave the country this day- and will leave me.
Any minute now, someone will fetch me using the bridal car and take me to the church. I haven't even dressed up and fixed myself. I was feeling lazy. It's like nothing will happen this day.
My mother went inside my room and was surprised to see me just sitting on the chair and looking at myself on the mirror.
"Kaoru, why haven't you put on your gown? Your car will arrive any minute now," she said.
"I'm feeling afraid of what is going to happen later at the wedding ceremony...I don't want it to be like before. My groom should be there. He shouldn't leave me and make me wait for him for a very long time. Mom, I want him to be there!!!" I finally broke down. I cried heavily as I moaned. I instantly remembered what happened before my first wedding. Kenshin didn't come because he visited the grave of Tomoe. At first, I was even glad that he didn't arrive because in the first place, I didn't know it was him I was going to marry. But when I think of it today, I feel regretful of that day. If he just went to that wedding and married me then maybe we're not facing any hardship now. But then, it was too late. And we can't turn back the hands of time.
My mother comforted me. "Kaoru, everything will be fine. Sano will be there and he won't hurt you not like what happened before," she explained as she hugged me tightly.
After sometime, I have dressed up and fixed my hair and my face. My hair was in a big bun and light makeup was applied on my face. I faced the big mirror in my room and looked at myself. I was beautiful. But my face was lifeless. I knew it would be a nightmare to enter this kind of relationship with Sano.
The bridal car soon came. I went out of our house and stepped into the car. Then the driver maneuvered it and we drove off. I smiled sadly.
"Sayonara, Ken-san," I whispered to myself. Suddenly, a tear rolled on my cheek.
We finally arrived at the church. I stepped out of the car. My parents were already there. They ushered me inside the church and soon the wedding ceremony started.
They have marched down the aisle while the choir was singing the wedding song. I wasn't at myself that moment. I feel like I wanted to cry and leave the place. My thoughts kept on scolding and screaming at me. They kept on telling me that I should've told Sano before that I can't really love him the way I have loved Kenshin and that I love Kenshin so much. I can't take the fact that he's going to leave me again.
Now, it's my time to march down the aisle. My veil covered my face properly so I didn't smile. I knew people wouldn't be able to see my face clearly.
As I walked down the aisle, my heart doubled its beat. I couldn't even hear anything from my surroundings. I just looked straight at the altar and never felt so lonely before.
I've reached the place. I didn't look at Sano. I didn't want to look at him. I have no face to show him anymore. I wanted to apologize to him and tell him the whole truth but it was too late for apologies and confessions.
I haven't taken notice of time. I just heard my heartbeat and my breathing. I haven't even heard the words 'I do' from Sano's mouth when the priest asked him.
"Now, woman, do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband and promise to spend your life with him for richer or for poorer, for sickness or in health, for better or for worse, till death do you part?" the priest asked me. A tear fell from eye when I heard his words. Sano held my hand tightly, But still, I didn't face him. I didn't want him to expect.
My old memories with Kenshin- both happy and sad- flashed before me. I couldn't believe that everything would just come to a bitter ending like this.
"I repeat," the priest said. "Do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband and promise to spend your life with him forever for richer or for poorer, for sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do you part?"
My lips parted slightly. I felt so cold. Suddenly, the words came out. I was regretful about it.
"I...do," I finally spoke.
The people clapped loudly and again, I wasn't at myself that time. I couldn't even hear their shouting voices or their cheers.
Then, I just felt that Sano had slid the ring that Kenshin gave to me into my finger. A boy gave the other ring to me. I got it then was about to slid it to Sano's finger when it slipped from my fingers and fell. I quickly stooped down to get it. Sano also knelt down to find it. When I lifted my head to stand up and give the ring to Sano, I noticed that I was facing a different man.
I was facing a familiar person- the one whom have hurt me so much through the past three years.
I stood up and he held my hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. Suddenly, I cried hard. I cried heavily as I moaned. I was shivering when I slid the ring into his finger. I was feeling so many emotions. I couldn't distinguish one from the other. I don't know if I'm happy or angry or I was just feeling some yearning for the person before me.
"You may now kiss the bride," the priest announced. My groom lifted my veil. I was crying so hard that time. He wiped my tears by his fingers.
"Kaoru-dono, ai shiteru," he spoke. He pulled me into his strong muscular arms and kissed me. I was quieted by his passionate kiss.
I've never felt so happy before. I was so glad that Kenshin was back and that I have finally married him.
***I continued holding her in my arms. I didn't want to let her go. I have her now. I don't want to lose her anymore.
I'm so grateful that Sano called me at the airport and told me to replace him. He already knew that I was really the man for Kaoru and not him.
Well, that's true.
Finally, I have her back in my arms. I love her so much.
Kaoru-dono, I won't leave you anymore. You are my life, my heart and my soul. Without you, it's like I'm also dead, lifeless.
Then, I tightened my hug and kissed her for a long time. I want it to be like this forever. Suddenly, snow fell outside the church. Winter has arrived.
The Sakura trees began shedding its leaves and flowers. Gravity has been calling them down to earth.
Just like the first time...
***OWARI***
Disclaimer: I never owned the RK series...only this story. Hehe..
Please Marry Me...
By: Killua K.
***I watched the night sky.
It was so beautiful and so starry. There were no clouds above and everything was so peaceful. I am alone in this park- well, not really, alone...There are other lovers too around. But, me..?
I don't have any company.
If you have just married me three years ago, I wouldn't be alone here now. You don't know how much sadness this brings to my sullen heart.
Seasons change...
And so our feelings- especially, my feelings for you.
We met before and it was winter. But, now...
It's just autumn- my favorite season.
And together with this change, my love for you has also grown stronger.
But then...
Would that be a good sign?
Would that mean I'll see you again here?
I have been waiting for you here all my life and many times, I have asked forgiveness to this place, that has witnessed all my lies to you. I hope you have forgiven me, too, even if we're not really seeing each other...
I'm sitting on this long bench beneath the giant Sakura tree. Do you still remember how we met? And how you have told that you admire this place so much?
Sore wa, I still remember those simple memories vividly.
And you know what? From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one who'll help me move on and forget my dear Tomoe.
---Gomenasai!!! It's hard for me if I'll tell this whole story on Kenshin's POV. I'll just switch POVs: from Kenshin to Kaoru or vice versa...
*** denotes change on POV
*** "Hey, baka! Give me back my album..!" I cried hysterically. I ran around my room and chased my friend, Sanosuke. He was holding my photo album. I wanted to have that back because that contained my pictures when I was still a toddler.
"Oh, Jou-chan...Look, you're so cute here! You're crying so much," he spoke as he examined the pictures. He continued running around my room. I continued chasing him until he went out of the room and ran downstairs.
"Sanosuke no baka!!! Give it back or I'll kill you!" I shouted angrily. I didn't want to be embarrassed. Those pictures contained my childhood days.
My friend went to our yard. I followed him. I was going to surprise him when I saw him standing still and looking closely at the album.
I went nearer to him then caught my breath first before chasing him again.
"Kaoru-chan..." he called me. I stood behind him.
"Nani wa?" I said.
He showed me the album and pointed a particular picture on it. I looked at it closely and saw myself crying.
