Jack and the Cheese man.
Disclaimer: Jack, Sam, Daniel, General Hammon, Dr. Fraiser, Teal'c and the SGC are not mine, however, Commander Tasty, the nurse, the nameless airmen, all of the Cheese-arians and their home world are.....Oh, and the hairy, moldy cheese in my fridge.
A/N: Don't ask - just read.
This is for my friend - Lady of Nimrodel . who is obsessed about mould and cheese and hairy, mouldy cheese...... Long live the Hobos
One day Jack was wondering aimlessly around the SGC base when "BLERP, BLERP Unauthorised off-world activation", so off he ran to the control room.
When he got there he could hear a voice "I am Commander Tasty. We ask if we can come peacefully to your world"
"Open the iris" the fat General Hammon said and it was done. General Hammon, Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c all walked down into the 'gate room.
"SHEERROMP" the wormhole closed.
"Greetings Commander Tasty" The General said holding out his hand
"Greetings" Commander Tasty replied looking down at Hammons hand. (Now at this point I must describe Commander Tasty: he is tall, very tall and he is a triangular piece of yellow tasty cheese with blue arms and legs. He has no clothes, as cheese usually does not wear clothes, and has two small beady eyes and a small straight mouth.
"um - Sir - The briefing room" Sam whispered in Hammons ear.
" Er, yes, right this way" the General directed
**** In the briefing room ****
"So how can we help you?" was the first thing anyone said (who may as well be Hammon again)
"We are just explorers who wish to study your world and culture" Tasty said
"Bit like us" Daniel muttered not caring who was listening. Teal'c just sat there, one eyebrow raised, staring at Jack who was drooling.
"Um, General, Can I talk to you for a minute?" Sam asked. Sam and Hammon stood up and moved to a corner, backs to everyone else.
"I don't think it is wise to have Jack here - you know he is a No. 1 cheese fan and has been drooling ever since Tasty here came!"
"Good point Major, we'll just ask him to leave." They turned around to see Teal'c still sitting there, mouth slightly open, Daniel asleep with his head on the table and Jack already half devoured Commander Tasty.
"Mmmmmm, soooo cheesy...." Words came out from Jacks mouth along with little pieces of cheese,
"Nooooooooooooooooo" Sam made a dive for the Colonel and knocked him from the Commander.
"Take that cheese to the infirmary" Hammon said staring in amazement as some nameless airmen began to pick up the crumbs.
**** Infirmary ****
Dr. Fraiser was slaving over the dead (if that is possible...Well more like decapitated) cheese man.
"Cheese chunk"
"Check" some nurse said handing Fraiser some cheese,
"WHAT???" Fraiser exclaimed "This is MOTSARELLA!!! This man is TASTY!!"
"S...Sorry ma'am" The nurse said switching the cheese types. Just then General Hammon walked in,
"How is he?"
"ICE PACKS NOW! HES GOING OFF HERE!" Janet screamed at the poor nurse as she ran away "Not good sir - Jack?" she replied to Hammon
"O'Neill is suffering from severe stomach pains and constipation"
"Ice packs ma'am" the nurse returned
"thank you" Janet said placing them at random on the lump of cheese and turned around to face a cabinet "This is a laxative it should help jack..."
Commanders eyes fluttered opened and he sat up,
"Must go home" he stuttered
**** Gate room ****
"Good Bye Commander Tasty" General said giving a small wave,
"What ever, your planet is not to be trusted - Consider your self at war" and with that disappeared through the stargate.
TBC
Disclaimer: Jack, Sam, Daniel, General Hammon, Dr. Fraiser, Teal'c and the SGC are not mine, however, Commander Tasty, the nurse, the nameless airmen, all of the Cheese-arians and their home world are.....Oh, and the hairy, moldy cheese in my fridge.
A/N: Don't ask - just read.
This is for my friend - Lady of Nimrodel . who is obsessed about mould and cheese and hairy, mouldy cheese...... Long live the Hobos
One day Jack was wondering aimlessly around the SGC base when "BLERP, BLERP Unauthorised off-world activation", so off he ran to the control room.
When he got there he could hear a voice "I am Commander Tasty. We ask if we can come peacefully to your world"
"Open the iris" the fat General Hammon said and it was done. General Hammon, Sam, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c all walked down into the 'gate room.
"SHEERROMP" the wormhole closed.
"Greetings Commander Tasty" The General said holding out his hand
"Greetings" Commander Tasty replied looking down at Hammons hand. (Now at this point I must describe Commander Tasty: he is tall, very tall and he is a triangular piece of yellow tasty cheese with blue arms and legs. He has no clothes, as cheese usually does not wear clothes, and has two small beady eyes and a small straight mouth.
"um - Sir - The briefing room" Sam whispered in Hammons ear.
" Er, yes, right this way" the General directed
**** In the briefing room ****
"So how can we help you?" was the first thing anyone said (who may as well be Hammon again)
"We are just explorers who wish to study your world and culture" Tasty said
"Bit like us" Daniel muttered not caring who was listening. Teal'c just sat there, one eyebrow raised, staring at Jack who was drooling.
"Um, General, Can I talk to you for a minute?" Sam asked. Sam and Hammon stood up and moved to a corner, backs to everyone else.
"I don't think it is wise to have Jack here - you know he is a No. 1 cheese fan and has been drooling ever since Tasty here came!"
"Good point Major, we'll just ask him to leave." They turned around to see Teal'c still sitting there, mouth slightly open, Daniel asleep with his head on the table and Jack already half devoured Commander Tasty.
"Mmmmmm, soooo cheesy...." Words came out from Jacks mouth along with little pieces of cheese,
"Nooooooooooooooooo" Sam made a dive for the Colonel and knocked him from the Commander.
"Take that cheese to the infirmary" Hammon said staring in amazement as some nameless airmen began to pick up the crumbs.
**** Infirmary ****
Dr. Fraiser was slaving over the dead (if that is possible...Well more like decapitated) cheese man.
"Cheese chunk"
"Check" some nurse said handing Fraiser some cheese,
"WHAT???" Fraiser exclaimed "This is MOTSARELLA!!! This man is TASTY!!"
"S...Sorry ma'am" The nurse said switching the cheese types. Just then General Hammon walked in,
"How is he?"
"ICE PACKS NOW! HES GOING OFF HERE!" Janet screamed at the poor nurse as she ran away "Not good sir - Jack?" she replied to Hammon
"O'Neill is suffering from severe stomach pains and constipation"
"Ice packs ma'am" the nurse returned
"thank you" Janet said placing them at random on the lump of cheese and turned around to face a cabinet "This is a laxative it should help jack..."
Commanders eyes fluttered opened and he sat up,
"Must go home" he stuttered
**** Gate room ****
"Good Bye Commander Tasty" General said giving a small wave,
"What ever, your planet is not to be trusted - Consider your self at war" and with that disappeared through the stargate.
TBC