Don't Let Me Down
Chapter 1
A/N: Ash, Serena and Clemont are 15 years old while Bonnie is 12 years old. Reviews will be highly appreciated.
"Ash!" Serena called as she walked through the hotel suite the gang was sharing. "Ash, where are you?"
She finally found him in the living room with Clemont and Bonnie. Wondering why she hadn't checked here first, Serena leaned over the couch Ash was sitting on. Pikachu was quietly sleeping in Ash's room with Dedenne. She then tapped Ash on the shoulder. The would be –Pokémon Master looked lazily at her, training having drained a lot of life from him.
"Yeah, Serena?" he asked.
"Just wondering if you wanted to see the new stuff me and my Pokémon have come up with." Serena looked hopeful. Ash sighed and shook his head.
"Sorry, Serena, but all I want to do now is take a nap. You don't mind, right?" He replied, laying down and taking off his hat.
"No, of course not," replied Serena. She then righted herself and lazily strode around to sit on the last empty chair in the room. Bonnie briefly looked up at her "sister" and smiled. She and Clemont were talking about some inventions, travel plans, caring for Pokémon, etc. Then Bonnie turned back her attention to her big brother.
Serena sighed; she'd hoped maybe Ash would have watched her rehearsal. The months of travelling and trying to find her goal and just the general lack of privacy was beginning to take a toll on the performer. She now felt like a machine, there to smile the phoney smile, which had become phoney some weeks ago. And of course, the crippling inferiority complex which had gripped her some weeks back. These thoughts would nag at her, reminding her that she was easily replaceable all the time. Digging up memories of the mistakes she made in her performances was seriously not helping. Not to mention the thoughts she had of holding back Ash from realizing his true potential.
In a word, Serena was depressed. She didn't really know what had brought it on; she didn't really know how to make them go away. This could only be ignored when Serena was doing something else.
Like talking with Ash.
Serena cast another hopeful glance that soured when she realised her secret love was fast asleep. The thoughts dancing in her head laughed at her for being so needy and that barred Serena from trying to get Clemont or Bonnie's attention. Instead she stood and walked towards the bedroom she was sharing with Bonnie. Maybe she could take a nap too.
Bonnie watched Serena walk off, waiting for her to close the door before nudging Clemont in the leg.
"What?" He asked, not looking away from his maps. The route was not a good one...
"You think Serena's okay?" Bonnie asked softly, for a moment fearing Serena was overhearing them.
"Of course. She seems perfectly okay," answered Clemont, still not looking at Bonnie.
"Brother." Bonnie groaned.
"Bonnie, Serena's a big, mature girl. She can handle herself. She doesn't need you to look out for her, y'know." Clemont answered, finally looking at Bonnie through his thick-framed glasses. Bonnie merely scowled and returned to her work before muttering.
"She seemed a little down."
"Well, her last performance was almost a disaster, so she's probably upset over that."
"But it was days ago, bro, and she was fine towards the end," argued Bonnie. "I don't know, just a feeling I guess, just something didn't seem right when he was sitting here."
"She's fine, Bonnie, trust me. I know her. Now, help me finish up with these maps and we can be done for today." Clemont said firmly.
2 Days Later...
Serena stared at her forkful of pasta before taking a tentative bite. Hunger had left her in the last week, only ever reappearing hours later in the middle of the night when Serena would wake up. But then it would die off just as quickly and she'd fall back to sleep, sometimes dreaming...sometimes not. She never really seemed to remember what she dreamed so she couldn't tell if they were good or bad.
She watched the others eat, Ash devouring the food like he hadn't eaten it weeks and Bonnie eating properly, like her mother had taught her to. Clemont was taking a slow drink of his coke. Serena briefly, and accidently, made eye contact with Ash. The trainer set his fork down and looked over at her.
"You okay?"
"What? Yeah." Serena said, looking at Ash like he was crazy.
"Well, it's just, you've barely eaten. All day."
"It's nothing." Serena shrugged.
"That's weird."
By now Clemont and Bonnie were silently watching the exchange and when Serena gave another uninterested shrug, Clemont piped up. "He is right, Serena. You have been acting strange lately."
"Will everyone just get off my back? I'm not hungry today, no big deal, guys!" Serena snapped, a real strange thing for her, getting up and muttering. "I'm going to bed." From there she quickly strode to the room, slamming the door.
Ash made to go after her but was stopped by Bonnie.
"Give her sometime, Ash. It'll be easier to talk to her then," said Bonnie. "In fact, maybe I should talk to her."
"You think you can do it?" Clemont never really trusted his sister with things like these. Bonnie sighed at the scientist before finishing her own dinner and standing up.
"I'm gonna talk to her. Don't disturb us," she instructed, to which both Ash and Clemont sighed.
The room Bonnie and Serena were sharing was dark, the moonlight seeping in through the drawn blinds and casting a striped shadow over Serena's bed, where a Serena sized lump was hiding under the covers.
"Serena?" Bonnie called gently, closing the door behind her. Serena barely moved and Bonnie thought she heard a sniffle. Bonnie walked slowly to Serena's bedside and sat down on the side Serena was facing away from.
Then, without warning, Bonnie sighed loudly and flopped back against Serena's legs.
"Ouch!" Serena cried, sitting up and looking down at the rookie, annoyed.
Bonnie grinned up at her and said, "Now that I have your attention..."
"What do you want, Bonnie?"Grumbled Serena, lying back down as Bonnie sat up.
Bonnie paused, trying to phrase the question in a way that wouldn't put up Serena's defences.