"Oh...yeah, that picture was caught when my other classmate stole my toy in kindergarten. I was really furious about it that I started crying hysterically. So, what about it?" I explained.
"Stupid!" Sano cried at me. I was shocked at what he said. "Why are you calling me 'stupid'?!" I shouted back.
"Not that ugly picture...This one!" he said as he pointed to a picture near the previous one. It showed me hugging a big teddy bear. My hair was in pigtails and I looked so bad.
"Well...That's uglier," I commented.
"Who's this one?" he asked as he pointed at an older boy beside me, holding my hand. My mouth dropped open when I saw the whole thing.
Who could that boy be? I thought. I tried recalling that moment until...
"Oh..." I said. "It's...It's S-shinta. My childhood friend. His parents were the best friends of my parents."
"Where is he now? I do not know you once had a childhood friend. You often told me you're a stupid brat before," he asked me.
"I didn't tell you that I'm a stupid brat. I told you that I'm just a brat- not a stupid one!" I shouted angrily once more.
"Okay, okay...Now, where is this boy? Do you still keep in touch with him?" he asked me.
I remembered what happened between Shinta and I before. I slid my hand inside my pocket and squeezed the handkerchief inside.
"Nope...Actually, I can't really remember him now. He's just an old memory that erased itself from my precious ones. I don't think he's really that important," I explained sadly and- bitterly.
"Hontou..?" he said.
I got the album from him and closed it. "Hontou..." I replied as I turned back and started walking towards our house.
Really, I didn't want to remember whatever that happened between Kenshin and I. Maybe, I just need to let memories erase themselves from my own mind just like what I've done before when he wasn't still a shadow of my past.
I got my jacket and wore it. It was terribly cold this day. Even if it's still autumn, I could still feel the coldness sinking into my thick winter clothes. I got my handkerchief and slid it into my pocket.
Suddenly, I pulled it out again. It was the hankie that Kenshin gave me.
I looked at it then spread it wide. I recognized the embroidered words.
It said 'Kaoru, I Love You'. I grinned widely when I read those. It was so sweet but then...
But then everything seemed so painful and bitter whenever I reminisce my past with him. It was damn painful.
"Jou-chan, are you ready?! I'm waiting here! Get down now. It's getting colder," Sanosuke shouted from downstairs. I folded the hankie then slid it back into my pocket.
I got down then went to my friend.
He was waiting near the door. "Faster, Jou-chan...The park might close earlier today," he said. As soon as I reached him, we went outside.
We were headed to the Sakura Park- the one which was filled with oh-so-many memories. Many sweet ones and even painful ones. But all of them were made of Kenshin.
Would I be ready to meet him again there?
***I got out a handkerchief from my pocket and held it gently. It had a smooth feel. I remembered how you once had this.
Can you still remember that? You hit a branch. I saw you sobbing hard. I went closer to you then gave you this hankie then I left.
Then, I came back to your place. You gave back the hankie to me and have even mistaken me to be Tomoe. I laughed at what you said. I knew you hadn't noticed it but when you spoke that name, my heart started grieving again. I was still wounded that time- badly wounded by the untimely death of my fiancée, Tomoe.
This handkerchief has been a symbol of our meeting, friendship, confession, betrayal and even...departure.
The first time we met, I told you to keep this hankie. You kept it and I was glad because it somehow helped me move on. At least, the things with Tomoe's memories have slowly diminished in number. It was too late when I realized that it wasn't the loss of the handkerchief that somehow made my feelings lighter. It was you- your presence. Then, after that, you still gave it back to me, telling me that you do not need it- that you are not Tomoe and you are a different person.
I was embarrassed that time. I thought I loved you that time because I was really in love with you yet...it had another reason. And it was because I still saw a part of Tomoe within you. But, now I'm sure that I love you because you are different, because you are you.
I looked at the sky. The stars continued twinkling and giving off its beautiful light. Then, I looked at the Sakura tress around. They started shedding off their leaves again.
I felt lonely.
So lonely that I wanted to die in this place...even if I'm still missing you badly...
***We were near the Sakura Park. My feet hurt badly but I don't mind it. Sano wanted to visit that place. And I promised him that I would accompany him there.
"Jou-chan...Don't be a turtle," he complained.
"Well, I'm TRYING not to be a turtle but my feet hurt so much," I finally said. He stopped before me then looked at me pathetically.
"Nani?" I said.
"Okay, miss..." he spoke. He held me. I was so shocked.
"Hey...what the hell are you doing?!" I cried. He held my petite figure and put me on his back.
"You're a little heavy...Kaoru- d-don't...y-you even eat less? Next time that you would ask me to carry you, I won't do it," he complained. I became angry with him. I hit his head as we walked towards the park.
"You stupid bigheaded idiot!!! I didn't tell you to carry me on your back! I just said my feet hurt..." I shouted hysterically.
"Okay fine...Now please shut up. We have to be quiet now. We're entering the park," he said.
"Put me down..." I whispered angrily.
"But you'd be slow," he said.
"Then don't wait for me. You know what, rooster-head? You're embarrassing me!" I shouted again.
"I'm not!" he cried too. We continued arguing until we became tired to fight each other. I just kept quiet and even him.
Suddenly, the light that the stars gave off from the sky reflected on a red- haired man. I was startled when I saw that. The red-haired man had an x- scar on his cheek and his hair was in a ponytail. He wore a black hanten that didn't hug his body much.
I gaped widely. "Sano, wait. Put me down," I told my friend. Sano put me down. I went closely to the man but then, I lost him. He walked too fast.
"What's that?" Sano asked. I turned to him and felt sad. Then, I forced myself to smile. "Nothing...just a familiar face," I replied.
I turned back and finally, the red-haired man passed right before me!
He turned to me and looked at my face closely then he turned back and continued walking.
I wasn't able to move.
I was speechless.
Was it really him?
Was it really Kenshin?
Or was I just only dreaming?
I could remember his violet haze eyes. They spoke of grief and yearning for someone.
"Kaoru-chan," Sano called me. I turned back and quickly grinned.
"What?" I said. I saw him sitting near the giant Sakura tree where I usually stayed before. It was also where I met Kenshin.
"Don't you want to sit? Your feet hurt, don't they?" he said anxiously.
I nodded my head then went to the long bench. When I was going to sit on it, I found a handkerchief. I picked it up and spread it wide. I saw an embroidered name. It's 'Tomoe'. I realized that it was like the hankie that Kenshin gave to me before.
"Oh, whose that?" Sano asked.
"Umm...I don't know. Maybe someone left it," I replied as I secretly hid it into my pocket.
Yeah, maybe Kenshin left it...
I missed him badly.
***I saw you. But until now, I can't still decipher reality from imagination. Was it just my imagination? Did I see you because my mind wanted to see you and I have been so lonely?
Damn, I'm lonely...I love you so much but why is Kami-sama hurting me like this? Is this how I need to pay you from all of the lies I've told you? If this is it, then I can't take it any longer. I would rather want my life to be the payment for all my sins rather than to be so lonely because I can't even see you.
I opened the door of the house. My mother was waiting for me. She wasn't angry nor was she happy. She's- emotionless.
"Where have you been? From the graveyard of Tomoe?" she asked me.
I just threw myself carelessly on our sofa and made myself comfortable.
