Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly ( Chapter I )
Staring up at the smooth white ceiling, Hitomi could feel her chest rise and fall as she took quiet breaths. The walls of the flat were tall with crisp lines, the windows allowing white moonlight to pour through the sheer curtains. Mahogany furniture complimented the black and white photography framed artfully along the walls, the floors a darker wood. Gray shadows played on the walls as the sound of traffic was quiet, calming.
Your body's warm,
But you are not...
Van had left that morning, and it was the same manner he had left in all week. Distant, cold, avoiding her. He had ignored all her small talk, only occasionally grunting or giving her a bored, fleeting stare. Normally, Hitomi would have left his place by now. But all day, she had just stayed in the same spot, staring at the ceiling.
The quiet creak, then the thud of the door shutting alerted her, and she propped herself onto her elbows. The jingle of his keys falling onto the plate in the hallway was exactly how it sounded every time she heard it, and she sat up completely before drawing her knees into her torso. There was a click, the sound of the coffee maker being turned on. Footsteps, and then...
"I didn't know you were still here," came that deadpan drawl, and Hitomi looked down into her lap. "I'll leave."
You give a little,
Not a lot.
"Don't go," Hitomi spoke up, and Van turned around to leave. His hand paused against the door frame, and he turned around, a smirk playing on his features.
"Why not?" he questioned, a taunting look in his maroon eyes. Hitomi averted her eyes again.
"We... We need to talk," she stuttered, balling up the sheets in her hands as her hair fell in her eyes.
"Well, talk then," Van sighed, "What is it this time?" The flat tone surprised Hitomi, and she shook her head disbelievingly, speechless. "I thought you had something to say," pressed Van, and Hitomi nodded silently.
"Yes, sorry. Uh, I was just wondering," she began unsurely, before looking up more resolutely, "What's wrong? You leave so quickly in the morning, and you seem so distant."
"It's not--" Van began dryly, and Hitomi smiled back grimly.
"You it's me?" she finished, and Van cracked another smirk.
"Touché. Don't get your panties into a bunch," he assured noncommittally, "I just realized that we have no future together that's worth pursuing. So I don't want to waste your time anymore."
I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
"I thought you loved me?" Hitomi questioned, her eyes hard. She kept her posture with grace, but the corners of her eyes twitched slightly as unshed tears stung at them.
"I would have said anything during sex. You shouldn't take everything literally."
"Literally?" Hitomi echoed, and she squinted her jade eyes. "Then I want you to literally tell me you don't love me."
"Are you a masochist?" Van snorted, "Do you honestly want to hear what I have to say?"
"Yes."
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
"I was just using you to make me look better then my brother. We're both business men, you know that," Van said casually, as if speaking to a secretary about his lunch, "But if I showed that I had a relationship, that would give me the higher edge."
"You're not that mean," Hitomi breathed, "You're not that cruel."
"I'm just a really good actor."
Hitomi suddenly wished she wasn't in Van's bed, wearing the clothes Van gave her. He continued venomously.
"You're the daughter of a man who works in my mail room," Van drawled relentlessly, "So pure, good. I had to show you some sort of affection or you would never associate yourself with me." There was a long silence, only Hitomi gripping the sheets tighter, her knuckles white. Her eyes were glued on his, their gazes both frighteningly intense.
"Stop it."
"I never loved you," Van said plainly, but the edge was gone in his voice. It was like he was trying to explain to a child that the tooth fairy didn't exist.
"You're a bloody bastard," Hitomi seethed after a moment, and Van chuckled lightly.
"You wanted to hear what I had to say," Van shrugged, "You got it," he added with a customary smirk.
"Get out," Hitomi spat, and Van crossed his arms.
"I believe this is my flat. I was willing to leave before but I think I'm going to stay here."
"I hope you die," Hitomi glowered as she threw the sheets off herself and stormed past Van.
"I will eventually," he replied cockily, "So will you."
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here
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"Are you sure you don't need me to come?" came the voice of Yukari, and Hitomi smiled weakly.
"I'll be fine, really," she assured, and Yukari shuffled a few papers on her desk, the phone resting in the crook of her neck. The redhead was genuinely concerned about her friend. A few painful days ago, the cruel jerk Van Fanel had dropped Hitomi like a hot potato and ever since then Hitomi had been eerily calm. Today was the day Hitomi claimed to cut everything off finally.
