Story of a Life
My name is Dearka. I'm the son of former council member Tad Elsman and lady Verena Elsman… and this is my story.
I grew up in a large lavish house. Sometimes it seemed to have more bedrooms than I could count. Not that I couldn't, more like I didn't want to bother. My mother was a loving woman. She made that large stuffy house into a home. It was the small things she use to do. She refused to have a cook come into our home no matter how much my father insisted. All the other councilors had cooks, but she didn't want to be like them. She want her home to be filled with the smell of her cooking. She never had funiture I couldn't sit on. Unlike Yzak's home where you couldn't find a place you could.
My mother always did and always will dance to the beat of her own drum. Inside her home it's what her family thinks and feels that always mattered, not the thoughts of others. It made growing up a relaxing and fun experience… when it was just the two of us.
My father was a strict man, who seemed to always question everything I ever did. But he taught me many things. Things he thought would make me a man. When in truth they made me a horrible person. With his influence I grew up thinking naturals were horrible creatures that should die out. That they were, and always would be beneath us. I became arrogant and a jerk. But this wouldn't last forever.
I remember the days before the war like a distant memory now. Nearly five years have past since the day I sat down with father and told him of my plans of joining the military. Tensions between the natural and coordinators were at an all time high. It was only a matter of time before a war would break out. And I wanted to be there fighting for my people. Fighting against those creatures that had no right to exist anymore.
I thought my father would be happy. But being a moderate member of the council he was generally opposed to war, and the thought of his only child fighting in a war was not something he ever wanted. My father was angry at the idea. He wanted me to finish school and follow in his footsteps. He didn't want me risking my life for some silly war. Back then I didn't understand his opposition. He hated naturals, he should have been proud that I was going to fight against them. But I was young and arrogant. I saw this as him being unsupportive and I accused him of being more worried about his political reputation.
During my time at the academy Junius seven happened. The Bloody Valentine War began and all hell broke loose. My father and I began to argue more and more. He believed that our actions in that war needed to be smart and well guided. I, on the other hand, believed we needed a more drastic approach to end the war, something that was against everything my father stood for.
I remember the day I graduated from the academy. I kept a close eye on him the entire time. He looked so uncomfortable. It made me angry. I had hoped my father would at least be proud of my accomplishments, graduating in the top 1% of my class. But instead it felt like her wasn't proud of me at all. Guess you could say it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was convinced my father didn't care what would happen to me, but only how he appeared in the eyes of his constituents. I didn't know back then that the truth was my father knew in that moment he lost me and who I once was forever.
I had no contact with my parents during the war. In fact, other than broadcasts of the council meeting I wouldn't have known what my father was doing at all. Everything from that point seemed to happen so fast. Like a blur. Becoming a member of the Rau Le Creuset team. Attacking Heliopolis. Losing Miguel and Rusty. Chasing and attacking the ARCHANGEL at every chance we got. Falling to Earth trying to help Yzak. Rejoining Athrun and Nicol on Earth. Continuing our pursuit of the legged ship. Then finally losing Nicol, and days later being captured after a battle we entered blinded by rage and grief.
That day I was listed as MIA. I never really thought about what my folks would think. My file was handed to my father a few weeks later. With all the confusion of Patrick Zala being the new Chairman and later Siegel Clynes death, my disappearance had been thrown on the back burner. When he opened the file a large red stamp with 'MIA' was across my face and credentials. In his eyes I was gone, killed by naturals. That day his political views changed and he became a radical. He vowed to follow Patrick Zala to the end.
During this time I was a prisoner. I had surrendered to the ARCHANGEL. I still don't know why I did it. Maybe it was destiny? Maybe my soul knew something the rest of me didn't. Maybe it knew it someone on that ship needed me as my as I needed them.
Miriallia. There are no words that could describe her that would do her justice. She was a plain girl and yet extraordinary. Her smile could melt the coldest heart, not that I ever saw it back when I was on that ship. Her voice made me weak, gave me butterflies in my stomach like I had never felt before. I had never in my life been so nervous around a girl and yet here I was always saying the wrong things because she made it hard for me to form a thought. But all that was trumped by the fact she was a natural. I was confused to say the least. She was everything I was suppose to be against, but nothing like she was suppose to be in my mind.