"Iiye...I wouldn't want to go back there anymore," I simply replied.
"But where have you been?" her tone of voice rose. She was angry with me.
"From the Sakura Park..."
"That's it?" she said.
"Hai..." I answered. I closed my eyes and tried to rest. When I opened them, suddenly...
My mother slapped me right across my face. It was so painful. I held my cheek. It hurt me so much. I looked at her.
"Why did you do that?" I asked her.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question, Shinta?!" she cried at me. "Why do you do that?! Why do you leave our house very early in the morning and come back late at night?! You do that everyday...What's happening to you, my son? You were not like this before. Why have you become worse?"
I stood up from the sofa then frowned sadly. "I don't know, Okaa- san...Maybe," I said. "Maybe...I'm just like this when my loved ones leave me quickly..."
After that, I went upstairs and headed to my bedroom. My mind was full of questions and everything just troubled me.
What's happening to me?
Is it because of you?
Or is it because I'm just a miserable person that I keep on losing the people I care for?
***We have come back from the park. Sanosuke then left after he ate dinner with us.
Then, I went to my room and sat on my bed. I looked through my glass window then opened it.
I released a sigh.
Suddenly, I saw a falling star...
I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish.
After that, I just stared at the sky.
I wished that I will someday find the true happiness that I'm searching for.
***I went to my bed and sat on it. I hugged myself and felt so lonely.
You were always on my mind and I can't help but wonder sometimes how to get you off it.
Then, I looked through the glass window beside my bed and watched the starry sky. It was so peaceful and so beautiful.
And you know what? You're still on my mind that time. Until...
I saw a shooting star...
I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish.
After that, I just stared at the sky.
I wished that I will someday find you and have you back in my arms. I wished that you would also want to marry me if ever I'll ask you. I love you, Kaoru-dono. How many times should I tell you those words?
***The phone rang. I left my room then picked it up and answered it. I felt so strange- as if I'm expecting someone to call me and make me comfortable.
"Moshi, moshi..." I answered.
"Can I speak to Mrs. Kamiya?" the voice on the other line asked.
"May I know who's calling?" I asked politely.
"Oh, I'm Mrs. Himura," the woman replied. I told her to wait because I'd call my mother first. After sometime, I gave the phone to my mother and she started chitchatting with the woman on the other line.
I went back to my bedroom then laid myself on my bed. I felt better.
Suddenly, I remembered Sanosuke. He was such a nice guy and a gentleman even if sometimes, we would fight about little things. I really appreciated when he carried me and brought me to the park. I didn't think he would do that.
I met Sano the day after Kenshin confessed to me all his lies. He was the only person who had made me smile after that incident. I knew we would become good friends.
But what really alarmed me was when Sano asked me of something more seriously earlier in the park.
"You know, Sano, I'm so lucky to have you as a friend. Even if sometimes, you're annoying and so stubborn, you're still a gentleman," I said.
He chuckled then kept quiet for a while. After sometime, he broke the silence that surrounded us for some moments.
"Could we be more than just friends?" he asked me. I was startled at what he told me. More than friends? I thought.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"I mean...you know- we have been good friends for almost three years and...everything is fine between us. We have no problems and we have a good bonding- a bond that I w-want to..." he explained. "...l-last forever. You understand?"
I just nodded my head. I remembered what happened between Kenshin and I.
"Gomenasai, Sano...demo," I apologized. "Demo...anata no tomodachi."
He sighed. "I knew you'd answer that. So, we'll just remain as friends, nothing more than that?"
I nodded my head sadly.
Suddenly, he laughed loudly but with resentment. "But, I'll wait, Jou- chan...I'm a stupid bigheaded idiot, ne? So, I won't stop waiting for your final answer..." he explained. He tried to sound happy but I knew he was hurt badly. I felt sorry for him. Honestly, I will never learn to love him. He's just a brother to me.
Not like Kenshin...
I sat up again. Suddenly, my eyes were fixed on the extension phone here in my room. I felt like I wanted to eavesdrop to my mother's call.
I picked the phone up and listened quietly to their conversation.
"I don't know what's happening to him...He always leaves our house early in the morning then comes back late at night. When I asked him where he had gone to, he told me he was in the Sakura Park...But tell me, why would my son stay in that park? He always goes to that place. He does it everyday..." the other woman explained.
"Did you ask him what happened? Or why he's always going to the park?" my mother said.
"Yes...But he wouldn't answer me. He has been different since his fiancée died and since the wedding didn't happen..."
"Maybe you have to have a heart-to-heart talk with him."
I put the phone down. I've heard enough. Maybe the woman was Kenshin's mother but then...
But why would Kenshin always spend his day in the park? I don't see him there-except that time when Sano wanted some company so I went with him.
After sometime, I picked the phone up again. The line was dead. Maybe their conversation was finished.
"Kaoru!" my mother cried.
I went out of my room then downstairs.
"Why, mom?" I asked.
"Please call Mrs. Himura. I forgot to tell her something. I can't do the dialing because I'm cleaning here," my mother said.
I got the directory then found the Himuras' phone number. I dialed it and made several rings...
*** "Shinta, answer the phone!" my mother shouted. I got the extension phone from the other side of my room. When I picked it up, my heart started beating fast. I wondered if there was something wrong about that call.
"Hello, who's this?" I answered. I heard a voice of a woman calling someone. It said, 'Mom, here's the phone. You talk to her.'
It was familiar- very familiar.
"Hello, who's this?" I said again. Then, an older version of the voice earlier spoke up.
"May I speak to Mrs. Himura? This is Mrs. Kamiya," it said.
Then, I called my mom. It was for her. I wondered who that Mrs. Kamiya was.
When my mother got the other phone in the living room, I asked her who that was. She said, "Oh, it's the mother of Kaoru, remember her? She was the one you were about to marry but your wedding didn't happen because you didn't appear." She was a bit harsh on that part- as if she's blaming me for the failure of their plan for us to get married.
I went back to my room.
So...the girl I heard earlier was Kaoru?
I just realized that we were so close yet so far.
***I decided to eavesdrop again. I picked the phone in my room and listened to their conversation.
***I noticed that my phone wasn't still hang up. When I was about to hang up, I decided to spy on the phone shortly. I just had nothing to do.
"Ah wait...I forgot something to do. Just please wait," my mother said. I heard that the other woman also left for a while- thinking that my mom might take longer.
Suddenly, I heard a deep sigh.
So, Mrs. Kamiya didn't leave?
"I'm getting bored..." someone spoke from the other line. I was sure it wasn't Mrs. Kamiya because it seemed to be the younger version.
"They're eating my time...I want to hear more..." it said.
If that was the younger version of Mrs. Kamiya's voice, then it's...
It is Kaoru.
"Hello?" I spoke. I gulped the lump inside my throat and felt uneasy.
I knew the girl on the other line was surprised to hear me.
"Who's this?" she asked.
***I waited for his reply. I already knew he was Kenshin. I just wanted to be sure. I can't believe he's eavesdropping, too.
"I'm Kenshin..." he replied. Suddenly, my heart beat faster and I felt so uncomfortable- so uneasy. I was not used to this kind of feeling.
"K-Kenshin..?" I repeated.
"Yeah, who are you?" he asked me.
I breathed in many times but I couldn't normalize the beating of my heart. It was beating in a faster rate.