"If anything happens, call okay?"
"Don't you have a meeting soon?" Hitomi said in a bemused tone, and Yukari snorted.
"I don't care, this is more important. If you need me, you know my number okay?"
"Alright."
Clicking off her cell, Hitomi tightened the sash of her coat, her sunglasses perched elegantly on her nose as the reflections of outside skated along the taxi windows. Her skin prickled slightly, and she clenched her jaw. Fanning herself uselessly with her hand, she tilted her head to get a free breath of air from the open taxi window. It had been done out of habit, to put on the scent Van had bought her. She hadn't realized her mistake until she was already scented with sugared almond, lime, pear and mahogany. Why wouldn't the scent go away?
Hardening her eyes, Hitomi crossed her arms and mentally briefed her plan. Get in, get out. If he was there, she'd state her genuine reason and leave in a civilized manner.
Sighing, Hitomi removed her sunglasses. Like they'd actually part on decent terms.
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As the taxi pulled to a stop in front of the lobby of Van's building, Hitomi placed some creased bills into the hand of the driver and stepped out of the car. Part of her was praying desperately that he wouldn't be there. Opening the glass doors smoothly after entering the access code, her heels clicked across the marble floor articulately. The crystal chandeliers above softened the modern details of the atmosphere. Chrome and mahogany was given an exotic flare by the white potted orchids, as fashionable dark leather chairs were occupied by groomed looking professionals. Stepping into an open elevator, Hitomi pressed Van's floor and folded her hands nervously, the only visible sign of her anxiety. Five floors, left. Four. Three. Two. One.
She gulped.
Moving silently down the quiet hallways, Hitomi slid the cold key out of her pocket and slid it into the slot. Shutting her eyes briefly, she then turned it and stepped inside. Relief brushed by her as the apartment lights were all off, the place still. So he wasn't home. Shutting the door behind her, Hitomi set her copy of his key on the kitchen counter. She thought of jotting a note along with it, but decided otherwise. Padding into his bedroom, she got on her knees and looked under the bed. Spotless, and bare. Frowning, she got up and panned her gaze around the room. What if he had found it? A threatening anger edged at her as she checked the wire garbage basket, then ebbed away as only crumpled balls of paper lay within. Absentmindedly touching her tongue to her top lip, she scolded herself to think.
Then there it was. The familiar pink pendant was laid horizontally on his nightstand, the chain pulled into a neat line. Walking across the low carpet she picked up the cool stone and held it in her fingertips.
Coral highlights were brought out in the blush colored tear drop, the chain slithery silver. And suddenly, the apprehension was gone. Just sadness. At one crucial moment or another, Hitomi had fully believed in the love she had for Van, and the love he had supposedly felt for her. It seemed so unfinished, their relationship so brutally severed. But it was finished, Hitomi knew too well. Curling her fingers around the pendant into a solid fist, Hitomi took a deep breath before nimbly fastening the necklace around her neck. She noted the framed picture of her sleeping in his bed, the sunlight playing on her shut eyelids, was now replaced by a photo of the beach. How flattering.
"Take your last look," she thought to herself, taking in the large windows and calm atmosphere. About to turn around, the sound of the door opening froze her blood. Shit. Fumbling with the wild idea of hiding, Hitomi darted her eyes around when the bedroom door flung open.
"What the hell are you doing here?!"
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Rolling his neck as he strolled down the hallway, Van couldn't wait to work out his stress at the gym. First, a quick shower, and then he could grab his bag and go. Opening the door to his apartment, he dropped his keys onto the plate in the entrance hallway when he heard yelling. Shutting the door behind him he walked out into the living room to find Hitomi and his latest girl, Sasha, in a hostile situation. Both girls turned their heads sharply at the sound of his entrance, and both noted the disdain in his eyes.
"Do I even want to bloody know what you two idiots are doing?"
Sasha abruptly dropped her bruising grip on Hitomi's arm and turned to face Van.
"I called your office because I wanted to see you, and they informed me you were heading home. I come here, and find her in your bedroom!"
"Was she naked, with candles and champagne while musing about how she couldn't wait for another shag with me?" his voice flat and irritated.