"Just wondering what life is for Serena right now." Bonnie shrugged. "We don't talk much nowadays."
"Well," said Serena after a few seconds. "You're always busy...working with Clemont."
"Are you jealous of him?"
"No!" Serena said quickly. "He's your brother. It's just that, it doesn't allow for a lot of time together, right?" Serena wasn't looking at Bonnie; instead she watched the wallpaper across the room.
"So...do you miss me then?" asked Bonnie.
"Maybe?" Serena shrugged.
"I'm right here, Serena, just so you know."
Serena's voice was getting small, "I do..."
Bonnie nodded slowly again, trying to think of something else to say. Then she craned her neck to see Serena's face.
It was empty, void of any light from within. The face and cheekbones had a dark feel to them, like there was something pushing to break free from Serena's being. Like she was hiding something.
"Serena...I can tell when something's bothering you."
Serena mentally smirked. Could she now? Then what the hell took her so long to say anything? Serena cast a dry glance at her younger 'sister' and said emotionlessly. "Is that right?"
"Well...yeah," shrugged Bonnie. "So, what's bothering you?"
"Bonnie-"
"And don't go saying there isn't because there must be," as persistent as ever. "You wouldn't give up 3 meals in a row if there wasn't."
"I didn't-"
"Not eating the whole meal is giving it up, Serena, so talk," said Bonnie, leaning over Serena's thin body to stare at her square in the eyes.
Serena sighed, feeling the deep cavity in her chest grow with the emptiness that had been filling her for weeks now. Did she really have to talk to Bonnie? She probably wouldn't understand...and maybe she'd get bored with listening to Serena's problems...Serena wouldn't be surprised if she did. She was growing pretty tired with herself, personally.
"It's nothing, Bonnie. Really." Serena said, offering a weak smile as an excuse. A weak excuse. Truthfully, Serena wanted to spill everything to the girl who had acted like a younger sister to her since she'd met him. She wanted Bonnie to hold her, to make the emptiness go away. That was really a pathetic cry for help, in her opinion.
But she knew Bonnie probably wouldn't, so she kept quiet.
Bonnie rolled her eyes, sighing tiredly. "Serena," She scooted closer to Serena. "I can also tell when you're lying."
Serena seemed to shrink into herself, looking at the sheets.
"Come on, Serena, just out with it. You'll feel better." Bonnie was getting worried, how serious was Serena's problem? Had she done something? Was she scared of getting in trouble?
"Um...Well..." Serena rubbed the corner of her blanket in between her fingers as she talked. "Have you ever just...felt sad?"
Bonnie furrowed her brows, shaking her head slowly. "Not really...maybe a little after my grandpa died...but not recently."
"Oh...well..." shrugged Serena. "I meant...not with any real reason. Just, not happy?"
"For absolutely no reason?" asked Bonnie.
"Yep."
"Serena, are you not happy?"
Serena cast a dry look at Bonnie who let her head fall to the side in a questioning manner. Serena sighed and sat up, staring at his hands.
"I don't know...just...it's hard to enjoy always and after messing up all the time in rehearsals." Serena said quietly.
Bonnie smiled, feeling slightly relieved but then feeling guilty over the relief. Serena hadn't done anything to get herself into trouble, but she wasn't happy either. This was strange.
Unsure of how to handle this, Bonnie moved to sit right next to Serena on the bed and threw an arm over his shoulder.
"Well, you know what I enjoy?" asked Bonnie gently. "Hanging out with my big sister and my best friends."
Serena smiled, for a nanosecond. "I'm not that older than you."
"You're still older," replied Bonnie. "Look, Serena, it's all right, ok? I promise."
Serena remained silent, looking towards the window and away from Bonnie. "I'm not so sure, Bonnie." The gnawing emptiness in her heart was beginning to ache. Bonnie's smile slipped from her face but she didn't move from her position.
"You don't have to be happy all the time, Serena," she said quietly. "It's alright to not be happy every once in a while."
Serena was quiet, thinking. She wanted Bonnie to stay there as the thoughts of her being useless and holding Ash back threatened to consume her. They were pushing their way up her chest, threatening to break her ribs and shatter her lung. She wanted it all to go away but that didn't even seem possible.
Her lower jaw quivered and Bonnie felt Serena's muscles tighten under her arm as her breathing became a little heavier.
"Serena..." Bonnie pulled Serena closer and the performer didn't fight. Although everything inside her screamed this was wrong: stupid, maybe even childish. Had to be held like a crying child who just woke from a nightmare? How pathetic. The pain in her chest constricted around her lungs and heart even tighter and Serena felt something slide down her cheek.
Seeing the tear, Bonnie wrapped the other arm around Serena and moved closer so she could get in a more comfortable position.
"I'm sorry." She whispered into Serena's hair, laying her head against the performer's.
Serena didn't say anything, but she did wonder how it was Bonnie's fault that Serena was so useless? Sure, she always advocated for her presence in the group...but now Serena was personally tired of being the damsel in distress and holding back the others.
Feeling childish and very un-cool, Serena pulled away, laying back down on the pillow and drying her eyes, this proving to be a fruitless task as the tears apparently weren't done.
Bonnie sighed, rubbing her shoulder before reaching to the water jug next to the bed and pouring out a glass.
"Here." She said, holding it out to Serena. Serene gulped down the water quickly and gave back the glass.
"Any better?" asked Bonnie, to which he got a drowsy shrug from Serena.
"Well, just go to sleep then. I'll be here in the morning," said Bonnie as Serena fell asleep.