"I'm Kaoru...do you remember me?" I said. I was hoping for something. I was hoping for him to say something to me but I couldn't figure that out.
***How could I forget you, Kaoru? Tell me, how could I just forget someone who had become the heart of my life? Damn, I love you so much, do you know that? Have you known what you have done to me? What damages you brought to me? You made me suffer for three years. I haven't seen you for that span of time and it seemed like a lifetime for me. Tell me, how could I forget someone like you?
"Yeah, I do remember you..." I finally said.
She chuckled. "So you're eavesdropping on the phone?" she said.
I began to chuckle too. I felt much lighter when she did that. The tension between us somehow was lost.
"Yeah..." I replied. "I was idle here and I felt so damn bored..."
***I laughed again. I didn't want to create tension in the atmosphere. I knew I had to do that so we could speak easily- just like the first time we met.
"You know what..." I said.
***I listened to her voice. I decided to say something to her too.
"I miss you badly..." I confessed.
*** "I miss you badly..." I confessed.
Then silence enveloped us.
"Kenshin...my mother's coming. We better stop this," I said.
"OK," he simply replied.
I felt sadder when he just answered me that way. I wanted him to say something more- something that I wanted to hear for a very, very long time.
***I put the phone down and realized that I had enough. I went to bed then slept.
I was woken up when I heard a loud siren from outside. I got up from bed then opened my window. There was a van with a long banner on its top. There was a man inside, speaking on the mic and announcing something. I tried to hear closely.
"Kuriaken Saitame is on sale for three days. The sale goes even up to 80%. Wow, can you just believe that? The greatest and leading department store nationwide is on sale. Hurry up because this will just last for three days!"
I just grinned. SALE... My mom will surely go there. And she would surely ask for my company. Maybe, I needed to have time with her too. I'll go with her. I think I have to relax for a while and buy something for myself.
***I woke up from my sleep. My mother was calling me. Oh, I really hate her when she wakes me up. I went downstairs and went to the breakfast table.
"Why, Okaa-san? What's the matter?" I asked her.
"Oh, you need to accompany me to the mall today. There's an ongoing sale and they said it can even go up to 80%. I can't just sit here and watch other women enter and leave the Kuriaken SAitame Mall. They rarely have sale so I need to take advantage of this. Besides, I also need to buy you new clothes and other new things for our house. How would you like that?" she told me happily.
Augh! So she woke me up just because of this whole sale thing?
"Mom...I'll go to the park today with Sano. I promised him," I said.
"Oh, Kaoru-sama, won't you even spend time with your mommy for a while? Besides, you're always with that rooster-head..." she pleaded. Her eyes were so intent.
She's not always like this. Maybe...I just have to understand her. Besides, we have the same opinion about Sano- a rooster-head.
"Ok..." I finally agreed. She ran to me then gave me a tight hug.
"Oh, I'm so happy, Kaoru, dear!" she exclaimed. "Hey, you know what? You can bring Sano with us so he won't be sad after all..."
"Hontou desuka?" I said as my eyes widened in disbelief.
"Hontou..." she replied.
I quickly went to the phone and contacted Sano.
It's time to have another kind of fun.
***I dressed up and after that I went to my mom.
"Kenshin, please be fast," my mother said.
"Okay, okay..." I spoke as I got the car keys. I went outside then went to the garage. I went inside the car then turned it on by the keys. I drove it then my mother rode in.
I took the road down to the Kuriaken Saitame Mall. I realized that the department store was a big one. Many people come and go. I have never seen such a crowded place.
I parked the car then we went inside the six-storey building.
*** "Sano, stop it!" I cried hysterically.
"Oh no, I won't!" he said as he continued irritating me. I would run away from him but he would still chase me.
"Oh...don't you even get embarrassed, you two?! You're in a public place. Don't fool around here!" my mother scolded us. We then kept quiet then followed her wherever she went.
My mother went to the ladies' wear section. After buying some clothes for her own use, she bought some for me, too. I didn't want her to do that but she was insistent.
Then we headed to the jewelry section.
She looked through the glasses and admired all the jewelries in it.
"Oh, how much discount do you give on this item?" my mom asked the saleslady.
"20%, ma dame," she replied.
"Then how much will it be after you've considered the discount?" my mom asked again.
"Oh, it's Y10,000, ma dame. Will you buy it?" the saleslady said.
My mom gaped widely with her eyes widened in so much shock.
"For goodness's sake, no! It's so expensive even if there's a discount...Thank you but I don't have enough money for that necklace," my mother exclaimed.
She's really like that.
***Okaa-san bought clothes for me. And I bought some other things for myself too.
Then we bought groceries because it was cheaper here. After that, we went to the jewelry section. My mother roamed around to look for something nice but cheap while I just sat on one seat and watched other girls in that section, too.
"How much is this wedding ring?" a couple asked the saleslady-in-charge.
"Y15,000 for a pair. We still have a 20% discount for that item," she replied.
"Could we see it, please?" they asked. The saleslady got the pair of wedding rings and showed it to them. They examined it closely and admired the pair so much.
I remembered the ring I bought for Tomoe.
It was more expensive than that one. But then, my money was wasted because she never even saw it for herself.
I also used it when I proposed to Kaoru...
But she also didn't get it. She was right. I still saw Tomoe in her that time. Maybe, it was because the ring that I was about to give to her was also the ring I was about to give to Tomoe.
*** "Hey, Jou-chan, look at this ring..." Sano called me.
I went closer and looked at it. It had diamond stones and it shone brightly.
"It's beautiful..." I said.
"That ring..." Sano said. "...will be yours if you'll agree to marry me."
I looked up at him and saw him grinning widely. It's like a joke for me but I knew he was telling me the truth.
I lowered my head and forced myself to smile. "If ever I'll agree..." I answered back.
"I'll make you agree...And watch out for that. You'll even be sorry because you said those words," he warned me as he smiled slyly. I just chuckled at what he said.
Maybe, that would just happen if I have fully moved on and forgotten Kenshin. But I think that would take a very long time.
Suddenly, my left eye began blinking...At first it wasn't frequent until...
I felt something in it.
"Are you all right?" Sano asked me as he looked at me. I rubbed my eye because it hurt badly.
"Yeah...dirt got into my eye. It's getting itchy. And it...w-won't come- out," I spoke as I walked around and continued rubbing my eye.
Sano followed me. "Here, let me remove it for you." He held me still in my place and opened my eye a little wider. He blew into it.
"Ouch!" I cried. My eye blinked faster. "The dirt didn't get out..." I spoke. I was about to cry. My eye really hurt. I continued walking until...
***I stood up from my place and tried to look at the jewelries. I looked at their price tags. They were all expensive. But then, they were very beautiful.
I saw a pair of rings. They had diamond stones all round. It looked simple but it was damn nice.
I saw its price. It was Y10, 000. And still, it had a discount of 10%. I got my wallet and noticed that I still had some money. I counted the bills and figured out that it would suffice the price.
I asked the saleslady to get it for me.
She handed the pair to me and I looked at it closely.
If ever Kaoru will meet me again, I will use this ring to propose a marriage to her. This is a different ring because I know she's a different person. I have moved on before because of her. But now, I can't just move on and forget her- someone that I really love and care for. I can't lose someone again.