"No," Sasha murmured, her tough as nails attitude fading rapidly. Hitomi noticed this with wry amusement.
"You can't understand, you have no god damned idea how busy I've been, when I'm free I said I'd call you," Van scolded, his eyes cold and unfeeling.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but... But who the hell is she?" Sasha couldn't help but protest, "Why was she in your bedroom?"
"Is she suddenly mute, Sasha?" Van replied with a sarcastic expression, "Why don't you ask her yourself, how the hell should I know." Sasha opened her mouth to do so, when Van cut in. "Considering the situation, it'd be tactful of you to regard this as something that's no concern to you." The long legged female nodded, subdued, and a smirk played at Van's lips. "But I guess it would be rude not to introduce you to each other. This is Hitomi Kanzaki, she's the daughter of one of the most helpful and loyal employees in my mail room. Hitomi, this is Sasha de Cloet." Hitomi narrowed her eyes at the rudely unnecessary description following her name. Sasha's expression however, was not haughty, or even smug. Something was dawning on her.
"Hitomi..." she said slowly, and she looked up at Van as is she recognized the name. Her gray eyes widened suddenly. "That's the name you called out the first time you were about to--"
"That's enough, Sasha," Van warned threateningly, and Sasha clamped her lips.
"Sorry," she blurted out daringly, "I don't know how I could ever think someone so easy looking was capable of attracting you. She looks like a desperate low class witch."
"Are you finished?" Van drawled lazily, and Hitomi understood his tactic of making no defense for her. Anger taunted for her to lose it, but the lingering thought of parting civilly clung to her heels. "If so, could you leave so I can have a few words with Ms. Kanzaki?" Van said, tactfully not using Hitomi's first name.
"Gladly!" Sasha said primly, and tucking a strand of blow dried hair behind her ear she left elegantly. The door clicked shut, and Hitomi stared a hole into the ground as Van sat casually on the arm of his couch. He looked into his lap, then glanced up at Hitomi.
"I take it you picked up your pendant?"
Now even you can't undo this damage
The last vein of hope's been broken from the core
Hitomi refused to meet his gaze and tensed.
Don't join me in this dance of misery
Be alone or be prey, you can't lead
"Yes," she replied after a pause. The quiet sound of his clock ticking weaved through the even fainter sounds of the outside city as the tension, at least on Hitomi's part, skyrocketed.
"You should keep your hair like that," Van said suddenly, his eyes serious yet playful, "It looks good." Hitomi said nothing, she was only irritated by his change in subject. Especially in such a situation. A new girl already?
You cannot follow, just drift
And step by step your fatigue grows
"If you knew why I was here, why didn't you just ask me to leave and keep Sasha with you?"
"Not in the mood," Van replied easily. Hitomi swallowed and physically moved away. She practically hated him, and no love remained in her heart for the raven haired man. But the thought of him sharing his bed with someone else, especially someone with a much higher class and someone so classy yet beautiful was a stab in the chest.
"Can I leave now?" Hitomi whispered, "I really despise this place."
"And here I remember you saying you loved my flat," Van drawled amusedly, "Besides, didn't think you ever needed permission for things, Hitomi," Van added, "You didn't before, at least."
The more you impress the more you lose
Tonight the stars are gone
"Can't you just drop it?" Hitomi spat, her temper breaking for a second, "Stop digging up all this crap, and stop bringing up the past!" Van raised a humored eyebrow at her sudden outburst, and Hitomi narrowed her eyes.
"Dramatic," Van smirked, "Oh shocking, says the Fanelian Times. Moving, says the Asturia Herald!" he mocked.
"I hate you so much," she said lowly, and Van was aware of the sincerity in her voice.
"You can leave now," he replied, his expression unreadable, his voice cool and indifferent.
"Goodbye."
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Author's Note:
S O U N D T R A CK
1. Shadow by Britney Spears
2. Untitled by Myself
Yes, I know, new story, please don't yell at me. Inspiration should never be scolded... Anyways, this IS a V/H despite this rocky start. As I've started to like doing, more will be explained as the story unfolds. Instead of explaining each thing as it happens, some things will be explained in the future. Be patient, or analyze. Thanks to those who amused me on AIM or MSN while I wrote this, thanks, it kept me writing ^_^ As for all you writers out there, keep writing! *grins like mad*
-CxV