Sometimes I think I fell in love with her the moment our eyes first met in the hallway of the ARCHANGEL. Her eyes were filled with tears for another man. I was hurt from the crash in my BUSTER. Ribs cracked and arms tied behind my back. I had this overwhelming feeling to asked her if she was ok. To tell her not to cry, but instead I chose to be cruel. She was the enemy. It was the correct response to give the enemy… but not to a girl grieving.
I was taken to the sickbay after that. There I waited for a few days to have my injuries taken care of. I don't know if they wanted me to suffer or if their doctor truly was busy at that time. All I know was the pain was making it hard to breath, even my reaction time seemed to be hindered. Finally someone walked in the room. They didn't speak. I only saw their shadow. Thinking it was the doctor I spoke.
I startled the person. It turned out it was that girl from the hall. Angry and confused by the feels I felt again I spat off some insults. I never thought some of them would be spot on. Nor did I ever think she would attack a guy who was both tied up and already injured. She grabbed a knife and tried to stab me. Normally even tied up I would be able to escape in time, but my ribs slowed me down. She grazed my forehead and we crashed to the floor. Hearing the commotion her friend came in the room and stopped her from any further damage.
She was crying, harder then I had ever seen anyone cry before. One of the things I said cut her deeper than the knife had me. Her boyfriend was killed the day I was captured. And I had just rubbed salt in that wound. Looking at her I started to realize, maybe my father was wrong about naturals. Maybe they weren't terrible creatures.
I was broken from those thoughts when I heard the clicking of the safety being released from a handgun. I looked over to see the crazy maroon haired girl about to shoot me. Time stood still. She spat off about how all coordinators deserved to die before pulling the trigger. I closed my eyes, ready to accept my death, when instead I felt glass fall all over me. I opened my eyes and there Miriallia was on top of this girl. She had saved my life. It was a debt and would never forget.
I spent the next few weeks in the brig. I was their prisoner and I was finally in my cell. Everyday I began looking forward to meal time. It was the only time I would see anyone, and most times it was her. The girl who saved my life, and the girl I now had an enormous inappropriate crush on. Every visit I tried to get information from her. Whether it was what happened to her boyfriend, things about the current state of the war or her name.
The first time I heard her name it was like learning the name of an angel. It was perfect. Somehow it made me want to know her more. She created so much confusion in my head. Being a prisoner was like being in a fog I couldn't see through, and she was the only light guiding me through it all.
Finally the day came and she brought me my flight suit. She informed me that Orb was going to be under attack soon my OMNI and I needed to escape while I still could. My thought were consumed with concern for her. Was she really not going to escape? Was she going to fight a battle they had no chance of winning. I could help but think out loud about how stupid naturals were. Something that didn't go unnoticed by her. I wanted her to come with me. I wanted her to run and get to safety. But Orb was her home and she was dedicated to protecting it.
Later I stood on a mountainside in Orb watching the ARCHANGEL in the distance. They were under heavy fire. There was no one to defend them, everyone was too busy protecting the mainland and fighting off the new mobile suits. Without additional support they would soon fall. My mind was flooded with thoughts of the girl and debt I had yet to repay.
That day I made a decision that would change my life forever. I found my BUSTER and I defended the ARCHANGEL for the first time. But it wasn't my last. From that day until the day of ceasefire I was by that ship's side, by her side. She tried so many times to push me away, as I did my feelings for her but it was impossible. We were like two magnets being drawn together.
It was attraction neither of us could deny. We remain on the ARCHANGEL for two weeks after that. The ship was in disrepair and I was unclear of where to go next. Whether I should go back to the PLANTs or if maybe there was a place for me in Orb. Mir made that decision difficult. We had started some sort of relationship during those weeks and I wanted to stay with her. But at the same time we both knew she wasn't ready. Going back to the PLANTs didn't seem like a clear answer either. After the fighting ended I began catching up on what my father was doing after my disappearance. I couldn't help but be disappointed that he was now a radical, although once Zala seemed to go off the deep end he changed back to a moderate. Clever I would have to say for sure. The man knew how to keep himself out of trouble.
That was more than I could say for myself. As I was trying to decided which road to take in my life that decision was made for me when a representative from the council arrive on the ship. I was given a few moments to say goodbye to everyone, to hug Miriallia one last time, before I was arrested. I never thought I would see any of them again.