I held the ring and admired it so much, wishing that if Kaoru will see this, she'll agree to my proposal.
"I'll buy this pair," I told the woman. When I was about to give the pair back, someone bumped into me suddenly. I fell and hit the floor.
***Until...I bumped into someone. I fell hard on that someone. He had a well-built body and a hard chest.
I was grateful he was able to carry my weight.
***After sometime, I regained consciousness. I saw a girl lying on top of me. She had long black hair in ponytail. She seemed familiar but I couldn't see her clearly because I still felt dizzy.
Someone helped her to stand up. Another man, pulled me up too.
"Are you okay, mister?" some people asked me. I nodded my head. I held my forehead. Suddenly, I felt something wet on it. I removed my hand then looked at it.
I saw a red liquid. It was blood.
My mom came out from the crowd that formed around me.
"Shinta, you're bleeding!" she yelled. She rushed to me then wiped the blood by her tissue. "Are you all right?" she asked me as she held my hand. I nodded my head. I tried to look for the girl that bumped me. But then, I saw a man pulling her away from the place. She really seemed familiar. I didn't know where exactly I had met her.
*** Sano pulled me away from the crowd.
"What are you doing there?" he asked me.
"I bumped into a man accidentally," I explained. Suddenly, I realized that the dirt was gone in my eye and I could see clearly.
"So, you ok?" he asked me.
I nodded my head. I looked down on my hand and realized that I was holding something- something beautiful.
It was a diamond ring.
"Where did you get that?" Sano told me.
"Umm...the man might've dropped it when I bumped into him. I must give this back to him," I said. I quickly went back to that place.
***The crowd has disappeared. And my mom has applied a bandage on my forehead. She shouldn't have done that. I was all right.
"Sir, where is the pair of rings?" a voice asked me. I turned back and saw the saleslady.
Suddenly, I realized that I haven't seen the pair of rings.
I quickly looked for it. I found the ring lying on the floor. I picked it up and gave it to the saleslady. Then I searched for the other.
"What are you searching for?" my mom asked.
"A ring that I was going to buy..."I replied as I continued looking for it.
"Well, I will leave you for a while. I have to continue shopping," she said as she kissed me on the forehead. She left me while I continued looking for it.
"Have you seen it, mister?" the saleslady asked again. I shook my head then searched for it again. I needed to find it. It was Kaoru's.
*** I ran back to the place. But when I reached it, I saw no customer. I went around the area but still saw no one.
Suddenly, I sat on a seat near it.
I sighed. I looked at the ring that I was holding.
I remembered when Kenshin proposed to me. The first time he did that, he said it was just a joke. But the second time...he told me what he did was no lie. I didn't believe. Then I left.
"I can't find it...I'm so sorry, miss. I'll just pay for it and even for the other ring," a man said. I lifted my head and saw the same red-haired man I saw in the park. I stood up and went closer.
"Thank you, miss..." he said to the saleslady. I walked faster to reach him. But even before I reached him, he was gone again.
I looked around and tried to look for him. But he was gone in an instant.
"What do you want, miss?" the saleslady asked me.
I just smiled at her and shook my head. I turned around and leaned on the glass shelf.
***I was really disappointed because I haven't found the other ring. When I was going to get my wallet, I slid my hand into the pocket.
It was gone! I ran back to the place.
*** I sighed again...The man wasn't here. How could I give him this ring? What if he really needed it?
I lifted my head and looked around again.
I gave up.
I was about leave...
***I reached the place then I tried to catch my breath. I stopped for a while. When, I looked up, I saw the girl who bumped me earlier. I suddenly, realized that she might have gotten the ring.
She was about to leave. I shouted at her, "Miss!!!"
***Someone shouted. I looked back.
I was surprised to see him.
My heart beat faster.
***She responded when I called her. The girl turned around. I walked closer but when I saw her face, a new feeling surfaced within me.
Kaoru...
***It was Kenshin...
I couldn't believe he was really the man I bumped into. He walked closer to me, breathing hard.
I was still in my place. I couldn't move. I was speechless.
***I walked to her then quickly got my wallet on the glass shelf. I continued walking to her then stopped before her when I was so near. I couldn't breathe normally.
*** "Kenshin..." I spoke. He was as handsome as ever. But when I saw him, I realized that I have forgotten my hatred for him and I felt something new.
*** "Hi, Kaoru...It's n-nice to see you- again," I said.
*** I looked down on my hand then lifted it. I got the ring in it and gave it back to him. "I think this is yours..." I said. He got it from my hand. But it stayed longer on mine.
*** "Arigatou gozaimasu..." I thanked her. I finally hid the ring in my pocket and smiled sweetly at her.
"So...for whom is that ring?" she asked me uneasily. I grinned widely as I blushed.
"It's for my loved one..." I replied.
***I was hurt when he answered me like that.
So he had another fiancée. Maybe, he has forgotten me after all.
"Are you getting married?" I asked him sadly. I was pained by my own words. I didn't want to ask that to him. But then, somehow, I needed to know.
"If she agrees to my proposal..." he answered simply. I just smiled at him sadly.
***The words I spoke were full of meaning. Kaoru, don't you get it? You're my loved one and if ever you'll agree to my proposal, we'll get married. I hope you have understood that.
"Jou-chan!!!" a voice called. I saw a man running towards us behind Kaoru. He was the man who pulled Kaoru earlier away from the crowd.
***I looked back and was surprised to see Sanosuke coming towards us. When he reached us he quickly asked me, "Who's that?"
"He's Kenshin..." I answered as I glanced at Kenshin. He was just smiling at us.
"So, he's your childhood friend, right? It's good you have seen each other again," he said happily.
I looked at Kenshin and saw his sad eyes.
***Who is this man? And why is Kaoru so close to him?
***Suddenly, I got an idea. I embraced Sano then kissed him on the lips in front of Kenshin. I didn't want to do that but...I had to.
***I just stood in front them. My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't believe what I was seeing before my eyes.
My heart was going to burst from sadness and extreme jealousy.
Oh, Kaoru-dono...have you forgotten my love for you?
*** I released Sano. He was still shocked from what I've done. He looked at me, stupefied at what I did.
I faced Kenshin and saw him looking at us sadly and disappointedly. I didn't want him to be like that. But then...I just had to back fire the pain he has caused me when he told me that he had his loved one now. I was really waiting for him all the time. I didn't know he has another woman.
"Oh, I forgot to introduce to you to Sanosuke, Kenshin. He's my fiancé and we're getting married next month..." I lied.
"Hontou desuka?!" Sano exclaimed.
"Shut up," I whispered to him.
"So...best wishes, Kenshin. I know you would someday find your true love. I'm happy for you," I said. But really, I'm not.
***I was hurt by her words. So...she's going to be married.
"Best wishes, too, Kaoru-dono...I know you would truly find your happiness," I said sadly- forcing myself to smile. I turned back from them then walked away.
Suddenly, I forgot to tell her something. I turned around again and saw her.
"By the way, thanks for the ring..." Then, I left.
***We left the mall. And I can't still get Kenshin out of my mind. I was really surprised when he told me that I will really find my happiness someday. I remembered my wish when I saw the falling star.
But then...it didn't happen. My happiness is being with him. And it was too late when I realized it.
