Yeah, I'm aware that therapists aren't supposed to judge their patients/victims, or even make suggestions...But keep in mind, this idea came from a game I used to play with my friend, Mary, at recess in fourth grade...I would play the therapist, and she would play the patient...
Mird: So, patient, what's your problem?!
Mary: I'm trying to grow a garden...But I keep eating the flowers! What do I do?
Mird: Hmm...This is a tough one...I know! Put poison in the water that you use for your flowers! That way, if you eat them, you die!
Mary: Wow! Great idea! Thanks!
Needless to say, Mary always died. Poor Mary.
What's your problem?
Chapter One
Edward Elric
Ed sat down on a comfortable brown chair. He stared at Mird, dumbfounded. "Since when are you a therapist?"
Mird grinned. "Since right now! I've got the glasses, the notepad, everything! I'm also incessantly annoying! What's more therapist-y than that?"
"Uh..."
"You don't need to answer that. Now, let's get started! Ed, what's your problem?"
Ed took a deep breath. "Well, doctor...I don't have a problem. It's the rest of the world that has a problem. You see...They're all too tall."
Mird said nothing.
Mird said more nothing.
Mird continued to say nothing until the nothingness that came from her mouth was nothingly-nothingish that it threatened to drive Ed even closer to insanity than he already was.
"GAH! SAY SOMETHING!" Ed exclaimed when he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Oh...Uh, right," Mird said. "Sorry, I kinda fell asleep."
Ed stared at her. "With...Your eyes open?"
"Hmm? Oh, no. There are eyes painted on my glasses. How else do you think therapists can stand to listen to their patients going on and on about their stupid problems?"
Ed made a mental note not to pay Mird.
"Uh, what was your problem again? Oh, right. Your shortness. Come with me." Mird took Ed by the arm and led him to a small room in the back of her office. (Ha! I have an office! Be jealous.)
She strapped his arms and legs to a table that looked vaguely torturous. "Um...What are you doing?" Ed asked uneasily.
"Making you taller!" Mird grinned as she started turning a lever.
Ed screamed so loudly that Hiromu Arakawa looked up from her drawing of a hawt picture of Ed, wondering what the noise was.
(This takes place in the USA, by the way...How did Ed get here? We don't know.)
Ed walked out of the room unsteadily, still slightly traumatized by his encounter with the infamous stretching machine.
He groaned loudly and imagined multiple painful ways of killing Mird. Until...
He caught sight of himself in the mirror.
Ed screamed so loudly that Hiromu Arakawa looked up from her drawing of a hawt picture of Ed, wondering where that sound of pure happiness was coming from. She shrugged. It didn't really matter, did it?
-End chapter one-