I was taken back to the PLANTs. I was then court martialed and put on trial for being a deserter, a crime that could have caused me to face the death penalty. Lucky for me someone had my back. Chairman Gilbert Durandal acquitted me of the charges and I was freed to go and even given the chance to have my old position back in the military.
Looking at that old red uniform it didn't feel right. I wanted to be a soldier again but not the soldier I was. I was someone new and my uniform and rank needed to reflect that. I decided instead to enlist as a regular soldier. It gave me more freedom, more time off and a chance to find Miriallia again. I needed time before going back to the military. I wanted to go to Orb and find what I really wanted.
But before that I went to see my parents. It had been at over a year since I had seen them. When I saw my father I knew what he was thinking. He was angry I deflected, not only at me but at himself for fighting against me the whole time. He was also disappointed that I never contacted them to let them know I was alive, especially since my mother grieved for months. But nothing enraged him more than when I told him I was in love. That everything I did was because of a girl, a natural.
From that point on my father seemed to pick apart every decision I made. The worst was how he spoke of Mir, someone he didn't even know. He spoke about her in sure a derogatory manner the it fuel one of our worst fights. I never thought in a million years I would be defending a natural, but here I was arguing about what an amazing person she was.
I left that day and went to Orb. After a few phone calls I found out where she lived. knocking on her door for the first time was a terrifying experience. One that was worth it the moment the door opened. I saw her smile for the first time, then cry for the hundredth. She leaped forward wrapping her arms around my neck and held her close. She was mine and I was hers.
Things were hard, I was fighting everything that I was taught growing up. I was dating someone society said was forbidden. We dated for almost 7 months. I stayed living in Orb the entire time, forgetting about the military. A few times I visited home but would always leave early after a fight with my father. I never told Mir about these fights, never told her about his feelings about her. All she knew was he and I didn't get along.
We would always be together I thought. But life is never that simple. She had a passion for photography. One I admired for sure. She was talented and I knew she would make a great career out of it. But what she wanted to do with that talent scared me. She wanted to be a war photographer. She wanted to visit old battlefields and document the past. I couldn't help but think of the dangers and want her safety above all else.
I never thought voicing these concerns would lead to the fight that would end our relationship. She thought I was unsupportive, maybe I was. I didn't support it because I wanted her to be safe. I never thought about what she wanted. I only thought about myself. I was still angry and damaged from the war. I wanted to forget everything about it and she wanted to dive head first back into it. The fight lasted on and off for a few days until she finally decided enough was enough. She ended things with me and headed back to the PLANTs.
When I arrived I visited my parents one last time before rejoining the military. My father tried to start a fight over Mir again which I quickly was able to shut down for once. I told him I wasn't going to argue about her again. That I was stupid for leaving ZAFT for some girl. I loved Miriallia still, but I was hurt.
My father thought I was foolish and reckless before, but after this we began to talk more. I learned he had joined Zala to protect my mother and himself from meeting the same fate as former Chairman Clyne. And I explained why I turned on ZAFT. That I fought against OMNI for her but I stayed because I believed it was the right thing to do to end the war.
I joined ZAFT again as a green uniform soldier. I watched from the sidelines as tensions between Earth and the PLANTs began to escalate once more. As tensions grew so did they between my father and I. Everything came to a boiling point when I Second Bloody Valentine War started. Since then we haven't spoken. There wasn't time. Not with everything unfolding so quickly.
So many lives were lost. Many PLANTs fell. So much death. Then there was this, the final battle. The Chairman seemed to have gone insane. Firing against enemy and ally alike. In all the confusion my Commander and best friend Yzak decided we needed to protect the ETERNAL. For the first time since I re-joined ZAFT I felt like I was doing the right thing. Like I was in the right place.
Now the fighting is over. I'm standing at the crossroads of my life once more. Wandering where I should go. I could turn around and return to the VOLTAIRE, continue to fight for ZAFT, fight to protect the PLANTs… or… I could go to the ARCHANGEL. Miriallia is there, I know she is, she wouldn't be the girl I love if she wasn't. I could beg her for her forgiveness, beg her to take me back.
I don't know what is right for me anymore, not that I ever did. I'm not the guy I was when I joined ZAFT the first time. And I'm not the guy I was when I dated her either. I've changed and I'm caught not know where I belong anymore. Lost in the story of my life…
End