I still loved him. Whenever I would see him or hear his voice, my heart would beat faster.
When we arrived at the house, I went directly to my room to rest.
"Kaoru, wait..." Sano called me. I turned back and saw him.
"Could I have a minute with you?" he asked. I nodded my head sadly.
We went outside. We went to the yard. I looked at the night sky. It was beautiful. A breeze passed us and the leaves of the trees fell silently. I remembered that it was autumn.
"I know that what you did earlier was not true. You just did that to make that man jealous," he told me. I was shocked that he found that out. But then...
"Partly..." I said.
"What do you mean 'partly'?" he asked me.
"I did that to make him jealous but still," I explained sadly. "What I said was true."
"What do you mean?" he said. I embraced Sanosuke tightly and secretly cried.
"Let's get married..." I said.
***I couldn't sleep.
I was thinking about you- of what you said earlier and of what you acted.
I didn't know you'd look for someone. Anyways, I know I have no right to stop you from loving again. In the first place, who am I in your life? I'm just your childhood friend...
I suddenly sat up from my bed then got the pair of rings that I bought earlier.
I chuckled.
"Now...this will just be a remembrance of you, my dear...We both have to move on..."
***Three weeks passed and we have prepared everything for our marriage. The guests, the invitations, the flowers, the gown, the setting...Everything was arranged.
But, still...I haven't prepared myself for it. I guess it was wrong when I told Sano that we have to get married. It turns out that I'm just using Sano to forget Kenshin and that is being cruel. But really, I'm trying my best to love him the way I have loved Kenshin.
"Hey, Kaoru-sama, are you ready to have lunch with me?" Sano asked me.
"Hai...I'll go down in a minute," I said. He left. I continued looking at my photo album. I realized that every picture in that album was taken with Kenshin. He was in every picture.
I have been crying when I was browsing through it. I couldn't believe I'm getting married to someone I don't even love. I have wished before that it was Kenshin but then...it never happened.
The door of my bedroom opened suddenly. I turned back and saw Sano entering my room. I quickly closed the album and hid it under my pillow. I sat up and wiped my eyes.
He neared me and caressed my face. "Are you crying?" he asked me. I shook my head and chuckled.
"Have you forgotten? I'm experiencing some colds and I cry whenever I'm being attacked by it," I tried to reason out.
"Really, huh?" he said. He held my hand gently then brought it to his lips.
I was surprised when he did that. He looked directly to my eyes. I tried to turn away from his enticing glare...but-
But I just can't ignore him that easily. I don't want to hurt him.
Finally, he kissed it.
I didn't feel anything special.
Was it because my heart didn't beat for him?
Or was it because I'm preventing my heart from beating for him?
He looked at me again. I just smiled sadly. What was I suppose to do? Smile sweetly at him and appreciate what he did?
It's really a mistake when I agreed to marry him.
***Next day came. I woke up from my bed then went downstairs to have breakfast. After that, I took a nice and hot bath, dressed up then got my Nikon camera with me. I went to my mother's room then got the car keys. I was about to leave the house when my mother called my name.
"SHINTA!!!" she shouted. I knotted my eyebrows then went back inside.
"Nani wa?!" I asked back.
My mother came out from the kitchen then went closer to me. "Where do you think you're going again, my son?" she asked me. I frowned instantly. I was annoyed when she asked me that question.
"You don't care where I'm going so just keep yourself out of this. You don't know even a thing in my life so you better shut your mouth up," I spoke harshly at my own mother.
I saw how her eyes widened when I said those ruthless words. I couldn't believe I've said such a thing. I was really troubled that time and I'm all mixed-up. I didn't mean to shout back at her. It's just that...
I was really not myself that time.
Finally, her tears fell down from her eyes.
"How could you say that to your mother..?" she began to say. She broke down crying as she sat on the sofa. I tried to go to her closer but I wasn't able to do that.
"I'm sorry, mom...I didn't mean to...to shout at you like that," I said. She shook her head and continued crying. "How could you?" she said again. Suddenly, I just turned back then rode my car and drove towards my intended destination.
***We strolled down the road and watched the things and people around us. I was a bit contented at what I was feeling that time. I didn't want to feel anything special nor anything that would spoil my day. I was feeling the ordinary feeling I feel whenever I'm with my friend- Sanosuke Sagara. He then held my hand. I looked at him and was a bit startled at what he did.
"I love you, Kaoru..." he told me. I just smiled at him.
I turned my eyes from him and diverted my sight to other things. But suddenly, I felt when he powerfully dragged me to his body. I was astonished when he did that and I wasn't able to react.
He was able to kiss me without my permission. It's like harassing me. But I knew I couldn't do anything. Besides, it's his right to do that. I'm his.
"SHIMATTA!!!" someone shouted from behind.
I was quickly thrown away when I felt a strong force that sent my partner away from me. I fell to the ground and hit myself badly.
***At last! I was able to strike him. I felt a sensation lingering still in my right hand. I wanted to continue beating him up but I was stopped quickly when an awful sight came into my view.
I saw my loved one crawling to that man. She was caressing him and trying to wake him up. I wanted to shout at her and tell her that she should be doing that to me and not to that bastard.
***I was so afraid. I was afraid that he might not wake up anymore. Some blood spilled from the back of his head. I realized that he was thrown to the steel post near us. Maybe it was a strong impact.
"Sano...please wake up...Can you hear me? It's Kaoru here... Don't do this to me...Please, no!" I cried hysterically. What if he doesn't wake up? What was I suppose to do? He has to open his eyes! God, why?!
***I went closer to them. I saw some blood on Kaoru's hands. My mouth dropped open. I dropped on my knees and looked down on the ground.
I suddenly, noticed my camera. I just grinned sadly then held it tightly. I looked at the couple then took a nice picture.
***I continued crying. I didn't know what to do...
"Sano, please wake up! Can you hear me?! God, I love you! Don't leave me alone here! Onegai!!!" I cried loudly. I shook him violently but he just wouldn't wake up.
***I heard her words.
She said she loved him...What about me? Am I not important to her? I punched him because he stole a kiss from you. I saw your reaction. You didn't like it and I didn't like it either. But why are there now? Caressing him and confessing your feelings to him?
***I held him near me and hugged him tightly. Suddenly, I remembered that someone had to be responsible for this. I turned back and looked at the culprit. It was a red-haired man. He was kneeling in front of us. He had a camera. I quickly stood up then went to him.
"HOW DARE YOU?!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY FIANCE?! WHO ARE YOU TO DO THIS?!" I shouted angrily and furiously. I slapped the man and tried to beat him. He didn't react.
Suddenly, we both stood up and I continued hitting him.
When I was about to give him a hard slap, he lifted his head and his violet haze eyes looked at me directly.
"Kaoru...I did that because," he spoke sadly. "...because I still love you..."
I just gaped then still slapped him.
He just held his cheek and lowered his head.
Tears fell from my eyes again. But this time, silently...
I breathed in hard then released a disappointed sigh. "How could you say you still love me after all this time..?"
He just clenched his fist then released his camera from his hand. It fell but it was hung from his neck. I thought it would be broken.
"Kenshin, please- stop," I said as I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I continued my words, "STOP BOTHERING ME, WILL YOU??!!!"
***I didn't know what I was doing that moment. I didn't know what I said to her. The words just escaped from my mouth and I wasn't able to control my emotions.
"Kaoru-dono...I'm madly in love with you," I repeated. "Please hear me out," I lifted my head. I thought she would still be there to listen to me but...
She was back to that man. She put the man's arm on her shoulder then tried to drag him away from me.
I just smiled sadly at the scene.
"Sayonara..." I whispered to myself then turned back and headed back to my car. I have caused enough trouble.
I want to rest now.
***I was crying heavily when I dragged Sano away from Kenshin. I didn't want him to get into our argument. He was innocent of it.
I wanted to believe that he still loved me way back when. But I can't just do that. Something was trying to stop me from believing in his words. And I didn't know what the hell that was.
I glanced at Sano one time and saw his quiet face. I told myself, 'How could I let him be involved in Kenshin and mine's argument? He doesn't even know what truly happened between the two of us...'
We finally reached my house. I entered it then went to the living room. I placed Sano on the couch and quickly got a cold compress so it would soothe his feeling.
After sometime, he woke up.
"Sano..." I whispered sadly as I coldly smiled. I brushed his hair away from his face then touched his cheek.
"I heard everything that you both said..." he suddenly spoke as he turned his gaze away from me.
I was a bit startled. I thought he was unconscious at that time. I didn't want him to hear those. It would pain him so much.
"Tell me, Kaoru..." he said. He called me with my true name and didn't use 'Jou-chan'. Whenever he does this, it means what he's saying is serious or he's angry with me and we need to talk. "What happened between you and him that I don't know? I need to know everything. You know that very well."
I really didn't want to confess everything to him. He'd surely be hurt at what I'm just going to say. But then, his eyes told me that I shouldn't be so selfish and just think about of myself.
"Kenshin is my first love," I said. "I think you have figured that out by yourself."
"Yeah...The first time I saw the both of you meet, I knew there was some connection or bond that linked you. I didn't take notice of it because you were always telling me that he is just your childhood friend. And now, I'm so surprised that he's more than a childhood friend to you and that I can't accept," he explained as he sat up and looked directly at me.
I couldn't follow his gaze. I couldn't face him and tell him the whole truth that I have hidden from him.
"But, Sano, that was before. Everything has changed now...I have completely moved on but Kenshin? He is still stuck from a long lost memory of mine. I have long forgotten of those times and yet he still cannot accept the fact that I don't love him anymore," I explained sadly. But I was lying at myself- using ironic words, those words that held so untrue meanings of what I really felt for Shinta.
The doorbell rang. I still looked at Sano, pleading to him that he might accept my explanation. But he just gestured me to open the door and entertain the visitor.
I stood up from the couch and went towards the door. I opened it and to my surprise, I saw him again.
***I had heard everything that she told her fiancé. I was really heartbroken by her hurtful words.
I looked at her. She was standing before me and was so shocked to see me. I couldn't believe that the woman I have loved before had changed so drastically.
"So...this is the end?" I spoke sadly. I was trying my best to stop myself from crying.
She lowered her head then lifted it again. She looked at me as if I was a stranger to her.
"Why did you come back? I thought you didn't have the face anymore to see me and my boyfriend. But then, you're still here. What made you come back?" she asked me scornfully.
I held a handkerchief in front of her. It was filled with blood. I remembered that she used it to wipe out the blood from her boyfriend's head.
"I'm giving it back."
***I saw the handkerchief he showed to me. It was a bloody one. It was the one I used to get rid of the blood from Sano's head. And it was also the one that Kenshin gave to me before.
He looked at me sadly. I just got it from his hand then slid it into my pocket.
"Arigatou," I said.
"By the way, I'm so sorry for what happened earlier. I didn't mean to do that. It's just that I was overtaken by my emotions. But don't worry, next time, I will take more control of them," he told me painfully. "Or maybe next time...I may not possess those kinds of feelings anymore." He turned back from me then walked away from me.
I stared at him as left me. Soon, tears were falling down on my face. I didn't think he would tell me those words.
Will his feelings for me ever fade away? But how would I be able to take that fact? It is true that I don't want him to bother me anymore but then, it is not true that I want him to stop loving me.
Finally, I turned away from him and closed the door.
I slid my hand into my pocket then squeezed the hanky inside it. Then, I took it out and looked for the embroidered words. I was surprised when I saw it. It was the only part that wasn't stained with dirt and blood.
It said, 'Kaoru, I love you'. I wept again. I knew I still loved him and I don't want him to forget me. I just couldn't take that.
I walked towards the living room. I didn't glance at Sano. I just headed upstairs to go to my bedroom and rest for a while.
"You still love him, don't you?" Sano asked me. I stopped ascending upstairs. My head was lowered and I didn't look at him.
"Hai..." I truthfully told him.
He released a deep sigh. "So...you don't love me?" he said.
"Iiye..."
"Then what?!" he cried.
"I still love Kenshin...But, Sano, I will forget him. And I will surely do that. I know he's not for me. I'm just yours," I said painfully.
"Hontou, ne? I just hope," he said. I then continued climbing up the stairs. I was feeling dizzy. I was so tired and I couldn't think clearly.
I know I have lied to him again. But then...I don't have any choice.
***One whole week has passed. And it seemed like a lifetime for me. I have received an invitation from Kaoru's parents informing us of their daughter's incoming wedding. I could still feel some pain that she left within my heart. But, I had some improvement. I can manage myself now, not like before.
Her parents told me that she wanted me to come to her wedding- not as a past lover, but as a new friend. She had a good intention for that but, I'm not convinced. How could I just watch my loved one marry a man that should instead be me? But then, I won't bother them anymore.
I got the pair of rings from my cabinet. It was placed in a beautifully crafted box. I decided to just give it to Kaoru.
***After two or three days, my whole life will take its turn and take me to a different place- a different kind of life that I just can't imagine. A kind of life without freedom and...
Without him.
I'm trying my best to love Sanosuke the way I've loved Kenshin but it seems like I would never ever learn to do that.
There are superstitions that are needed to be followed before the wedding day so that the wedding will occur properly. I believed all of those. But, I have not followed one superstition that was the most essential of all. One time, I have received my wedding gown. It was believed that a woman should not wear it before the wedding day or else the wedding won't happen. But then, foolishly, I was so curious at how it looked like so I put it on- a mistake that I didn't tell anyone.
I do want the wedding to happen but...when I have worn the gown, I felt something different. I knew I've broken a superstition and have not followed it. But instead of lamenting it, I felt even gladder. Did that mean I didn't want the wedding to happen? But why? Was I still expecting that Kenshin should be my groom? But he had told me before that he can forget me anytime. How could I just think of that?
The doorbell rang. I climbed downstairs then opened the door. Surprisingly, no one was there. I tried to look for the person who pushed the doorbell. I was about to get out when I hit something. I looked down and saw a beautiful box. IT was wrapped with a wedding wrapper and a white ribbon was used to tie it. I got it then examined it carefully. There was a greeting card on it. I opened it and saw the words: "Best Wishes, Kaoru. I hope you'll use these during your wedding day. Please do."
Suddenly, a car passed by my house. Maybe, the one who gave this box to me quickly left and have ridden inside that car.
I went back inside my house and sat on the couch.
I untied the ribbon and carefully unwrapped the gift. I saw a beautifully crafted box. Its outer-covering was made of black velvet and it had a smooth feel. I opened the small box and surprisingly, a pair of diamond rings was placed inside.
I got them out and held them in my hands. They shone very brightly.
So, the person who gave these to me wanted us to use this during my wedding. A paper fell from the small box. I got it then read the short note.
IT went like this:
Kaoru-dono, please wear these rings during your wedding day. This is my last wish from you and I hope you would at least make it true for me. I won't come to your wedding because I have to leave and go away. You don't know how much pain it will bring to me when I'll see you walk down the aisle and kiss another man.
But if you would just do this favor for me, it would mean a lot to me. It's like you've also married me too.
Best wishes, my only loved one. I hope this is your true happiness.
Yours, Kenshin
I sighed. I didn't cry anymore. I have no more tears to shed. It's like I'm so tired of crying.
***Three days has passed. Today is Kaoru's wedding and today, all my memories of her will be gone by the time I'd flown out of the country. Finally, I would be able to forget her and all of my feelings for her. But, I know it won't be easy. She has become a big part of my life. And if she'll be gone, it's like I'm half-dead.
My mother called me on my cellphone and told me to arrive at the airport at about 10 a.m. She told me that she was going to miss me much and even my father who was right now in Hokkaido. My destination was to Paris. We had some relatives there and my mother advised me that it would be more OK if I'd stay with them so it won't be hard for me when I'd decide to go 'round the towns.
10 a.m. was also the start of Kaoru's wedding. What a coincidence...But then...
I don't like coincidences. I don't even believe in them. For me, they mean destiny.
So does it mean that it's my destiny to be away from Kaoru?
After sometime, I have arrived at the airport at about 9:45 a.m. I wanted to go back to my house and drive my car to the church and stop the wedding. But as I've promised to Kaoru, I won't bother them anymore.
Suddenly, my phone rang again. I got it and thought that it was my mother who was calling. Surprisingly, no name flashed on its screen. IT was just the number.
So who could be the one who's calling me? I pressed the 'answer' key and said 'Hello'.
A strange voice answered me.
***Today is my wedding. And I also know that Kenshin will also leave the country this day- and will leave me.
Any minute now, someone will fetch me using the bridal car and take me to the church. I haven't even dressed up and fixed myself. I was feeling lazy. It's like nothing will happen this day.
My mother went inside my room and was surprised to see me just sitting on the chair and looking at myself on the mirror.
"Kaoru, why haven't you put on your gown? Your car will arrive any minute now," she said.
"I'm feeling afraid of what is going to happen later at the wedding ceremony...I don't want it to be like before. My groom should be there. He shouldn't leave me and make me wait for him for a very long time. Mom, I want him to be there!!!" I finally broke down. I cried heavily as I moaned. I instantly remembered what happened before my first wedding. Kenshin didn't come because he visited the grave of Tomoe. At first, I was even glad that he didn't arrive because in the first place, I didn't know it was him I was going to marry. But when I think of it today, I feel regretful of that day. If he just went to that wedding and married me then maybe we're not facing any hardship now. But then, it was too late. And we can't turn back the hands of time.
My mother comforted me. "Kaoru, everything will be fine. Sano will be there and he won't hurt you not like what happened before," she explained as she hugged me tightly.
After sometime, I have dressed up and fixed my hair and my face. My hair was in a big bun and light makeup was applied on my face. I faced the big mirror in my room and looked at myself. I was beautiful. But my face was lifeless. I knew it would be a nightmare to enter this kind of relationship with Sano.
The bridal car soon came. I went out of our house and stepped into the car. Then the driver maneuvered it and we drove off. I smiled sadly.
"Sayonara, Ken-san," I whispered to myself. Suddenly, a tear rolled on my cheek.
We finally arrived at the church. I stepped out of the car. My parents were already there. They ushered me inside the church and soon the wedding ceremony started.
They have marched down the aisle while the choir was singing the wedding song. I wasn't at myself that moment. I feel like I wanted to cry and leave the place. My thoughts kept on scolding and screaming at me. They kept on telling me that I should've told Sano before that I can't really love him the way I have loved Kenshin and that I love Kenshin so much. I can't take the fact that he's going to leave me again.
Now, it's my time to march down the aisle. My veil covered my face properly so I didn't smile. I knew people wouldn't be able to see my face clearly.
As I walked down the aisle, my heart doubled its beat. I couldn't even hear anything from my surroundings. I just looked straight at the altar and never felt so lonely before.
I've reached the place. I didn't look at Sano. I didn't want to look at him. I have no face to show him anymore. I wanted to apologize to him and tell him the whole truth but it was too late for apologies and confessions.
I haven't taken notice of time. I just heard my heartbeat and my breathing. I haven't even heard the words 'I do' from Sano's mouth when the priest asked him.
"Now, woman, do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband and promise to spend your life with him for richer or for poorer, for sickness or in health, for better or for worse, till death do you part?" the priest asked me. A tear fell from eye when I heard his words. Sano held my hand tightly, But still, I didn't face him. I didn't want him to expect.
My old memories with Kenshin- both happy and sad- flashed before me. I couldn't believe that everything would just come to a bitter ending like this.
"I repeat," the priest said. "Do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband and promise to spend your life with him forever for richer or for poorer, for sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do you part?"
My lips parted slightly. I felt so cold. Suddenly, the words came out. I was regretful about it.
"I...do," I finally spoke.
The people clapped loudly and again, I wasn't at myself that time. I couldn't even hear their shouting voices or their cheers.
Then, I just felt that Sano had slid the ring that Kenshin gave to me into my finger. A boy gave the other ring to me. I got it then was about to slid it to Sano's finger when it slipped from my fingers and fell. I quickly stooped down to get it. Sano also knelt down to find it. When I lifted my head to stand up and give the ring to Sano, I noticed that I was facing a different man.
I was facing a familiar person- the one whom have hurt me so much through the past three years.
I stood up and he held my hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. Suddenly, I cried hard. I cried heavily as I moaned. I was shivering when I slid the ring into his finger. I was feeling so many emotions. I couldn't distinguish one from the other. I don't know if I'm happy or angry or I was just feeling some yearning for the person before me.
"You may now kiss the bride," the priest announced. My groom lifted my veil. I was crying so hard that time. He wiped my tears by his fingers.
"Kaoru-dono, ai shiteru," he spoke. He pulled me into his strong muscular arms and kissed me. I was quieted by his passionate kiss.
I've never felt so happy before. I was so glad that Kenshin was back and that I have finally married him.
***I continued holding her in my arms. I didn't want to let her go. I have her now. I don't want to lose her anymore.
I'm so grateful that Sano called me at the airport and told me to replace him. He already knew that I was really the man for Kaoru and not him.
Well, that's true.
Finally, I have her back in my arms. I love her so much.
Kaoru-dono, I won't leave you anymore. You are my life, my heart and my soul. Without you, it's like I'm also dead, lifeless.
Then, I tightened my hug and kissed her for a long time. I want it to be like this forever. Suddenly, snow fell outside the church. Winter has arrived.
The Sakura trees began shedding its leaves and flowers. Gravity has been calling them down to earth.
Just like the first time...
***OWARI***